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April 30, 2004
MORE EXAMPLES OF NEOCON GENIUS
It would be harder for me to pick on them if they'd quit saying and doing stupid stuff. Submitted for your approval:
Exhibit A: Paul Wolfowitz -- one of the architects of Bush's foreign policy and one of the most ardent hawks you'll ever find -- seems to be trying to minimize, at least in his own mind, the true costs of the Iraq war. Testifying at a hearing of a House Appropriations subcommittee, Wolfowitz was asked how many Americans have died in Iraq. His answer:
"It's approximately 500, of which ... approximately 350 are combat deaths," he responded."
Um, Paulie?? It's actually 722, with 521 combat deaths. If you're going to construct a foreign policy that cavalierly sends Americans to their deaths, at least do them the courtesy of keeping an accurate count. The saddest thing is that with Wolfowitz, you just never know whether it was just a mistake or willful misinformation.
Exhibit B: Donald Rumsfeld -- another of the most dangerous men in the world -- says that he's surprised at the hostility American forces have been greeted with in Iraq.
"I guess if you asked me a year ago, I would have expected that the word 'occupation' and the negative aspects of that would not have been assigned to us to the extent it has been," Rumsfeld said.
Excuse me? Arab culture is famous for resenting outsiders; we were going to be dropping bombs on the country and disrupting the most basic elements of life there. And this utter freaking moron didn't expect that we'd be seen negatively?
Back in 1961, the CIA was convinced that Fidel Castro was evil and that the Cuban people would rise up and revolt against him at the first sign of American intervention. They told the president this, and based on that assessment Kennedy authorized the Bay of Pigs invasion. Of course, as we all know, it never happened; the Cuban people stayed home and the invasion force was stranded and abandoned on the beach. It marked the greatest American foreign policy failure of the Cold War to that point.
Forty years later, Donald Rumsfeld, Paul Wolfowitz, Doug Feith, Dick Cheney and the rest of the neocon cabal seem to have been similarly convinced -- similarly mistakenly -- that the evil nature of our opponent would overrule the fact that we were an occupying force in a foreign land, and that we'd be welcomed by the population... just like the CIA assured Kennedy the Cuban people would welcome the invasion force back in 1961.
The result of their tunnel vision is the greatest American foreign policy failure of the post-Cold War era.
McCAIN WIELDS A HEAVY HAMMER
Proving once again why he is not only the best Republican in the country, but frankly one of the gutsiest and most principled politicians of our era, Senator John McCain today blasted the pathetic and partisan decision by the Sinclair Broadcast Group not to air tonight's episode of Nightline, which will feature the names and faces of the fallen from the Iraq war. And he didn't mince words -- he called out these gutless bastards for exactly what they are.
"Your decision to deny your viewers an opportunity to be reminded of war's terrible costs, in all their heartbreaking detail, is a gross disservice to the public, and to the men and women of the United States Armed Forces," McCain, a Vietnam veteran, wrote in a letter to David Smith, president and CEO of Sinclair Broadcast Group. "It is, in short, sir, unpatriotic. I hope it meets with the public opprobrium it most certainly deserves."
Why would a company choose not to memorialize the dead soldiers and Marines who gave their lives for our country? What could drive them to refuse to acknowledge such sacrifice? The answer's easy to find.
According to campaign finance records, four of Sinclair's top executives each have given the maximum campaign contribution of $2,000 to the Bush-Cheney re-election campaign. The executives have not given any donations to the campaign of Sen. John Kerry, the presumptive Democratic nominee, the records showed.
There you have it. This is a clear and blatant politicization of what are supposed to be your airwaves, my friends. They're yours, but Sinclair and other conservatives don't want you to hear anything that might make you think that George W. Bush has done a bad job or question his judgement. They're protecting Bush, and refusing to air anything that might threaten your perception of him.
So let's look at it more closely. Back in the old Soviet Union, the state broadcasting agency -- nominally independent but in fact controlled by, in league with, and doing the bidding of the ruling party -- would refuse to air programs they considered to be anti-state or critical of the Communist Party, its leaders, or its agenda. In the United States of America in 2004, broadcasting companies like ClearChannel and the Sinclair Group -- nominally independent but in fact in league with the ruling party both financially and ideologically -- refuses to air programs they consider to be critical of the Republican Party, its leader, or its agenda.
Seems a perfectly apt comparison to me.
DO AS I SAY, KIDS... NOT AS I DO
This story gave me what I can only describe as the most inappropriate laughing fit of the year today. The SpinDoc (who's sportin' a whole new look over in his corner of the blogsphere -- he revamped his entire site. His new layout makes my site look light years more amateurish -- it's a good thing my writing is so much better than his!) pointed this story out to me over instant messenger at work today... It sent me on a giggling fit that lasted a good two minutes and resulted in my having to read it aloud to several colleagues who were wondering what was so funny.
A DEA agent was invited to meet with a number of parents and children with the Orlando Minority Youth Golf Association to discuss and demonstrate gun safety. He began to show the audience how to be sure the gun was empty and therefore safe. You know where this is going, don't you?
He shot himself in the leg.
"The kids screamed and started to cry," said Vivian Farmer, who attended the presentation with her 13-year-old nephew... "But the point of gun safety hit home. Unfortunately, the agent had to get shot. But after seeing that, my nephew doesn't want to have anything to do with guns."
I guess it may say something about me that I giggled like a schoolgirl until tears welled in my eyes at a guy accidentally shooting himself. But how do you not laugh at a guy who gives a gun safety class and shoots himself in the process? Who do we have working for us in the DEA -- Inspector Clouseau? Austin Powers?
April 29, 2004
CHEVY CHASE AND BEVERLY D'ANGELO WILL STAR IN THE MOVIE
Sometimes, truth catches up to movie scripts. In a scene straight out of National Lampoon's Vacation, a woman drove around the country for days with her dead and decomposing mother in the car.
Sheriff's deputies found the woman's body Tuesday in a car parked outside a Wal-Mart store in the northeast Florida city of Palm Coast. The medical examiner ruled the 65-year-old woman had died of natural causes at least five days earlier.... Police went to investigate when other shoppers complained about the odor coming from the parked car.
They traced the auto registration and pieced together details of the trip from receipts found in the car. The women had lived together in Covington, Oklahoma, and left there several weeks ago. They traveled through Texas and North Carolina on the 1,300-mile trip to Florida, the investigators said. It was not clear if the mother died at a stop-off or in in the car.
Other reports suggest that the trip had taken so long because the woman had been following a red convertible sports car driven by Christie Brinkley all around the country.
Posted by Christopher at 10:27 PM | Comments (0)A HOPEFUL SIGN
A nation that put humankind on the moon and mapped the human genome also watches for an hour each week while a rich jerk tells some snot-nosed MBA "You're fired," and took weeks to vote that red-headed kid off American Idol. Such is the paradox that is America. We're smart enough to vote Bush out of the White House, but we're also dumb enough to put him back in. So I don't know what to expect in November.
But we do have some reasons to hope. Today's New York Times/CBS poll finds that Bush's approval numbers are at an all-time low -- and that more than half the country now says that invading Iraq was the wrong thing to do.
The poll said the Iraq war appeared to have hurt assessments of Bush -- his overall approval rating (46 percent), his rating on handling Iraq (41 percent) and his rating on handling foreign policy (40 percent) "are at the lowest points ever in this administration."
By the way, why did the marionette president insist on having puppeteer Cheney with him when he lied to -- I mean, when he testified in private to the 9/11 commission? Couldn't be because this administration has been lying since Day 1 about the attacks and Cheney had to be there to make sure Bush got his story straight, now could it? Naaaaaaaah.
UPDATE: HEATHER SPECYALSKI GETS OFF!
We all remember the case -- I told you about it a couple of months back. Well, the prosecution blew it. Frankly, they sucked. The defendant appeared headed for jail, but in a case that will go down in history, Heather Specyalski has been acquitted of manslaughter. The jury believed Ms. Specyaliski when she said she could not have been driving the BMW (surprisingly, not a Hummer) because she had been otherwise engaged.
"It's finally over," Specyalski told the Hartford Courant. "There is a weight lifted off my shoulders. I have my whole life in front of me and I just want to get back to being a mom."
Weight lifted off her shoulders? Somebody stop me.
Being a mom? Yeah, how'd you like to be her kid on the playground tomorrow? "Hey Jimmy, can your mom give me a ride home from school today?"
TRUTH IN ADVERTISING
So many products are sold via misleading or false advertising... so it was heart-warming to read about this Washington company that tells the truth in its labeling.
Labels on most of the backpacks, messenger and laptop bags made and sold by Tom Bihn have his company's contact information along with washing instructions in English and French along with a message reading: "Nous sommes desoles que notre president soit un idiot. Nous n'avons pas vote pour lui."
The translation reads: "We are sorry that our president is an idiot. We did not vote for him."
The best part? Since they started using these labels, bag sales have doubled. I guess truth in advertising really does work. To buy a bag, go here.
THE ULTIMATE HYPOCRITES
You've gotta wonder about the megalomaniacal motives of a political party that criticizes a remembrance of war dead for fear that the memorial might damage their political agenda. Just another example of the true colors of the Republican Party.
A HERO STEPS UP IN THE SENATE
For the longest time, I have argued strenuously that what Democrats need more than anything else is for one of our number to stand up and take it to the hypocritical, phony, slanderous Republicans by fighting fire with fire -- hitting them as hard as they hit us, with the same tactics and same tone of disdain. No more of this "respect for the process" or "honorable process" crap -- kick the ever-living bastards right between the legs with as much as we can muster. Usually, Democrats don't hit back as hard as we could -- which just floors me, since there is so much to hit these lying traitors with. But today, on the Senate floor, finally, one of the party leaders fought back.
Senator Frank Lautenberg of New Jersey -- all 80 years of age of him -- stood in the Senate and called out Dick Cheney for the cowardly blowhard that he is, after draft-dodger Cheney had the chutzpah to question Vietnam vet Kerry's service in battle. A few of my favorite excerpts:
In a scathing speech on the Senate floor, Lautenberg, D-New Jersey, said that he did not think politicians should be judged by whether they had military service but added that "when those who didn't serve attack the heroism of those who did, I find it particularly offensive."
"We know who the chicken hawks are. They talk tough on national defense and military issues and cast aspersions on others," he said. "When it was their turn to serve where were they? AWOL, that's where they were."
Lautenberg pointed to a poster with a drawing of a chicken in a military uniform defining a chickenhawk as "a person enthusiastic about war, provided someone else fights it."
"They shriek like a hawk, but they have the backbone of the chicken," he said.
"The lead chickenhawk against Sen. Kerry [is] the vice president of the United States, Vice President Cheney," Lautenberg said. "He was in Missouri this week claiming that Sen. Kerry was not up to the job of protecting this nation. What nerve. Where was Dick Cheney when that war was going on?"
Senator Lautenberg, you are my hero. Thank god someone finally called them what they are and read it into the national record. I swear, I'd like to move to New Jersey just for the privlege of voting for him. Bush and Cheney indeed have the backbones of chickens... and I'm thrilled and inspired that someone said so in the offical record of the US Senate.
Posted by Christopher at 12:00 AM | Comments (0)April 28, 2004
AND THESE ARE THE GUYS WE DID IT FOR
To do a short, SpinDoc style blog... these are the guys that George Bush & Dick Cheney chose to believe in Iraq... and they're the ones Bush and company want to put in power in Iraq. Chalabi pulled off a bigger hoax than Orson Welles' War of the Worlds -- I think Leonardo diCaprio may play him when they make "Catch Me If You Can 2: Iraq Boogaloo." Read about the crooked thugs George Bush calls friends.
MORE PERSPECTIVE ON DEATH IN WAR
With so much attention rightfully paid to the heroic sacrifice of Pat Tillman, a few military folks have been concerned that the sacrifices of the average soldier are being overlooked. One officer who was concerned is a man named Robert L. Bateman. Eric Alterman turned over his "Altercation" column to Mr. Bateman today so that Bateman could remember one of his soldiers who has paid the ultimate price in Iraq. His moving tribute to Sgt. First Class Bradley Fox concludes with the lines,
Pat Tillman was a great football player, and he was doubtless a good soldier. I honor his service. But it takes nothing away from him for me to say... he was no Bradley Fox.
Only one who's been there -- and honoring one who died there -- has the right to say anything like that. But after reading the piece, I think you'll mourn Fox's loss as much as or more as Tillman's... and once again you'll understand the horrible cost of war. Further insight into what this war is like can be found in this Washington Post piece on the doctors who are caring for our wounded soldiers -- and how hard it is for them to deal with the horrific number of brain injuries that are resulting from this war. It's a very, very sad story -- if you're not at least somber and pensive after reading this, if not choking up -- then there's no emotion left in you.
We all know that there are sometimes wars that, sadly, must be fought -- and that the fighting must be done by trained professional soliders and Marines and sailors and airmen, whose skills make us all safer even as we pray they never have to use them. But even when the times come for these wars, even when we face a war that must be fought ... we ought to approach them somberly and with sadness rather than exploit them for political gain, or diminish them with cowboy-like tough talk and swagger into little more than proxy ours-are-bigger-than-theirs contests.
Bless the soul of First Sgt. Bradley Fox -- and thank you.
I STAND CORRECTED
A couple of weeks ago, I told you that one of the big reasons I hate New York is because of the ridiculously inflated cost of living here -- the fact that you are expected to pay for the so-called privilege of living here. In that rant, I cited housing prices from the city, and said that I was sure Westchester's average approached that of Queens (around $385K, I believe) or Brooklyn (around $438K if memory serves).
Well, I was wrong. I'm sorry. As it turns out, the average house price in Westchester County does not approach those figures. It blows them the hell away.
The numbers for Westchester came out today. The average price of a house in the county I live in is $574,900. That's right. For the so-called privilege of living amongst the pretentiously self-important, you must pay well over half a million dollars for an average house -- not huge, just average. And then my bosses wonder why I am so despondent at the idea of staying here for a career... why the very concept makes me want to just take an X-acto knife to my eyelids and eyeballs and then go bobbing for barbed-wire apples in habanero tobasco sauce.
The average condominium, by the way, prices out at $312,450. Ahh... much more affordable... right. Gee, what was I upset about?
GEE, I'M STUNNED
Gosh, what a shocker. New York's Republican mayor's administration has denied people of their Constitutional right to free aseembly -- denying an anti-war group's request for a permit to hold an anti-war rally in Central Park during the GOP national convention here. Their reason? The rally would be "too big."
What? To paraphrase a line from our friend Pete last week (he was much more descriptive than I)... What the freaking freak?
Yep, that's the ruling. The anticipated rally -- 80,000 plus or more are expected -- would be too big, and thus cannot be allowed.
Lemme see if I have this straight. During a Republican convention that was cynically located and timed to exploit the anniversary of the September 11 attacks, a very large group of law-abiding Americans wants to protest George Bush's lies, deceit, exaggeration, and the fact that he has caused the death of more than 700 American military with his Halliburton War... and this group isn't allowed to exercise its Constitutional rights because... the group would be too big? This from the same city that allowed a free concert by Dave Matthews last year with donations to benefit the NYC schools? And from the same city that allowed a concert by Simon and Garfunkel in the 80s that drew 400,000?
Just one more example of how the Republican Party operates outside of the US Constitution whenever it must, doing whatever it needs to do in order to hang on to its illegally gotten power.
April 26, 2004
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT ALREADY!
Sheesh! Let a guy try to make his mark in the world and see what happens! After a few comments from people (Shari, Erika, MG) and a couple of other e-mails, I guess it's going to be harder to stop doing this than I thought. Actually, it's very flattering to have people complaining about not being able to read my writing - thank you, guys.
However -- I still do have every intention of writing a novel, in fact I am even more determined now. So, I'll make you a deal... I'll try to post as frequently as possible, maybe even keep up the daily blogging, but I won't be able to do as many as usual. Maybe like one or two subjects per day... okay? Will you guys get off my back now? (grin) Seriously, thanks for the nice words -- I do appreciate them -- and I'll try not to abandon you.
But if never write my novel now and end up stuck miserably working for The Man and writing in relative anonymity for the rest of my life, I know who to blame. (grin)
Quick thoughts:
THERE'S NOT A JAIL CELL CRUEL ENOUGH St. Louis Rams defensive end Leonard Little was arrested and charged with felony DUI and speeding Monday in Ladue, Missouri. That's bad enough -- driving under the influence is unacceptable under any circumstances anyway. But what makes this case truly galling is that this is Little's second such arrest... the first came in 1998, after he'd drunkenly gotten into an accident that killed a woman. Somehow he was allowed to plea bargain down to involuntary manslaughter, served an 8 game sentence, and returned to the field.
See, it's crap like this that makes me unable to watch much pro sports now. This guy is a freakin' slimeball; he killed another human being. And yet because he's got mad phat skillz, some jackass coach and organization let him keep playing football. And clearly, he's learned nothing.
For one, Leonard Little should be permanently thrown out of the NFL, and his pension revoked. No games over suspensions, no plea bargaining. In this game, it ought to be two strikes, you're out. And he's given up his right both to play in this league and to reap the financial benefits of having done so. His pension should legally be delivered each month to the family of the woman he killed. The St. Louis Rams should also be forced to donate Little's salary to a drunk driving education program in St. Louis. And Little? He's best left to a cellmate named "Blade" who once lost a child to a drunken driver. I hope this jackass gets thrown in prison, and gets the Jeffrey Dahmer treatment while there (ie, knifed by a fellow inmate while unsympathetic guards sit and watch him bleed). In a sports world full of jerks, this guys is by far one of those least deserving of an un-forcibly sodomized existence.
I TOLD YOU SO
The noose tightens: Barry Bonds was not only asked to testify to the grand jury in the BALCO trial, but now it is coming out that he was in fact provided the steroid THG by Victor Conte. Sure, it's only a report right now... for now. But the noose gets tighter and tighter, and it's becoming harder and harder to deny it or to save his asterisk-laden reputation. This juiced up 'roid freak is soon to get his... and it won't have happened to a nice guy.
April 25, 2004
CHANGE COMES TO CURMUDGEONLAND
One of the more pleasant developments in my world over the last few months has been the way this blog has been received. I started this thing back in late July of last year primarily as a writing exercise to keep myself sharp. (I know how weird it sounds for a guy who writes for a living to say he needed an exercise to stay sharp... but trust me, years of business writing can -- and will -- take their toll on a writer's creativity; and I was legitimately afraid that I was losing my ability to write anything that a non-shareholder would care to read.)
Along the way, I discovered a few vehicles -- BlogWise, Blogorama, BlogCritics -- and exchanged links with a few friends (most notably Spin Doc, Tim, Marine's Girl, Pete, and JoFish). I've had the pleasure of making some new friends as new people have come 'round 'Mudgeonland, some of you caring enough (or being angered enough) to share comments on some of the posts. I suspect a lot of my hits are still just me refreshing or dropping in to see how many people have dropped by (I am a true hit-whore, I admit it, I watch the number), but be that as it may my hit count has still now cleared 15,000 -- more than 10,000 since Valentine's Day. Knowing that people I didn't know were actually bothering to read what I had to rant about just made me want to rant some more... and I have tried to write at least something every day as a result.
That daily writing -- as well as the very flattering comments that some of you have left -- has made me a more confident writer. And that confidence, combined with a number of developments in other corners of my world, has convinced me that it's finally time to do what I've always wanted to/said I could do: write my novel. I'm not 100% sure what it will be about (though you can be sure I'll take my pokes at big business and feature a couple of right wing heavies [grin])... I will need to spend some time doing plot, storyline and character development before I even write a page. But it's time to do it. I've always said that I want to be a novelist someday. Well, too many somedays have come and gone -- I have waited long enough, and feared the effort long enough. But I suppose I have had just enough experience now to be able to give it a shot. It may never get published; I may never even get an agent to read my stuff. But I've been writing 25-30 pages of stories and then letting them die for 15 years now. It's time to write one, start to finish, and get it out there in front of an agent to see what might happen. And now that I've gotten in the habit of writing every day, I think I'm actually ready.
The flipside to this is that in order to focus on writing whatever my novel turns out to be, I will by necessity need to cut back on blogging. There's only 24 hours in day, and I give 10 or 11 of 'em at the office to my corporate masters... lose another 1.5 to my commute each day, and another 6 or 7 to sleep. Doesn't leave much time for writing, so I need to make whatever writing I do count. I'm not killing this site; there'll be times when something happens that I just need to rant about, and I have grown far too accustomed to exchanging thoughts with the folks who've cared enough to come here. I'll still post from time to time. But I'm going to focus most of my attention and creativity elsewhere for now. And since I'll be blogging less often, I just wanted to say thank you to all of you who've made the time to read this site... for making me think, and for helping make me a better writer. I still hope you'll come back from time to time -- don't give up on me completely! Thanks, guys... and I'll see you on the NY Times' Bestseller List.
'Mudge
QUICK VULTURE UPDATE
Well, it's April 25. And against all odds -- not to mention my six season record of mostly futility -- the Vultures have not moved from their perch in first place, having settled there on April 8. There have been, for all intents and purposes, 20 days in this baseball season, and the Vultures have been in first for the last 16 of them. The good news is that despite a protracted hitting slump, a stolen bases drought and a complete lack of saves from my relievers, the Vultures have remained remarkably consistent in the standings. We haven't sunk below 123 points, and haven't risen above 130. (Since the max is 168, and since the highest I've ever seen anyone is around the 134 mark, I felt pretty durn cool about peaking at 130 for the day we were there.)
Best of all, perhaps, the rest of the league seems to be jockeying -- for the moment -- for places two through five. No one has put together a solid or protracted enough run to dance too close to the Vultures' nest at the top. The 57'ers got within 10 points of us for a day, but generally the lead seems to hold steady between 15 and 23 points. As of this morning, the lead stands at 17 points; the Vultures have 125.5, Mister Baseball is in second with 108.5, followed by the 57'ers with 107.0. Surprisingly, those are the only three teams above 100 points right now... while it's early, it seems to be an emerging fact that the league is more balanced this year than in previous seasons, when five or six teams have been strong enough to flirt with 100 points, and three or four being bad enough to feel lucky if they clear 80. (That's been me from 2001-2003, by the way... no false claims of glory from me.) The Diamond Dogs, Tim's Hazzard County Dukes, and the Ivy Giant are locked in a fierce battle for the 4 through 6 slots, with 94.5, 94.0, and 93.0 points respectively.
I won't bore you with further deep analysis (believe me, I could... I just deleted two paragraphs' worth). But suffice it to say that it is shaping up to be a competitive, possibly very fun summer in fantasy baseball land for the Vultures... and that's one of about four things in the world that could un-mudgeon the 'Mudge. (The other three being: winning a $100 million-plus MegaMillions lottery; Kerry routing the First Disgrace by at least six points in November; and Britney & Jennifer Love Hewitt saying, "you can stay in here with us.")
April 24, 2004
REST IN PEACE, PAT
As you all know by now, former Arizona Cardinals star Pat Tillman, who walked away from a multi-million dollar NFL career to become an Army Ranger in the aftermath of 9/11, was killed in action on Thursday in Afghanistan. He was 27.
Pat Tillman walked away from a $3.6 million dollar contract with the Cardinals, because he felt that he needed to do something after the attacks on America. It wasn't something he did for attention or as an empty gesture. In fact, he never granted a single interview about his decision; he refused all media attention once in the military, and wanted nothing more than to be treated the same as his fellow Rangers.
This week, he joined the too-long list of Rangers who have given their lives in America's service. Pat Tillman's death was no more tragic than any of these deaths, nor those of any American service member in this or any other war. And the last thing Pat Tillman would have wanted, I suspect, given what we know of his character and the humility with which he treated his choice, is to be singled out in death for something he wished anonymity for in life. So let it be his military legacy, then, that he was a good soldier, a hero who died fighting for his country as so many Rangers before him, no more and no less than any of his fellow soldiers. If that is how he wanted it, then let us honor that wish.
But let his legacy as an athlete be much more than this. Let Pat Tillman serve, to this and future generations of athletes, of what heroism really is -- and of the humility with which an athlete ought to carry him or herself.
So often when we talk about sports, we use terms like "warrior," "battle," and others that liken sporting contests to combat. Oh yeah, and we use "hero" all the time. But there isn't a single accomplishment, not a career's achievement, not any superhuman moment in sports -- no matter how impressive they may be -- that compares. Least of all in today's age, when professional athletes have become self-segregated from the rest of society, and in an era where individual athletes many times prefer self-glorification to team success or to setting an example.
See, when I think of heroes from the sports world, I don't think of the trouble-flouting, above-the-rules types like Ray Lewis. I don't think of the self-centered, all-about-me types like Barry Bonds, Allen Iverson, or Randy Moss. I don't even think of the classier athletes out there, like a Nomar Garciaparra or a Derek Jeter, a Kevin Garnett or a Tom Brady. I just think of the Tillman brothers. (Pat's brother Kevin also walked away from a promising baseball career with the Cleveland Indians to join the military.)
Not only did Pat Tillman choose to put himself in harm's way in defense of our nation; he turned down more money than most Americans see in their lifetimes to do so. That's a sacrifice few can understand, and even fewer of those with that kind of money would ever make.
Compare that with whiny little babies like Eli Manning, whose daddy apparently forgot that playing in the NFL -- for any team -- is a privilege and a dream that most little boys never even have the chance for... so he basically blackmailed San Diego into trading his son to New York. Compare it to Alex Rodriguez, who loves each and every one of his $252 million dollars and who has placed himself over his team in every city he's ever played. Compare it to Allen Iverson, who has run three coaches out of town because he doesn't want to take orders from anyone and has famously railed angrily about his being asked to show up for practice. Compare it to Randy Moss, who says he only plays hard when he feels like it and no one can make him do otherwise. Compare it to the NFL players who thump their chests with every five yard gain -- even when their team needed eight yards. Compare it with Barry Bonds, whose me-first attitude, likely steroid abuse and general acknowledgement as just a bad person have kept the public from embracing what should have been a monumental set of achievements.
Pat Tillman was part of a proud legacy as a member of the US Army Rangers. He is part of a similarly proud legacy in American sports -- those players who answered when their country called, even at the expense of their athletic careers. All the attention focused on Bonds breaking Willie Mays' mark of 660 obscured the fact that had Mays not lost most of the 1952 and all of the 1953 seasons while serving in Korea, he would not only have hit more than 660, he more than likely would have been the one to pass Babe Ruth's record.
The further truth is, Mays may have become the most prolific home run hitter in baseball history, but if not for the five seasons at the peak of his career that Ted Williams gave his country during World War II and Korea, it may well have been his home run record and not Babe Ruth's that Mays might have broken.
In an age of excess, greed, and self-glorification, it had felt and seemed like such selflessness was forever removed from sports and from athletes. But then came Pat Tillman. And he reminded us of what heroes truly our made of. Eli Manning, Terrell Owens, Randy Moss, Barry Bonds, Shawn Kemp, Allen Iverson, Alex Rodriguez and all the others should feel humbled -- and unworthy -- to be mentioned in the same breath simply because they shared athletic skill. Not one of them has the guts and heart that Pat Tillman had.
I'm thrilled to read that the Cardinals will retire Tillman's number, and will be naming the plaza outside their new stadium the Pat Tillman Freedom Memorial Plaza. It's a fitting memorial to his tremendous courage, and will serve as a reminder to players and fans alike of who the true heroes are.
Thank you, Mr. Tillman.
FROM A STORY OF COURAGE, TO ONE OF COWARDICE
Don't know why I am surprised by this... not like anyone should expect anything but hypocrisy and gutlessness from George W. Bush. But somehow, he's managed to trump himself even further.
We all know that the reason he doesn't want photos of flag draped caskets coming home from Iraq is because such photos will drive home the human cost of Bush's Halliburton War, reminding everyone in America that young people are dying every day to sate the Bush family bloodlust for Saddam Hussein and the oil cronies' lust for profit. But what really gets me is the blatant phoniness Bush shows in his stances.
He tries to whitewash his opposition to those photos by citing the right to privacy of the families of our military. "We must pay attention to the privacy of the families. That's what the policy is based on," White House spokesman Trent Duffy told reporters, describing that as "our first priority." Oh? So how was it, then, that before the military had even confirmed Pat Tillman's death, Bush was issuing a statement praising Tillman's patriotism and sacrifice? Didn't the Tillman family deserve privacy too? Or did their right to privacy go out the door as soon as Bush had a flag to wrap himself in and an image of courage and valor to hide behind?
Bush's pathetic attempt to bask in the glory of Pat Tillman's courage was an insult. Then again, this is the same guy who ducked out and went AWOL on his cushy National Guard assignment -- the one he scored to avoid going to Vietnam... named a gutless coward like Dick Cheney (who has said that he "had other priorities than military service") as his VP... and then has the utter audacity to call into question the nature of the wounds and the validity of the medals earned by Senator Kerry in Vietnam! (These are also the guys -- Bush and Rove -- who spread rumors during the 2000 campaign that John McCain's 5 1/2 years as a POW in Vietnam had affected him to the point where he might not be psychologically sound enough to be the president.) All you ever need to know about George W. Bush's character vs. John Kerry's character can be found right here.
Dodge Vietnam, but question the courage and commitment of those who went there. Claim concern for military families, but cloak yourself in their honor when it serves you. Yeah, what a proud record this guy has. George W. Bush is a coward, a disgrace, has no character to speak of, and is shamelessly trying to make himself look good by sucking on the honor of our military like the parasite that he is.
A GREAT COLUMN ON SPORTSMANSHIP
John Kruk has always been one of my favorite baseball players. He permanently won a place in my heart as a member of the 1993 Phillies that went to the World Series. You remember them, don't you -- the mullet-wearing, no-shaving, pot-belly-having, chew-spittin' guys who looked more like the guys you play softball with than professional baseball players, yet still won the National League pennant in 1993?
Anyway, Kruk has since retired, and become a sports analyst on cable -- first for Fox (which almost cost him my loyalty -- no one working for that network on anything except The Simpsons is above contempt) and now for ESPN. He wrote a column this week about what he sees in baseball players today, and I couldn't agree with him more. (Kruk is 43 and only retired in 1995, not like he's too many generations removed from the game... and yet this generation of players only ten years later has changed and forgotten to respect the game.) The part I especially loved about this column was this:
Do you people out there see how many players are standing and watching their home runs? I know some players think this is a job, but it isn't. It's a game. And everyone who plays this game is taught at a young age to respect your teammates and your opponents. Barry Bonds watches home runs. But Bonds has over 600 home runs and he's breaking records. So the rest of you put your head down and take your bases.
Guys like Karim Garcia on the Mets, Orlando Cabrera of the Expos and Matt Lawton of the Indians -- they're not bad players, but they're not good enough to stand there and watch home runs. With today's smaller ballparks and the watered-down pitching, you don't need to be a home run hitter to hit a home run. So relax, you're not as special as you think you are... Is that what baseball is coming to now? Just another "me first" sport? "Hey, everybody, look at me! Look what I did!" I thought part of sports was sportsmanship? I don't see much of that anymore.
Other than him granting Bonds a flyer, I love it. But he's wrong on Bonds. Sportsmanship is sportsmanship -- do you mean to tell me that good athletes don't need to show respect to their opponents? Bonds is the poorest sport in all of professional athletics right now. But he's by far not the only one. And it's great to have a guy like Kruk pointing out just what punks many of today's players are.
BILLY AND BOBBY, SITTING IN A TREE
I will say this for New York... you do see some weird (stuff) here that you would never see anywhere else. Where else in the world could you turn on the TV after work and see live coverage of a a transsexual and her/his teenage boyfriend holding police at bay from the top of a tree in the middle of town? I mean, really?
The best part of this story is the descriptions. The couple, described by officials as a 32-year-old transsexual with female breasts wearing a purple thong and a 17-year-old boy in white boxer shorts, were admitted to the hospital for psychiatric evaluation.
Man, far be it from me to rip on anyone else's dating habits. Lord knows my friends have had enough trouble trying to figure out what I was doing dating some of the women I have... and I am sure that Spin Doc and Tim will be all too happy to fill the comment section on this post with some of my less-than-proud moments. (Be gentle, guys... remember that my mom reads this blog! [grin]) But man... a transsexual with female breasts and a purple thong, up a tree? It doesn't get much funnier than that.
Actually, it does. Because here's a picture of the incident:
WANNA SEE A GROWN MAN'S HEAD EXPLODE?
You just might, if the Red Sox beat the Yankees Sunday, thus completing a three game sweep of the Yankees by the Sox -- in the Bronx.
As a Sox fan, even though winning 5 of 6 (possibly 6 of 7) from New York early on is something I'm very happy with, I am smart enough to realize that it's very early, and that anything can happen this season -- there are still 144 games to be played, and it's far too early to be drawing anything other than temporary satusfaction from anything that happens this month.
But George Steinbrenner's not that smart. If his team loses 6 of 7 to -- and gets swept at home by -- the Red Sox, Georgie Warbucks will go into an utter, frothing, spewing, crzed panic. He will seethe and boil over and do something stupid... make a dumb trade or monkey with his roster or his manager even worse than usual. And short of winning the World Series, I can think of nothing in baseball that would give me greater pleasure than watching Steinbrenner burst the capillaries in his eyeballs while they bulge out of their sockets, as he throws a massive tantrum that we can only hope will cost his team its ability to compete.
Way to go, Red Sox!
April 22, 2004
GOD BLESS THE USA
There's been yet another shameful example of the chilling atmosphere of clampdowns on basic Constitutioanl freedoms that the Bush Administration has not only allowed, but encouraged to exist. A woman in Seattle was fired from her job with a defense contractor for releasing photos of the flag draped coffins of American service members returning from Iraq after having died in the service of their country. These photos exist elsewhere in the public domain -- leading the Pentagon to angrily call for a crackdown on the taking and releasing of such photos.
The stated reason for this policy is to protect the dignity of our servicememebers and prevent the sensationalizing of their deaths. But I have a few problems with this line of defense. One, the reason that those soldiers come home covered in the flag of our country is to acknowledge the sacrifice they made for it - and for us. I think it is unfair to deny these soliders that attention -- and unfair to deny the public the right to acknowledge these heroes. The photos are a somber reminder of the risks and sacrifices -- including the ultimate sacrifice -- that our military makes, and I think these guys deserve my being reminded of what they did, and having to take a moment to think about them when I see the photo. Preventing the release of these photos turns military dead into anonymous, under-the-rug statistics... and that's not right. We should all realize -- whether we oppose the war or support it -- that the sacrifices made are very real, made by real people whose loved ones will never be the same for their loss. These guys deserve to be real in the eyes of their countrymen.
My second problem is that the servicemen who died originally signed up for the military to defend and protect the ideals and freedoms of this country -- and among the most precious of those freedoms are freedom of speech and freedom of the press. It's a slap in the face to their memories for the Bush Pentagon to use them to deny those very freedoms to the American people. If you were to die by rushing into a burning building to save a kid, and then I got drunk at your funeral and ran the kid down in my car, you would have died for nothing and I would have dishonored your memory. That's what the Bush Pentagon is doing... running down the freedoms that our military died in the service of. What an insult.
And the third problem is this: the real reason they're doing it is to protect Bush. As long as military dead are anonymous statistics and not real people... as long as any attention paid to them can be blamed on the so-called liberal media's focus on morbidity... well, then the American people can be distracted from the real, human costs of Bush's war. But if we see, day after day, American military and defense personnel returning home for the last time covered in the American flag? Well, then it forces reality into our eyes. We can't ignore it anymore or idealize it. See that, and the war comes home to all of us every day. And that's something Bush fears. (They're remembring Vietnam in more ways than one over in the Bush White House.)
Americans are a brave and gallant people, and when the cause is just we will make any sacrifice and will gladly gives our lives in the service of that cause. But when the cause is suspect, when our leaders' motivations for a war are less than pure... Americans are just as brave in that we do not fear. nor do we hesitate, to question our leaders and call them out on their brash and foolhardy mistakes. So they only choice left to the Bush Administration is to hide the stark truth from the American people -- even at the expense of the memories of the very soldiers they sent into battle... one final insult from an Administration that sent them into battle under false pretenses and doesn't even try to hide it anymore.
Today, wherever you are, stop for a moment and think about the military and defense personnel who are in Iraq... both those who've died and those still fighting over there. Thank 'em for what they've done and what they gave. Don't let Bush's Pentagon keep you from recognizing what these guys have done. Pray if you do... if you're not relgious, just ponder. But don't let 'em be anonymous, and don't deny them the hero's remembrance they deserve.
I ATE HIS LIVER... WITH SOME FAVA BEANS AND A NICE CHALUPA
A tamale chef in western Mexico has found a great new secret ingredient for his concoctions. Unfortunately for him (and his customers), the ingredient turns out to be illegal: his drinking buddy.
Authorities are uncertain whether Carlos Machuca was actually making tamales or merely trying to dispose of the body of his friend. What is indisputable is this: Officers found a man's mutilated corpse in the living room and body parts simmering in aluminum saucepans on the patio, state prosecutors told Reuters.
No word on whether officers Jose Pembry and Juan Burke are guarding him. Also no word on whether the victim's name was Benjamin Raspail.
I think the best thing about this story, however, was turned in by the reporter. After discussing how Machuca stabbed his buddy through the heart while drinking together, and repeating authorities' suspicions about what was in last night's special at Machuca's restaurant... the reporter follows up with an explanation of how tamales are normally made! What, this is just in case a reader happens upon the story and gets a craving or feels hungry after reading it? "Hmm, that was an awful story about cannibalism ... but now that you mention it, a tamale would just be smashing right about now?" And they say journalism is a dying art!
Oh, and Senator?? Love your suit.
NEW SITE ON THE BLOCK
As you know, I like to point out new sites or encourage new faces or friends of mine whenever I can. Well, I learned today that my friend and colleague Larry G has a bulletin board/chat site dedicated to the Beatles (he's a huge Ringo fan). He's a conservative, but he's an okay guy so we let it slide. If you're a Beatle fan and are looking for other Beatle fans, head over to The Beatle Blog by the LarryGSpot. And tell him the 'Mudge sent you.
And Larry? The No No Song would have made my top 25 list, but it came out in the Gouda Period, so you -- and Ringo -- were spared.
April 20, 2004
WORST. SONGS. EVER.
Blender magazine and VH1 have compiled a list of the 50 worst songs ever... the whole list is to be revealed on a VH1 special on May 12.
Their list inspired me, and I decided to compile my own. I had a couple of prerequisite qualifications... one, all songs from 1971-1975 were immediately disqualified: that five year stretch was so full of cheese -- in music, in fashion, in television, in everything -- that it should be called the Gouda Period. By definition and point of origin, 95% of all songs from this time period were hideously cheesy (exceptions being anything by James Taylor or the Eagles, "Dream On" by Aerosmith, and some of Elton John's work), and were too slam dunk to include on my list. (You can bet that "The Night Chicago Died," "Billy Don't Be a Hero," and "Croccodile Rock" would otherwise have made the list.) The second rule was that songs intended to be cheesy or novelty songs were also too obvious to be included (thus eliminating "Macarena," "Convoy," and "Pac Man Fever").
I'm sure I missed a bunch; music history is littered with flotsam and jetsam, songs people are embarrassed years later to admit that they liked. But here are my nominees for the P. Diddy Lifetime Achievement Award in Crappy Music.
25. Boogie Oogie Oogie, A Taste Of Honey The most childish song title ever (most childish band honors go to Kajagoogoo). Not only that, but it was a freakin' awful song.
24. When The Children Cry, White Lion This is your brain. This is your brain when dropouts try social commentary. Any questions?
23. You Light Up My Life, Debby Boone It wasn't the first poorly written, schmaltzy love song. It wasn't the last. It was just the worst.
22. I've Never Been To Me, Charlene No song written as part of someone's therapy should ever be released as a single. Ever. 14 year old girl poetry is better than this drudge about some chick being undressed by kings and sipping champagne on a yacht. Hey, honey? If you've been knockin' boots with royalty and flitting about on yachts, your life is pretty damn fulfilled. You're self-discovered already; quit bitching.
21. In Da Club, 50 Cent Not on the list on its own "unmerits" so much as for representing an entire genre. I'm just flat out sick of "artists" who mistake street grammar, boasts about toughness, and explicit references to sexual prowess for talent. Yeah, yeah, I get it. You're tough, you have street cred and you score lots of women. Yawn. And by the way, deliberately misspelling your titles doesn't make you phat, it just makes you look stoopid.
20. Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go, Wham! The only song in history to use "yo-yo" as a rhyme in the chorus, and a song that stands out for its cheesiness in an era of kitsch.
19. Far From Over, Frank Stallone Question for the ages: which is worse, Frank's singing or Sly's acting?
18. Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?, Culture Club Yes. For this song? Yes, I do.
17. Mickey, Toni Basil Cheerleaders do not belong in a top ten chart unless it's one of those movies. What's next - "We Got Spirit?"
16. Spill The Wine, Eric Burdon & War Makes the list simply for including the phrase, "overfed, long haired, leaping gnome" in the lyrics.
15. Mambo #5, Lou Bega Talent was #2. I could have used a little bit of stomach flu in his life.
14. Wannabe, Spice Girls. What I really, really wanted was for Baby Spice to be the one with the nekkid pictures.
13. Vision of Love, Mariah Carey Introduced the "Look, I can squeak like a dolphin" school of vocals to pop music. Dogs within a 200 mile radius come running when they hear this song.
12. Do You Feel Like I Do, Peter Frampton Frampton Comes Alive! Frampton Uses Cheesy Synth Device! Frampton Sucks!
11. Silly Love Songs, Paul McCartney Marks the official point at which Paul stopped being a former Beatle and started being embarassing.
10. I Will Always Love You, Whitney Houston Okay song when Dolly did it, but Whitney's version had way too much stooo-ooh-OOH-uh-ooh-OOH-pid over the top vocal inflection.
9. Free Bird, Lynyrd Skynyrd The song that launched 1000 lighters; the NASCAR quotient alone puts this in the top ten. The whole southern rock genre makes me want to call up General Sherman and ask if he's busy.
8. We Built This City, Starship The musical equivalent of a skid row bum, this was the example of the once proud band falling on hard times and wandering the streets drunk and in need of a shower. For this song she should have to change her name to "Fall From Grace Slick."
7. Rico Suave, Gerardo Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrico... Suckay. Proved once and for all that talentless cheesy performers could cross over into all genres of music.
6. Achy Breaky Heart, Billy Ray Cyrus Of course, everyone always remembers The Mullet That Ate Nashville. But look beyond the single worst haircut of all time, and you find juvenile lyrics and a lame riff. Hall of Fame levels of suckitude.
5. Back To Life, Soul II Soul This song single-handedly began my hate-hate relationship with hip-hop.
4. Ice, Ice Baby, Vanilla Ice White guys rapping isn't embarrassing in and of itself. But white posers with crappy hair cuts who invent a false motocross resume are embarassing. Dude... you lied about your background to give yourself more street cred, and all you could come up with was being a motocross champion?
3. The Greatest Love of All, Whitney Houston I believe that rehab is my future...
2. My Heart Will Go On, Celine Dion On the soundtrack to the worst movie of all time. Also on the soundtrack in Hell. This song is featured in the Fox television special, "When Over-Emoters Attack!"
And my #1 worst song ever is:
Desert Moon, Dennis DeYoung I mean no offense to Mr. DeYoung; I'm sure he's a nice guy and all. But when you take an inexplicable desire to bring Broadway-like storytelling to pop music -- minus Meatloaf's tongue-in-cheek self-awareness -- you get a cheesy, overwrought, melodramatic piece of schlock about meeting up with your first love. The lyrics are as painful as a Bush press conference, and the video quite possibly was the lamest ever to run on MTV.
There you have 'em - my 25 worst songs ever. If I listed one of your favorites and you're all upset, too bad... I am sure that your list of 25 would contain one or two of my favorites. But that's the beauty of music... everyone is free to choose their own sucky songs as guilty pleasures. In the meantime, I'd love to hear your thoughts on the worst songs ever. Comments encouraged!
LOSING HEARTS AND MINDS IN AMERICA
You know, when one of the voices of American financial conservatism comes out and suggests that it's time for its readers to vote Democratic, you know that the Republian involved has to have utterly bungled things. Such is the case today. Fortune magazine is hardly a paragon of liberalism; in fact, it's a mouthpiece for big business in general. But this week's online issue contains an editorial piece by "a senior fellow at the Cato Institute and a former visiting fellow at the Heritage Foundation. He served as a special assistant to President Ronald Reagan." In it, Doug Bandow concludes that the only way to restore fiscal sanity to Washington is to have the White House and Congress be held by different parties, and this year the best shot for that is to elect John Kerry.
I'm not kidding. Fortune magazine ran an editorial saying that John Kerry would make more economic sense as president than George W. Bush. As he so accurately and eloquently put it, "Bush's latest budget combines accounting flim-flam with unenforceable promises."
Man, when even your economic base -- whom you've rewarded with tax cut after tax cut -- begins to see through your charade and point out just how deceitful and irresponsible your economic policy is, you've blown it. Even the unofficial magazine of the money class is calling that out now. And if Bush has lost Fortune, can the Wall Street Journal be far behind?
AND THE PROBLEM IS... WHERE?
So apparently lawyers for the "enemy combatants" down at Guantanamo Bay are arguing before the Supreme Court for their clients' rights. One of their lawyers called the detainee prison at Gitmo "a lawless enclave."
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know, I know, the principle of letting the Bush Administration just create zones where they are not subject to any judiciary oversight or rule of law is distrubing. (It's how Bush came to power, actually... creating one such zone in Florida.) And I know that you might expect me, with my liberal sensibilities, to decry the denial of civil rights to the detainees.
But you'd be wrong. Because try as I might (and actually, I don't try all that hard), I can't muster the slightest bit of sympathy or compassion for these fargin' iceholes. I don't really give a rat's ass about their human rights. I kind of hope their detention is long, hard, painful and cruel.
We're not talking about an enemy army, subject to the rules of the Geneva Convention. If we fought a war against, say, Afghanistan, and Afghani soldiers who were trained to fight battles against US soldiers were taken prisoner, I might be a little more inclined to sympathy. After all, soldiers are trained to fight, and they do... they follow orders and fight whom they are ordered to fight, and in many countries young men are not given the option of not being drafted into the army. But the detainees in Guantanamo are al Qa'ida fighters; they gathered from all around the world to train to do battle against American civilians, not because they were ordered to but because they chose to in their religious zeal. They toook up arms with a group whose stated aim is to kill as many non combatants and civilians as possible. And I find them both too dangerous to risk giving up, and too unworthy to care about their "rights" (by the way, how did foreign born enemy combatants get the right to sue in US Court or petition for redress?).
I really don't care about their rights. I'd actually like to leave them in outdoor cages in the 110 degree sun, be sparing in the use of water, bring back physical punishment of prisoners... they're al Qa'ida, they are cowardly butchers, they supported a mass murderer, and they deserve every unhumane thing we can dish at them. It may be time to bring back the medieval torture devices.
How very un-liberal of me, you say? You're right. When it comes to the leigitimate enemies of the US (as oposed to enemies we just appoint because our president needs someone to bomb), I am not at all liberal. When it comes to the people who were responsible for 9/11, I say we ratchet it up to 11 and really dish it out... take a pound of flesh for every one of the 3,000 people who died that day.
ONE OF THOSE THINGS THAT MAKES YOU THINK
The Saw Mill River Parkway is one of the major arteries running north-south through Westchester County; it's a parkway and not a highway, so it's very windy and goes through a lot of wooded areas. In the fall especially, it's kind of a pretty drive. I drive on it every day going to and from work. Yesterday, on a beautifully mild spring day in the New York area, with temperatures in the upper 70s and not a cloud in the sky, a large tree suddenly fell onto the parkway during rush hour, out of nowhere and for no apparent reason. It landed on a moving SUV... the resulting accident was horrific enough to get coverage on CNN.com. (When was the last time a local traffic accident near you made CNN?)
I left my office around 5:30 yesterday; by 6:00 pm, when this incident occurred, had I taken the Saw Mill all the way home, I would have been right about in the area where this accident occurred. But the reason I left a little early yesterday was because I had some shopping to do... and so I took a different exit and was browsing the khakis and the housewares section at a Kohl's about 5 miles away when the accident happened. I didn't even hear about it till I turned on the local news this morning. So... it's not like I was on that road when the accident happened; nor would I necessarily have been there had it been a normal day (I usually leave my office around 6:15 or so). But it still is one of those things you wonder about: what if I hadn't stopped at Kohl's? What if I'd just taken off a little early because it was a nice day out? And why on earth would a huge tree fall over on a clear, sunny day with very little wind?
The New York Times identified the couple tonight; the 27 year old father was driving and was killed instantly; the 31 year old mother appears to have managed to unbuckle herself and crawl into the backseat with her daughter before she died. What a sad, sad -- and horribly fluky -- accident.
UPDATE: The New York Daily News has an article this morning about the miracle of this baby's survival... as well as a horrible yet amazing series of photos of the accident's aftermath. Check the cover here: crash covers.bmp
April 19, 2004
WHAT HE SAID...
Pete's got a better take than I do on the whole Bush Administration's unholy relationship with the Saudis and pokes a zillion holes in the BS denial of the oil price-fixing story. Go check out A Perfectly Cromulent Blog and read his take... and when you come back, please explain to me how any thinking American could actually consider voting for this train wreck given the pattern he & his administration have displayed over the past three years. Seriously, I want to know... anyone who's considering voting for Bush, please explain to me your thought process, because as God is my witness, I don't get it.
AW.... POOR WIDDLE SHRUBBY'S UPSET
So George W. Bush is upset with the new Spanish prime minister for announcing that Spain will withdraw its troops from the dwindling "coalition" in Iraq. Yes, I can see where Bush would be upset: how dare a politician keep his campaign promises?
See, all this hand-wringing that Republicans are doing about the "message" this sends to terrorists is good for headlines and sound bites... but they're willifully neglecting one thing... while they chide the Spanish for "giving in," they conveniently ignore the fact that the prime minister and his party were campaigning for months on the issue that Spain's participation in Iraq was misguided, and that they would pull the troops if elected. This action is less a "giving in" to terrorism than it is a simple fulfilling of a pledge - something few in the Bush Adminstration know much about.
The fact is, the Spanish Socialists gave in to nothing; they merely executed actions based on their stated principles. Then again, this administration's always had an issue with the facts.
YEAH, THAT'S THE TICKET!
While watching George W. Bush this week, I have been reminded of the old Jon Lovitz character on Saturday Night Live, Tommy Flanagan, head of Pathological Liars' Anonymous. (Okay, so when I did a Google search just now to see if I could find a link to some Lovitz page, I found about 50 references to other people who've noted this resemblance. So I guess I'm not as original as I thought. But I swear it was an unplagiarized thought when I first had it!)
One of the best Tommy Flanagan lines ever, by the way, was this one with guest host Jerry Hall:
Jerry Hall: You know Mick Jagger?
Tommy Flanagan: Yeah. We were in Vietnam together. In fact, I saved his life.
Jerry Hall: He was never in 'Nam.
Tommy Flanagan: That's how I saved his life - I talked him out of going!
Anyway, Bush is now denying that his close friends in the Saudi government have agreed to fix oil prices for him and drop the cost of gas in the US just in time for November. I'm sorry, but I just don't believe his denial.
First of all, it is entirely within the character (or lack thereof) of that lousy snake in the White House and his family to screw over the American people simply to achieve or maintain power. (After all, his daddy did it back in 1980.) But if we look at the track record of this president and this administration, we have no reason -- not one -- to take them at their word. A few examples:
-- Saddam tried to get yellowcake uranium from Niger... oh, wait, maybe he didn't.
-- Saddam had WMD in spring 2003... oh, wait, maybe he didn't.
-- The Medicare bill Bush forced through Congress (by forcing the debate to stay open until he'd threatened enough Republican members of the House to vote for it) will cost what the president says it will... oh, wait, it's going to be more expensive.
-- The president had no advance warning or inkling that Osama bin Laden was planning anything on the level of 9/11... oh, wait, there's a PDB from August 6 entitled, "Bin Laden Determined To Strike Within the US."
-- That PDB was only "historical" and contained no indications of future attacks... oh, wait, it discussed current threats against the American Embassy in the UAE and potential uses of airplanes within the United States.
-- We don't have any secret deal with the Saudis to fix gas prices in October just in time for me to get elected for the first time... yeah, George... that's the ticket.
TWO-ALL-ARTERY-BYPASSES-SPECIAL-PILLS-HIGH-BLOOD-PRESSURE-ALL-ON-A-SESAME-SEED-BUN
Okay, so it's horrid karma to make light of another human being's death. And it goes without saying that condolences go out to the family of Jim Cantalupo. But isn't it ironic (dontcha think?) that the CEO of McDonald's died of a heart attack?
In the same vein, here are a few more suggestions for deaths that would score similarly high on the iron-o-meter:
-- Years of steroid abuse finally result in Barry Bonds' skull size-to-testicle size ratio reaching critical mass; he topples over from the weight differential and cracks his head on a microphone some reporter left laying around, and becoming entangled in a spare camera cord... before impaling himself on some reporter's discarded pen.
-- Ken Lay is conned of his life's savings by an elaborately designed and executed shell game perpetrated by secretaries, teachers and electricians. Despondent, he takes his own life by swallowing his pride.
-- Donald Rusmfeld dies when he tells the truth about something and his body responds to the shock with a severe allergic reaction. At the funeral, Dick Cheney's bionic heart gives out.
-- Pamela Anderson is impaled by... oh, wait... she's been impaled, and it didn't kill her. Er, okay... Pamela Anderson sits too close to a microwave, and her silicone breasts, collagen lips, and synthetic eyelashes all pop like popcorn.
-- Jessica Simpson succumbs to a brain hemmorhage from a burst blood vessel in her head after being asked to spell her own name.
-- William Hung is forced to listen to his own CD and suffers an aneurysm.
THERE'S HOPE FOR ME YET
So while doing some spring cleaning yesterday, I had one of the movie channels on, and Star Wars II: Attack of The Clones was on. I have heard more hackneyed and juvenile dialogue in my life... I think it was in in one of those training films we saw in 7th grade health about how we could get syphillis from touching a girl's boob over her sweater (the only safe way to avoid STDs, after all, is to totally deny all natural sexual thoughts or feelings even as hormones course through your veins like at no other time in your life).
Seriously, I cannot imagine that there has ever been a worse dialogue writer in the history of Hollywood than George Lucas. There are Russ Meyer movies with stronger writing. Lucas has said in the past that the Star Wars movies are basically silent movies with enough dialogue to advance the action. Well, I am begging him to make the next prequel a silent film then... or turn the script over to a real writer. Lucas has always been over-reliant on CGI at the expense of story... but the dialogue in the Star Wars series should embarass an 8th grade English class.
And yet, the guy's made billions, based mostly on his wildly creative imagination. It just goes to show that a hack writer with a good imagination can be a huge success... it gives me hope.
CAN YOU RETROACTIVELY REVOKE MOTHER'S DAY PRIVILEGES?
It's been done in other arenas. Ben Johnson was stripped of his 1988 Olympic 100 yard gold medal when it was determined that he wasn't worthy of the honor, based on his use of performance-enhancing drugs. Milli Vanilli was stripped of the 1989 Best New Artist Grammy when it was determined that they weren't worthy of the honor, based on their having merely lip synched rather than sung. And the Michigan Wolverines' "Fab Five" teams of 1992 and 1993 were stripped of their NCAA finals appearances, their Big Ten titles, and in fact every win the team picked up over those two seasons, after it was determined that they were not worthy of the honors, based on their improper relationships with boosters. So there's precedent.
I move that this woman be stripped of her Mother's Day privileges.
Don't get me wrong... the loss of a child is a terrible, horrible thing, and of course I have compassion for her pain and suffering. But let me see if I've got this right... your 19 year old kid gets wasted, then gets into a car and drives away... and manages to hit 90 mph before wrapping himself around a light pole... and so it's somehow the fault of the company that brewed the beer? And of his girlfriend? And of his girlfriend's mother for having given her the car in the first place? So you sue Coors? And the girl? And her mother?
Hmm... last time I checked, drinking while underage is illegal. So is getting in your car and driving when you're drunk. And so is driving 90 miles an hour. And no one from the brewery stood over this kid's pried open throat at that party and force fed him beer like a goose being primed for pate. The girl's mother didn't buy the car for him. And the girl wasn't in the car forcing his foot down on the accelerator, making him go 90 mph against his will.
The young man's death was a tragedy, no doubt. I am sure his life was full of promise and those who knew and loved him won't ever be the same for his dying. I don't mean to diminish his loss in any way. But he did it to himself. It wasn't Coors' fault; it wasn't the girl's fault; it wasn't her mother's fault. It was his fault. And frankly, this lawsuit shouldn't just be thrown out for lack of merit... ol' mom ought to be forced to pay the defendants' court costs.
April 18, 2004
CROCCODILE TEARS
I was watching the local news tonight, and during the sports they replayed the shot of Derek Jeter tossing a ball to a nine year old kid in a Yankee cap at Fenway Park today. (Credit to Jeter, it was a cute moment... that little kid got all wide eyed and then just started yelling and jumping up and down before getting a big hug from his mom.)
The sportscaster joked that the only bad part about the moment was the "tough crowd" at Fenway, which booed Jeter's gesture and the kid himself. But the two news anchors weren't joking; they were very serious and intoned how terrible it was that those mean people in Boston booed a little kid and how "it's just a game." As the newscast went to sign off, the two of them pontificated about how awful the incident was. The sportscaster had been joking; these two buffoons were serious.
What they pretend not to know is that New York is just as bad, when it comes to this rivalry... and that's good. That's what a rivalry is supposed to mean, when both sides are that passionate about it and care deeply enough to dislike each other -- enough to boo a nine year old. That's how all rivalries should be. And having worn a Sox cap to Yankee Stadium only to be called names by 9 year olds... and have their fathers swear at me with such bile and foul language that I was the one embarassed for the kid... well, I can assure you that a) Yankee fans care as deeply about this rivalry and about the team as Sox fans do; and b) Yankee fans are more than capable -- in fact, they relish -- being just as rude and mean.
And that's as it should be. I take no offense that the rivalry is that heated. I just hate it when newscasters -- especially New York newscasters -- whine about the way New York, its players and its fans are treated by Red Sox fans.
April 17, 2004
IT'S A LONG SEASON, BUT...
I admit it. I'm a Sox fan, and I thought the Yankees would win 3 of 4 this weekend. But so far, the Sox have simply outplayed the Yankees twice, and have taken the first two games of the season series from New York -- including a nice game today that Curt Schilling dominated and that the Sox won 5-2.
There's way too much of a season left to play for me to get excited this early or this far out. But any time we can win the first two from the Yankees, I'll take it. Well done, Boys.
BEING SEEN AS OPPOSITION TO THIS WHITE HOUSE CAN BE DANGEROUS TO YOUR HEALTH
9/11 Commission member Jamie Gorelick -- you remember her, she's the one who John Ass-croft tried to pawn off the blame for 9/11 on? -- has received death threats following Ass-croft's testimony.
Funny, I haven't seen any statements by Ass-croft in any of the articles about the Gorelick threats, telling people to knock it off. In such a high profile, politically charged case, I would have thought that the Attorney General would have been very quick to publicly address the threats, and to tell people that such threats will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. If it's happened, I have not seen his statement yet.
MORE REVISIONIST HISTORY FROM THE WHITE HOUSE
So Karl Rove ("Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!") has finally come out and admitted that the famous (or infamous) "Mission Accomplished" banner from last May on the deck of the aircraft carrier where Bush was shooting his taxpayer funded re-election commercial... well, now he says he regrets using it.
"I wish the banner was not up there," White House political strategist Karl Rove said Thursday at an editorial board meeting with The Columbus Dispatch in Ohio. "I'll acknowledge the fact that it has become one of those convenient symbols."
Ya think, Karl?
But what really gets me is that once again, these jokers are lying to you and me, once one of their plans falls apart or blows up in their face. Rove is sticking to the party line that the banner was talking about the aircraft carrier completing its ten month mission, not the war itself. This defense of theirs first surfaced back in October when Bush said it... funny, right about the time that people were figuring out that there were no WMD in Iraq. (By the way, why is no one talking about that anymore? We went to war because this president tried to scare the willies out of the American people -- even sent Colin Powell up to the UN to try and convince the world, too -- that Saddam Hussein had WMD. There very clearly are none, and were none when we invaded. And yet it was news for a couple months and then disappeared. Why does this disgraceful son of a bitch get a flyer on that? If the media's so liberal -- the biggest lie Republicans ever tell, but I digress -- then why have they rolled over on this story and let Bush & Rove sweep it under the carpet? Everyone's so busy talking about our "exit strategy" and whether we have a plan... but they've just let it drop that George W. Bush lied about Iraqi weapons of mass destruction and led us into an unnecessary war that has cost 700 American lives so far. Why?)
Anyway, just one question... if that banner really was for the ship and the White House had nothing to do with it nor was it supposed to represent the overall war effort... how come it took Bush until October to disown it? Why'd they wait six months? Why disown it only after the war had gone downhill and having declared the mission over was beginning to come back to haunt him? If they really didn't have anything to do with it and didn't intend for it to be about the war, why didn't they say anything right away in May?
Just one more piece of revisionist history from this White House that Karl Rove hopes you either overlook or simply forget.
THE BATTLE AGAINST INDECENCY RAGES ON
Perhaps inspired by the agenda of Michael Powell and the Followers of Conservative Commands (FCC), the government of Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, has charged Ooi Kean Thong, 22, and Siow Ai Wei, 20 with indecency. They were holding hands in a public park.
Perhaps they're being charged because they're not married... and after all, not holding hands is the only 100% effective method of birth control. Or, perhaps it's because there were children watching that should not have been subjected to such a prurient display of raw sexuality. Either way, the Indecency Patrol movement has made its way to Malaysia now. It just goes to show you: no matter where you go in this world, there will be moralist idiots to deal with.
I can almost feel Michael Powell and Jerry Falwell seething with jealousy and see them turning green with envy, because they haven't gotten nearly as far yet in this country as those durn Malaysians have. Oh well... give 'em a couple more years, they'll get us there eventually.
Meanwhile, back in the States... the Boston Globe today ran a very disturbing article about the impact of Big Brother Powell's efforts on the radio industry. The quote that bothered me most -- but that I found most telling -- was this one:
"At every radio station in the country, management is meeting with lawyers and talent, telling them what they can and cannot [say]. There has been a radical repression, a loss of nuance all across the dial," said Michael Harrison, publisher of the radio industry magazine, Talkers.
NICE GROUP OF FRIENDS YOU HAVE THERE, MR. CHENEY
I couldn't help but notice that in CNN's story about the NRA annual convention, an NRA member proudly told this story:
"Before she met her husband, Linda Davis had never even fired a gun. Eventually, though, Gary Davis told her she would have to join the National Rifle Association if they were to get married. Five years later, Linda Davis has gotten bullets from her husband for Valentine's Day."
Kind of just gets you right here, doesn't it? I'm all verklempt, thinking about that romantic devil giving his wife ammunition for Valentine's Day... so much more loving a gesture than say, those diamond earrings or the weekend at a B&B. Not to mention the romance of a man "telling" his wife what groups she "has" to join. Kinda sexy, in a neanderthal sort of way. Anyway...
Dick Cheney gave the keynote address at the NRA annual convention tonight. I am not surprised, but I am disappointed. And it has nothing to do with guns -- because the NRA isn't representative of any but the most extreme viewpoints on guns... saying that the NRA represents gun ownership accurately is like saying Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell represent Christianity accurately, or Osama bin Laden represents Islam accurately. In each case, those who are all about acquiring and maintaining power take a legitimately felt and believed concept -- religions in some cases, gun ownership in that of the NRA -- and abuse it, at the expense of the mainstream. Muslims sometimes get viewed a certain way because of extremists; legitimate hunters and perfectly sane gun owners are similarly harmed by the NRA.
Want to know what kind of people the NRA are -- and the kinds of things Dick Cheney endorsed tonight by appearing at their convention? Here's a few quotes -- not from folks disassociated with the NRA, but rather from members of the NRA Board of Directors.
"I'm a fun guy, not a sexist or a racist... I use the word nigger a lot because I hang around with a lot of niggers." -- NRA Board Member Ted Nugent in Detroit Free Press Magazine
"Apartheid isn't that cut and dry. All men are not created equal. The preponderance of South Africa is a different breed of man. I mean that with no disrespect. I say that with great respect. I love them because I'm one of them. They are still people of the earth, but they are different. They still put bones in their noses, they still walk around naked, they wipe their butts with their hands … These are different people. You give 'em toothpaste, they f***ing eat it ... I hope they don't become civilized. They're way ahead of the game." -- Nugent, also in the Detroit Free Press Magazine
"The consensus is that no more than five to ten people in a hundred who die by gunfire in Los Angeles are any loss to society. These people fight small wars amongst themselves. It would seem a valid social service to keep them well-supplied with ammunition." -- NRA Board Member Jeff Cooper, Cooper's Corner, Guns and Ammo magazine.
"The goal of good government is the optimum balance of liberty and order. Social diversity does not pull in that direction. Liberty is what we seek over the centuries, but if we grant it to too diverse a population, order disappears. Regarding the United States... it would seem that we ought to choose assimilation over diversity. It seems to me that diversity, rather than being a goal to be sought, should be an obstacle to be circumvented." Jeff Cooper's Commentaries (self-published newsletter)
Still think the NRA is about guns? Still think they represent mainstream gun owners? Rather than repudiate statements like these, the NRA elects these guys to its Board... and Dick Cheney supports them -- with his presence there, he endorsed these statements, on his own behalf and that of George W. Bush. This is who they want to represent, guys: people who think that apartheid isn't cut and dry, that giving bullets to gang members is a "valid social service," and that order disappears if we grant liberty to "too diverse a population." Nice constituency ya got there, Dick.
For a look at the real impact of the NRA's work, I recommend this story instead.
IT'S THE ANTI-SPIN DOC!
Don't look now... but if you ever wondered what ever happened to Spin Doc's extra height, I think this guy got it.
Actually, I feel sorry for the guy... I would think that there would be some serious health issues that would go along with being 8'4". Not to mention that his dating life has got to be brutal... I know women generally like tall guys, but 8'4" is probably a bit much?! Anyway, I'm surprised that medical science hasn't come up with a way to help this guy stop growing.
April 16, 2004
VULTURE UPDATE
Yeah, I know you don't care. But it's my blog, and I do care, so you're gonna hear about it whether you want to or not... all season long. So the earlier in the season that you learn to deal with it, the better off you're going to be.
Somehow, inexplicably, despite a week from hell in which Pat Hentgen and Pedro Martinez were utterly shelled in their outings, and despite a thin bench that is one major injury away from utter disaster, the Vultures have managed to complete an entire calendar week in first place. In fact, we've padded our lead. The Vultures enter the weekend atop the standings with 123.5 points -- down from our season high of 128, but still a decent margin ahead of the second place team, the 57'ers, who have 107.5 points. Tim's Hazzard County Dukes are hanging tough in third place with 104.5; Tim's better than I am at this game and usually has a contending team every year, and this seems to be no exception. (I, however, seem to have established a pattern that I am only competitive in presidential election years. Maybe it's some karmic combination of my two passions, baseball and politics.)
So as you can see, somehow, with smoke and mirrors, your Vultures are still flying high. Miguel Cabrera is looking like the bargain of the year, since I drafted him for only $12; he leads the league in home runs with 6 to date, and looks to be poised for a breakout year in which he joins the league's elite. Scott Rolen has also busted out of the gate, leading the league in RBI and has hit 5 homers himself; and Albert Pujols has hit 4 home runs, knocked in a bunch, and is hovering right around .300.
Who are the Bad Vultures? Aubrey Huff -- one of the superstars I drafted -- has opened the year batting just .187... there is a maxim in fantasy baseball that you never bench your stars, even when they're sucking wind, because a superstar player can break out at any time -- so for now, Huff remains in the starting lineup. But that philosophy doomed me last year when I stuck with Pat Burrell, figuring he'd eventually wake up from hitting .209 (he never did)... so Huff's seat on the pine is currently being sanded down so he won't get splinters in his ass when I plop him there. Also, one more lousy start and Pat Hentgen will find himself not only benched, but cut. I'm looking to load up on free agent pitching this weekend (we find out Saturdays at 6:00 pm which free agents we were able to acquire -- high bid gets the player), and if I get what I want, Hentgen's position is very, very precarious.
I know... more ink than you ever wanted to see wasted on a fantasy baseball team you don't care about in a league full of people you don't know. But get used to it... by July I will be writing about this league as if I were Roger Angell or David Halberstam writing about the big leagues... especially if there's a pennant race.
And speaking of baseball, before I leave you... if you are a baseball fan, have the chance and are looking to do some summer reading, do check out 27 Men Out by Michael Coffey. It's a detailed look at each of baseball's fourteen perfect games -- seems odd, until you realize that more than 150,000 professional baseball games have been played since 1900, and yet only 14 pitchers ever achieved a perfect game in which he faced only 27 batters, not allowing any of them to reach first base via a hit, a walk or an error. 14 of 150,000. Some of the guys who managed it were among the all time greats. Others were journeymen or bag-o-donuts guys who were nothing special in their career but on one particular day, managed to find something historic within themselves. All of them are a fun read.
April 15, 2004
READ OUR LIPS... NO NEW TAX CUTS
It's been boggling my mind that the Bush response to every criticism is to tell people that "John Kerry will raise your taxes." Hey W... your energy policies have resulted in gas prices over $2.00 a gallon... what do you have to say about that? "John Kerry voted to increase taxes on gas." Bush, your policies have caused a budget deficit that's going to push a trillion dollars very shortly... what do you think of that? "John Kerry will raise your taxes." Mr. Bush, you lied and have cost nearly 700 Americans their lives, what's your defense? "Well, John Kerry will raise your taxes."
Beyond being just wholly and infuriatingly insipid and annoying, the Bush strategy reveals a belief they seem to have come to... that the American people don't understand math and would prefer lower taxes to maintaining services, or to the longer-term economic health of our nation. Bush assumes that the average American is as selfish and out-for-themselves as he and his cronies are.
But a new poll out now suggests that more than ever, the public is seeing through the Republican economic smokescreen. They understand what Bush cannot: to make promises or to conduct operations, the president must have the funding to carry it out, or we enter a deficit because we're having to borrow to cover costs. According to a new poll for Money Magazine, Americans are realizing this and carrying it out. According to the poll,
The poll found 76 percent of those surveyed would have preferred the government devote resources to job creation rather than the tax cut, and even 54 percent of Republicans would have chosen jobs over tax cuts. Democrats, at 89 percent, and independents at 83 percent were overwhelmingly in favor of jobs programs rather than tax cuts...
A plurality of Americans also would have preferred deficit reduction over the tax cut, with 49 percent choosing deficit reduction and only 42 percent picking the cut. While a majority of Republicans would have chosen tax cuts over deficit reduction, Democrats picked deficit reduction by a two-to-one margin, while 49 percent of independents would have preferred reducing the federal deficit.
So go ahead, Bushie. Keep telling people how you're gonna cut taxes... over and over and over again. Eventually they'll figure out that you cut their taxes, but at the expense of so much else... and keep offering up the nothing defense you've been. Well, if all Bush has to justify a second term is that his opponent will raise taxes... I'll take my chances on the "tax and spend." Sounds like the public will take their chances too.
NEW YORK IN A NUT$HELL
Among the reasons I have become so Curmudgeonly about New York is the ridiculous cost of living here. We were greeted with the headline and story this morning that the average apartment-- that's average, not high-end -- in Manhattan now will cost you nearly $1 million to buy.
It's barely better in the other boroughs; in Brooklyn, the average apartment price in first-quarter 2004 was $438,000; in Queens, the average price of apartment and single-family- home sales that closed last month was $355,200. Staten Island's seen the average price of apartments and single-family homes increase to $291,428, and in the East Bronx neighborhoods of Throgs Neck, Pelham Bay and Morris Park, single-family-home prices average $350,000. Worst of all, in the northwest part of the Bronx, single-family homes in Riverdale are $1.5 million or more, with apartments and condos now commanding $275,000 to $450,000 for two-bedroom units.
And while the article didn't list the prices in Westchester County, the just-to-the-north refuge of the well-to-do who want to stay away from that riff-raff down in the city, I can vouch from personal experience that the prices are in the Queens-to-Brooklyn range. Every time I even think about giving in to my burgeoning career and settling down here, and start looking around for a condo or house to buy... well, virtually nothing worth owning in Westchester sells for less than $250K (that's the condos, mind you... no house worth owning here costs anything less than $450K). Even if I were committed to staying, I don't think I will ever be able to afford to.
That high cost of living might explain why money's so important around here. Perhaps a little too important; the pressure to make and keep it is pretty high, especially on the city itself. Perhaps that's why cops in this town will give a parking ticket to a guy who's having a heart attack. No, I'm not kidding or engaging in Curmudgeonlike exaggeration. They really did issue a $115 parking ticket to a man dying of a heart attack.
That's not something I should find funny... but I do. Maybe I've been here too long. (grin)
I'M GONNA NAME MY FIRST ONE MANSLOTTER
Former NBA star Jayson Williams skipped the hearing on whether to dismiss the manslaughter charges against him for the shooting death of his chauffer, Gus Cristoffi. He had an excuse, I suppose: he was in the hospital visiting his wife and their newborn daughter. The Williamses have chosen to name the little girl... are you ready... Whizdom J. Williams.
Someone needed to get these guys a prescription for The Pill ... I mean, let's face it, dude - it's very possible that you could be on your way to Trenton State Pen for the next 12 years... so naturally, let's have a kid, sweetheart, let's bring a child into the world who may well spend the first decade of her life with daddy in the klink. That's a nice headstart for little Whizzer.
But how deliciously ironic is it that the Williamses decide to name their child for the trait of being wise... and then misspell the name?
Even if he gets off on the manslaughter charges, Williams ought to do time just for giving that kid that name.
MAYBE JANET JACKSON SHOULD HAVE ENDORSED A DRUG
So millions of conservative Americans were upset at seeing a breast, and the FCC had to come screeching in to protect the Bible Belt from a nipple. And Howard Stern's racy dialogue and sex-laden schtick is offensive and indecent, so much so that the FCC must come save the people from having their airwaves polluted with such things as the favorite sexual practices of porn stars. So the pattern you might infer here is that sexually explicit images or talk are verboten by Michael Powell's FCC, and that it's time to tone things down... right?
Unless you're a pharmaceutical company with an erectile dysfunction drug, I guess. In that case, you can go ahead and ratchet up your advertising, making it even more explicit than ever before. Before, you could only talk about four hour erections during the Super Bowl. Now, you get to have a pretty woman on screen, talking about how her husband's taking the drug and is friskier more often. Yep, you get to sell your product by having an attractive woman brag about how much she's gettin' lately... and Powell's FCC won't raise (no pun intended) an eyebrow at you.
So, to recap: Breasts during the Super Bowl are bad; talk of four hour erections during the Super Bowl is okay. An ugly guy selling his show by asking porn stars how often they have sex is bad; a pretty actress selling a drug by talking about how often she's having sex is okay.
Hmm... seems to be a double standard there, doesn't there? I wonder why that is? It couldn't be because pharmaceutical companies have deep pockets and give lots of money to the campaign coffers of Mr. Powell's boss, Mr. Bush, now would it? Naaah, it couldn'tbe that! You don't really think that Powell's FCC will turn a blind eye at some content just because they're Republican contributors, do you? Why, you'd have to be a total cynic!
Or a Curmudgeon.
FINALLY, FM RADIO WORTH LISTENING TO!
As many of you know by now, one of my many complaints about New York (and there are many) is the dearth of decent radio. You'd think that in the media capital of the world, and the east coast's center of culture and entertainment, that there would be fresh, exciting, cutting edge radio. Unfortunately, in the five and a half years I've been here, you'd be wrong. ClearChannel has killed radio across the country, certainly... but it seems exacerbated here in New York, where it feels like basically 84 songs get on the radio -- 12 each per each of the seven ClearChannel cookie cutter formats ("alternative" rock, 80s/90s mix, hip hop, teenage, dance, lite, and oldies) -- and nothing fresh, original or that doesn't fit a preprogrammed category will ever see the light of day.
Thankfully, it appears that the ClearChannel stranglehold on your airwaves is finally being broken - both at the national level and here locally. This week's Time includes an article on how satellite radio is booming, due in large part to the public being sick of the homogenized pablum ClearChannel brings to the table. Here's my favorite quote:
But listeners are clearly spending less time with terrestrial radio. One cause may simply be more media competition, from DVDs to video games to an expanding universe of digital TV. But critics of the radio industry say consolidation is partly to blame too. They claim Clear Channel and other big groups have ruined the airwaves by homogenizing song lists, politicizing the dial with conservative talk and sucking out local flavor with voice-tracking technology, which enables DJs to sound like local talent even if they're a thousand miles away.
Ha! Take that, you corporate pond-scum sucking parasites! Meanwhile, this week I have one less thing in New York to bitch about; a new radio station has come on the terrestrial airwaves that is not owned by ClearChannel or Infinity Broadcasting, and that does not appear bound by imaginationless playlists and formulae. I've listened to it for three car trips now since discovering it (it's only been on the air a week), and I am thrilled so far with "107.1 The Peak." Streaming radio is available from their Website. Their playlist is not only varied and cross-genre, but it doesn't stick to just the singles that so many other stations play. They span the last thirty years, they play everything from top 40 to rock to blues, and they have me more excited about a radio station than I've been since discovering that the West Palm Beach area had lots of country stations.
My first experience with "The Peak" was last night on the drive home from work. In that 45 minute stretch, I heard Bonnie Raitt's "Runaway," The Eagles "Already Gone," The Police's "Can't Stand Losing You," Ryan Adams' "New York, New York," Los Lonely Boys' "Heaven," and Peter Gabriel's "Shock The Monkey." Quite a mix, and I never hear Ryan Adams or Los Lonely Boys on the radio here (thank god for Net radio). So I am way psyched - far more than I ought to be over a simple radio station. But so far, I really recommend it - either here in the New York area on 107.1, or over the Net via their site. Check 'em out.
April 14, 2004
"WHEN WILL I LEARN? THE ANSWERS TO LIFE'S PROBLEMS AREN'T AT THE BOTTOM OF A BOTTLE! THEY'RE ON TV!"
(Thanks to Homer Simpson for one of history's greatest quotations.)
So researchers at Vanderbilt University and the University of California San Francisco have determined that "heavy social drinkers" suffer similar brain damage as alcoholics. (Oh, come on... CNN runs a headline that says "Heavy Social Drinkers Show Brain Damage" and you expect me not to notice it?)
At first, I was concerned about this story. I mean, sure... 18 years of "social drinking" (yeah... that's what they call it... social drinking) have sort of made me a brain cell serial killer -- I am the Ted Bundy of neurons. But I suspect that having sold my soul to become the Man in the Gray Flannel Suit killed more of my brain cells than Corona and the Scottish Highlands combined, so I long ago gave up hope for myself.
My bigger concern was that only the day before, I organized a sizable happy hour for this coming Friday after work for my colleagues at the bar across the street from our office campus. (Say! Now there's a brilliant idea... open up a bar not 25 yards from the entrance to the headquarters of a major corporation. I wonder if that place will draw a crowd?) Was I unwittingly responsible for damaging the ability of my company to be competitive? Had I just committed mass neurocide? More importantly, am I legally responsible? Can I be sued by my colleagues for having negligently caused the death of millions of synapses? Was it my fault that nobody can find their keys in the morning or remember what they did with the remote control?
And then I read further, and realized what a joke this study is. "Brain scans show clear damage, and tests of reading, balance and other function show people who drink more than 100 drinks a month have some problems."
Some problems? 100 drinks a month, and you think they have some problems?
The enrollment criterion for heavy drinkers was the consumption of more than an average of 100 alcoholic drinks per month for men over 3 years before the study.
100 drinks a month. 25 a week. 5 per weekday. I don't know about you, but I don't call anyone who does that a social drinker. I call them alcoholics. I mean, where'd they go to find their test subjects - the streets of San Francisco? Who'd they study - Manhattan's mole men?
Don't get me wrong, I'm not belittling alcoholism, I've seen what it can do to brilliant people whose minds might otherwise have delivered them a stellar career. And I am aware that there are people who can actually manage a moderately stable level of function even when abusing alcohol to this extent. Rather, I am belittling these "scientists" who chose to call someone who puts back 100 drinks a month as a social drinker. monorail14.mp3 What these geniuses have in fact discovered is that alcoholics show brain damage. It truly boggles the mind, does it not?
In the meantime, I have a happy hour to plan.
Homer: Got any of that beer that has candy floating in it? You know, Skittlebrau?
Apu: Such a beer does not exist, sir. I think you must have dreamed it.
Homer: Oh. Well, then just give me a six-pack and a couple of bags of Skittles.
MMM.... DONUTS! UNGHARGHUNGHLLLLL
Homer J. Simpson would be proud. Reuters is reporting that Hawaiian Airlines is getting their baggage bins filled beyond capacity by passengers hoarding Krispy Kreme donuts from the first Krispy Kreme to open up in Hawaii.
"The locals bring so many boxes of doughnuts on board that we can't always fit them on our flights. Some people will put five or six boxes in an overhead bin," says Mark Dunkerley, president of Hawaiian Airlines.
HAIR OF THE BLOG
ESPN's Page 2 has a hysterical review here of the worst hair in baseball history. And while all of them are scary, the owner of the single worst baseball hairstyle of all time has to be Oscar Gamble. Go to the site and vote for Oscar. (And check out the subtle dig at Mike Piazza while you're there.)
COULDN'T HAVE SAID IT BETTER MYSELF...
So I won't even try. You must stop by Tim's site and read his perspective on Bush's press conference last night. He's also dead on about Chalabi -- the biggest charlatan to engage US intelligence since Anatoli Golitsyn.
My own thoughts about Bush's performance are best summed up by this part of the transcript:
QUESTION: In the last campaign, you were asked a question about the biggest mistake you'd made in your life, and you used to like to joke that it was trading Sammy Sosa. You've looked back before 9/11 for what mistakes might have been made. After 9/11, what would your biggest mistake be, would you say, and what lessons have learned from it?
BUSH: I wish you'd have given me this written question ahead of time so I could plan for it.
Last night was wholly scripted, beginning to end, and Skippy the Wonder Pup was noticably thrown off when anyone deviated from that script. How stupid do you have to be to need to plan for a question about what your biggest mistake might be and what lessons you've learned from it? As Pete pointed out, that's a job interview question that we've all been answering since we were about 20. (Then again, if you'