The Chronic Curmudgeon

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August 15, 2004

NEW 'MUDGE FEATURE: THE 50 BEST MOVIE LINES OF ALL TIME

Stephen King writes a column for Entertainment Weekly, and he apparently recently polled his readers as to what they thought the best movie lines in history were. Unfortunately, fans of the film "The Princess Bride" stacked this ballot like Yankee fans stack all-star ballots... and the top four responses in the poll came from that film. So the editors of EW came up with their own list... and I of course didn't dig on their list either. So I decided to do my own list.

For the next couple of weeks, I will be counting down The Chronic Curmudgeon's 50 Best Movie Lines of All Time, 5 per day, from 50 down to 1. Let me explain my somewhat inconsistent and nebulous criteria.

First of all, I have to have seen the film. That's going to eliminate just about every western ever made - I hate westerns, so I don't watch them. But anyway, if it's a line from something I haven't seen, it won't be here. Some of these lines will be all-time cinematic classics. Some of them will be overshadowed lines from famous films... movies that have other more famous lines, but I like a less known line for whatever reason. (For example, my line from The Godfather is not "offer he can't refuse.") Others will be lines that aren't necessarily considered classics by film folks... I just dig them. Sometimes they'll be a line that for me, set the mood of a film more than their more famous counterparts. Sometimes, they'll be lines that just cracked me up. And sometimes I will include lines from movies I didn't even like, but I have to acknowledge their impact.

I'm not Pete over at A Perfectly Cromulent Blog - I don't review films on the side. I am not a film history student - although I did know a bunch of film students while at Boston University. I'm not even really a film buff... I see maybe 2 movies a year in the theater. I'm just a schmuck with a blog who gets to force my opinions on his readers. One last thing... where the line contains swearing, I'm not censoring it. Apologies for the language, but where the words are part of the line, I think it's important to the movie, so censoring would be taking away from it. So with that... a-waaaaaaaaaay we go!

50. "Layers. Onions have layers. Ogres have layers. Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers!" -- Shrek (Mike Myers), SHREK (2001)

Picking a line from Shrek is not easy. The whole movie was just really, really fun. And I almost put the little "Welcome to Duloc" song in here -- you know, the one about wiping your... face? But in the end I had to pick the first time that the big ogre Shrek hints to the world that he might not be such a mean dude deep down inside after all. In the "crusty hero with the heart of gold" archetype, it's a necessary thing to establish relatively early on that your hero has a softer side - if he's crusty for too long, he loses sympathy. But comparing your hero to an onion might be the most creative way I've ever heard to do it.

49. "Over? Did you say, 'over?' Nothing is over until WE decide it is! Was over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!" -- Bluto (John Belushi), ANIMAL HOUSE (1978)

Let me just get this out of the way: I never liked John Belushi; I didn't think he was funny then, and I don't find him funny when I look at his stuff now, as an adult. I see Belushi, and I think "unfunny, out of control cokehead." But even I have to admit, his rallying cry from the otherwise unfunny "Animal House" was a pretty classic line. But since I didn't crack a smile at any point during the rest of that movie, I can't rank it any higher than 49.

48. "I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am, let's face it." --Terry Malloy (Marlon Brando) ON THE WATERFRONT (1954)

This is the most famous line from one of the greatest acting performances of all time. Brando was one of the greats and gave us a litany of great performances, but if you want to see him at his absolute best, On the Waterfront is the DVD for you. Terry Malloy's battle with his conscience and with corruption is a great story, and Brando makes you feel every moment of it. I hate to cite the line everyone cites, but some lines are repeatedly cited for a reason. Great acting from a great actor.

47. "Someday - and that day may never come - I'll call upon you to do a service for me. But until that day, accept this justice as gift on my daughter's wedding day." Don Vito Corleone, (Marlon Brando) THE GODFATHER (1972)

I know everyone always cites the "offer he can't refuse" line. But this line, for me, summed up the whole atmosphere of The Godfather better than any other. Once you're in, you're in for good - and they'll never forget it. The sense of "oh hell, what did I get myself into?" that gets conveyed with this line is palpable.

46. "Do you really think you have a chance against us, Mister Cowboy?" "Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker." John McClane (Bruce Willis), responding to Hans Gruber (Alan Rickman), DIE HARD (1988)

I'm not a huge fan of testosterone-laden action movies in which the point seems to be to simply shoot as many bad guys as possible. But every once in a while, they can be fun. And I can't think of a single line from any action movie ever that has ever done a better job of summing up the genre. It has the added benefit of being wryly self-depricating, too; the villian has just belittled Americans as pop culture-addled cowboy wannabes... so what more natural spit-in-the-face response could there be than a TV show cowboy's call? Add in the testosterone-laced supposition about ol' Hans' sexual activities at home, and it's a line guaranteed to pump adrenaline into even most pacifists.

Coming next... #45-41

Posted by Christopher on August 15, 2004 01:13 PM

Comments

Posted by: eden at May 25, 2005 10:41 PM