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June 30, 2004
TAKING ONE FOR THE TEAM
You know, there are some jobs that are just so brutal, so challenging, so difficult... that it takes a special breed of man to do them. It takes a man who doesn't think about himself - only the greater good of the organization and of humanity. It takes a man who is willing to sacrifice for his fellow humman beings. It takes a man who is willing to take one for the team.
For this job, I will be that man.
Actress Nicole Kidman says that she cannot find a man willing to date her, due to the baggage she says she carries with her.
"I'm hoping to meet someone and be happy with them. But that's not as easy as it sounds. I'm a 37-year-old woman with two children. Men aren't beating a path to my door," she said in an interview published in the latest issue of "Now" magazine Wednesday.
I'm aware of the dangers that await me. I understand that it will mean dodging paparazzi and having photos of me taken through telephoto lenses. I know that it will mean having to move to southern California to live in a mansion in Malibu - and I accept that burden. I understand that Tom Cruise will by default become part of my life, and that he might threaten to sue me if I criticize Scientology publicly. And I realize, and accept, that taking this job will mean waking up every morning - and going to bed every night! - with one of the world's most beautiful women. Yes, I will stand for you, my fellow men, and make this sacrifice on your behalf... because that's the kind of selfless man I am. Always thinking of how I can relieve my fellow mankind of any burdens or hardships you face.
When I'm gone, don't build statues in my absence, and don't name any highways or elementary schools for me. I don't need recognition - that's not why I am doing this. I'm simply willing to take one for the team.
So... (deep breath)... I volunteer to go marry Nicole Kidman, in order to protect and save my fellow male-kind. Don't say I never did anything for you!
