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February 29, 2004
AWW... THE SPOILED WIDDLE RICH BASKETBALL PWAYER IS FWUSTWATED
Remember how everyone warned during the offseason that the Lakers would have trouble fitting four Hall of Fame egos into one lockerroom? Well, Gary Payton is the first one to crack. Payton's decided that he's not getting the ball enough, and so he wants to leave Los Angeles. Sort of puts the lie to all the crap he fed everyone about just wanting to win, huh? For Gary Payton, it's not about winning. It's about him. All you need to know about Gary Payton can be summarized in his assessment of Phil Jackson's offense.
Asked what he wanted to do in the offense, Payton said, "I need to be coming off picks, when people go at us with pick and rolls, screening, stuff like that, and point guards do that, we should come back and do the same thing with them. But we basically run the triangle, [Jackson] has won championships with it, he's going to stick with it, and he's the coach."
In other words... even though Phil Jackson has won 9 NBA titles as a coach, Gary Payton thinks things would work better if he got the ball more. Even though Jackson's offense works, Gary Payton is unhappy, because he's not the star of the show.
And then some wonder why people no longer look up to athletes?
TANKER EXPLOSION
This one hits close to home - my parents live on the Delmarva peninsula, and I know the beaches and beach towns along that stretch well. So when a chemical tanker explodes and sinks off the shore of Chincoteague Island, I'm very concerned. The seashore in this area is very fragile - very susceptible to damage to its ecosystem. I'm hoping the impact won't be too awful.
If you're ever in the area, Assateague National Seashore, just a few miles up the beach from Chincoteague, is another of my favorite places on the planet. It's undeveloped, quiet, peaceful, and is a wonderful place to check out the natural beauty of an un-messed-with saltwater marsh environment. It's a great place to spend an afternoon or a day, watching the horses, the sandpipers, egrets, and hundreds of other animals who inhabit the island. Moreover, it's a good place just to get away from the hustle and bustle and relax your mind a bit. Check it out if you can.
THE LIST... #4: CANNES, FRANCE
I don't go in much for Hollywood types or glamour, so it's not that the film festival is here that jazzed me so much about Cannes. It's just a very cute, very quaint, very charming Mediterranean city. We were in town for a huge trade show - like 28,000 registered, if I remember correctly. Thankfully, our business was on the first day, Monday - which meant that although my Sunday and Monday were hell, after Monday morning at about 11:00 my stress was pretty much over and I got to enjoy the rest of the show and the town it was in.
The Croisette is one of the grand avenues of Europe, a wide boulevard right along the Mediterranean shoreline, lined with luxury hotels and fancy restaurants on one side, and marinas and beach clubs on the other. There is a plaza in the center of town where old men still gather to play bocce ball, which I found quite quaint. Of course, there is the Palais des Festivales, where the film festival takes place every May. It was also the site of our trade show, so I have wandered the same halls that the rich & famous wander. Frankly, the seats inside the main arena were pretty uncomfortable for what's supposed to be a high class, prestigious arts center. But - I got to walk on the main stage, sat backstage during much of the proceedings... then got to spend two more days in the luxury flat that my company rented out as sort of a "home base" for our personnel during the show. Rumor had it that the apartment was the same one Mel Gibson stayed in during the festival... not sure about that, but it was a penthouse and the view was amazing. Unfortunately, because I am an idiot, even though I took pictures of just about everywhere else I went on that trip, I failed to take any in Cannes - was too busy and just never remembered to bring my camera with me.
Beyond the Croisette, there is a little neighborhood built on a hill overlooking the sea called Le Suquet... there are a whole bunch of really wonderful restaurants along cobblestoned streets along going up the hill -- streets so narrow that the only way to go along them was on foot. We took over one of the restaurants for an evening - about 16 of us from my company went out to dine together (and in places like this, it is dining, not just eating!), and tried our broken and rusty French on the amused waitress ... who let us all go through the challenge of trying to order in French before revealing that she spoke very good English. "I would have told you but you were all trying so hard," she said, and we all laughed at ourselves for not simply having asked "Parlez-vous Anglais?" before we began. One night, I also went out with some of my European colleagues to watch a soccer "friendly" between Ajax (of the Netherlands) and a British team (I want to say it was Arsenal, but I honestly don't remember)... and let me just tell you, you've not watched a sporting event until you've watched soccer in a pub with some Europeans. They got into that game like it was the Super Bowl!
So, my four days in Cannes were very memorable... almost as memorable as how I had to leave it. Air France pilots went on strike while we were there... which meant that my flight that got me back to Paris, where I would eventually catch my American Airlines flight home, was canceled. We tried to rebook through al-Italia, but weren't able to find a flight that got me there in time. So our solution? We took the rental car and decided the only way to get back to Paris was to drive it... resulting in my cross-country car trip across France. In those 13 hours, I got to see Avignon, Lyon, and got to stop into a small town in Burgundy and buy wine direct from the maker - and we still made it to Paris in time to get a good night's sleep before the meetings the next day.
All in all, it was a great trip, a grand adventure... and that whole week was one I won't soon forget. Cannes is a solid #4 on my list of favorite work travels. Coming soon... #3. (Hint: we're coming back to the USA for this one.)
IT'S LEAP DAY! WOO-HOO! YIPPEE!
So who the heck decided 2004 was such a good year that we needed to have an extra day in it, huh? In my corner of the world, anyway, 2004 has pretty much been a lousy year so far. I certainly didn't ask for the extra day. Did you? And what about the poor kids who are going to get born today? They only get a birthday every four years? Will they be five in 2024? So what did you do with your extra day? I washed my car. Yep, that's about all the importance the day deserved.
February 28, 2004
YET ANOTHER CANDIDATE FOR IDIOT OF THE YEAR
Okay, expecting anything intelligent to come out of Houston Astros' second baseman Jeff Kent is probably overly optimistic - this is the guy that shattered his wrist a couple of years ago while popping wheelies on his motorcycle and tried to claim he'd done it while washing his truck. However, Kent has hit the idiocy jackpot this week... he responded to the growing steroid scandal in baseball by saying, in almost as many words, that we should all get over it because Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig might have used them too.
"Babe Ruth didn't do steroids?" Kent was quoted as saying. "How do you know? ... People are saying Lou Gehrig and Babe Ruth -- how do you know those guys didn't do steroids? So all of a sudden, you've got guys doing steroids now in the 20th century, 21st century? Come on."
Well, Jeff... beyond the simple scientific fact that steroids weren't developed until the 1930s, and didn't begin getting used by athletes until the 1950s... and beyond the fact that both Ruth and Gehrig were done playing by 1939... thus making it pretty much physically impossible for either man to have done steroids... let's look at what you really just said. Well into the early 1960s, most baseball players were not paid enough money to make it through a year - many ballplayers had second jobs during the offseason in the towns that they played in. Baseball players didn't really start becoming overpaid prima donnas like you until the 1980s. The motivation to screw with their bodies - not to mention the money to gain access to advanced science like steroids - just wasn't there. Sure, Ruth and Gehrig were special cases, they technically could have gotten access to something, I suppose, even if steroids didn't exist back then. But do you mean to tell me that your response to the fact that at least 7% of modern baseball players are cheating - probably including some of the game's biggest stars - is simply to suggest that they could have cheated in the old days too? So two wrongs make a right? Jeff? Just shut up.
Oh, and on this topic... to Jason Giambi's utterly ridiculous contention that he looks thinnner this year because he gave up fast food... Hey, Jason? I eat a lot of fast food. Guess what? It doesn't make me look like a 'roided up musclehead like you looked last year. It makes me look fat. Not muscled up... just a big fast food belly. So if you're going to try and claim that you were beefed up last year because of too many In-and-Out burgers, I got news for ya. No one's buying that crock.
GARRY TRUDEAU CAN'T GIVE IT AWAY
Despite offering to donate $10,000 to the USO in the name of anyone who can prove George Bush showed up for Guard duty in Alabama, Doonesbury creator Garry Trudeau has been unable to find anyone to claim the prize. With a high profile gig like Doonesbury and $10,000 for the USO at stake, you'd think that somebody - anybody - who could prove Bush's attendance would have stepped forward by now.
"You can be sure some very motivated people have tried to find a witness who can establish Bush's presence at Dannelly Base beyond a reasonable doubt," said Trudeau. "Anyone who could do so would almost certainly have surfaced by now."
That's just the point, Garry. Even with $10,000 on the line... even with the credibility of Dumya Bush at stake... the fact is that NO ONE has been able to come forward to independently corroborate that George W. Bush ever showed up where he was supposed to be for his Guard duty in Alabama. Bush himself can't do any better than chucking out a few old dental records - but can't name a single airman he served with. Not one. And that's something that I just don't understand about Bush's defenders. How can people be so willing to turn a blind eye to the overwhelming evidence that this man was AWOL from his Guard duty - a spot he scammed through family connections in the first place so that he could get out of going to Vietnam?
Face it, kids. The man never showed up. He was AWOL. And now he wants to be known as your wartime president, and land on aircraft carriers and proclaim "mission accomplished." I believe the Yiddish word for it is, "chutzpah."
Posted by Christopher at 11:22 AM | Comments (0)JOHN ASS-CROFT UNDER THE MICROSCOPE
I really can't do it any better than Eleanor Clift has done in this week's Newsweek... so I strongly urge you to check out her column here about John Ashcroft's selective enforcement of federal regulations... specifically, how he'll subpoena the medical records of women who've had late term abortions, but issued a directive ordering law enforcement personnel to destroy records of gun licenses within 24 hours where they had been allowed to keep them up to 90 days. Abortion restrictions get vigorously prosecuted, while gun laws are virtually ignored. Ashcroft's more committed to his own far-right agenda than he is to upholding the Constitution. Sad.
AN INSPIRING SIGHT
I cribbed this story from Marine's Girl, but frankly I found it so inspiring that I had to repeat it here. Dumya showed up in Kentucky yesterday to try and make Democrats seem as scary as possible while deflecting attention from his utter failure as president and his far right wing agenda. He was met by more than 1000 protesters - though Bush's Soviet Secret Service managed to keep them at least half a block from the President (can't let Dumya see how many people are angry with him, can we?). Among those protesters were grandmothers and retirees - one of them even in a wheelchair!
"Ada Hoekstra had been a Republican for decades after she emigrated from the Netherlands in 1949. But she said the GOP became too conservative, prompting her to switch parties in the early '90s. Yesterday, her grandson and granddaughter pushed Hoekstra in a wheelchair while she held a small sign accusing Bush of lying to gather support for the war against Iraq.
"He's screwed up our country," said Hoekstra, 81. "He's screwed everything up. The No Child Left Behind Act, the environment, everything."
An 81 year old grandmother in a wheelchair showed up to tell Bush just what she thinks of his presidency. That's not just inspiring; it's damn heroic. And she wasn't alone. The story in the Louisville Courier-Journal citted at least four other grandmothers who'd shown up to jeer George Bush. Man, when even little old ladies in Kentucky hate you enough to show up in late February and tell you so? Tells me you've screwed up the country real good, George. T-minus 217 days and counting until we Fire the Liar.
TOLD YA SO
The Congressional Budget Office (CBO) (and need I remind you that the Republicans control the Congress now, so it's his own party skewering him) reported yesterday that the Bush budget would produce deficits totaling $2.75 trillion over the next decade -- $737 billion worse than the budget office expects should Congress ignore Bush's tax and spending plans. And yet this jackass is going to try and paint Kerry as a tax-and-spend liberal? George Bush has done more damage to the long term economic health of our nation than any liberal ever could (unless you make more than $1,000,000 a year, in which case George would like to give you some more money).
THE LIST... #5: THE PALM COAST OF FLORIDA
Okay, so this one is harder to write about today than it used to be. But, this list is for places I've gone for work, and the fact is that I really liked it here - so much so that I was at one point prepared to move there had circumstances warranted.
The stretch of Florida between Palm Beach and Fort Lauderdale - what they call the Palm Coast - is an exciting, fun place. It's not so much full of things to do - the tourist traps are elsewhere in the state - but the lifestyle is so laid back, so relaxed, so much like a Jimmy Buffett song come to life, that I found it absolutely wonderful. Places like downtown Delray Beach offer great food and fun places to see live music. The weather is phenomenal - you get used to the humidity pretty quickly - and the sun is out almost every day of the year.
But beyond the weather, I just found the laid back nature of the lifestyle there to be the biggest drawing point. New York - and to a lesser extent, DC and Boston - is ridiculously intense, in fact I believe too intense. There's more to life than work, not everything is a competition, and relaxing doesn't make you lazy, it makes you a healthier person. These are lessons I re-learned while spending time in south Florida. When I say that everything there feels like a Jimmy Buffett song come to life, I mean just that. I can see where Buffett's music comes from now.
The bars and restaurants along the Intracoastal Waterway are fun, relaxing places with amazing seafood, a fantastically informal atmosphere, and are just great places to have a drink while feeling a breeze coming off the water, watching the boats go by, and enjoying being outside. I want to spend my life in places like Boston's on the Beach and the Old Key Lime House - which both make my list of top ten favorite places of all, work-related or personal-related. And if I ever win the lottery or sell that best seller, I can assure you that I'll be moving to this area to retire.
Okay, so maybe my fondness for this area isn't wholly work-related; I'll concede that. Nonetheless, out of all the places I've ever discovered through work, this was the one place where I'd like to retire or move to when I get rich... and that tells me it needs to be on the list. Coming soon... #4.
February 27, 2004
THANKS A TON, GIBSON
I know I can't hold Mel Gibson personally responsible for the actions of some lame-brained, three-toothed, inbred wastes-of-oxygen. That'd be just like saying that Eminem, Snoop Dogg, Ozzy Osbourne or Judas Priest are responsible for any murders or suicides their fans commit. There is such a thing as personal responsibility, and blaming artists for the actions of their fans is merely scapegoating. However, I'm saddened and disappointed that even after Gibson insisted that his movie wasn't anti-Semitic and wouldn't encourage violence against Jews, that's exactly what's happening.
At the end of the day, no artist - even one whose views I find as bothersome as Gibson's - can be held responsible for the actions of his/her fans. Such reactions would only lead to censorship. But I have to think that Gibson could be doing a bit more to discourage garbage like this from happening. I'm not going repeat or give an extra audience to the filth that has been coming in to the Wiesenthal Center lately. But it seems to me that Gibson ought to be paying close attention to it, and saying more to try and stop it. Or, if he were really serious about not being anti-Semitic, he would donate a portion of the proceeds from the film to the Holocaust Museum or the Wiesenthal Center. Don't bet on that happening, though.
PROVING THAT REPUBLICANS DO NOT HAVE A MONOPOLY ON IDIOCY
Here in Curmudgeonland, we call 'em like we see 'em. And we're equal opportunity bashers here, too - no one is immune... if they're an idiot, they're gonna get skewered - after all, my purpose in life is to point out just how many jackasses there are running around in the world. Well, that and then to sanctimoniously proclaim myself to be better than they are.
So Democrats aren't exempt. And this week, we had a Democrat proving herself to be a complete and total idiot. Rep. Corrine Brown of Florida managed to reveal herself as a racist -- while accusing the Bush Administration of racism in its policy toward Haiti. She met with a delegation from the administration that was led by Assistant Secretary of State Roger Noriega (who is Mexican American) and also attended by Republican Rep. Lincoln Diaz-Balart to discuss the Haitian situation. She went on a bender of a vent, complaining that the administration delegation contained no African-Americans, and deriding US Haitian policy as being developed by "a bunch of white men." When it was pointed out to Rep. Brown that Noriega and Diaz-Balart are Hispanic, she replied, "You all look alike to me."
Can you even imagine the screaming that Brown (and probably Jesse Jackson, and Al Sharptton and so many others) would have done if some Republican had said that all blacks look alike to them? And rightfully so? Yet it's supposed to be okay for her to say that all whites and Hispanics look alike to her? Give me a break. This lady -- no, strike that, she's a woman but clearly is no lady -- is an embarrassment to Florida and to the House of Representatives, and I'd love to see her censured by the House for her racist statements. There is no place in the US Congress - or anywhere in the US - for racism... no matter where it originates or who its target is. And Brown's uncanny achievement of displaying racism while accusing others of racism? In the immortal, if wholly grammatically incorrect, words of Alanis Morrissette: "Isn't it ironic? Dontcha think?"
RIGHTS? YOU DON' NEED NO STINKIN' RIGHTS!
The Bush administration's full frontal assault on the Constitution continues. Now, they want to violate your kids' 4th Amendment right to privacy and against unreasonable search and seizure. The 2004 Bush budget - which cut funds from the EPA, the Centers for Disease Control, and myriad other domestic programs - includes $23 million for random drug testing of American high school students... an increase of more than 1000% from last year.
So that means that your child could be an honor student, have a job part-time, and be an all around good kid who's given no one any cause to believe that she's on drugs... and still be tested anyway. Think that's a good idea? Okay, how about that we make it so that cops can pull you over even if you're not speeding, have no broken tail light, and are obeying all stop signs -- and can then search your car without your permission, just because we know that some people out there have drugs in their cars? You never know - you could be one of them, right? You'd be rightfully ticked off if you heard of a bill that allows cops to stop you and search your car at any time, just because some people break the law. This proposal is no different. Some kids do drugs, yeah... and that is admittedly a problem. But subjecting all kids to testing as a way of catching the guilty ones - even if there's no reason to believe that your child has a problem? How is that not blatantly unconstitutional?
I find it a joke that House Republicans just passed their law protecting fetal rights, on the same day that this story hit Newsweek. The Republicans clearly place more importance on the rights of kids before they're born than after they become living citizens... their concern for childrens' rights apparently begins at conception and ends at birth. So I have to ask... what good is protecting a fetus' rights going to do if all you're going to do is violate them once they're born?
SPEAKING OF REPUBLICAN IDIOCY...
Conservatives are apparently in enough of a hateful frenzy, looking desperately anywhere to find others to blame for their ills and for the American public's rejection of their agenda, that they'll eat one of their own. Senator Orrin Hatch is by every account one of the most decent human beings on the Hill. I don't agree with him on anything - and I mean anything -- but from having lived & worked in the Washington game for a while, I can tell you that even the most partisan Democrat has a great deal of personal respect for Orrin Hatch as a human being. Conservatives are out to get him, however - despite his being one of the most conservative senators - because he's had the audacity to call for an investigation into Republicans breaking the law.
Hatch launched a Senate investigation late last year when it was revealed that internal Democratic strategy computer files had ended up in the hands of Republican staffers. How the leaks happened, and whether there was illegal hacking going on, is what Hatch intends to find out. Conservatives have responded by blitzing Hatch both publicly and privately; one editor at the National Review even likened Hatch to Neville Chamberlain. All for simply trying to find out whether Republicans broke the law.
The Senate Sergeant at Arms recently privately briefed members of Hatch's committee, telling them the pilfering had gone on longer than previously believed -- two years -- and involved over 5,000 documents. So Hatch was on to something. Yet conservatives still argue that no one did anything wrong. Manuel Miranda was a staff counsel for Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, and recently left that position over this issue. (Whether he chose to leave or was asked to leave depends on who you talk to.) According to Slate, "Miranda cheerfully admits to having read the memos, denies leaking them, but argues with great force that "the duty falls on the other party to protect their documents." Strip away all the law-words here, and Miranda seems suspiciously of the opinion that if you don't lock your office door and fellow staffers come along and empty your filing cabinet, well, tough luck for you."
Just wanted to be sure you knew the kind of people we're dealing with here. And when Hatch finds this wrong and suggests that it should be investigated and punished, the conservatives turn on him, too. Yeah... real princes these guys are, huh?
HA! I've argued for years that American society -- and more importantly, the financial structure in this country -- is biased against those who are single. Most of my married friends think I'm insane, but I believe it whole-heartedly. Now BusinessWeek Online has checked into it and found out that - you know what? - I've been right all along. Check out their article here.
UPDATE For another take on the Quizno's spong-monkeys, check this article out from Slate.
IF YOU'RE A SICK PUPPY AND ENJOY SICK GAMES, this one is hysterical. But be warned - only go here if you have a sick sense of humor. Don't say I didn't warn you. (In case you're wondering, my personal best so far is 957.1 feet. Beat it if you can, and let me know if you do.)
THE WHOLE TOOTH, AND NOTHING BUT THE TOOTH
So when I tell you that when the procedure was over and the oral surgeon looked at me and said, "I don't think I've ever had to work that hard to get one tooth out before," you know about how yesterday went. Actually, he had a good "chair-side" manner, and given how stubborn my tooth was (it actually broke into four pieces during the extraction, and the roots of the tooth remained embedded in my jaw so he had to go digging in to get them out instead of just being able to pull it), it wasn't that unpleasant a procedure. The worst of it wasn't the pain - heck, I barely felt anything - but rather the sound; the crunch of that tooth splitting in four will live on for a while in some nightmares, I am sure. That was among the least pleasant things I heard this week. Anyway, I did get that painkiller prescription... but I have found that Vicodin gives you about half an hour of "floating" time, and then knocks you out cold. I've slept more in the last 24 hours than I think I have in the last week combined. So, the good news is that I'm not in all that much discomfort; the bad news is that I'm unable to stay awake for more than a couple hours at a time.
AND FINALLY... THE LIST... #6: SANTA FE, NEW MEXICO
I don't think this is a typical business destination - Santa Fe only has about 60,000 people. But we went for a conference about a year and a half ago, and I found it to be one of the most peaceful, most beautiful, most spiritual places I'd ever been. I loved every moment of being out there; it was so calming! First of all, the mountains are astounding. Utterly breathtaking. There's a serenity and peace to being that high up (7,000 feet!) that I don't think I've felt anywhere else. Then there is the charming atmosphere and culture - an energizing mix of Native American, Mexican/southwestern, and American West/cowboy. As you might guess, this mix gives the area some great cuisine - the dining was truly outstanding. There's a thriving arts community there - it feels artsy and welcoming, and the main square around town is dotted with galleries and studios... even the immortal Chuck Jones has a gallery there. (Any town where one of the galleries people are proudest of features animation cels of Bugs Bunny, Marvin the Martian, and Daffy Duck has just got to be a cool town, don't you think?)
There are charming little sidewalk vendors selling Native American jewelry and blankets, or cowboy hats... there are boot stores and leather stores that remind you that this is in fact still the American west... and I have to tell you, the hotel we stayed in there is among my top five I've ever been in... if you've got some money to spend and want to totally relax, I highly recommend The Inn at Loretto , a beautiful and deceptively luxurious hotel and spa that is attached to the Loretto Chapel -- the one from the 1800s with the miracle staircase. Here's the story:
"A lovely Gothic chapel just off the Plaza, this small church features the "miraculous staircase" that has no visible signs of support. The nuns who built the structure in the 1800s believed that a mysterious carpenter who arrived and installed the staircase was an incarnation of St. Joseph."
I toured the church... and let me tell you, although I am not in the least a religious man, I couldn't see any physical way that that staircase should have been standing. It's as close to a miracle as anything I have ever seen. And that was what I think I enjoyed the most out of Santa Fe: the word that kept occurring to me while I was there was "spiritual." Not necessarily religious, although I suspect those of faith could find what they're looking for in Santa Fe. But there was something about that town that just made me feel spiritual, as if for the first time in my life I felt sure that there was something or someone Greater Than Me at work, and I felt that presence and awareness. Call it Christianity, New Age, Native religion... whatever it is, there was something to that place that was alive with energy of some sort - and even as I left, I promised myself I'd go back.
Coming soon... #5.
Posted by Christopher at 12:46 PM | Comments (0)February 26, 2004
ONCE MORE, WITH FEELING
I've blogged on this before, so this is repeating myself a bit. But current events warrant saying it again. Kobe Bryant and his lawyers are scum-sucking, malodorous, disgusting people, and I hope he spends the next 10 years as the MVP of the Colorado Penal League while dodging rapists of his own in the Eagle County Jail weight room.
Bryant's defense attorneys have now officially subpoenaed his victim to provide her medical and sexual history into evidence. Their line of defense is that this woman sleeps around, so whatever Bryant did to her is okay. Let me state one thing unequivocally: let's pretend for just one pathetic second that the "evidence" is accurate - that the girl in question had sex with three different guys in three days before meeting Kobe. It doesn't matter. No means no. No means no if the girl is a chaste virgin, and no means no if she's the kind of girl you don't take home to mother. No STILL means no if the girl's just finished taking on a football team or filming a porn movie. No means no if it comes from Britney Spears or Britney Skye. No means no. So when she said no to Kobe, her entire medical and sexual history became completely irrelevant. Period. End of sentence. Or hopefully, the beginning of one. Here's hoping that Kobe Bryant is sentenced to 15 years of dropping the soap in front of guys named "Bulldog," "Snake," and "Blade."
TURK WENDELL, YOU ARE MY HERO
Kind of sad when all it takes to become a hero is stating the obvious and telling the truth. But Colorado Rockies' pitcher Turk Wendell just made my Top Ten Favorite People List of 2004 for his statements yesterday regarding Barry "Juiced" Bonds.
"If my personal trainer, me, Turk Wendell, got indicted for that, there's no one in the world who wouldn't think that I wasn't taking steroids," Wendell told the Denver Post. "I mean, what, because he's Barry Bonds, no one's going to say that? I mean, obviously he did it. (His trainer) admitted to giving steroids to baseball players. He just doesn't want to say his name. You don't have to. It's clear just seeing his body."
Wendell's right. It's obvious. However, for a member of the baseball players' union to break from the pack and admit it out loud? It took guts, Turk. And that's why you're on my list of favorite people.
SOUND KINDA FAMILIAR?
Thanks to Marine's Girl for posting this quote from Ted Kennedy yesterday: "The constitution has often been amended to expand and protect people's rights, never to take away or restrict their rights. By endorsing this shameful proposal, President Bush will go down in history as the first president to right to write bias back into the constitution."
Ok, so that was Kennedy's quote from Wednesday. Look at my blog from 1:26 a.m. on Wednesday. You think perhaps someone on the Senator's staff was cribbing a little bit? (grin) I tell ya, they oughta hire me to write for these guys.
GETTING THE CURMUDGEON TO BLOG IS LIKE PULLING TEETH! ER... WAIT A MINUTE...
So today's the day, I am finally having that abscessed tooth removed. I get to go back to Dr. Strangelove's and have them put sharp things in my mouth for fun. Anyway, one of two things will happen. Either I will be so miserable from the tooth that I don't blog for days, or I will be so bored from sitting around unable to speak that I blog 70 zillion times. Either way, I'm hoping for a really good painkiller prescription. ;-)
TOP TEN LIST... #7: BARCELONA
I've traveled to Spain for both business and pleasure, and I must tell you that it's absolutely my favorite country to travel to. I love Spain. And while I prefer Madrid or the Costa Blanca (Alicante in particular), this list is about places I've gone for work, so that means that Barcelona is Spain's representative on my list. That's no tragedy, though - Barcelona is a beautiful place. Much of the architecture is designed or inspired by native son Gaudi; whether you like him or hate him, there's no denying that Gaudi's work is unique and unlike anything else you'll see out there. The city is right on the Mediterranean, so there's a temperate climate; even in January it was pretty nice out, in the 50s or so. The 1992 Olympic site is beautiful, atop Mont Juic (don't know that I'd call it a mountain, per se, but it's a very, very tall foothill on the southwest side of town), and once you get up there you get an amazing view of the city and the surrounding mountains. The people were very, very friendly; I particularly remember a cab driver who was so pleased that I was even trying to speak Spanish to him that he turned the radio down and spent the whole ride talking to me in English and giving me Spanish lessons. They speak a dialect of Spanish there, Catalan, which meant that even my limited knowledge of Spanish was not real sufficient - so I appreciated his efforts, believe me.
Barcelona was also the site of one of my more adventurous travels. My Spanish vocabulary doesn't go too far beyond, "donde esta los banos?" "una cervesa, por favor," and "gracias." (Okay, a little further, but not much. Every other time I've been to Spain, I was accompanied by someone who spoke the language fluently.) So naturally, upon arriving at the airport, I decided to take the subway to my hotel instead of taking a cab. (I think I was being cheap and trying to spend 2 euros instead of 30, or something like that.) I got on the train, and realized that a) I had only a general idea of where my hotel was and which stop to get off at; b) I could understand neither the maps nor the station announcements, so I was relying on counting the number of stations between the airport and where I thought my hotel was; and c) even if I guessed the right stop, I still had to navigate streets I didn't know, with signs I couldn't read, to find the hotel a few blocks from the stop. So I started figuring that I'd perhaps made a mistake in trying to save some money.
However, everything turned out fine - and that emboldened me. I had one afternoon of down time, about four hours where I didn't need to be anywhere. So I left my hotel with only a map in Spanish, about 100 euros just in case, and no particular clue where I was going. I went on a walking tour of the city, going through the backstreets and into neighborhoods to see what the town was really like once you got away from the main drag, Avenguda Diagonal, where all the hotels were and where everyone spoke English. I saw bakeries and wine shops, little community churches and delis. I somehow ended up near the bullfighting ring in the center of town; I managed to find my way up to Mont Juic and the Catalonian Museum of Art just across from the Olympic site. From the top of the steps of that museum, I was rewarded with a great panorama of the city. That was one of the most enjoyable walks I ever took - certainly one of the only four hour walks I ever did. I heartily recommend Barcelona - or anywhere in Spain - if you're looking to go to Europe.
February 25, 2004
ANOTHER SAD FIRST
The Constitution of the United States has been around for going on 220 years now. It's an amazing document, a statement of principles and a philosophy of government that is so strong, so powerful, so perfectly thought out that it has required only 27 amendments over its lifetime. What makes it even more amazing is that ten of those amendments were made within 40 months of the document's drafting... meaning that since 1791 - in 213 years! - only 17 amendments have been deemed necessary. Can you think of anything else that has remained as vibrant and alive and meaningful for 213 years with only 17 updates or improvements?
And for 213 years, nearly all of those amendments and improvements have been with the intent of making the document -- and American society -- more inclusive. Think about it... the 13th, 14th, and 15th Amendments were made to guarantee constitutional rights to all citizens, regardless of race... the 17th Amendment gave the people the right to elect their Senators instead of having them selected by a collection of privileged landowners... the 19th extended the right to vote to women... the 23rd, 24th and 26th extended & protected voting rights. All but two of those not mentioned affected the branches of government and how they operate. Every time, in the 213 years since the Bill of Rights was ratified, that the people or leaders sought to amend this great document, it was with the intent of making America more inclusive.
Until today.
Today, George W. Bush endorsed the first Constitutional amendment ever intended to make American society more exclusionary. Today, George W. Bush said that America will be a better place if we deny rights to certain people. Not extend rights, like every other amendment. To deny them. Think about that. In 213 years, this is the first American president to endorse the specific denial of specific rights to a specific group of citizens as a worthy change to the Constitution.
George Bush and his lemmings on the Christian Right ought to be ashamed. I'm sure the irony of their actions escapes them. Hopefully, it won't escape everyone else. And by the way... those two amendments I didn't mention yet? The 18th was a movement led by moralists seeking to impose their morality and their beliefs regarding alcohol upon the populace. The 21st was passed not 15 years later, as the nation realized what an embarrassing folly it had been to allow the religious fervor of a few to overwhelm the principle of the land. A good lesson to be learned there, I think.
WE LOVE THE SUBS! COZ THEY ARE GOOD TO US!
Props to Erika for ranting to me about these commercials for weeks - she was the first to point them out. They've finally started running out here in New York, and I have to say that the Quizno's Subs "sponge monkey" commercials are the strangest, most bizarre things I've ever seen. And I think they're hysterical. I don't surf the Net as often as I ought to, I guess, because I had no idea that the commercials were adapted from a Net cult classic cartoon, "We Like Tha Moon" (which you can find here). Thanks to my friend Laura in San Jose for pointing out the origin of these bizarre, yet oddly likeable commercials. Has anyone else seen these things? And what do you think of Quizno's using them in their advertising? Seems to me that we're talking about Quizno's on IM and in this little corner of Blogdom, so they have at least had part of their intended effect. (Hey... you think that if I write something wholly bizarre and get a lot of Net cult attention, some big company will want to come and buy my idea for a commercial?)
TOP TEN LIST... #8: MONTE CARLO
Reminder for Tim and Mike and everyone else (but especially Tim & Mike)... this list is only of places I have visited for work, not of my favorite places period.
One thing that I've never managed to shake off, no matter how much I see, what I do, or how many places I get to go, is shake off this little voice inside that reminds me that I'm just a small town midwestern kid who got really lucky... every once in a while I find myself thinking that people from my hometown don't usually see places/do things like whatever I am seeing or doing. I hope that doesn't sound arrogant, because it's in fact intended the wholly opposite way. And I must say, the most humbling place I ever visited while on a work trip was by far Monte Carlo.
We were in the area for work, and had just had a great success -- for my boss & I, one of the greatest of our careers. We knew how well we'd done, and decided to celebrate. So we drove on over to Monte Carlo to have some dinner and hit the casinos. I have never seen a place that screamed "MONEY" louder. I swear, there was nothing in the windows of the shops - not one outfit - that didn't cost more than about my entire net worth. Money doesn't usually impress me to the nth degree... but this was a whole 'nother world, friends. I don't know that impressed is the right word - it's not like I was envious... just wide-eyed and in awe of the sheer wealth surrounding you when you walk down the main street in front of the casino.
Everything was spotless and exquisitely manicured; everything was perfect. The shops along the sidewalks were so high-end they make Prada look like K-Mart. The casinos look like palaces - not garish and neon like in Vegas, but legitimately like they might once have housed royalty. The food in the restaurant we went to was... well, even though I can read French, there was still nothing on the menu I'd ever even heard of. I felt like Jethro Bodine in the middle of Tiffany's.
I'm not saying I aspire to be that rich, or that I envy the jet-set who are. I'm not sure I'd ever even want to fit in with that crowd -- an international playboy I'm not. However... for the sheer amount of bruises I got on my jaw for all the times it dropped to the ground, Monte Carlo might be unsurpassed. And so that makes it #8 on this list. #7 coming soon...
February 23, 2004
THE KIND OF PEOPLE THE BUSH ADMINISTRATION REALLY ARE
I was done for the night, but this story caught my eye. Bush's Secretary of Education Rod Paige called the National Education Association a "terrorist organization." Man, where to begin? Suggesting that teachers -- or even those who represent them -- equate with people who blow up bombs and airplanes and take innocent lives? Not only is that a massive and reprehensibly inappropriate insult to the members of the NEA, but it's also a tremendously offensive trivialization of the job being done every day by the soldiers, Marines, sailors and airmen who fight America's enemy in Afghanistan and who are now fending off terrorist attacks while the US occupies Iraq.
But there's a larger issue - and this is what's even more significant. The "crime" that the NEA committed that resulted in Paige's slur? Opposing the Bush "No Child Left Behind" program. That's right... to a Bush Administration member, if you disagree with George Bush you are a terrorist. If you disagree with this Administration, you are labeled an enemy of our country.
We shouldn't be surprised. There's a guy in Albany, NY who was arrested for wearing a peace t-shirt in a mall who'd tell you they've been doing it all along. There are teachers in New Mexico who were suspended from their jobs for simply encouraging students to do art work that expressed their feelings on the war. When some students' projects expressed their opposition to the war, the teachers posted them along with the pro-war artwork... and were suspended for not removing the anti-war projects. It's routine for conservative talk show hosts and pundits to question the patriotism of anyone who dares speak out against the Bush war. The fact is, the modus operendi of the Bush regime is to equate opposition to Bush as opposition to America, a crime requiring swift punishment. These people try to squelch dissent by intimidation and propaganda techiniques worthy of history's most evil men.
Don't believe me? Try this quote on for size:
"Of course the people don't want war... That is understood. But, after all, it is the leaders of the country who determine the policy and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along... Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the peacemakers for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country."
Sounds like the Bush policy of dealing with opposition to the war, huh? You know who said it? Herman Goering, at his Nuremberg trial in 1947. Think about that the next time a Bush flunkie has a name for those who oppose Dubya.
I FREAKING HATE MONDAYS
I'll spare you the details, but it's not a good day here in CurmudgeonLand. It's a particularly bad one. Saying I'm in a bad mood is like saying OJ Simpson might be a little dangerous with a knife. The Curmudgeonness factor is all the way up to 11.
So they've got bin Laden cornered, do they? It appears that we may be finally turning our attention toward the capture of the man behind 9/11 - and forcing our "allies" in the region to do the same. Major news sources are reporting that the Pakistani military is about to launch a major offensive aimed at bin Laden's capture.
It's February 2004. The attacks came in September 2001. Don't you think it would have been appropriate to do this, oh, about 30 months ago? Oh, that's right - Bush had a personal vendetta to carry out first. Meanwhile, the avenging of 9/11 has been left incomplete. (Don't get me wrong - taking out the Taliban was a great start. But they're not bin Laden. I want that guy's head on a stick, paraded down the streets of Manhattan while his decapitated body is defiled and mutilated in a public ceremony in Washington DC on the steps of the Capitol.)
Well, kids... the cynical, machiavellian manipulation of this country's emotions by this president has begun in earnest... the Capture bin Laden Countdown is on. Wouldn't it be shocking - NOT - if the capture just happened to coincide with the US Presidential election? It would be the perfect October Surprise... and I'll bet you that's what they're doing. So just for fun, let's have a little contest, shall we? Make it a pool? Send your best guess as to when Osama bin Laden will be captured to me at: binladenwatch@hotmail.com. In about a week or so, I'll post the picks and we'll see who comes closest to calling the exact date that George Bush will orchestrate the capture of America's real enemy. My pick? October 16, 2004.
One last thing before I move on... god bless the soldiers and Marines and sailors and anyone else from the US military or intel community who will be involved in the capture of that cowardly piece of camel dung. My cynicism about this president's motives aside, I wish them all the success and the safety in the world.
Nader's an Ass, Part III Looks like Nader's no better than the Republicans when it comes to labeling his opponents. In the first press conference of his All About Me campaign, he attacked "unpatriotic" US corporations for offshoring practices. Look, I hate offshoring as much as the next guy. I think it's wrong, I think it's greedy, and I think it ought to be punishable by increasing by 20% the personal income tax rate on the CEO of any corporation that offshores skill jobs. But this BS about calling anyone who disagrees with your political position "unpatriotic" is just stupid, and it needs to stop. America's a big place, with room for lots of opinions. And even the wrong ones aren't unpatriotic.
Ah-nuld vants to be President. Ok, the guy's been governor of a state he can't even pronounce for three months... and the Constitution has been around for 215 years. But Arnold Schwarzenegger wants us to change the Constitution for him, amending it to allow foreign-born nationals to serve as President? Hey Ah-nuld? Perhaps you should see if you can balance California's budget, solve its educational crisis, deal with the gay marriage imbroglio, clean up its environment - and all without raising taxes, as you promised - before thinking about your next job. And the Republicans say that Edwards is too inexperienced to be President? He had five years in the Senate, at least! Not three months as governor!
A ManeyDigital style blog: I don't usually like the guy - I find him crusty, old, and unfunny - but this week Andy Rooney hit a winner.
#9 on my top ten favorite places list... Paris. It's a beautiful city, with wide thoroughfares and lots of old world charm and history. I'm not sure if I liked it as much as I anticipated that I would -- there's a lot of build-up to seeing Paris for the first time -- but it's still really something. It also doesn't hurt to have a wonderful hotel to stay in. Check out the Hotel Scribe.
I was there in a mild stretch in late winter, and among my favorite memories of Europe is walking the Champs-Elysees on a beautiful February morning, using the little bit of French that I remember from high school to buy stuff from street vendors, and calling my kid brother from my cell to point out that while he was inside his office in snowy DC, I was walking the Champs-Elysees in 60 degrees and shirt sleeves, with a strong French coffee in one hand and my phone in the other. (I love cell phones that work anywhere in the world!) Photo below.
So Paris makes the top ten list on sheer coolness of its reputation alone - because I can say that I've been to Paris. #8 also made quite an impression on me -- and was even higher on the "cool" factor... stay tuned.
February 22, 2004
SPRING CLEANING OF MY HEAD
Just gonna ramble a little today... a collection of thoughts that seem to be stuck in my head and need to come out. And I'll also introduce a new feature that will be making a mini-series like run on this blog for the next week or two. But first...
Your table is ready, Mr. Nader... Reservations for one... corner table... in Hell... for Ralph Nader. Hell of a legacy for you, eh Ralph? 8 years of a devastating George W. Bush presidency... and we have you to thank. I think my new reader Brenda is right - someone ought to check and see who's funding Nader; because the Republicans couldn't mount a more effective threat to the Democratic effort this year if they tried. Nader's a traitor - and I'll hold his sorry ass wholly responsible if Bush is still president a year from today.
Saturday night fun... A good friend from the office is leaving New York for an extended tour in Asia, and we had her going away party last night. I'll admit to you - when I first heard that the evening's festivities were going to be held in a private room in a karaoke bar, I was worried. (You should be, too.) But I have to say, it was really a lot of fun - and we had some really good sushi, too. I used to sing in a band way back in the day, so I usually don't feel too awkward at having to sing in public or be "on stage" - but there's a lot less pressure on everyone when it's just you and your friends in a private room. In front of your friends, no one cares if you can hold a note or carry a tune... it's all just good clean fun. If you're in the New York area, Second on Second is a fun place to spend a night with friends, and I suggest giving it a shot - both for the sushi and for the singing.
And now, it's time to introduce a new mini-series on my blog. Obviously, a top ten list can only go on for so long... so I can't say this will be a permanent feature. But it will be a recurring one. There... how's that? Anyway, I've been very fortunate in my career, in that I've been able to travel a lot. Not enough to be a diamond member of any frequent flier clubs, but I have qualified for platinum a few times. While work travel is not nearly as glamorous as people who don't do it often think it is -- you work very hard, and because you're specifically there to work, usually for some event or another, you usually work longer hours than when at home -- you do sometimes get the chance to stop and look around once in a while. And every so often, you even can take advantage of some down time and perhaps explore a little. I've been to about 50 different cities or places over the course of my career, over several employers. So for the next few blogs, I'll be listing and describing my top ten favorites. Starting with...
10. Austin, Texas. I have friends in Austin, so when I went down there I went over the weekend, before a work event on Monday. I suppose that part of the reason that I have such fond memories of Austin is because I went down there over Mardi Gras, and on the Saturday night that we all went out to dinner, by the time we left the restaurant there were 80,000 college kids on the streets... including many young women looking to expand their collection of beads. So yeah -- any town where I get flashed by college girls as I walk down the street has to make into the top ten somewhere.
But Austin is more than pretty girls showing me their chests. It's the birthplace of Stevie Ray Vaughn - one of my absolute favorite musicians of all time. They even have a statue of him. There's some great steakhouses and Tex-Mex restaurants, and of course BBQ. And the Congress Avenue bridge with its famous bats - which the citizens revere instead of fear - is something to see... all those bats (a million plus!) taking off each night from their home under the bridge to feed on insects - which earns them the gratitude of the locals - is really impressive. And from what I'm told (haven't been down there long enough to truly explore it), there aren't a whole lot of better places to see live music anywhere in the country. No matter your style - country, blues, hybrid, progressive rock, southwestern, latin - someone's playing it live somewhere in town. All these things make Austin my #10 favorite place I've traveled to for work. Stay tuned for #9...
Posted by Christopher at 12:24 PM | Comments (0)February 21, 2004
AN OPEN LETTER TO RALPH NADER
Dear Ralph,
As an active and engaged American citizen whose political views run to the left of center, I have something to tell you.
Get out. And stay out.
Sorry to open so bluntly, but I believe that anything short of a clubbing on the head will have no impact on you whatsoever. Certainly, reality doesn't.
I'll be the first to admit that the Democrats aren't perfect. I'll be even faster to concede that Al Gore was an uninspiring candidate in 2000. But there is a reality of the American political scene that I believe you're (deliberately?) overlooking. Greens, Libertarians, and the Natural Law and Reform parties aside, we live in a two-party system, Ralph. Whether it's right or wrong, there are only two major political parties in our country, and with a few notable exceptions during the 19th century, it has been that way in America for 220 years. Your quixotic tilting at that windmill isn't going to change it - at least any time soon.
But Ralph, my point isn't to try and bury the idea of a third party; I'd actually like to see a viable one emerge. Rather, my point is to question why you would entertain the notion of running again in 2004. You're a smart man - or I assume smart enough to be able to read history books, polls, and assessments of political reality - so you must know that you can't win.
If you know going in that you can't win, then there must be another reason you're running. I can only think of two: either you are trying to "get your issues on the table," or you are arrogantly making a vanity run for office with no regard for the consequences of your self-serving actions. I believe it's the latter; but let me address the former.
Getting your issues on the table and into the scope of the public debate is an admirable goal, whether I agree with you or not (often I don't, but that's beside the point). But running an outsider campaign for the Presidency that is destined only to siphon 3 or 4 critical percent of the vote from the non-Republican candidate is a folly that harms the chances of any candidate not named Bush from winning in November.
And don't hand me the crock you fed people the last time about the Democrats being no different than the Republicans... like I said at the beginning, the Democrats are admittedly not perfect, but given a choice between someone I agree with 70% of the time (or 50%, or 40%, or even 20%) is better than someone I agree with 0% of the time. And the political reality of America dictates that those are my two choices - never mind the idealistic arguments about the choices I ought to have, because we need to deal in reality, not the Perfect World. Voting for anyone else is simply throwing my vote away.
So let's get to the other possibility - or in my view, the probability. You're running for President as some kind of vanity project.
What did that get us in 2000? Well, it got you 3 whole percent. And it gave the rest of us George W. Bush. Yes, I know that Gore ran a remarkably lackluster, uninspiring campaign, and that he & his people frankly just flat out screwed up in 2000, blowing a race that should have been theirs to win. And I will always believe that the Bush machine engaged in some level of fraud in Florida... and that Antonin Scalia chose the President in 2000, not the American people.
But... they wouldn't have had the chance in Florida if Al Gore had received even half of the 97,000+ votes you siphoned. And Florida itself wouldn't have mattered if New Hampshire had gone to Gore in 2000. You siphoned off 22,188 votes in New Hampshire - a state Bush won by a scant 7211. Even if only a third of the Nader voters had chosen to vote Gore, New Hampshire would have been Democratic - and we'd all have been spared George W. Bush.
Gore, in my opinion, would not have been a great president. But he would have to have been better than Bush, who has given us a $500 billion budget deficit that threatens to balloon to a trillion plus; the first administration since Herbert Hoover to preside over an overall loss of jobs during a four-year term; statements about job creation that are so misleading that even the president has to scramble to disassociate himself from them; tax breaks for the wealthiest Americans under the tired old theory that if the rich are given more, they'll spend enough to provide better table scraps for the rest; no-bid contracts being given to private sector bedfellows like Halliburton; denials of scientific proof of global warming that are so out of step with accepted research practices that 12 American Nobel laureates signed a letter accusing the president of politicizing scientific research at the expense of American scientific credibility; invasions of civil liberties under the guise of national security (the Patriot Act); and of course, the invasion of Iraq and the great hunt for WMD that was undertaken under pretenses that were at best incorrect, were most likely exaggerated, and at worst were a direct lie.
Bush has $150 million in the bank and is adding to it every day. It's going to be a formidable challenge to defeat him in November. So why are you helping him? Do you want to see four more years of the same - with the added side benefit that whoever wins in 2004 will likely select the next two or three members of the Supreme Court?
Like I said at the beginning, Ralph... get out. And stay out.
Posted by Christopher at 10:40 AM | Comments (0)February 19, 2004
A RANDOM COLLECTION OF USELESS RANTS
Just a series of random rantings tonight... I'm in something of a grouchy mood, because I have one heck of a nasty cold... I have become a phlegm machine, not that you wanted to know that but I'm telling you anyway. This cold is floating around the office, and it's landed on me now - settles in your head AND your chest. Also does wonderful things to your throat and voice - makes me sound like the bastard child of Kathleen Turner and Gollum. So it's a crabbier than usual Curmudgeon who's ranting tonight.
WHOOPS! PART 1
Yesterday's news, but I thought it worth bringing up - Bush's own people don't know how he does his math - the Administration is tripping over itself to backtrack off its claim of creating 2.6 million new jobs before the end of the year. Bush's own words on the matter? "I'm not a statistician. I'm not a predictor." Yeah, well, you're not a good president either, Rain Man. Next time, carry the one and double check your answers.
WHOOPS, PART 2
George Bush and the neocons' polticizing of intelligence has already cost the US intel community its credibility, and pretty much erased the validity of America's word anywhere in the globe. Now come reports that the Bush people are similarly politicizing science - at the expense of American scientific credibility around the world.
The report accuses the Bush administration of "systematically suppressing and distorting scientific information to further its political goals," according to the Washington Post. "Across a broad range of issues, the administration has undermined the quality of the scientific advisory system and the morale of the government's outstanding scientific personnel," says UCS Chairman Kurt Gottfried, an emeritus professor of physics at Cornell University.
According to the Post, "the statement -- whose signatories include 12 Nobel laureates, 11 winners of the National Medal of Science, three recipients of the prestigious Crafoord Prize, the heads of some of the country's leading universities and biomedical research institutes, and two former presidential science advisers -- calls for congressional hearings to look into the issue and a renewed administration commitment to public access to objective scientific information."
Great. First that buffoon from Texas cost us 500+ lives and every last shred of diplomatic credibility we have, all to advance his puppeteers' bizarre and dangerous world view. Now, he's doing the same thing to our scientific community. Is there no limit to the damage that jackass Bush can do to our country in only four short years? I swear, this administration is the singularly most destructive ever elected in American history. Oh, wait... they weren't elected. That's right, his daddy's friends on the Supreme Court installed him. I forgot. But I digress. How much more do people need to see out of this moron and the neocon cabal that controls him before they get utterly rejected for the reactionary sect that they are? Sheesh!
WHOOPS, PART 3
After gouging the American people for $61 million on a contract that they didn't even have to bid on, Dick Cheney's rich oil buddies aren't even fully doing the no-bid job they were hired to do, according to the Pentagon. Gee... is anyone really surprised? The contract was awarded as a reward to Cheney's former colleagues - that much is blatantly obvious at least to me. I don't see why it's a shocker that they're not doing what they were supposed to - kickbacks rarely involve work.
Whenever I hear some Republican argue that the government ought to be run more like a business... well, I look at Halliburton, I look at Enron (anyone notice that Bush contributor Kenneth Lay hasn't been touched yet even though every other Enron C-level executive has been indicted? Wonder why...), I look at WorldCom, Tyco, Adelphia, the NYSE and how it handled Grasso, ImClone, and so many of the others... and all I can think is, "Are you freakin' nuts?"
OH, CRUD... MY SECRET'S OUT!
Okay, just as I get everyone convinced that I've been going to the dentist recently because of a badly abcessed wisdom tooth (extraction in T-minus 6 days, for those keeping score at home), someone has to go and blow my cover.
A professor at American University has revealed that on the night of February 20, 1954, using the cover story of having an emergency dental appointment, President Dwight Eisenhower met with two space aliens at Edward AFB. The aliens offered Ike superior technology and spritual wisdom if we'd give up our nuclear weapons... but mindful of the Soviets, Ike declined, or so says this professor.
So I guess the time has come to tell you the truth. I don't have a bad tooth. All these trips to the dentist? Distractions offered to keep you busy while I pursued my real objective - meeting with representatives of an alien planet. Amazingly, these aliens all look like Liz Phair, Mary Louise Parker, and Jennifer Love Hewitt. They've offered me superior technology, spiritual wisdom, and the right to be transported to their planet for certain "favors" from multiple aliens of my choosing, depending on whether I'm in a Liz, Mary Louise or JLH mood that day. All I have to do is get Americans to stop driving cars. So for my sake, people... start riding your bikes to work!
Good grief... some colleges will hire anybody.
Okay, done ranting for the night. Back to producing phlegm at record levels. Oh yeah - you said you didn't need to know that. Never mind.
February 18, 2004
THIS AIN'T RIGHT
Hate to bring up a hot-button issue like abortion, but there's something brewing here that just ain't right - at least in my mind.
Right after techno-baldie Moby made the public suggestion that anti-Bush voters begin spreading false rumors about Bush having an old girlfriend get an abortion, Larry Flynt - that paragon of virtue - says he's going to expose a "true story" that Bush did in fact arrange for a girlfriend's abortion back in the 70s.
Now first of all, the timing of this revelation is highly, highly dubious given Moby's irresponsible statements last week (we have enough real things to attack Bush with - let's not stoop to inventing stuff... that's beneath contempt!). And I don't know that I trust Larry Flynt as the source of anything beyond my porn collection. (Just kidding, Mom... was being rhetorical.) But let's say, just for a moment, that the story is true - that Bush DID arrange for an abortion 30 years ago.
So what? It's none of our business.
Look, I know the arguments - that it's hypocritical for someone who benefitted from Roe vs. Wade to then oppose it... that rich boys like Bush will always have access to doctors who will perform the procedure on their unfortunate girlfriends if the price is right, while poor women rely on Roe being the law of the land. And if you've read my site for more than 10 seconds, you know that I have a virulent, almost pathological disdain for the Crawford Cretin. And, I'm staunchly pro-choice and don't want to see Bush succeed in chipping away at Roe. Fine.
But you know what? The fundamental argument for me in any abortion case is that it's no one's business but the woman (or couple) involved - that they have the right in the United States to make their own moral decisions and judgements and to live with the outcomes. To me no one - least of all the government - has any right being involved in a personal decision of that magnitude... and that it's no one's business - not some stupid protester's, not the government's, and certainly not the media's - to violate anyone's privacy by prying into whether they've had an abortion.
My position holds here. First of all, the woman involved (again, assuming for a moment that it's true, though I don't know that it is) never asked for this attention, never asked to have her private life and mistakes of 30 years ago dragged out for the world to see. She has a fundamental right to privacy, and it's hypocritical -- not to mention just utterly slimy -- for Flynt or anyone on the left to be violating it now simply in order to make political hay, even against an admittedly easy-to-dislike foe.
But beyond that, as regards Bush himself... I don't care. It's not relevant, and has no business in this campaign. I got news for you... ain't no one on earth who's perfect, kids. People make mistakes when they're young. People do things that they may not later consider "mistakes," but that they certainly would never do again. Granted, not all of them may be of the magnitude of an unintended pregnancy. But think about this: would you want to have your own private life since you were 18 - or 21, whatever - used as a qualifier when you are up for a new job? Would you want to have "never having made an embarrassing or regrettable mistake" listed as a prerequisite for your job?
Granted, we have the right to expect more from someone running for, or serving as, President of the United States. But we don't have the right to expect perfection. If someone broke the law thirty years ago and harmed (or could have harmed) an uninvolved other person - killed someone, molested a child, drove drunk, robbed someone's house at 23, etc. - then I want to know about it, because it matters. But on issues of judgement - use of marijuana, dating a stripper, a reputation as a partier, or a girlfriend with an abortion - a person has a right both to make errors in judgement and to have those errors remain their own secret. Even if that person is a candidate for President.
I didn't care if Bill Clinton inhaled, nor did I think whatever happened with Monica was anyone's business but his, Hillary's and Monica's. And if George W. Bush knocked someone up 30 years ago and she got an abortion, I don't think it's anyone's business but hers and his. We don't need to know. It's not our right. And anyone on the left bringing it up now is doing a great disservice to the woman involved, to Bush himself, to the anti-Bush political cause, and to the level of discussion in America. It's a cheap tactic worthy of an Atwater or Rove... and just because the other side would do it doesn't make it any more right. Knock it off, guys. Even if it's true... let it drop, and leave the woman alone.
February 17, 2004
AN ALL-TIME FIRST
Can you believe it? I can't think of anything to write about today. Me speechless - that has to be a first!
I started a new job today, a move up within the company. Of course, any new challenge - especially when you're getting increased responsibilities - comes with boatloads to learn and people coming at you all at once... it's gonna be drinking from the fire hose for a few days. But - I feel good about it, and know that I'm the right guy for the job. So, onward and upward, I guess.
If you're a sucker for "cute kid" stories, go visit the Marine's Girl and check out the entry from Monday Feb. 16 entitled, "More Today." Sounds like her 8 year old is taking his orders seriously - to take care of Mommy while the Marine's away at war. Sweet kid - and brave mom. Tell 'em the Curmudgeon sent you to say hello and wish her Marine home soon.
Also, go check out this piece by Ray Glier on MSNBC.com, about how the A-Rod acquisition could actually blow up in the Yankees' faces, and how much of an utter jerk Rodriguez is. (And yes, you silly Yankee fans, I was saying the same thing when the Sox were going to get him... check my archives from December. I don't like Pay-Rod, haven't since he revealed his greed in leaving Seattle, and never will again - even if he'd signed with the Sox and won a Series with them. He's a greedy phony, and I'll say so even if he were to end up in Red Sox somehow.
Glier's lines that I agree with 150%: "Alex Rodriguez is an inconsistent, pampered baby. He was superb on the field for the Rangers, but he carped about this and that. You know his history. Before he signs the deal in Texas, he says he wants to play for a winner. Then he goes for the Rangers' money. No surprise, really. A-Rod says he would love to play for the Mets, his hometown team. He signs for the Rangers' money, a S252 million contract. The Rangers lose and lose, but A-Rod says he wants to stay and fulfill his obligation. In the background, he is talking to the Red Sox about a deal. After the Red Sox deal collapses, A-Rod is made captain of the Rangers and says again he is staying and committed to Texas. All along, he is telling people he can't stand the thought of going back to the Rangers. Then New York third baseman Aaron Boone jumps into a basketball game, gets hurt, and here is A-Rod again. Mr. Sincerity opens up a dialogue with the Yankees. Now look. The Rangers' fans are helping pay the salary of the rich-as-sin Yankees' third baseman."
"Alex Rodriguez does what is best for Alex Rodriguez. It says here, his marketing image should be sullied today and for the remainder of this contract; he is not above board. He says one thing and does another."
"It could be that Curt Schilling, Pedro Martinez, and Derek Lowe ruin everything because good pitching, as they say, trumps good hitting. But if the Yankees lose their October showdown with Boston, you can imagine who will get traded. Jeter. That's criminal. But so is another Yankees' shopping spree down the superstar aisle. A-Rod in pinstripes only fuels fans' resentment (General managers of other teams won't complain because if they had the money they would do the same thing). A-Rod in New York does not make the game better by having the best all-around player on the most famous team. It only shows this game is about the mercenaries and their agents, nothing more. More fans turn away."
What he said, man. What he said.
February 16, 2004
PRESIDENT'S DAY THE GEORGE W. BUSH WAY
So today is President's Day... which means, besides me getting a well-deserved day off of work, that I'm supposed to be thinking about the men who have led our country since 1789. A useful exercise, since our current "leader" ranks close to dead last in both intellectual capacity and benefit to the nation. But I digress. I decided to think about how what we know about other American presidents might be different if they had chosen to behave like George W. Bush. Here's a few ideas:
George Washington: "I cannot tell a lie... the Spanish chopped this tree down. Not only did the Spanish chop down this cherry tree, but they possess hundreds - if not thousands - of axes, ready to chop down all the freedom-loving American cherry trees. In fact, we know that the Spaniards have tried to acquire yelllowcake ash wood, which we all know they would use to build handles for axes of mass destruction. So the Spanish represent a threat to the American way of life, and must be stopped. I propose we send US troops to Spain to remove the King from power. Wait... what's that you say? The British are the ones who attacked us? And you think that we ought to be fighting them instead? But the Spanish have axes! Do you not understand the threat from Spanish axes? They could deploy those axes in 45 minutes against American cherry trees, and then where would we be? See, you just aren't patriotic. Shut up, you liberal!"
Abraham Lincoln: "Four score and seven tax cuts ago, our fathers - no, not your fathers, you middle-class jokester; our fathers, us rich white guys from privleged families - brought forth on this continent a new economic structure, conceived in greed and dedicated to the proposition that rich men are created better than everyone else and should be allowed tax breaks to stay that way. Now we are engaged in a record budget deficit, testing whether this economy - or any economy so staggered to benefit the wealthy - can long endure... It is for us the wealthy rather to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who were born into privlege have thus far so shamefully advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that from my tax cuts for the rich we take increased devotion to that cause for which my and Dick Cheney's rich friends gave the last full measure of devotion -- allowing us to rack up a $130 million war chest. We here highly resolve that the rich shall not be rich in vain, that this nation under God (no, not your God, silly... I'm talking specifically about my God) shall have a new birth of offshore incorporations, and that government of the people, by the rich, for our own benefit, shall not perish from the earth."
Teddy Roosevelt: "Speak stupidly, and carry a big stick."
Woodrow Wilson: "We must create a League of Nations, and use its judgements as justification as to why another country should be invaded. But when the League of Nations disagrees with us and says that a case for war has not been made, we should ignore and belittle the League of Nations at every turn, taking great care to offend and alienate every other nation on the planet."
Franklin Roosevelt: "In the future days, which we seek to make secure, we look forward to a world founded upon four essential human freedoms. The first is freedom of speech and expression -- everywhere in the world... except in America if you want to critize me or my war effort, in which case we'll brand you unpatriotic, and encourage a climate in which your are intimidated into shutting your mouth. The second is freedom of every person to worship God in his own way -- as long as it's my God, and it's the way that my evangelical friends and I say you should worship Him. The third is freedom from want. . . everywhere in the world. Because my tax cuts for the rich will mean that the rich will spend more, and that will trickle down to you! What? They're not spending it, they're offshoring jobs and incorporating in Bermuda instead? Shut up, you liberal! The fourth is freedom from fear. . . anywhere in the world. Unless you're an American citizen whose politics or affliliations I don't like... in which case, I'm gonna have Ashcroft use the Patriot Act to violate your privacy and make you afraid that you're being watched or could be brought in for questioning at any time."
Bill Clinton: "My father did not... have... diplomatic relations with that tyrant - Mr. Hussein."
February 15, 2004
FLABBERGASTED
Thanks to Jo Fish at The Democratic Veteran for pointing this one out to me. Every once in a while, something comes out of the conservative right that's so utterly unbelievable that I have to read it two or three times to be sure it's real. And an awful lot of these stories seem to come from Kansas (remember the Thou Shalt Not Teach Evolution fiasco a few years back?).
2004 is only 6 weeks old, but I think we've already seen the hands down winner of the title of Stupidest Human Being of The Year. I can't imagine anyone being a bigger idiot than this (though if there's one thing I should have learned by now, it's never to underestimate the ability of conservatives to be stupid).
A woman in Kansas - who just happens to be a state senator who helps make the laws of the land - does not believe that women should be able to vote, and refused to attend a celebration of the anniversary of the 19th Amendment. I'm serious. To quote the Kansas City Star, "Sen. Kay O'Connor recently told... the League of Women Voters that the amendment was the first step in a decades-long erosion of traditional family values."
Oh, good lord. Okay, I know that I can't judge the right by its wackos, any more than they should be able to judge the left on the basis of tree-spiking environmentalists or man-hating radical academic feminists. But my god! We'd be better off and our values would be better if women were denied the right to have a say in how our country is run and by whom? Wait, let me go back and check that again. I cannot have read that right.
"O'Connor said in two subsequent interviews with The Kansas City Star that if men had been protecting the best interests of women, then women would not be forced to cast ballots and serve in the state legislature. Instead, they could stay home, raise families and tend to domestic duties, she said."
Women wouldn't be forced to cast ballots? What the hell is this old biddie smoking?
"Asked if she supports the 19th Amendment, the Republican lawmaker responded: "I'm an old-fashioned woman. Men should take care of women, and if men were taking care of women (today) we wouldn't have to vote."
Riiiiiiight. Okay, and I'm an old fashioned guy, and if the king were taking care of us, we feudal serfs wouldn't have to vote.
"Beginning in the 1960s, O'Connor said in an interview, career doors began to open for women, bolstered by efforts of the earlier women's suffrage movement. The message to women, reinforced by books, television and magazines, O'Connor said, was to abandon more traditional homemaker roles and enter the workplace... Consequently, the 19th Amendment was the beginning of a societal shift that today erodes traditional family values, she said."
So to this freak, "family values" are that women are nothing more than an appendage to men, existing solely to breed, and never being allowed to do whatever their talents and ability might allow? Yeah, that's a platform we can all get behind. How about a return to slavery, the teaching of the sun revolving around the Earth, and bleeding critically ill patients with leeches while we're at it.
Un-freakin-believable. Tell you what, lady... please go home and let your husband make the decision that you should leave the legislature, so that you and your dangerous opinion can get the hell out of lawmaking? She's a disgrace even to the Republican Party - not even they would support anything this stupid. As for me, I'll continue to be very glad that the message to women was "reinforced by books, television and magazines" that they can do whatever they want, as much as they can dream. I might have a daughter someday - and when I do, I'll teach her about the pioneers of the suffrage movement and the fight to pass the 19th Amendment... and I'll make sure she knows the debt we all owe them.
Posted by Christopher at 06:43 PM | Comments (0)TIME FOR JUST ONE QUICK THOUGHT
I'm working today and don't have much time to write anything. But I just took a brain break for 5 minutes and flipped on the TV, and saw the Daytona 500 on. And I just have to ask... could somebody please tell me what is so entertaining about watching 40 rednecks driving in a circle for four hours? And why NASCAR is considered a sport? Man, I can drive - and have often done road trips of 400 or 500 miles. And I gotta tell you... if I can do it, then it ain't a sport.
Just curious. I'm getting back to work now, so we now return you to your regulalry scheduled boredom.
February 14, 2004
STEINHITLER STRIKES AGAIN
Okay, first my not-quite-objective but trying-to-keep-my-rage-in-check response to the JOKE of a trade in MLB today. One, Soriano and a minor leaguer? That's it? For the best player of his generation, the Texas Rangers will receive an overrated defensive liability who strikes out too much, and some minor leaguer who will likely never amount to anything. If this strikes you as a fair trade, you're either the village idiot or you've been dead for five years and thus haven't been doing much thinking lately.
I've remained consistent all along, even when the Sox were going to get A-Rod, in my position that is bad for baseball when one or two teams are the only ones with the resources to buy the game's best players. It still is. The message again today sent by the Emporer (don't you picture Steinbrenner just like the Emporer from Revenge of the Jedi, his face half hidden under that dark cloak, and blue jets of pure evil eminating from his fingertips?) is this: George wants to buy championships. If he has to spend so much that it would bankrupt every other market in baseball to try and compete, so be it. If it is disaterous for the long term fan interest in the game, so be it. Georgie wants to buy a winner.
No matter what happens with Pete Rose, or the all-star game format, or expansion and contraction, Bud Selig's legacy will be that he allowed the New York Yankees to become Microsoft, buying one half of the titles and three fourths of the World Series' during his tenure. You wonder why the NFL is so much more popular than baseball? It has nothing to do with the pace of the game, or the length of the season, or anything like that. The simple difference is that in the NFL, there are salary caps and revenue sharing that ensure a fair and level playing field between the big markets and the small. Every team's fans can believe that - if not this year, then next - their team has a legitimate chance to go all the way to the Super Bowl. But in baseball, of the 30 markets, only 9 or 10 will really be able to compete... and everyone knows Steinhitler will just buy his next title instead of winning it on the field... so if you're in San Diego, Pittsburgh, Milwaukee, Kansas City, Minneapolis, Cincinnati or any of the other 20 markets that Georgie has squeezed out of existence, you don't even bother paying attention. George Steinbrenner is killing baseball, and Selig is letting him do it.
Hopefully, the A-Rod to the Yankees trade will be the equivalent to Janet's boob: the straw that breaks the camel's back and forces someone in government to look at an issue that's been brewing for too long. The Congress should investigate Major League Baseball (and especially the Yankees, though the Sox are not innocent either) for violations of the Sherman Anti-Trust Act.
TEN THINGS I HOPE HAPPEN IN NEW YORK THIS YEAR
10. Jason Giambi suffers an allergic reaction to the deoderant he hawks, and the resulting pit rash keeps him from extending his arms or swinging properly for the entire season.
9. Jorge Posada develops a nasty case of prickly heat in the groin, can't wear his cup, and thus misses June through August.
8. Derek Jeter contracts a scorching case of crotch rot from any one of the myriad New York skanks he trots around with.
7. A-Rod drops a $100 bill in the lockerroom shower, and as he bends to pick it up, slips and falls on his wallet, putting him on the 60 day DL.
6. A-Rod drops a $100 bill in the shower, bends to pick it up, and we suddenly learn who the first openly gay baseball player is.
5. Aaron Boone organizes a pickup basketball league on Monday nights.
4. Gary Sheffield is simply Gary Sheffield, and becomes the clubhouse poison he's been everywhere else.
3. Sales of Bernie Williams' CD take off when rumors surface of secret messages that can be found if you play it backwards. Refusing to capitalize on the fame, Willliams and his sloth-like range remain in center field.
2. In interleague play, Roger Clemens takes the mound for the Astros, and promptly beans Jeter, Sheffield and A-Rod to begin the game. Replacing Don Zimmer, Steinbrenner charges the mound only to be thrown to the ground by Clemens - who then takes a piece of broken bat and shoves it up Steinbrenner's backside for good measure.
1. George Steinbrenner gets the Rasputin treatment. (Of course I am not actually advocating Steinbrenner's assassination. But it's a fun little fantasy, ain't it?)
And for extra credit: Steinbrenner hires Chris Lehane as the New York Yankees director of communications.
A TEENY, TINY BIT OF SELF-PROMOTION
Okay, I promised myself I wasn't going to do this, but I'm going to throw in a shameless plug for myself. I'm now writing for BlogCritics, and my first two blogs for them have now run. The latest, a meandering exploration of my own mixed thoughts on the gay marriage issue, can be found here. Check it out. Post your thoughts - sympathize with me or rip me a new one. Whatever you do, keep going back and checking out both my stuff and the pieces by all the other bloggers at BlogCritics. And let 'em know I sent you.
HA!
Really interesting piece here from Fortune magazine - hardly a paragon of liberal thought! - that examines the records of George W. Bush and John Kerry and comes to a role reversal conclusion: that the Republican Bush is far more fiscally irresponsible than the Democrat Kerry. And I quote:
"Since he (Bush) took office, the record budget surpluses built up during the Clinton administration have turned to record red ink, and government spending has expanded at its fastest clip in 40 years."
Man... it's gotta suck to be Dumya today. Already under fire for having gone AWOL 30 years ago, and for lying about WMD intelligence and then trying to string up Tenet for the gaffe, and for utterly misleading the public about John Kerry's record with special interests versus his own (more on that in a second)... now, even the rich, fat-cat business types to whom he's been beholden for the last three years? They're turning on him. They're pointing out to their own what we on the left have been saying for years: that Bush & the neocons' "cut tax & spend" policies are ridiculously insufficient to support the American economy and are in fact damaging to us. When the rich bastards start throwing darts at him, who's left?
KERRY vs. BUSH ON SPECIAL INTERESTS
We shouldn't expect any better from George Bush and the Rove Distortion Machine. But Thursday night, the Bush campaign sent a commercial over e-mail that is about as based on fact as the OJ Simpson defense. [It was so distorted and full of inaccuracy that they didn't dare try to air it on television - not even on Fox "News" or the Conservative Bullshit Service (CBS).]
Well, the Washington Post called his bluff on it this morning in an editorial. They concede - as do I, even as a Kerry supporter - that "Mr. Kerry's fundraising and his relationships with Washington lobbyists are a legitimate topic, even more so now that he has positioned himself, or tried to, as the scourge of Washington business as usual." Fair enough. I actually agree that Kerry's relationships with lobbyists are a subject deserving of scrutiny.
But the Post took the words right out of my mouth by following up that statement with a simple sentiment: "But -- how can we say this politely? -- let' s consider the source. Mr. Bush's acceptance of special-interest money and his subsequent rewards to the industries doing the giving dwarf anything in Mr. Kerry's record." The Post goes on to point out that of the industries Bush's commercial criticizes Kerry for taking money from - telecommunications and pharmaceuticals - Bush has raked in more than 10 times the amount Kerry has from the same industries. Criticizing your opponent for taking money from industries who've given you 10 times as much as they gave him? Man, this guy's utter hypocrisy knows no end!
As the Post said in the first sentence of its editorial, "It's hard to recall a more brazen display of political chutzpah." I strongly urge you to read the editorial. As the bumper sticker on my car reads, "If you aren't completely appalled, you haven't been paying attention."
REASON TO VOMIT
The Yankees are trying to get A-Rod? Oh, puke. I can't rip the Yankees for being the only team to be trying to ruin baseball anymore, since my beloved Sox were chasing Rodriguez two months ago. But in my defense, I even said then that I was concerned for the long term good of the game if only a few teams have the resources to compete, and that the Sox were now part of the problem. The Yankees doing it makes it worse, of course, being that they are Satan's Spawn and that Steinbrenner is Satan himself. But it would still be wrong if the Sox did it, too. So let's hope that greedy Pay-Rod stays right where he is, and doesn't play anywhere in the AL East this year or any other.
Posted by Christopher at 12:56 PM | Comments (0)February 13, 2004
PERFECT TIMING
Perhaps the most poetic moment of 2004 falls this weekend. February 14 is Valentine's Day - the day on which boyfriends nationwide are marketed into submission. What day falls immediately before it? That's right: Friday the 13th. Talk about your harmonic convergences.
I'm cynical enough to have always hated Valentine's Day... to me, if you need to have a specific day set aside to be nice to your lover or show them how much you love them, then you're not really in love. That kind of thing is just as appropriate on September 28 or May 7 as it is on February 14. If you're only giving a gift or taking her out or whatever because Hallmark and your girlfriend say you're supposed to, then you're basically going through the motions, and that's not romance.
That said, the evil that is marketing has so deeply ingrained February 14 into our heads as the day we're supposed to be in love, that even a cynic like me feels a "supposed to have someone"ness on February 14. And that's what sucks. Now, it doesn't matter to me what's going on in my world or that on the other 364 days of 2004 I will be happily focusing on other things. They got me, despite oodles of my better judgement - and it pisses me off. So my usual cynical bitterness is ratcheted up to 11. It doesn't have to be logical, dammit. And that's why I think it's so perfect that this weekend begins on a Friday the 13th. I hope all those happy couples out there end up with crabs.
ONE DOWN, ONE TO GO
I feel today like the Watergate prosecutors must have felt when Haldeman and Erlichman resigned in 1973... we got to the inner circle, only the biggest criminal remains. Barry Bonds' personal trainer has been indicted on 42 counts of providing anabolic sterioids, human growth hormone, EPO, and other illegal dope to his clients.
We got his trainer, folks. The biggest slimeball in professional sports - that arrogant, showboating, cocky, smarmy, punk-ass miserable excuse for a baseball player, Barry Bonds - has got to be next. His juiced-up cheating for the last five years will finally be proven, and when he's indicted too we can finally stop this nonsense about anointing him the greatest of all time. He's not only playing in the juiced ball era, he's playing with juiced arms. At least 200 of his home runs deserve asterisks... and hopefully, this whole thing will shame that ungrateful punk out of the game we all love.
February 12, 2004
WHISTLE BLOWERS INSIDE HALLIBURTON
Today, two former Halliburton employees admitted that the company routinely overcharges the US government for work it does for the military. Pretty serious allegations. How much do you want to bet that the Bush administration won't do a real investigation of this? How much do you want to bet that they'll sweep it under the rug and take care of Dick's buddies?
GOODBYE
My friend and colleague. Mike, announced today that he's leaving our company for an amazing opportunity a couple of hours away. I couldn't be happier for him and for Jenn; it's a great chance to advance his career, and their lifestyle is going to change dramatically. Everything about this move says it's a great thing - and I really do wish them the best.
But it won't be the same here. Along with Tim & Donna, Mike & Jenn are my closest friends here. Mike has been my boss as well as friend for the last three years, and it was he who helped me rebuild my career after near-fatal interference from an evil psychotic sea hag. Mike kept hammering at me about how much he believed in me and how much talent he thought I had... and he did it for so long that I eventually began believing him.
But beyond his saving my career within our company, there was and remains something far more important: they've been dear friends who've made New York bearable. I've never made any secret of not liking it here. But having their home to go to, whether just to hang out or for holidays when I couldn't make it home or for dinners that Jenn would invite me to... they've been an island of sanity for me, providing friendship that made me feel less alone and less isolated in New York, with its often cold and sterile demeanor and its 200 mile exile from everything & everyone else I know and care about in my life. I adore their daughters; when I come over, their pre-schooler yells, "Mister Christopher!" and comes running with a big hug - and my heart just melts. They introduced me to their circle of friends, and now the Wing Night crew are my friends too.
Mike and I have sat and giggled like schoolgirls at nothing in particular over beers; Jenn always tolerates us. We spent the aftermath of 9/11 together - which was even scarier and more surreal for me because I had a serious medical procedure done on 9/14, and I was not only scared and in shock like everyone else, I was also feeling miserable... and they made things a little more calm for me. I've had Thanksgivings with them, and met both sides of the family. We've gone to parties together, and just hung out in front of the TV together. In short, they've become family. And I'm going to miss the hell out of them when they're gone.
Sure, we'll all still see each other maybe once a month, and will be in touch all the time over e-mail. But it won't ever be the same as having them here. So congratulations, my friends, and good luck... and thank you for everything. Don't be strangers.
MORE THOUGHTS FROM THOSE WHO REALLY SERVED
First of all, go check out CalPundit. It's reading worth your time. Now...
One of the people who commented on one of CalPundit's posts wrote:
"My grandfather is in this room, over by the fireplace and reading. He's a World War II veteran, who jumped with the 82nd airborne into Normandy on D-Day, 60 years ago, and who remembers the names of 25 men in his company, along with General James Gavin's middle name; three months later, in 1944, he jumped with the 82nd into Belgium in the battle for 'The Bridge Too Far,' and remembers the names of eight Belgium villages. He also was wounded twice and won the Silver and Bronze Stars. Earlier tonight I asked him about Bush's memory and the National guard and he said, "If he doesn't remember the names of those with whom he served, he didn't serve. Those are things you don't forget."
Posted by: George Apley at February 10, 2004 05:29 PM "
Man, it doesn't get any better than that - an honorable veteran who knows the score, excoriating the First Coward. My thoughts: I agree totally with this gentleman; I did my last drill almost 10 years ago now, and I still remember the names of many of the guys I served with. When this veteran says, "If he doesn't remember the names of those with whom he served, he didn't serve," he's dead on. My second thought: on the off chance that the poster or his grandfather ever see this, I just wanted to say thank you for having the guts you did 60 years ago. God bless him.
February 10, 2004
MAYBE THERE IS A GOD, AFTER ALL
You know all that stuff I just wrote about not believing in religion? Well, God may have been reading and decided to try and reach me directly. I logged on this afternoon to find that Anna Kournikova is in this year's Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. One of my two top prayers has now officially been answered - can Britney's issue of Playboy be far behind?
THE END OF AN ERA
Hundreds of thousands of teenage boys have lost their "But mom, I was trying to look up the State of the Union!" excuse: whitehouse.com is officially going out of business. It was either sick or brilliant, but one of the most famous and amusing cases of mistaken identity in the boom years of the Internet was that "whitehouse.com" took you to a porn site. I can't help but feel that yet another vestige of the Net's early years is fading into the cyber-sunset.
PAY STUBS? THAT'S THE BEST YOU CAN DO?
Pay stubs? Pay stubs? That's the best that the joke of an AWOL president can do? In trying to claim that he's laid any issues to rest, Bush created more questions.
Look... I served. I went to drills one weekend every month from 1992 to 1995. I did my two weeks a year. And I could probably cough up some pay stubs that said I did my time. But you know what? If someone were ever to call my service into question - were to allege that I never showed up for my drills - you know what I'd do? I would call up Lt. Paul Stewart, the team leader I reported to. I would have Lt. Brian Poehler or Ensign Joel Emerson or Petty Officer Brad Esler come forward and tell the press, "I saw Barger at drills." And I'm just a nobody. George W. Bush was installed by Antonin Scalia as the President of the United States. You'd think there'd be a whole lot of his shipmates or fellow officers or pilots who would think it's kind of cool to have served with a future President. Given that much of the military is conservative, you'd think that many of them would be trying to defend this president and would gladly step forward to assert that they served with him.
But so far... not a single one. Not one Alabama National Guardsman from 1972-73 has come forward to stand with a fellow officer and say "I saw him attend drills in 1972-73." That, to me, is very telling. And Bush still hasn't answered the question of why he refused to take his physical and was thus banned from flying further. Could it be because cocaine is illegal?
And as for this ridiculous hand-wringing and faux outrage about this being an election year tactic... yeah, just like those questions that the Bush team planted about John McCain's mental stability after being a POW... those were an election year tactic. Like the Willie Horton criticism against Michael Dukakis by Bush the Elder was an election year tactic. The Bush family and its cadre of handlers has been smearing people across the political spectrum for a generation. For this utter slimeball to be crying about anyone else's tactics is the height of hypocrisy, and shows you just how bankrupt the Bush campaign is - both morally and in terms of having any ideas at all to offer the American people. They can't go forward with their plan for a second term, because they know people will reject a far right wing agenda that favors the rich and will allow the right wing Christian cabal to control the social direction of this country.
They've got nothing to offer... so they're going to spend 2004 trying to make you afraid of John Kerry and even more afraid of some intangilble "them" out there - terroists and bad guys who have WMDs (oops, maybe not), all without ever actually coughing up proof of any actual threat. You watch - the Bush campaign will be all about what's bad about the other folks in the world, and not one word about what they have to offer.
MEL GIBSON IS AN IDIOT
Back home and on a roll this morning before heading to the oral surgeon for more fun with sharp objects in my mouth.
Okay, this whole "Passion" thing is really starting to piss me off. First of all, the whole "the Jews killed Jesus" line of thinking - which is asinine and has fueled hatred for centuries. There's something wholly illogical about that whole line of thinking anyway. Who killed Jesus... does it matter? I mean, think about it: if you accept Christian theology and legend as fact, then Christ was sent to earth specifically to die for our sins. So if He was put here to die... then doesn't it follow that someone would have to kill him? I mean, theoretically, if we gained salvation through Jesus' death, then whoever killed Him was actually helping the process along, weren't they? They were ensuring that the Plan was carried out. So in that sense, it doesn't MATTER who killed Jesus... Jews (by the way, Jesus WAS a Jew, so anyone engaged in hatred of Jews is including some pretty powerful company)... Romans... Pharisees... little green men from outer space... doesn't matter. Someone had to do it. So this whole concept of ascribing "blame" for Jesus' death just seems utterly asinine to me. So Gibby's little project is already stupid.
But Gibby had to ratchet it up a notch further. In an interview with the Herald Sun in Australia, Gibson opines that only Catholics are going to heaven - not even Protestants make the cut. And that apparently seems to extend to Gibby's Protestant wife. "There is no salvation for those outside the Church," Gibson said. "I believe it. Put it this way. My wife is a saint. She's a much better person than I am. Honestly. She's, like, Episcopalian, Church of England. She prays, she believes in God, she knows Jesus, she believes in that stuff. And it's just not fair if she doesn't make it, she's better than I am. But that is a pronouncement from the chair. I go with it."
Let's read that back, kids. Mel Gibson doesn't care what he knows about someone's soul or basic goodness. He doesn't take into account any sort of behavioral pattern. You can be the crummiest person in the world, but as long as you're a Catholic, you're okay. But if you're not... then it doesn't matter how good a person you are, you're spending eternity with your chestnuts roasting on an open fire? This is why I reject all organized religion. Because in their purest forms, religions encourage you not to think. You just "go with" "pronouncements from the chair."
Look, if there is a God, he gave us these wonderfully complex and amazing things called brains. He made ours much more advanced than any other creature's on this planet. I seriously doubt if his intent was that we just shut them off and let ourselves be told what to do by a cabal of 200 in the Vatican. And this isn't just a rant on Catholicism. The Southern Baptists are just as bad... and of course we have Mohammed Atta and his 72 virgins, and the example after example of Islamic fundamentalist violence... or the violence committed by Hindus against Sikhs in India... or Zionists who think that their rights supercede those of the Palestinians based on religion alone... I could go on. Gibby's statement perfectly underscores why I will never belong to an organized church again. God? Sure - He and I will sort it out. But religion? No way, man. I don't qualify for religion. I think.
I'll MAKE YOU A BET...
My friend Mike gets the credit for making this call several weeks ago... but I'll echo him now. Anyone want to bet that after more than two years of being unable to find him or even narrow down where he might be... all of a sudden, before the election - like, say, in October? - George W. Bush will all of a sudden miraculously manage to find Osama bin Laden and capture him for trial? I'll put my money down now... some time between September 20 and October 31, bin Laden will be captured.
If you're asking, "does he really believe that George Bush is that Machiavellian and evil?"... my answer is: Yes. I do.
Posted by Christopher at 10:40 AM | Comments (0)February 09, 2004
INSERT (heh huh heh huh heh... you said "insert") RICHARD GERE JOKE HERE
Not sure I have it in me to do short blogs... but running out of time since we're heading to the airport and heading home soon. So - in rapid fire form:
700 gerbils on the loose in Virginia after the van carrying them rolled over. You know, sometimes, the jokes just write themselves.
I TOLD YOU SO
Positive outlooks do not help cancer patients, a new study by Australian researchers concludes. So now all you Up With People optimists can just leave me the hell alone instead of telling me that I'd live longer if I stopped being so cynical all the time.
REAL GENIUSES...
... they got watching prisons in Nebraska, huh? So this guy makes a "gun" out of toilet paper, tape and black ink, and they let him escape a hospital? I guess the Keystone Kops are now Nebraska corrections officers.
NOT FEELING SO GOOD ABOUT FLYING AMERICAN TONIGHT
An American Airlines pilot decided that his passengers needed to be proselytized during a flight on Friday. It's not bad enough that Christians feel the need to shove their beliefs into our government through their puppet at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Now I have to worry about some jackass like this holding me captive on his plane? If AA doesn't fire this pilot, I'll be flying someone else from now on.
A GREAT IDEA
ESPN has an editorial this week that I find a brilliant idea. They articulated it better than I can... but the bottom line is that the best way to keep Jackie Robinson's memory alive is not to retire his number forever... it's to allow one player a year, and one player only - the one who's character shows the most and who's made the best lasting impression on teh larger community, to wear #42 for one season at a time. What an honor it would be to be selected to be the only #42 in the league for a year - and what a fitting way to make sure that people actively remember Jackie's courage and honor.
AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT...
Now, if you didn't know that this story was about oil 'burping' up in a woman's home through h