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August 31, 2004
SOME PEOPLE ARE IN SEVERE NEED OF A LIFE
Having grown up in the midwest, I have seen first-hand the impact of state fairs, and the tragic extents to which half-witted cornballs will go to get their 15 minutes of fame no matter how lame the stunt or reason may be. I walked every year past the busts of President Reagan, Bruce Springsteen, and Princess Diana carved out of butter in the dairy pavillion at the Minnesota State Fair... which features an area of the Fairgrounds called -- I kid you not -- "Tractor Hill." (You know, because farm equipment is such a novelty out there that those few who have it need to show it off for the... wait, what? You say that in farm country, everybody has a tractor? Oh... well then, why is there a section of the fair dedicated to displaying them? Good freaking question.) I saw blue ribbons draped on The Largest Pumpkin and Biggest Squash. Ah yes, the bucolic days of my youth, when every kid aspired to grow an 80 pound pumpkin...
But even I never saw anything like this. At the Nevada State Fair, volunteers slapped 2,000 pounds of refried beans and 1,000 pounds each of sour cream, salsa and cheese onto 8200 flour tortillas in order to create an 8,076 foot long burrito - the world's largest.
This in itself is pathetic. But what is more pathetic still is the following nugget from the article:
If recognized, the Reno burrito will surpass the previous burrito record of 7,710 feet that was set in Mexico in 2001.
There was a previous burrito record, kids.
Not only is this a tremendous waste of food (anyone want to take a nibble at a burrito that's been sitting out in the Nevada sun for a few hours?), but those folks who spend their leisure time building 8,000 foot burritos are tremendous wastes of oxygen as well. You mean to tell me that in Reno, Nevada, no one has anything better to do than schlop 2,000 pounds of refried beans??
