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February 19, 2004
A RANDOM COLLECTION OF USELESS RANTS
Just a series of random rantings tonight... I'm in something of a grouchy mood, because I have one heck of a nasty cold... I have become a phlegm machine, not that you wanted to know that but I'm telling you anyway. This cold is floating around the office, and it's landed on me now - settles in your head AND your chest. Also does wonderful things to your throat and voice - makes me sound like the bastard child of Kathleen Turner and Gollum. So it's a crabbier than usual Curmudgeon who's ranting tonight.
WHOOPS! PART 1
Yesterday's news, but I thought it worth bringing up - Bush's own people don't know how he does his math - the Administration is tripping over itself to backtrack off its claim of creating 2.6 million new jobs before the end of the year. Bush's own words on the matter? "I'm not a statistician. I'm not a predictor." Yeah, well, you're not a good president either, Rain Man. Next time, carry the one and double check your answers.
WHOOPS, PART 2
George Bush and the neocons' polticizing of intelligence has already cost the US intel community its credibility, and pretty much erased the validity of America's word anywhere in the globe. Now come reports that the Bush people are similarly politicizing science - at the expense of American scientific credibility around the world.
The report accuses the Bush administration of "systematically suppressing and distorting scientific information to further its political goals," according to the Washington Post. "Across a broad range of issues, the administration has undermined the quality of the scientific advisory system and the morale of the government's outstanding scientific personnel," says UCS Chairman Kurt Gottfried, an emeritus professor of physics at Cornell University.
According to the Post, "the statement -- whose signatories include 12 Nobel laureates, 11 winners of the National Medal of Science, three recipients of the prestigious Crafoord Prize, the heads of some of the country's leading universities and biomedical research institutes, and two former presidential science advisers -- calls for congressional hearings to look into the issue and a renewed administration commitment to public access to objective scientific information."
Great. First that buffoon from Texas cost us 500+ lives and every last shred of diplomatic credibility we have, all to advance his puppeteers' bizarre and dangerous world view. Now, he's doing the same thing to our scientific community. Is there no limit to the damage that jackass Bush can do to our country in only four short years? I swear, this administration is the singularly most destructive ever elected in American history. Oh, wait... they weren't elected. That's right, his daddy's friends on the Supreme Court installed him. I forgot. But I digress. How much more do people need to see out of this moron and the neocon cabal that controls him before they get utterly rejected for the reactionary sect that they are? Sheesh!
WHOOPS, PART 3
After gouging the American people for $61 million on a contract that they didn't even have to bid on, Dick Cheney's rich oil buddies aren't even fully doing the no-bid job they were hired to do, according to the Pentagon. Gee... is anyone really surprised? The contract was awarded as a reward to Cheney's former colleagues - that much is blatantly obvious at least to me. I don't see why it's a shocker that they're not doing what they were supposed to - kickbacks rarely involve work.
Whenever I hear some Republican argue that the government ought to be run more like a business... well, I look at Halliburton, I look at Enron (anyone notice that Bush contributor Kenneth Lay hasn't been touched yet even though every other Enron C-level executive has been indicted? Wonder why...), I look at WorldCom, Tyco, Adelphia, the NYSE and how it handled Grasso, ImClone, and so many of the others... and all I can think is, "Are you freakin' nuts?"
OH, CRUD... MY SECRET'S OUT!
Okay, just as I get everyone convinced that I've been going to the dentist recently because of a badly abcessed wisdom tooth (extraction in T-minus 6 days, for those keeping score at home), someone has to go and blow my cover.
A professor at American University has revealed that on the night of February 20, 1954, using the cover story of having an emergency dental appointment, President Dwight Eisenhower met with two space aliens at Edward AFB. The aliens offered Ike superior technology and spritual wisdom if we'd give up our nuclear weapons... but mindful of the Soviets, Ike declined, or so says this professor.
So I guess the time has come to tell you the truth. I don't have a bad tooth. All these trips to the dentist? Distractions offered to keep you busy while I pursued my real objective - meeting with representatives of an alien planet. Amazingly, these aliens all look like Liz Phair, Mary Louise Parker, and Jennifer Love Hewitt. They've offered me superior technology, spiritual wisdom, and the right to be transported to their planet for certain "favors" from multiple aliens of my choosing, depending on whether I'm in a Liz, Mary Louise or JLH mood that day. All I have to do is get Americans to stop driving cars. So for my sake, people... start riding your bikes to work!
Good grief... some colleges will hire anybody.
Okay, done ranting for the night. Back to producing phlegm at record levels. Oh yeah - you said you didn't need to know that. Never mind.
