« HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? SOMETIMES THE SYSTEM ACTUALLY WORKS! | Main | BRING ON THE DEATH PENALTY »
June 29, 2004
STUPID LUCKY 14 YEAR OLD
In a story straight out of My Tutor, Private Lessons, Class, or any number of other god-awful 80s teen sex comedies, a 23 year old teacher has been arrested in Tampa, Florida for a whole slew of lascivious conduct with one of her 14 year old students.
TAMPA, Florida (AP) -- A 23-year-old middle-school teacher was charged with having sex with a 14-year-old student in a classroom, at her apartment and, once, in a vehicle while the teen's 15-year-old cousin drove.
But the kicker? Take a look at the teacher, man! Whoa! She's a freakin' hottie! You just know that every boy in that school had "Miss Lafave" fantasies. I guarantee it.
They've had psychologists on TV talking about how this "abuse" will follow this kid forever. Yeah, right. I was a 14 year old boy once. You know what would have followed me forever if I'd have scored a teacher who looked like this? High fives. The only "scar" on this kid's gonna be the one from his left ear to his right ear in the shape of a permanent cheshire cat grin. I mean, you just know that this kid is going to be the most popular kid in the junior high hallways next year. "Dude, you got with Ms. Lafave? Freakin' SCORE, dude!"
Now, having spent a little bit of time in the Tampa-St.Pete area a few years ago, I can attest to the idea that there's something in the Gulf Coast drinking water that makes folks just a little crazier than the rest of the planet when it comes to private behavior. (Again, the only scars are the shape of giant grins.) But do you remember any of your teachers looking like this? And how many of your teachers do you think were wild-child enough to hit the back seat of an SUV while someone else drove? For those of you who are male, wouldn't a teacher like this have been a dream come true when you were 14?
Man, when I was 14 all we had was Ms. Connell, the 60-something relic from a bygone era who once called my friends and I a "big bunch of dinks," and actually told me once in front of the class that I would never amount to anything. (I think that was right after I made my 1,829th uncalled for smart-ass comment in the middle of one of her lectures, so maybe she can be forgiven for thinking I was a bit of a clown who played to audiences. Still, I've always wanted to find her and just wave a pay stub in her face while uttering Dick Cheney's favorite retort.)
Somehow I feel like, compared to the kids in 2004 Tampa, us kids from 1982 rural suburban Minnesota got the shaft.
