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August 20, 2004
ADMISSION
Former television personality Jane Pauley has written a book, due out Tuesday, called "Skywriting: A Life Out Of The Blue." It's her autobiography for the most part... but pretty much the most surprising revelation is her admission that she suffers from bipolar disorder.
"If you didn't know me well, you might not have noticed anything strange; I was strange only for me," the former co-anchor of "Today" and "Dateline NBC" writes. "I knew I wasn't well, but I didn't seem to be at a serious risk for more than some turbulence, though my doctors alluded to the possibility of a crash landing."...
By the time she was hospitalized at New York Hospital in the spring of 2001, the bipolar condition (often called manic depression) was clear to Pauley. "My tides were fluctuating -- back and forth -- sometimes so fast they seemed to be spinning."
I'm moved by her story because I know it well - or at least, it's a lot like what I know. The process of realizing that something's not right doesn't take long; the process of realizing that it's out of control and that you can't handle it takes much longer. But that spinning feeling she describes is terrifying... and that fear can lead someone to go talk to someone. The process of letting your family and friends know that you've been diagnosed can take longer still... because no matter what the docs tell you about how many people have it and there being no reason for shame, there's still a stigma to it -- and you wonder if people will look at you differently once they know. (After a while, you realize that many of those closest to you have at least slightly suspected something anyway.)
The good news is that it can be treated... with medication, therapy, or both. The process of getting it under control and learning to deal with it is not easy, but the difference in quality of life is something that isn't easily put into words. Night and day aren't opposite enough to describe it; maybe life and death is more apropos.
There are a few different types of bipolarity; I'm most familiar with Bipolar II Disorder. While I've not really ever hidden that, and while most of the people who know me well probably figured it out before I did... I've also never really shouted it from the rooftops either. Why am I saying something now -- on this blog of all places? I dunno... guess I figured that if Jane Pauley can talk about it, then so can I. Besides, the more people talk about it, the more likely that someone who either needs help or knows someone who needs help might actually get it.
Okay, enough with the whining therapy session... we now return you to your regularly scheduled curmudgeonliness.
