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August 19, 2004
50 BEST MOVIE LINES EVER: #30-#26
Heading right on in today with little fanfare... gotta be on a plane in a couple of hours.
30. "You'll shoot your eye out!" -- Various characters, A CHRISTMAS STORY (1983)
I admittedly have a soft spot for this one because of family... this is my mother's favorite holiday movie, and she's had it on VHS or DVD since it came out, pretty much. (Not to mention that TBS plays it for 24 hours every December 24-25.) In my family, it's not really the holidays unless this movie is on... and years from now (hopefully many, many years), when Mom is gone, I know that every Christmas I'll be able to have her back with us in spirit just by having Ralphie, Flick, Randy, Schwartz, Farkus, and the Bumpuses' dogs on TV somewhere in the house.
But even with personal affinities aside, this is one of the classic holiday films - TBS runs it for 24 hours straight every year for a reason. And while there are any number of really good lines in it, there's no way to pick anything other than the movie's raison d'etre: Ralphie won't get the Red Rider BB gun he wants for Christmas, because everyone -- his mother, his teacher, even Santa Claus -- says "you'll shoot your eye out."
29. "Why don't you pass the time by playing a little solitaire?" -- Various; mainly Mrs. Iselin (Angela Lansbury), THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE (1962)
Ignore the lazy 2004 remake. (I hate that Hollywood has so little creativity or originality left that they have to start covering classic films.) The 1962 original with Frank Sinatra, Laurence Harvey, and Angela Lansbury is one of my personal top ten films of all time. Another classic piece of Cold War statements, this was one of the first films to take on the subject of McCarthyism and anti-Communist hysteria. Not to mention that it's simply an intsensely compelling story that's extremely well-acted.
The sinister Communist forces who've brainwashed Raymond Shaw -- led by, of all people, his own mother (played in strongly hinted incestuous glory by the outstanding Angela Lansbury) -- use this simple line to trigger his trances... during which he is a programmed assassin who could change the balance of power in the world. The line's repeated by a few in the movie, but none is better than when Mrs. Iselin sets the final plot to kill the presidential candidate in motion... by suggesting to her son that he play a little solitaire to get his mind of the girl she's forced him to dump.
28. "We're under a lot of pressure, you know, and you put us there. Nothing's riding on this except the, uh, first amendment to the Constitution, freedom of the press, and maybe the future of the country. Not that any of that matters, but if you guys fuck up again, I'm going to get mad. Goodnight." -- Ben Bradlee (Jason Robards), ALL THE PRESIDENT'S MEN (1976)
Another of my all time top ten films, All The President's Men recounts the behind the scenes story of Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein's work in ferreting out the full story of the Watergate scandal. (An unfortunate side effect is that this whole drama, as it played out, gave conservatives ammunition for their baloney "liberal media" red herring.) It was simply two investigative reporters, doing their job and trying to get to the truth that so many were trying to keep from coming out. The political machinations are interesting enough, but I've always found the story of how the journalists went about their jobs to be more compelling.
When Wooward and Bernstein mess up by reporting a false lead (deliberately planted by the machine responsible for Watergate), discrediting their story and the Washington Post itself, they go to editor Ben Bradlee's house in the middle of the night to 'fess up. Bradlee has to walk a fine line... he knows these two are onto something and have worked hard to this point, but they've also messed up, and another mistake could sink both the story and the paper. He dismisses them from his home with a classic line about everything that was at stake and that was riding on their work... no pressure, guys.
27. "You wanna know how you do it? Here's how, they pull a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send on of his to the morgue! That's the Chicago way, and that's how you get Capone!" -- Jim Malone (Sean Connery), THE UNTOUCHABLES (1987)
Shut up. This isn't a Mafia movie so much as a crime drama... the heroes are the cops. Flawed cops, sure -- but still, the action centers around the police and not the hoods. Besides, any line that gets Sean Connery an Oscar is fine by me. The movie was good, not great... but this line is one for all time - a summary of the blood oath of escalating violence that it will take to beat the Mafia at its own game. (Not to mention that it lends itself to parody oh-so-well.)
26. "Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries! You don't frighten us, English pig dogs. Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called "Arthur King," you and all your silly English Kuh-nig-its." -- French Soldier (John Cleese), MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL (1975)
This is one of those movies that I mentioned where I could have probably gotten six of the top 50 if I hadn't shown any restraint. The Holy Grail is one of the funniest movies ever made... and is one of those movies that people -- okay, men -- annoy the hell out of people with, by constantly spitting out quotes from.
What line to choose? Migrating swallows? The killer rabbit -- where death awaits you with hideous pointy teeth? Naughty, naught Zoot? There are those who call him... Tim? What is your favorite color? Help, help, I'm being repressed? I could go on and on -- and would probably like to -- but the whole interaction with the French soldier is probably the one that gets quoted the most in my little corner of the world. And if you don't like it, I fart in your general direction.
