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December 23, 2003
There's a tradition at the
There's a tradition at the end of every year where writers and pundits come up with top ten lists that describe just about anything and everything that happened during the year. I figured I might as well come up with mine. Over the next 9 days, I will enlighten you with my wise perspective on such things as "Top Ten Things That Kicked Ass in 2003," "Top Ten Biggest Disappointments of 2003," "Top Ten Songs of 2003," "Top Ten Lessons I Learned in 2003," and we'll kick off the new year with my "Top Ten Things I Want To Do in 2004."
I was going to have a Top Ten Things That Sucked in 2003 list, but then I realized that in writing one, I would be betraying my roots as a curmudgeonly cynic. Of *course* things sucked in 2003 -- most things do! It would be wholly out of character for me to highlight ten things that sucked worst of all, when I think nearly everything does. So it made more sense to pick ten things that disappointed me in 2003 -- things that I foolishly believed might or ought to turn out differently, and was let down by. So with no further ado, here is my first of the 2003 Top Ten lists: The Top Ten Disappointments of 2003
10. PAT BURRELL & MY FANTASY BASEBALL TEAM. In 2002, Burrell hit .282 with 37 HRs and 116 RBI. Based on that performance, I foolishly spent $37 on him at the FLAKS league draft in March. The return on my investment? The SOB batted .209 with 21 HRs and 64 RBI. With Burrell pacing my offense, I stumbled out of the gates, my team never really got on track, and I ended up with an 8th place finish that was frankly an overachievement and a reflection of outstanding management. Burrell, if I was making that list of Things That Sucked, you would *definitely* be on it.
9. REALITY TV REFUSES TO DIE. "Joe Millionaire 2" got losy ratings. No one cared about "Temptation Island 2" or "Survivor 49: Mars" or "For Love or Money" or any of the rest of them. The ratings are fading. So naturally, the networks keep cranking this garbage out and forcing it down our throats. In the immortal words of Austin Powers, "WHY WON'T YOU DIE?"
8. BRITNEY SPEARS. It's not what you think. The fact that her 15 minutes seem inexplicably stuck at 14:57 doesn't bother me. No, what ticks me off about Britney Spears is her stubborn refusal to do nudity. Honey, no one believed the virgin crap anyway, and it's not like we're not all intimately familiar with your hip bones and navel... so why not just complete the cycle and completely drop trou? Playboy, a movie, a PPV special - it don't matter to me! "Me Against The Music?" Listen, sweetie, you've been against music for a long time - you've waged an all out war on it for years. The only reason we all tolerate keeping you around is because we're waiting to get a look and see for ourselves whether you're Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman. So get it over with already and let us see it and move on with our lives!
7. THE GRAMMY AWARDS. Speaking of Britney, I am in disbelief that her no-talent punk-ass ex-boyfriend, Justin Timberlake, got five Grammy Award Nominations this year. Justin Timberlake? Then again, why be surprised - Missy Elliot, 50 Cent, and many other flavors of the month got nominations as well. The only act Grammy rewarded that SHOULD have been rewarded was OutKast, who really did do something innovative and fresh in 2003. Beyond that, Grammy appears driven by the same forces that led them to name the Starland Vocal Band "Best New Artist" of 1976 while ignoring Talking Heads, Blondie, and the Ramones, and resulted in Donna Summer winning year after year in the late 70s for her disco tripe while the Police, Springsteen, and the Clash were overlooked. If the Grammies ever were about musical excellence, they no longer are. They're about ratings and the flavor of the month.
6. NBA FANS. Let's assume for a moment that Kobe didn't rape that girl, he just had consensual sex with her. He's still a cheater. Now, add in the physical evidence that shows that he most likely did use force on that girl. He's a probable rapist. So how do NBA fans respond? Not by shouting him down and shaming him out of the league, but with standing ovations and signs proclaiming solidarity with Kobe. You know, I have just one wish, when it comes to NBA fans who've supported Kobe Bryant... I hope that every one of their daughters and sisters gets trapped in a hotel room with him.
5. OFFSHORING. It was bad enough when blue collar manufacturing jobs got shipped overseas by greedy US corporations who felt that having 10 year olds sew cross-training Air Sweatshop shoes for 30 cents a day was somehow a lesser evil than CEOs and executive managment needing to take a pay cut to "only" a few million a year instead of nine figures. Now, American business is shipping educated, skilled, white collar positions overseas... because the same job you'd have to pay an engineer $90,000 for here in the States, an engineer in India or Malaysia can/will do for only $23,000. Meanwhile, there's no trend of CEO salaries going down at all. You know what new trend I'd really like to see? American companies beginning to offshore CEO positions, because the same business that would be run by an American CEO for $57,000,000, you can get an Indian or El Salvadoran CEO to do for $800,000.
4. THE CALIFORNIA RECALL. For one thing, the people of California clearly learned nothing from the people of Minnesota, who could have told them that cheesy celebrities who talk funny make for bad governors. But the worst thing about the whole sorry process was that Gray Davis, while not very competent, did nothing illegal. Recall was written into the California constitution to protect its citizens against corrupt officials... not ones who were bad at their jobs. The protection against that? We call them elections. And what happened in California over the last 15 months is that the Republican Party lost one in 2002 that they thought they should have won... so they called "do-over," and basically undid the democratic will of the people as expressed in constitionally scheduled 2002 election. I was neither surprised nor disappointed that the Republican Party has no respect for or adherence to democracy... after all, they stole the 2000 presidential election, and came within one Senate vote of undoing the 1996 presidential election. But I was disappointed that the people of California fell for it and let them get away with it.
3. THE RED SOX OFF-SEASON SPENDING SPREE. As I have said many times before, we have become the Yankees, Part 2. We're now as bad as they are. And even the fact that we're doing it to combat the Evil Empire is of no consolation. My friend Tim, also a Red Sox fan, tells me that if we win the Series in 2004, I will forget all about my misgvings. I don't think so. I'm a baseball fan even before I am a Sox fan, and I still think the rich teams spending whatever they have to, at the expense of smaller teams, is bad for the game.
2. GAME SEVEN. Then again... Grady "Gump" Little. Pedro Martinez. Matsui. Aaron !)*&#$_ Boone. Must I say any more?
1. THE US MEDIA. One of my biggest pet peeves of this or any year is that conservatives remain wildly successful at propogating the ridiculous myth of "the liberal media." The media is so NOT liberal, it's not even funny - but that's the subject of another rant someday.
The truth is, the US media fell down on the job this year - letting Bush slide by with a ridiculous number of falsehoods, exaggerations, and secretive behavior similar to that which conservatives crucified Bill & Hillary Clinton for. Story after story went unreported, or was allowed to quickly fade away if someone messed up and allowed it to be covered in the first place. Bush's lies about the war and about Iraq's weapons of WMD... his failure to capture Osama bin Laden - the REAL threat to the US... the administration's bedmates at Halliburton gouging the American taxpayers to the tune of $61 million... Cheney going to court to prevent the country from seeing the materials from his secret energy commission meetings in 2001 - a commission comprised SOLELY of representatives of the energy and oil industries -- including Enron's Ken Lay -- and whose meetings were conducted in secret... when the non-partisan General Accounting Office (a division of the American Government, for hell's sake!) tries to investigate those meetings, the vice president's office refuses to cooperate - pretty much obstructing justice... Sigh... it's pathetic. The US media took a nap this year, and let this administration ride a tide of lies and deception. It doesn't bode well for 2004. And it's my biggest disappointment of 2003.
COMING SOON: TOP TEN THINGS THAT KICKED ASS IN 2003
