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July 27, 2004
THE POSTS ARE THE WINDOWS ON THE SOUL(LESS)
Those of you who work in a corporate setting probably know what Craig's List is...for those of you who don't, here's a short description. Basically, it's a community bulletin board that started in San Francisco in the early days of the Web, a big network of people who share job leads, invites to parties, things for sale, places to live... like one big extended network. By 2000 it had evolved into the most effective job resource for the "new economy" in San Francisco, and today there are versions in more than 50 cities around the country.
There have been some famous (and infamous) postings on Craig's List... I remember one that was talked about quite a bit two years ago, when the San Francisco Giants were in the 2002 World Series ... an anonymous self-described "26 year old, very attractive blonde who's done modeling" offered... well... herself for the length of the World Series to any gentleman who had tickets to the Series games (should the Giants make it) on at least the field level and was willing to take her. (I was out there for work that August, right about the time the post went up, and lo and behold who pointed it out but my good friend Dave... somehow, I am not surprised that he noticed it.)
But someone sent me a link today from a Craig's List post from last month that made me laugh so hard I actually had tears in my eyes... I sent it to a colleague, and she laughed almost as hard. Someone who has clearly had it with the soulless life that is corporate America has authored a brilliant piece entitled simply, "Why We All Drink." His rationalization is instantly recognizable and understood by anyone who's ever sat in a cube, looking at the Dilbert cartoons they've cut out of the paper and push-pinned to their wall... trying to remember what it was like to feel creative. Recognizable, and ringing so true that you couldn't help but laugh at your own circumstance. A few excerpts:
"I don't remember hearing in college "by the way, 89% of you will make a living by incessantly calling uninterested parties via the telephone and trying like holy hell to get them to purchase something you yourself don't even understand or believe in, enjoy, you're doing yeoman work!" So, we drink, we drink to wash it all away, to silence the demons that fester in our skulls Monday through Friday... So we drink, we drink to forget and to forgive. To forget the past 5 days, and forgive ourselves for what we're about to do in the next two. To forgive ourselves for not becoming what we always dreamed. To forgive ourselves the rampant complacency that has taken a hold of us as we watch our lives slip away, one company-wide email at a time."
"We drink because Katie, our manager, is so insecure she actually makes breathing awkward. We drink because Bruce, the VP of being a incredible ass-face (and Biz-Dev) insists upon wearing enough cologne to the point where lighting a match anywhere near him is potentially life threatening."
"We drink because if we have to endure one more Friday afternoon meeting, we might just projectile vomit in Kevin's glandular, gnome like face. Just because you don't have a life doesn't mean the rest of us want to sit down at 4:45 on a Friday to discuss the company's direction for Q3."
"We drink because there's no such thing as a good week of work. We drink because if Jessica doesn't say, "this is a mission critical decision" at least 4 times a week, it means she was out sick three days. Jessica, it's an office supply order for Staples, how in HOLY HELL is that mission critical? Do you even know what mission critical means? Do you? You're the office manager, not the board chairman, the phrase "mission critical" should never, EVER come out of your mouth."
"We drink because we all know that "lunch and learn" really means "this will be the worst lunch you'll have all week" as we're forced to share low-rent burritos at Chevy's and listen to some hired-gun of a sales guy tell us all how we have to "want it" more than the other guy. Hey Chet, this is software sales, not rugby, now f*** off."
I swear to you, this guy's rant is so true to life that I wasn't sure if I had tears in my eyes because I thought it was that funny, orclose enoughto home to make me cry on its own. (I've suffered through years of Friday afternoon meetings, clueless marketing people, and I will swear on a stack of Writer's Digests that I know someone just like every single one of the people this guy harpoons in his rant.)
Funniest business-related thing I have read in all of 1H04 (that's the first six months of the year, for anyone who doesn't speak corporate acronym-speak). Strongly recommended for anyone who lives in corporate-ville.
Read the whole thing here.
