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November 29, 2004
COOPERSTOWN CALLING? The National Baseball
COOPERSTOWN CALLING?
The National Baseball Hall of Fame today released its 2005 ballot of players eligible to be voted into Cooperstown by the Baseball Writers' Association of America. Here's the list of players on the ballot:
The complete ballot (x-first time eligible): x-Jim Abbott, Bert Blyleven, x-Wade Boggs, x-Tom Candiotti, Dave Concepcion, x-Chili Davis, Andre Dawson, Steve Garvey, Rich Gossage, Tommy John, x-Mark Langston, Don Mattingly, x-Jack McDowell, x-Willie McGee, x-Jeff Montgomery, Jack Morris, Dale Murphy, x-Otis Nixon, Dave Parker, x-Tony Phillips, Jim Rice, Ryne Sandberg, Lee Smith, x-Terry Steinbach, x-Darryl Strawberry, Bruce Sutter, Alan Trammell.
Now, the BWAA hasn't yet accepted the Mudge as a member; it's probably a good thing, because I would be voting every year to ban Ivan Drago out in San Francisco from the Hall. But if I did have the chance, here's who I'd be voting for, in the order I think they belong:
1. Bruce Sutter. It's an absolute crime that this guy isn't already in the Hall. He recorded 300 saves back in an era when you didn't just get handed a save for getting two outs in the ninth when your team is up by three runs. He dominated his position for the better part of a decade. As a relief pitcher, he finished in the top ten in MVP voting five times. He was only the third relief pitcher ever to win a Cy Young Award, in 1979 (relievers have to date won only 8 Cy's). And he was the innovator who invented the split-fingered fastball, a pitch that changed the game and has become a critical part of the arsenal of many of today's most successful pitchers. Bruce Sutter changed his position -- in my mind, a certain qualification for the Hall.
2. Goose Gossage. As dominant as Sutter was, he was not the most feared pitcher in his league even during his prime. Goose Gossage, however, was. An intimidating presence on the mound whose fastball was just as frightening, Gossage routinely pitched two and three inning saves. He was a nine-time all-star; he had the most feared fastball of his day; he finished in the top six for a Cy Young Award six times. He recorded 310 career saves, and recorded more than 1500 strikeouts despite being a starter for only one of his 22 seasons. He recorded eight World Series saves. But the biggest yardstick that I use to measure a player is how he was regarded among the players at his position during his career... and between 1978 and 1984, there was no reliever feared by hitters than more than Gossage. He belongs.
3. Ryne Sandberg. Again, going by how a player was regarded during his time, Sandberg is hands-down a Hall of Famer. An all-star in ten consecutive seasons, Sandberg was the best defensive 2B of his era, winning nine straight Gold Gloves -- more than any second baseman in baseball history. And oh yeah... he was no slouch at the plate either -- racking up 2,386 hits, scoring more than 1300 runs, hitting .285 over his career, leading the National League in home runs in 1990 and belting 282 for his career, stealing 344 bases, and winning the NL MVP award in 1984. From 1982-1992, Sandberg was the best second baseman in baseball... and when you dominate for that long, you belong in the Hall.
4. Jim Rice. I'm biased, because I am a Sox fan. Fine. But the BWAA is biased against Rice because he wasn't a nice guy off the field, so our biases counteract each other. Rice had 2,452 career hits, hit 382 career home runs in an era when you could often lead the league with 39 in a season, won the 1978 MVP Award, had a career batting average of .298 even as a power hitter... and from the mid-70s through the early 80s, he was one of the premiere home run hitters in the game, one of the most feared mashers a pitcher could face. His numbers pale when compared to today's players, but the game has changed -- and during his time Rice was among the best at his position for a decade. So he was a jerk to reporters? Doesn't seem to hurt Bonds all that much when MVP voting happens.
5. Wade Boggs. He was only in the top five in MVP voting once, and his career total of 3,010 hits was padded by longevity -- Boggs was barely a shell of his former self for the last four years of his career, when he was hanging on pretty much until he got to 3000. And flat out, I never liked him - the only Red Sox superstar ever that I've never taken a liking to. But you know what? Five batting titles shout pretty loudly. 10 straight years of hitting .300 and a career average of .328 screams for the Hall. 8 straight seasons (1983-1990) of leading the AL in total times on base says that for 8 seasons in a row, Wade Boggs reached first base more than any other player in baseball (he had a career OBP of .415). I don't think he should be a first ballot Hall-er, but if I had a vote I would have to vote for Boggs.
And that's it. I'd think seriously about voting for Bert Blyleven and Jack Morris, but I can't say for sure that they're in -- so for the purposes of this post, they're out. The five guys I just highlighted deserve to be in the Hall of Fame... and come January, I'll be hoping for all of them (except Boggs; I won't be upset if he doesn't make it till his second or third year).
Posted by Christopher at 11:08 PM | Comments (0)MORE PROOF THAT THE CURMUDGEON
MORE PROOF THAT THE CURMUDGEON IS RIGHT
This story is the kind of thing that warms an old Mudge's heart... an "Optimists Club" that has to stop meeting because no one's showing up.
The Optimist Club is an international organization that formed in 1920. The Quakertown chapter started in 1980 with 35 members, but dropped to 15 members this year.
"Four or five people would come to meetings and only two or three people would help out with the activities," Kensky said. "I don't know why people stopped getting involved."
It's not like I have anything funny to say about this story. But if The Chronic Curmudgeon failed to mention an Optimists' Club disbanding for lack of interest, I wouldn't be me.
Posted by Christopher at 09:46 PM | Comments (0)November 28, 2004
JUST SAY NO You know
JUST SAY NO
You know when you were a teenager, and you got punished for something, and you sat there thinking about ways you could get your parents back for how "mean" they were being?
I think this kid wins the grand prize.
A father's attempt to teach his daughter a lesson about drinking backfired when the teen led police to a stash of drugs and weapons inside their home.
Kevin Winston, 46, called police at 2:45 a.m. Friday after his 16-year-old daughter came home drunk and unruly. When police arrived, however, the girl told them she feared for her safety because her father stored drugs and weapons in the home. The girl led officers to a crawl space above the ceiling where they found four semiautomatic guns and more than 600 vials of cocaine.
"Oh yeah? Well, go ahead and tell the cops I've been drinking! I'll just tell them about your tech-9s and blow!" Must have been a great house to do Thanksgiving in. How stupid does that father have to be? And what do you think the odds are that this kid ends up not being a debutante?
Darwinism in action. Gotta love it.
Posted by Christopher at 09:52 PM | Comments (0)YANKING OUR CHENEY Remember that
YANKING OUR CHENEY
Remember that Halliburton was given a no-bid contract to basically run the war in Iraq... and remember that phone calls were made from Dick Cheney's office to influence that contract. Remember that the FBI is investigating possible favoritism shown Halliburton by the Bush Administration.
Then remember that Halliburton overcharged the Pentagon more than $61 million on gasoline purchases -- and was never punished, beyond having to pay that money back. Remember that employees of Halliburton's subsidiary, KBR, took more than $6 million in kickbacks. Consider that in this post, I have yet to render an opinion on any of these facts -- no spin has been rendered, merely facts have been reported.
Now consider that Halliburton has lost more than one-third of the US property it was paid to manage in Iraq, according to the US Inspector General.
Halliburton's KBR subsidiary "did not effectively manage government property" and auditors could not locate hundreds of CPA items worth millions of dollars in Iraq and Kuwait this summer and fall, Inspector General Stuart W. Bowen reported to Congress in two reports.
So Dick Cheney and the Bush Administration are giving away your tax money to Cheney's former company without opening the contract to a bid... the company overcharges the government, accepts kickbacks, and loses more than a third of the stuff they're paid to manage...
You know, in the private sector, that's called incompetence. In the Bush Administration, that's called our preferred contractor. Incompetence, graft, and padding the bills... more of those red state values at work for you.
Posted by Christopher at 09:02 PM | Comments (0)RED STATES, RED NECKS Want
RED STATES, RED NECKS
Want to know what the red states stand for? Want a good example of red staters' "traditional moral values?" This past November 2, Alabama provided us a perfect example of real red state values -- and Alabama conservative Christian leaders provided us a perfect example of how conservatives use smoke-and-mirror issues to muddle the real picture of their motives and agenda.
This past election, Alabama voters refused to approve an amendment to the state constitution... an amendment that would have removed two passages: wording requiring separate schools for "white and colored children," and wording that says the state does not have to guarantee a public education for all of its citizens.
US federal law supercedes state constitutions... but you did read that right. The people of Alabama voted to keep segregation in their constitution.
The amendment had two main parts: the removal of the separate-schools language and the removal of a passage -- inserted in the 1950s in an attempt to counter the Brown v. Board of Education ruling against segregated public schools -- that said Alabama's constitution does not guarantee a right to a public education.
Nice folks, those Alabamans. Apparently, racism is among those "moral values" these folks rail about so loudly. Given the opportunity to vote segregation out of their constitution, they declined. Red state values in action, kids.
Not surprisingly, the charge against this amendment was led by the Christian Coalition in Alabama. Of course, not even the evangelical right will admit publicly to being motivated by racism. So somehow, they had to invent another rationale. Guess what traditonal right wing buzzword they invoked?
But, employing an argument that was ridiculed by most of the state's newspapers and by legions of legal experts, [Alabama Christian Coalition President John] Giles and others said guaranteeing a right to a public education would have opened a door for "rogue" federal judges to order the state to raise taxes to pay for improvements in its public school system.
What the freaking hell?
Guaranteeing every child a right to a public education opens the door to "rogue judges" who will raise taxes? What the freaking hell?! What's next -- guaranteeing every citizen the right to vote will open the door for gay marriages?
"Activists on the bench know no bounds," Giles said. "It's a trial lawyer's dream." Giles was aided by a virtually unparalleled Alabama celebrity in his battle against the amendment, distributing testimonials from former chief justice Roy Moore, whose fame was sealed in 2003 when he defied a federal court order to remove a two-ton granite Ten Commandments monument from the rotunda of the Alabama Supreme Court. They were joined by former Moore aide Tom Parker, who handed out miniature Confederate flags this fall during his successful campaign for a seat on the Alabama Supreme Court.
Wow. He even managed to get another buzzword, "trial lawyers," into his argument... while getting backup from one guy who wants the US to be an evangelical theocracy and another guy who campaigns for election by using a symbol of racism and armed rebellion against the US government.
This is the right wing, friends. These are their much-hyped "values." And this is what the red staters vote for.
Posted by Christopher at 07:48 PM | Comments (0)November 22, 2004
HAPPY THANKSGIVING This Thanksgiving is
HAPPY THANKSGIVING
This Thanksgiving is going to be much less hectic for me and for my family than it's been for the past couple of years. No traveling around and flights to connect or airports to wait in; no weddings just over; nobody in the hospital seriously ill; no figuring out who will be where and whose family must be visited this year. Just a quiet holiday where all of us will be at my parents' place. So I have that to be thankful for. Of course, the beach I'll be at will be about 50 degrees, not 80 degrees... so that's to not be thankful for.
2004 was pretty much a lousy year (excepting the Red Sox' run to a championship), so you'll forgive me if I'm not feeling particularly thankful. I am neither self-indulgent enough nor do I believe you have the patience to listen to me whine through my list of reasons why the past twelve months sucked. And the top ten lists are best saved for next month around this time.
So as I get ready to hit the road and head to Delaware for a few days, I'll just wish everyone a happy, peaceful, and safe holiday, and hope that you all spend the day in the company of loved ones and close friends. Thanks for stopping by my place every now and then to take a read.
And when you sit down to enjoy the day and the meal and the company, please take some time to remember our military members in Iraq and Afghanistan -- especially Marine's Girl's Marine, VK, who is currently somewhere in Iraq more than 18 months after he was supposed to get out of the military. This is the second straight Thanksgiving he was supposed to be home with his girl and the little boy who calls him "New Daddy." This is the second straight Thanksgiving where an empty plate will mark the spot where we all hope VK sits next year.
No matter what you think of this war or the people who led our nation into it, whether you are anti or pro... the soldiers, Marines, airmen, and sailors who wear our country's uniform are doing an impossible-to-fathom job under impossible-to-fathom conditions. And for every Lyndie Englund, there are thousands of good men and women who are trying to do good over there, whose hearts are in the right place, and who either believe in the cause or are professionals who are doing their best to do the job they've been ordered to do.
If nothing else this year, I am thankful that the world I wake up to every morning does not resemble the one they see. And I'm thankful that they have the courage to be in that world and do their jobs.
So raise a glass to those serving overseas, and to their families and loved ones. Here's hoping that next year, they're home for Thanksgiving.
Posted by Christopher at 09:48 PM | Comments (0)November 21, 2004
ISN'T IT IRONIC? DON'TCHA THINK?
ISN'T IT IRONIC? DON'TCHA THINK?
I don't really have a position on this lawsuit. I never got into a Ker's during my Florida days, so I really have no way of knowing whether Ker's is lifting Hooters' concept. (For the record, Hooters really does have great wings.)
Atlanta-based Hooters of America accuses Ker's WingHouse of Kissimmee of poaching the idea coined when it opened its first sports bar in Clearwater in 1983, Hooters lawyer Steve Hill said in opening statements Wednesday in Orlando.
"We believe we are defending the integrity of our intellectual property rights," McNeil said outside the courtroom Wednesday.
But Crawford Ker said he based his chain on Knockers, a failing restaurant with an all-female staff in Largo that he took over after retiring from the NFL, according to pretrial deposition.
I just like the idea of Hooters being in court to defend "intellectual property."
Posted by Christopher at 01:02 PM | Comments (0)I TOLD YOU SO... VOLUME
I TOLD YOU SO... VOLUME II
We knew this was going to happen... many of us on the left warned you that the Bush agenda includes turning the US into an evangelical Christian right-wing theocracy. We were written off as alarmist and told that we were distorting the record and the facts.
Well, just because it's happening gradually doesn't change the fact that it's happening. Hard-right, extreme Christian ideology is being seeped further into American society -- and the Bush government is its vehicle. (Ask someone in Saudi Arabia how good it is when the government espouses and encourages a fundamentalist branch or sect of a state religion.)
People's exhibit #1: the scientifically invalid "theory" of "Creationist science" is being forced into the National Parks system, specifically at the Grand Canyon National Park, by the Bush Administration -- over the opposition of the park's superintendent. Worse yet, as Time reports this week, the Bush people have instructed the park to tell people the matter is under review... only there's no review scheduled, and the Bush Administration is standing by the decision to force Creationist dogma into the Park.
At the center of the controversy is author and Canyon guide Tom Vail, a self-styled Colorado River guide who's written a book proclaiming that all our scientific knowledge of how the Canyon was formed over millions of years is wrong -- that it was in fact God who created the Canyon 4500 years ago with Noah's flood. Here's all you need to know about the man whose work this administration is forcing the National Park Service to endorse:
"For years," Vail explains, "as a Colorado River guide, I told people how the Grand Canyon was formed over the evolutionary time span of millions of years. (Most geologists place the canyon's age at some six million years). Then I met the Lord. Now I have a different view of the Canyon, which according to a biblical time scale, can't possibly be more than a few thousand years old."
You "met" the Lord? What, God showed up at a party you went to, you exchanged e-mail addresses and started watching ballgames together?
Look, this is America. If Tom Vail wants to be part of a fundamentalist Christian sect and ignore proven scientific facts, that's his right. But the problem comes when the government not only endorses his beliefs, but uses tax money -- yours and mine -- to force it upon the public. And that's what the Bush Administration is doing. First of all, they've forced the book to be placed in the Park bookstores, despite overwhelming opposition among Park employees and despite the fact that the book is based on a wholly invalid premise -- based on religion, not science.
That led David Shaver, who heads the Geologic Resources Division of the Park Service, to send a memo to headquarters urging that the book be removed from the NPS stores. "It is not based on science," he wrote, "but on a specific religious doctrine... and should not have been approved for in NPS affiliated book stores."
The presidents of The American Geological Institute and six of its member societies also weighed in, expressing their dismay to the Park Service. Noting that the Grand Canyon "provides a remarkable and unique opportunity to educate the public about Earth science," the scientists urged that, "in fairness to the millions of park visitors, we must clearly distinguish religious from scientific knowledge."
But when Grand Canyon National Park superintendent Joe Alston attempted to block the sale of Vail's book at canyon bookstores, he was overruled by NPS headquarters, which announced that a high-level policy review of the matter would be launched and a decision made by February, 2004. So far, no official decision has been announced. Even worse, according to the Public Employees for Environmental Responsibility (PEER), an organization that includes many Park employees, papers obtained under the Freedom of Information Act reveal that no review has ever taken place.
So it's perfectly okay to present religious dogma as scientific fact? Anyone want to lay a wager that somehow, no books that present the Islamic version of how the earth was formed will ever make it into the Park bookstore?
Even more troubling, PEER charges that Grand Canyon National Park no longer offers an official estimate of the age of the canyon, and that the NPS has blocked publication of guidance intended for park rangers that reminds them there is no scientific basis for creationism.. Among other moves, for example, NPS has allowed the placing of bronze plaques bearing Psalm verses at Grand Canyon overlooks.
Again... anyone want to bet that there won't be any plaques at those overlooks presenting verses from the Bhagavad Gita? Or that the bookstore won't be selling any books that present as fact the idea that Krishna or Vishnu created the Canyon as part of the great cycle of creation and annihilation?
Apparently, it's only acceptable to push one specific religion's dogma -- fundamentalist Christian -- as scientific fact. That's government endorsement of a state religion. That's government proselytizing an evangelical agenda, using the people's money to do it. That's theocracy in action -- no different than what the Saudi government does.
If you supported George W. Bush, this is what you voted for. Nice going.
ANYONE SEEN THE DOC? I
ANYONE SEEN THE DOC?
I have to tell you, I'm really worried about the Doc. He hasn't blogged since November 11th, after all. And after reading this story, I think I might know what's happened to him and why he's not blogging.
Thieves have stolen scantily clad garden gnomes from a gnome peepshow in an eastern German amusement park, park manager Frank Ullrich said on Thursday.
"The gnomes display naked body parts -- the same ones you'd expect to see in a human peep show," Ullrich said of his missing stars.
Let's see... short like a garden gnome? Check. Frequently scantily clad and displaying naked body parts? Oh no! Someone in Germany has kidnapped the Doc!!!
Posted by Christopher at 10:23 AM | Comments (0)FROM THE "DUH" FILE, PART
FROM THE "DUH" FILE, PART II
Anyone who was a kid -- ever -- could have told you this: "NY Lawsuit Questions Safety of Dodgeball." Duh... really?
Look... I actually enjoyed dodgeball when I was a kid. I loved it. I was pretty good at it. But while I was athletic, I was also a smaller kid (hard to believe now, I know -- but my big growth spurt didn't happen until the summer between 9th and 10th grade, when I went from being 5'4" to being 5'9" in three short months. Until that point, I was always the little guy). And I got pummeled in dodgeball; I gave as good as I got, but I got pummeled. So any time I see a headline saying that people are questioning the safety of dodgeball, I have to wonder if they were ever kids... or ever played. Of course it's dangerous, Skeezix.
New York's case began in the fall of 2001. Seven-year-old Heather Lindaman was playing a variation of dodgeball in gym class on a hardwood court. The version included several balls and no safety or protection zone to run from the thrown balls.
The New York appellate judges upheld a lower court ruling that the school district's request for summary dismissal of the case, without trial, should be denied. They said there is an argument to be heard about whether this version of dodgeball "was particularly dangerous for younger children."
Okay, I know this is easier for me to say, because I don't have children; if and when I do have a brood of mini-Mudges running around, I may feel differently if someone breaks my child. But man... lawsuits over "dangerous activities?" Court cases for every injury suffered in gym class or sports? Might as well ban Little League and kids' soccer -- kids do get hurt, you know? And someone better get ready to sue Huffy, because bicycles can be dangerous.. do you know how many kids fall off bikes every year and hurt themselves? We complain that our kids are getting more obese and less active every year, but then we litigate their way out of activity?
I'm sorry this little girl broke her elbow. Really. That's a painful injury no matter how old you are... and because the break appears to have happened along a growth plate, she may have some issues as she gets older. But when I was a kid, we called things like this "accidents." I had plenty of those when I was growing up -- fell out of trees, fell off my bike, took foul tips off my fingers, broke bones when a bigger kid landed on me while we both tried to recover a fumble, fell off the jungle gym at recess... and guess what? I turned out all right. I lived. And my parents didn't need to sue anyone.
Lawsuits because dodgeball is dangerous. What's next -- is someone gonna sue McDonalds because their coffee is too hot?
Never mind.
Posted by Christopher at 10:01 AM | Comments (0)THE NATIONAL BASKETBRAWL ASSOCIATION I
THE NATIONAL BASKETBRAWL ASSOCIATION
I love when time and events sort of prove my point for me. Just last week, I railed about the general lack of character in the NBA. A few folks -- most notably my friend Corey -- took umbrage at my generalization, and suggested that my impression was colored by the events and players who grab the headlines, rather than the "silent majority."
Well, I know that you can't judge an entire organization by the stupidity of its players and its fans, but my, the events of Friday evening certainly provided more fodder for the "there is no character in the NBA" argument, didn't they?
In case you missed it (and even if you're not a sports fan, I can't imagine that you haven't at least heard about this), a series of events at the end of the Indiana-Detroit game on Friday night resulted in two the Indiana players -- Ron Artest and Stephen Jackson -- vaulting into the crowd in Detroit and exchanging punches with fans. A full scale riot ensued; the remaining 46 seconds of the game were not played, and fans and players alike threw punches for several minutes.
The melee started when Detroit's Ben Wallace went in for a layup and was fouled hard by Artest from behind. After being fouled, Wallace wheeled around and pushed Artest in the face. The benches emptied and punches were thrown.
As the players continued shoving each other near center court and coaches tried to restore order, Artest sprawled out on his back on the scorer's table, looking relaxed. Just when it appeared tempers had died down, Artest was struck by a full cup thrown from the stands. He jumped up and charged into the stands, throwing punches as he climbed over seats.
The video from Friday night is going to haunt the NBA for years to come. Literally years. And the incident rendered the rest of the league irrelevant; in Miami that night, Tim's hero and fellow MU alum Dwyane Wade had perhaps the best night of his burgeoning career, scoring 39 points with 8 assists and 3 steals and hitting a dramatic jump shot at the buzzer to win the game over Utah. But no one noticed. (Except for Tim.)
From all indications, the fans are equally culpable in this embarrassment. There is no excuse, ever, for fans of any sport to get involved in any sort of altercation with players -- be it punches or simply beers that are thrown. (Authorities in Detroit are reportedly looking into pursuing criminal charges against some of those in the audience. Good. But don't stop there -- criminal charges for aiding and abetting ought to go to the Pistons' crack security team for its negligence.)
And while heckling is a time-honored tradition that is a grand part of sports, somewhere in recent years the art form has been reduced; what was once Seinfeld is now Jerry Springer. If you've attended any sporting event in the past few years, you know of the sprialing loss of decorum and class among fans. Somewhere along the line, a bunch of boorish brutes decided en masse that it is perfectly okay to scream epithets and vile obscenities at opposing players simply for being on the other team -- and all in front of other people's children. Heckling can be so funny that even the players laugh; it can actually be a bonding experience between player and fan. But as practiced by most fans today, it's little more than socially licensed hatred. And not only can it anger players, it can frankly embarrass other fans. I hate the concept of luxury boxes and primo reserved seating, but I must admit that I am glad to be in a position where I am beginning to be able to afford them every so often... because so often anymore, it's become uncomfortable to sit among the fans in the cheap seats. My point in all this is that I do not excuse the fans. They appear to have exacerbated the situation and instigated much of what happened.
But my most acidic bile is reserved for the players... because as a professional, you're supposed to know better than to attack your fans. And though I could understand - if not condone - a heat of the moment, adrenalin-fueled reaction if one were actually physically threatened, in this case, at least to start, we're talking about someone chucking a beer onto you. The responses were so disproportional and flat out stupid that they deserve a season-long suspension -- for both Artest and Jackson. (And while we're at it, let's levy a season-long suspension for that idiot pitcher in Texas who chucked a chair into the stands at an abusive Oakland fan.) As ESPN.com's Jim Caple puts it,
While the fans clearly asked for it, that in no way gives the players permission to give it to them. The players must be mature enough to let security and police officers handle such situations, if only to protect their bank accounts. Fan behavior can be ugly. It always gets much, much uglier when players respond.
He's right. The players ought to be mature enough. But when a league makes a habit of drafting 18 and 19 year old kids who've treated college like a joke and a brief distraction on the way to what's "rightfully theirs" (if they even bothered with college at all)... when young men with criminal records and patterns of above-the-law behavior are made the centerpiece of the league because the ability to "ball" so far outweighs character in this NBA that character has virtually disappeared... well, when you build your league upon the backs of poster children for immaturity, maturity might just be too much to expect.
Many in the NBA player community, both active and retired, are saying that the fans who got involved "got what they deserved." Perhaps so. But I can't help but think that so did the NBA.
Posted by Christopher at 08:42 AM | Comments (0)November 16, 2004
NEXT ON SPRINGER... MY EX
NEXT ON SPRINGER... MY EX IS A PSYCHO (who needs glasses)
When I first read the lead on this story, I started wondering which of my ex'es had moved to Washington state.
A woman who was angry about finding her ex-boyfriend with another woman took out her frustration on another man, accidentally.
The woman was driving when she thought she saw her ex-boyfriend's car pull out in front of her. She forced the car off the road as they entered a bend and rammed it three times, State Patrol troopers said. When the two cars finally came to a stop, the woman, Theresa M. Wilson, 43, realized it was not her ex-boyfriend.
Man... how'd you like to be the driver of that car, and have to go home to your wife or partner and explain that one? "No, I swear, baby... I never met her before in my life! I have no idea why she was so angry with me!" Think someone's sleeping on the couch for a while?
As for Theresa M. Wilson... what was that: No'd rage? What did she say down at the police station? "Oops... my bad! I didn't mean to try to kill that guy! I thought I was trying to kill some other guy!"
And for the record, no... I never dated her.
A DOC SIGHTING?? No confirmation
A DOC SIGHTING??
No confirmation yet of the name of the man in this story... but I think we all have our suspicions.
A man was undergoing psychiatric evaluation after he jumped naked into a pool of carnivorous reptiles at the Bronx Zoo, authorities said. The episode happened at about 1:30 p.m. Friday, when the man, whose name was not released, stripped off his clothes and climbed a 5-foot wall surrounding the zoo's tank of caimans -- a type of crocodile from Central and South America, police said.
So, Doc... (swinging light bulb sways above the interrogation table)... where were you on the afternoon of Friday, November 12??
STATE WELFARE Don't you just
STATE WELFARE
Don't you just hate ingrates who stand there with their hands out, expecting something for nothing... those who expect to be taken care of at the expense of others?
No, I'm not talking about panhandlers at the subway station. And I haven't switched sides on you and started off on some rant over "welfare queens" (code words for: single women of color).
I'm talking about those kings of the government handout... the red states. As reported in Fortune magazine this week, those states who whine the loudest about taxes are actually the beneficiaries of some pretty healthy state welfare - paid for by us in the blue states.
... a fiscal map looks awfully like an electoral map. (Lest you think this is all just liberal bias, the right-leaning Tax Foundation supplies similar data.) Between 1991 and 2001, "winner" states got nearly $1 trillion more in federal benefits than they paid in taxes. Alabama won the biggest, raking in $100 billion. Losers California, New York, and Illinois each paid $250 billion or so more than they got back. The huge gaps are driven by higher average incomes in the "donor" states, plus subsidies for farms, oil, mining -- "extractive" industries that skew red. There are exceptions (Texas is a loser, Pennsylvania a winner), but the map on this page shows the big picture. The heist is more impressive considering that the winners have only a third of the U.S. population.
So let me see if I have this con down right... while whining about tax-happy northeasterners, the red state folks lifted us for nearly $1 trillion per decade? They've been decrying us as everything from America-haters to godless pagans, but they've been reaching under the table and grabbing whatever handouts we're stupid enough to give? In the Fortune columnist's words,
For blue staters, it's one thing to watch red states pick the President and set national policy on everything from Iraq to judges. But to pay them lavishly for the pleasure suggests that blues aren't just losers, they're stupid losers. You can feel blue anger rising. You reds don't like taxes? Okay, stop taking mine! You can have your states' rights too -- and we'll start by cutting your allowance!
You know, I think this guy's onto something. After listening to evangelicals, southern conservatives, and talk radio blowhards make people like me sound like a greater threat to America than al Qaida for the last two decades, I'm not as much in a giving mood. So red staters have so much open disdain for our blue state values? Let that disdain extend to our money, then. As Fortune's columnist writes,
Red states shouldn't even want blue money, what with it coming from gun-confiscating pinkos on their way to hell. Cutting off that tainted cash would be doing reds a favor. That's my opening position, anyway. The jig's up. Nice federal highway system you have there, Alabama. I'd hate to see anything happen to it...
I love it. Great idea. Let's see how much the whiners in red state America bitch about taxes when they start having to actually pay their own way. Let's see how much open disdain red staters show for blue state values when we cut off the money train and end the handouts.
How quickly a closed fist turns into an outstretched palm, huh?
November 15, 2004
CONGRATULATIONS WHERE THEY'RE DUE My
CONGRATULATIONS WHERE THEY'RE DUE
My friend (and frequent Mudgeonland commenter) Erika was in town this past weekend. Erika's currently based in Chicago, but has been hoping to land a job here in the New York area, and has worked very hard to make that happen. This weekend, beyond visiting yours truly, Erika had two missions: one, go through what was essentially a "final interview" for a NY-based position here in our company, and two, find an apartment.
I'm proud to report that she was successful on both counts. She was in fact offered the job today, and on Saturday I went with her as she apartment hunted just over the river in New Jersey... she found a quaint and delightful brownstone apartment with lots of character, lots of skylights, and in an exciting and vibrant neighborhood.
So, Erika - congratulations from me and from all of us here in Mudgeonland on your new home and new job. You did it - made it here to New York. I know you're going to do great. Welcome home, my friend.
Posted by Christopher at 11:26 PM | Comments (0)FARE THEE WELL TO A
FARE THEE WELL TO A LEGEND
I'm rarely, if ever, in agreement with William Safire. He's way too far off to the right for me. But I'm not just a leftie, I'm also a writer (how's that for clever word play?). And as a writer, I have a great deal of respect for Safire -- he's extraordinarily articulate, well-written, and very talented. If I ever write half as well as he does, I'll be thrilled.
I'm mentioning this because the New York Times announced today that Safire is retiring from writing his column for that paper after 31 years. His final column will be January 24.
Fare thee well, Mr. Safire. Thanks for setting a standard for me and other writers to try and live up to. And enjoy your retirement.
REMEMBER THAT GUY THEY USED
REMEMBER THAT GUY THEY USED TO CALL WILD THING? (If you ever see him, say hi.)
I'm kind of scratching my head over this one. The FDA has asked Pfizer to withdraw its "Wild Thing" ads for Viagra.
In a letter dated Nov. 10, the FDA said Pfizer implied that the male seen in the ads had returned to a previous level of sexual desire and activity. "FDA is not aware of substantial evidence or substantial clinical experience demonstrating this benefit for patients who take Viagra," said the letter from the FDA's Division of Drug Marketing, Advertising, and Communications.
You know, maybe it's just me. But in the rare case that an erection lasts four hours or longer, I would think that most men would return to a previous level of desire to "seek immediate attention," don't you?
I'm trying to figure out what's so misleading about Wild Thing.
"NO ONE EVER WENT BROKE
"NO ONE EVER WENT BROKE OVERESTIMATING THE INTELLIGENCE OF THE AMERICAN PEOPLE"
So goes the quote attributed to one of the great capitalists of any age, P.T. Barnum. (What's capitalism if not finding a product, creating demand for it, and becoming wealthy from it?)
I was reminded of that quote when I saw this news story.
CBS News has fired the producer responsible for breaking into "CSI: NY" last week for a special report on Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat's death, a CBS executive said Monday, speaking on condition of anonymity.
The news report came during the last five minutes of the forensics mystery last Wednesday, prompting viewer complaints and leading CBS to repeat the show Friday.
So let's be sure we understand what happened: a man who was one of the seminal, central figures of the Middle Eastern conflict for the last third of a century dies. A news producer breaks into entertainment programming to inform the viewing public of this significant and historic news development. The viewers complain, and the news producer is fired.
Suddenly, those lower SAT scores over the last couple of decades make a lot more sense.
Posted by Christopher at 10:04 PM | Comments (1)WHERE I COME FROM, THEY
WHERE I COME FROM, THEY CALL THIS A JOKE
The National League MVP Award was announced today, and that one dimensional steroid-laden freak out in San Francisco, Ivan Drago, injected another award onto his resume. Never mind that his team didn't even make the playoffs. Never mind that he didn't even finish in the top 15 in the National League in RBI, nor in the top 60 in hits. Never mind that Albert Pujols put together one of the great seasons of the last quarter century -- hitting .331 with 46 home runs, 123 RBI, scoring 133 runs, and hitting 51 doubles (ranking 5th, 2nd, 2nd, 1st and 1st respectively) and led his team to the World Series.
No, the baseball writers were blinded by HGH and 'roid-fueled paranoia, and cast their vote for a man who has cheated to gain his advantage, and who offers little more than steroid-powered home runs. They chose to honor a man who is among the poorest excuses for an ambassador that the game has -- a man who is reviled by baseball fans across the country despite his accomplishments.
That's okay. In seven years when Bonds' joints are breaking down and his back barely supports his weight after all those years of pumping roids into his body, maybe he can use all those MVP trophies as crutches to prop him up.
Posted by Christopher at 08:45 PM | Comments (0)November 14, 2004
SOMEONE'S ALWAYS GETTING IN THE
SOMEONE'S ALWAYS GETTING IN THE WAY OF THE FUN
Couldn't help but notice this story out of England. Leave it to those humorless Brits to ruin everybody's fun.
A plan to teach British children the risque art of pole dancing, usually the preserve of strip bars, has been cancelled after an uproar from child welfare groups, the teacher said.
Dance teacher Sarah Davis announced pole dancing classes for children over 12 at her studio in Birmingham, arguing it was a demanding activity which would improve fitness.
Now of course, the Doc and I started to enjoy the possibilities just a little too much for this post. Rather than try and reword the gist of our conversation, I'll simply share with you this little IM exchange between he and I.
Mudge: i have to blog on this
Doc: just sent the link to [friend who owns a dance studio] to make sure he and [wife] got a jump on the competition
Mudge: too funny
Mudge: it's vocational training! how many little girls will now grow up to be less successful strippers because of this?
Mudge: how many future husbands will rue the day this decision came down - their wives are going to suck at poledancing for them!
Doc: maybe they got the dateline wrong...maybe it was supposed to be dateline warsaw, not london
Mudge: LOL. Yours wins
Doc: i hear it is funded by michael jackson
Mudge: lol!!!!
Doc: just giving you fodder for the blog...your job to piece it all together
Doc: mommy and me classes
Doc: tuition only accepted in singles
Mudge: not baby einstein... baby "peaches"
Mudge: excellent on the singles - that's going in
Mudge: i love you... you love me... now you give me hundred three...
Doc: i've heard of boarding school before, but not poling school
Mudge: flat as a boarding school?
Mudge: whoreding school?
Doc: nice
Doc: man, imagine your daughter coming home from this school and telling you she's at the head of the class
Mudge: did she say giving head in class
Doc: Never a good sign when a parent teacher conference starts off with: "Hello Mrs. Juggs."
Doc: man, how bad for a father when his teenage daughter has homework
Doc: make sure you capture all of this :-)
Yes, it's fun to be an overgrown thirteen year old sometimes.
Posted by Christopher at 11:07 AM | Comments (0)I HATE TO SAY I
I HATE TO SAY I TOLD YOU SO, BUT...
Congratulations, conservative America. You got what you wanted. You turned back those nasty liberals with their dangerous thoughts about the Constitution, diversity, and freedom of expression. It's been 12 days since George W. Bush returned to the White House; but that return came under increasingly shady circumstances; it seems that not all of those "most votes ever" were actually real... and wow, what a shock: there were "mistakes" that just happened to happen in swing states!
Can you imagine how loud the Republicans would be screaming if Kerry had been the official winner and then voting machines in Ohio had been proven to be giving Kerry 3900 extra votes -- in the one district where it had been caught? Tom DeLay would probably have flown in at least 100 of his white-shirted intimidation troops -- I mean, "observers" who just happen to pound angrily on the doors of the rooms where votes ar being counted, a la Florida in 2000 -- from DC to try and scare officials into a recount by now.
But because conservatives and Republicans are the self-appointed guardians of our morals and values, we're not supposed to question anything whatsoever about Uncle George W. Bush, his party, or the circumstances in which he was elected. This is the party of moral values, after all!
Well, let's take a look at how conservative values have been applied in just the last 12 days:
1) Alberto Gonzales has been tapped to become the new Attorney General. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, in George W. Bush's America, a man deeply involved in the approval of the use of torture by the US now in charge of the Justice Department. Gotta love those conservative values.
2) Chill effect censorship is starting to take deeper hold. Nearly 1/3 of the ABC affiliates in America would not air "Saving Private Ryan," for fear that the film's realistic depiction of war would run afoul of the FCC's nebulous and unwritten guidelines on "indecent" content -- guidelines that are increasingly subjective and adhere carefully to the conservative moral agenda.
You know, given that a number of Sinclair Broadcasting stations were prominently among the stations refusing to air the movie, there's another possible explanation, beyond the American Inquisition nature of the Federal Conservatives Commission under Bush. Could it be that realistic depictions of how horrific war is might run afoul of the conservative agenda? Because if we're all reminded of how brutal and horrendous war is, we might start thinking about how our nation is currently engaged in a war that George W. Bush started under false pretense... and we might not think so highly of him if we remember those made-up words about WMD and how callously Bush led us into war. (He's still not attended one funeral for a soldier or Marine killed in Iraq, by the way.)
Whatever the reason, in George W. Bush's America, we now have a situation where TV stations are afraid to broadcast content for fear that it might upset the government. Gotta love those conservative values.
3) Bush has announced his plan to select Dr. W. David Hager to head up the FDA's Reproductive Health Drugs Advisory Committee. This committee makes crucial decisions on matters relating to drugs used in the practice of obstetrics, gynecology and related specialties, including hormonetherapy, contraception, treatment for infertility, and medical alternatives to surgical procedures for sterilization and pregnancy termination.
Because women hold such an important place in conservative values, the committee has been virtually ignored by the Bush Administration -- it hasn't even met for more than two years. Of course, during this time, the committee's charter lapsed. And wow -- would you look at that? -- as a result, Bush now gets to fill all eleven positions with new members... none of which require Congressional approval.
Hager, a fundamentalist conservative Christian, is the author of "As Jesus Cared for Women: Restoring Women Then and Now," which blends biblical accounts of Christ healing women with case studies from Hager's practice. Hager also recently assisted the Christian Medical Association in a "citizen's petition" which calls upon the FDA to revoke its approval of mifepristone in the name of women's health.
In his private OB/GYN practice, Hager refuses to prescribe contraceptives to unmarried women. In the book Hager wrote with his wife, entitled "Stress and the Woman's Body," he suggests that women who suffer from premenstrual syndrome should seek help from reading the bible and praying. As an editor and contributing author of "The Reproduction Revolution: A Christian Appraisal of Sexuality Reproductive Technologies and the Family," Hager has endorsed the medically inaccurate assertion that the common birth control pill is an abortifacient... yes, the man Bush is going to put in charge of women's reproductive health in this country will not even acknowledge medical fact - that the Pill does not induce abortions.
Hager has an established track record of using religious beliefs to guide his medical decision-making. But Bush's "conservative values" have led him to name Hager anyway. So for you men, understand now that thanks to Bush, the man in charge of the reproductive health of your wives, daughters, mothers and sisters is someone who thinks that the medical solution for PMS is prayer, and that unmarried women should not receive birth control. Yes, kids, he opposes abortion, but won't prescribe the birth control that would prevent unintended pregnancies.
Gee, guys... hope your wife or mother never needs a hysterectomy -- the US government's solution for her will be that she needs to pray. Hope your daughters don't want to try and use protection to keep herself from becoming pregnant -- the government will prevent her from doing so. Hope none of you have a planned pregnancy with your wife/significant other -- obstetrics and gynecology in George W. Bush's America is hostage to politics and religion, not science and medicine. Women... all I can say is: Be afraid. Be very afraid.
Welcome to George W. Bush's conservative values.
4) Want to know the kind of person who's overjoyed with Bush's "re-election?" Check out the letter to Bush from Bob Jones III, Christian Taliban extraordinaire, head of the university that prohibited interracial dating into the 21st century and that still puts anti-Catholic hate literature on its Website.
"In your re-election, God has graciously granted America -- though she doesn't deserve it -- a reprieve from the agenda of paganism," Jones wrote Bush in a congratulatory letter posted on the university's Web site.
First of all, can you imagine all the conservative outcry if a prominent liberal had spouted off about America not deserving something? We get called "America-haters" simply for opposing Bush, much less suggesting America may not deserve anything.
"You have been given a mandate... Put your agenda on the front burner and let it boil. You owe the liberals nothing. They despise you because they despise your Christ."
Political opponents "despise your Christ?" Sounds quite a bit like the "smite the infidels" we hear from bin Laden, Mullah Omar, Zarqawi and the rest of the Islamic fundamentalist terrorists that we are at war with, doesn't it?
Welcome to conservative values, America. Those of you who voted for Bush, this is what you voted for. Nicely done, guys.
November 11, 2004
WHY BASKETBALL SUCKS I've said
WHY BASKETBALL SUCKS
I've said before, the more time goes by, the less time I have for most professional sports. The me-me-me focused, posse-having, all-I-care about-is-money, I'm-entitled-to-everything, I'll-do-a-celebration-dance-even-when-my-team-is-losing-because-it's-all-about-getting-ME-on-SportsCenter nature of most guys in the NFL and NBA have completely turned me off to those sports... with football I pay a little closer attention when the Patriots or Vikings play, but I've found myself generally looking for something else to do on Sunday afternoons.
But by far the NBA is worse. Much worse. While basketball was always #4 for me among the major sports, I did used to enjoy watching it. Maybe I was lucky to grow up during the Magic-Larry-Michael era. But when I can count on my fingers the number of guys in the league whom I don't detest, it gives you some sense of where the NBA fits in my world now. While there is the occasional exception -- a Tim Duncan, Kevin Garnett, or Dwyane Wade who seems to actually be a decent human being -- the league now seems to me to be little more than a collection of thugz and punks.
I give you people's Exhibit A: Indiana Pacers forward Ron Artest requested time off this month from his team's games because he was tired and worn down from promoting his upcoming rap album.
"I've been doing a little bit too much music, just needed the rest," Artest said. "I've still got my album coming out Nov. 23. After the album comes out I'm going to make sure all of my time is focused on winning a championship."
AFTER the album comes out, you're going to make sure all of your time is focused on winning a championship?? Wow, Ron. I'm so glad that after your personal project is taken care of, you'll focus on the team that's paying you millions of dollars. What a prince. Glad to have this guy on my team. What a self-centered, clueless little punk. If I were Pacers GM Larry Bird, Ron Artest would suddenly find himself with a whole lot of free time to work on his rap career. Of course, because Artest has talent and plays good D, that won't happen... and even if it did, someone else would scoop him up. And that's precisely what's wrong with the NBA: talent is allowed to override everything else - and the inmates run the asylum.
People's Exhibit 2: Minnesota Timberwolves guard Latrell Sprewell says he's barely scraping by on his $14.6 million salary, and has mouths to feed... and if the Wolves won't pay him a living wage, he doesn't feel the need to actually give his best effort.
"Why would I want to help them win a title?" he asked. "They're not doing anything for me. I'm at risk. I have a lot of risk here. I got my family to feed. Anything could happen."
Okay, I do realize that many of the NBA guys have Shawn Kemp-ian sized families, so maybe ol' Coach-Choker's got beef here. But seriously, folks... $14.6 million a year isn't enough to feed your family? Hey Spree... try being one of the folks who forks out money to watch your sorry-ass self play each night. See how you do making $50 grand a year. What a pampered, spoiled, punk.
And then he makes it worse by saying he doesn't want to help the Wolves win a title? Can you imagine if you or I walked into our boss's office and said, "you're not paying me enough... why should I do the job you're paying me for and help this company/organization/business/newspaper/whatever be the best at what it does?" Can you picture how fast we'd be rubbing the bruises where we'd landed on our ass after being thrown out the door? That's precisely what ought to happen to the Coach-Choker. However, because he has talent, the Wolves will keep him this season. And if they didn't, someone else would.
And that's exactly what's wrong the NBA. This is the kind of person who overwhelmingly makes up pro basketball anymore. And it's this kind of person that has permanently turned me off of hoop.
Read Jeff Benedict's book, "Out of Bounds." This, my friends, is today's NBA -- a place where talent overrules the law, and character doesn't count for anything.
Posted by Christopher at 10:23 PM | Comments (4)November 09, 2004
WEEKEND IN NEW YORK All
WEEKEND IN NEW YORK
All right, so I am behind on writing about the weekend... sorry, it's been busy. This past weekend, my mom came up from Delaware to visit New York for just the third time since I moved here and for the first time since right after 9/11. So, while there was a lot of running around, it was still a very nice weekend.
One of the highlights of the weekend was taking my mom to her first Broadway show. (God bless my father, I love him to death and he's a wonderful guy, but it's basically up to me to get Mom to the theater... Dad's a meat, potatoes, and History Channel kind of guy.) So as we walked to Times Square, on the spur of the moment I asked if she wanted to see a show... 10 minutes later we were at the tkts booth in the heart of the Great White Way, and had last minute seats (not great seats, but what do you want for $27.50 only 40 minutes before curtain?) for The Phantom Of The Opera.
I have a wimpy confession to make: Phantom is far and away my favorite Broadway musical. I know that's not vogue or hip to say; it's seen by New York theater types as one of the mass-consumption shows, and it's certainly a bit of a romantic departure from the dark, "the-world-sucks-everything-ends-badly" fare that I usually prefer. Fine. I still love it -- much to the chagrin of the person I first saw it with, my then-girlfriend who is now still a dear friend, and who reminds me (usually with a punch to the arm) that I had to be dragged kicking and screaming to the show when we saw it, and that the pout I put on prior to curtain pretty much put a damper on the show for her.
I've been here long enough, seeing two or three shows a year, to have seen about 15 Broadway shows now. But I've seen Phantom three times, and would go back a fourth, fifth or sixth. It's my favorite score, favorite stage show, and favorite story. (Although the show-stopping "American Dream" number in "Miss Saigon" was also amazing.) And so it was a really nice treat to be able to take my mom to see the show. As it turned out, she was as enthralled as I have been, and really enjoyed it. So that was a good start to the weekend.
Saturday was a new experience for me. You see, my mom is a Food Channel addict, and they apparently have had specials on the different foods you can find in the neighborhoods of Brooklyn. So she was very interested in seeing Brooklyn. Now, my New York City experience is primarily limited to Manhattan and Queens; I'd been to Brooklyn all of twice in all the time I've lived here - once visiting Brooklyn Heights, and once to go to Coney Island, just to say I'd been there. (I still say Coney Island is the only place I have ever seen in the world where the carnies are less cheesy than the clientele.)
So we first hit Bay Ridge, with its hodge-podge of ethnic cultures (Mediterranean, Arabic, Russian, and Turkish, among others)... and I had some of the best shwarma I've ever had at Mazza Plaza. (Had to get a plug for some great food in here.) We also ended up hitting Coney Island -- again, just so she could say she's been there -- and Brighton Beach, which is fascinating in that I think the area is almost more Jewish in culture than Tel Aviv. I ate too much Saturday, but isn't that pretty much allowed when one is visiting or being visited by one's mother?
Sunday, I took one for the team. There are no malls, really, within about a 50 mile radius of where my parents live... and my mom's a mall-a-holic. Not so much a shopaholic, but a mall-a-holic. She doesn't always buy - she can window shop longer than any human being in recorded history, I think. Myself, I am the consumate Guy Shopper: I know what I want/need, I know where to get it, I go get it, I'm done. Watching me shop is like watching a military surgical strike or a predator hunting prey; no wasted movements, no unduly expended energy. So the entire concept of "shopping" frightens and confuses me. I don't shop; I buy.
However, there is a very large mall near where I live, and I knew Mom would get a kick out of it. That being the case, and it being Sunday, I found myself a spot at the bar at Dave & Buster's right in front of the big screen TV, turned on the Jets-Bills game, and told Mom to call me when she was finished.
The first round of games ended before I got that call, and I was mindful of needing to drive home... so I wandered out into the suburban shopping wilderness and decided to try and make the day a productive out.
Beyond being a very targeted shopper, I am also the world's most advanced December 23 Christmas shopper. I find that the urgency of an impending major holiday helps to reinforce the need to be surgically precise in my shopping. Such a tactic also keeps me from being overexposed to all the holiday schmaltz that drives me up a wall, as I've said before.
This works for everyone except my father, whose Christmas list usually consists of the sentence "I have everything I need," before a perfunctory request for socks, belts and the newest Rand McNally road atlas. Since Dad's so imprecise in his requests, a shopping tactic that requires precision usually ends up being a problem when it comes to buying for him.
So this year, I decided that since I was in the land of conspicuous consumption, I'd try and avoid the frustrated, semi-panicky "oh shoot" sprint through the malls I usually do every December 23, having picked up something for everyone except Dad. And I am proud to tell you that on November 7, I completed Christmas shopping for my father. I still have everyone else to go, but the most challenging buys are done.
So that was the weekend - Mom in fact made it back home safe and sound, and life here in New York has returned to what passes for normal. (See what happens when I leave baseball and politics behind? You get day by day updates of my parents' visits. Soon you'll be crying for more Red Sox posts.)
Posted by Christopher at 10:18 PM | Comments (0)THE VISUAL ALONE IS WORTH
THE VISUAL ALONE IS WORTH A POST
I wasn't sure what I was going to write about this next story when I first read it. All I knew was that I had to write something. After all... how often do you see stories about drunken moose?
Some 300,000 moose, or elk as they're known in Europe, roam Sweden's woods. But every autumn at least a few of the normally timid animals end up astray, trudging out of the woods and into cities and suburbs where they gladly munch on fermented apples that have fallen from trees.
The result is an intoxicated and aggressive brute.
First of all, I have never been to Sweden. And there's only one of me. Just thought I'd clear that up.
Traffic accidents with moose are well-documented: there were 4,204 of the animals killed on Swedish roads in 2003, to be exact. Less documented, but no less terrifying, are the reports of drunken moose jumping through living room windows, bellyflopping into empty swimming pools or violently attacking people.
Okay, this is the part where the 'Mudge -- notoriously soft-hearted animal lover -- starts giggling uncontrollably. Drunken moose jumping into living rooms? Bellyflopping into swimming pools? And drunk on apples, no less?
"Moose are not normally aggressive, they're usually very shy of people. But once they're intoxicated, they lose their inhibitions. And if they feel threatened they can become very aggressive," Falk said.
Sounds pretty much like humans. I wonder if male moose end up buying their dates extra apples and then offering to drive them home?
Posted by Christopher at 09:44 PM | Comments (0)A DIFFERENT KIND OF PLAY
A DIFFERENT KIND OF PLAY CALL
Just a hunch, but I think a few folks were expecting a different kind of double team low post action.
Charlotte Bobcats fans were in for a surprise if they dialed an NBA ticket number listed in a local phone book: Instead of getting seats, they were told to call a sex chat line.
I can see where they'd get confused. After all, both sets of callers might have wanted to take the rock to the hole... without double dribbling... or a shot clock violation... hoping to pound the ball inside...
Ah, yes. I love this game.
Posted by Christopher at 09:10 PM | Comments (0)THIS EXPLAINS EVERYTHING Are you
THIS EXPLAINS EVERYTHING
Are you a Democrat, still trying to figure out how on earth George W. Bush managed to pull the wool over so many eyes and remain in the White House?
Wonder no more. This chart explains it all.
Posted by Christopher at 08:46 PM | Comments (0)November 08, 2004
LET'S PLAY A GAME... It's
LET'S PLAY A GAME...
It's called "Mudgeonland Gets Juvenile." Here's how you play... I'm going to give you a link to a story, and you change only one word in the headline of that story in order to make the headline very lewd and very funny. The context of the story doesn't matter... all that counts is the headline. Are you ready? Let's play!
Here's your headline, in this link right here.
By the way, anyone else find it amusing that the story takes place in Clinton's home state? Nah... never mind. It must just be me.
Posted by Christopher at 10:23 PM | Comments (0)FROM THE "DUH" FILE Look,
FROM THE "DUH" FILE
Look, far be it from me to make light of a couple of deaths here. I certainly don't mean to diminish the tragedy of a college student's passing. But the hysteria that gets whipped up every year over this subject -- "College Students Drinking Themselves To Death" -- never fails to baffle me. Heavens to murgatroid, even! College kids binge drink! My heavens, no - we thought that never happened, didn't we?
Sorry for my sarcasm, but to me this subject goes into the same "duh" file as "OJ Killed Nicole," "Tara Reid Has Fake Breasts" and "Nick Lachey Is A No-Talent Hack." Yes, college students binge drink. No, it's not smart. Yes, it's a terrible thing. Oh, and by the way... it's been happening since about the time when Woodrow Wilson was running Princeton, too.
I'm not saying we should encourage binge drinking. Nor am I saying it's not tragic when some college kid boozes him or herself into oblivion every fall. But is this really news? And is it something the media ought to hystericalize every year?
But then, what do I know? I was passed out the day they taught journalistic standards.
Posted by Christopher at 10:17 PM | Comments (0)November 06, 2004
ONE LAST POLITICAL POST... THE
ONE LAST POLITICAL POST... THE CONCESSION SPEECH WE ALL WANTED TO HEAR
I know, I said no more political posts. But I failed to gauge the depth of the pain, sadness and anger from my friends on the left. What I've read in the comments below has touched me - even when I didn't agree with everything - and made me decide to post an e-mail that's floating around out there right now. I admit, when I read it I wanted to shake the hand of whoever wrote it. The red state folks would do well to remember a lot of what it says.
So, this one's for Mileah. It's for Marine's Girl. It's for Joe the Bartender, Jillian, Brent, and everyone else feeling profound sadness and grave concern for our country. And after this, I'm done with the political posts for a while. Here's to ya, my disspirited friends on the left. Keep up the good work.
THE CONCESSION SPEECH WE ALL WANTED TO HEAR
November 03, 2004
[Former candidate Felber, flanked by his family and supporters, steps up to the podium in the bright autumn sunlight. Cheers and applause are heard.]
My fellow Americans, the people of this nation have spoken, and spoken with a clear voice. So I am here to offer my concession. [Boos, groans, rending of garments]
I concede that I overestimated the intelligence of the American people. Though the people disagree with the President on almost every issue, you saw fit to vote for him. I never saw that coming. That's really special. And I mean "special" in the sense that we use it to describe those kids who ride the short school bus and find ways to injure themselves while eating pudding with rubber spoons. That kind of special.
I concede that I misjudged the power of hate. That's pretty powerful stuff, and I didn't see it. So let me take a moment to congratulate the President's strategists: Putting the gay marriage amendments on the ballot in various swing states like Ohio... well, that was just genius. Genius. It got people, a certain kind of people, to the polls. The unprecedented number of folks who showed up and cited "moral values" as their biggest issue, those people changed history. The folks who consider same sex marriage a more important issue than war, or terrorism, or the economy... Who'd have thought the election would belong to them? Well, Karl Rove did. Gotta give it up to him for that. [Boos.] Now, now. Credit where it's due.
I concede that I put too much faith in America's youth. With 8 out of 10 of you opposing the President, with your friends and classmates dying daily in a war you disapprove of, with your future being mortgaged to pay for rich old peoples' tax breaks, you somehow managed to sit on your asses and watch the Cartoon Network while aging homophobic hillbillies carried the day. You voted with the exact same anemic percentage that you did in 2000. You suck. Seriously, y'do. [Cheers, applause] Thank you. Thank you very much.
There are some who would say that I sound bitter, that now is the time for healing, to bring the nation together. Let me tell you a little story. Last night, I watched the returns come in with some friends here in Los Angeles. As the night progressed, people began to talk half-seriously about secession, a red state / blue state split. The reasoning was this: We in blue states produce the vast majority of the wealth in this country and pay the most taxes, and you in the red states receive the majority of the money from those taxes while complaining about 'em. We in the blue states are the only ones who've been attacked by foreign terrorists, yet you in the red states are gung ho to fight a war in our name. We in the blue states produce the entertainment that you consume so greedily each day, while you in the red states show open disdain for us and our values. Blue state civilians are the actual victims and targets of the war on terror, while red state civilians are the ones standing behind us and yelling "Oh, yeah!? Bring it on!"
More than 40% of you Bush voters still believe that Saddam Hussein had something to do with 9/11. I'm impressed by that, truly I am. Your sons and daughters who might die in this war know it's not true, the people in the urban centers where al Qaeda wants to attack know it's not true, but those of you who are at practically no risk believe this easy lie -- because you can. As part of my concession speech, let me say that I really envy that luxury. I concede that.
Healing? We, the people at risk from terrorists, the people who subsidize you, the people who speak in glowing and respectful terms about the heartland of America while that heartland insults and excoriates us... we wanted some healing. We spoke loud and clear. And you refused to give it to us, largely because of your "high moral values." You knew better: America doesn't need its allies, doesn't need to share the burden, doesn't need to unite the world, doesn't need to provide for its future. Hell no. Not when it's got a human shield of pointy-headed, atheistic, unconfrontational breadwinners who are willing to pay the bills and play nice in the vain hope of winning a vote that we can never have.
Because we're "morally inferior," I suppose, we are supposed to respect your values while you insult and demonize ours. And the big joke here is that for 20 years, we've done just that. It's not a "ha-ha" funny joke, I realize, but it's a joke all the same.
Being an independent candidate gives me one luxury -- as well as conceding the election today, I am also announcing my candidacy for President in 2008. [Wild applause, screams, chants of "Fel-ber! Fel-ber!"] Thank you.
And I make this pledge to you today: THIS time, next time, there will be no pandering. This time I will run with all the open and joking contempt for my opponents that this President demonstrated towards the cradle of liberty, the Ivy League intellectuals, the "media elite," and the "white-wine sippers." This time I will not pretend that the simple folk of America know just as much as the people who devote their lives to serving and studying the nation and the world. They don't.
So that's why I'm asking for your vote in 2008, America. I'm talking to you, you ignorant, slack-jawed yokels, you bible-thumping, inbred drones, you redneck, racist, chest-thumping, perennially duped grade-school grads. Vote for me, because I know better, and I truly believe that I can help your smug, sorry asses. Vote Felber in '08! Thank you, and may God, if he does in fact exist, bless each and every one of you.
Posted by Christopher at 10:34 AM | Comments (0)November 05, 2004
DEEP BREATH... So after a
DEEP BREATH...
So after a quick check with my bosses to see if there were openings in our company's Toronto or Vancouver offices revealed that Canada is not an option, I decided today that I'm just going to have to make the best of things here. (Oh, lighten up, I'm screwing off now.)
I haven't read the comments from the Election Night post, and I've no intention now of doing so. Since few of my posts generate 50+ comments, I'd been guessing that things had gotten pretty heated up. I wasn't in a state to be real calm or conversational (which you may have guessed from my somewhat overheated post), so I wanted to take some time and calm down before writing on the election again or reading what everyone was saying back. After reading Wednesday morning what I'd written Tuesday night, it seemed to me that the best approach was to just take a day to breathe into a paper bag, calm down, and resume lucid conversation later on.
Well, anyone who's been reading knows what happened. A few IMs from Doc and Tim made me understand that things had gotten quite animated (to say the least) in the comment field... and then when I had a chance to read my cousin Joe's exchanges with Newbie, I had a sense that things were so out of control that reading the thread was just going to get me all riled back up again, just as the sedatives had begun to take effect. (Again, lighten up, we're kidding around tonight.) So, I had made the decision that I was going to re-address the election tonight (Thursday) in a calmer fashion -- and that I would just skip over the comments on the last one. In the meantime, I put up an attempt at humor to just sort of take the edge off for everyone, including myself.
There's no need to revisit the Newbie's inability to grasp the concept of a time out (which everyone else got, I see, and good on ya for doing so). He's been dealt with appropriately and shan't darken our door again. In the meantime, I have seen enough bits and pieces of the exchanges to get the general gist of where things went.
First of all, as you could probably tell, Tuesday night it would have been better that I not write at all. Do not get me wrong, I still am gravely concerned for the future of our great nation, and I do think "the people" made an egregious mistake on Tuesday. However, as you may have noticed in the past, I tend to be somewhat "excitable" -- the perils of being a professional mood swinger -- and when agitated resort to hyperbole, insult, and sensational tone. Again, I'm not backing down one single bit from the full range of my concerns about what a second Bush Administration is going to mean for our nation; but I am acknowledging that it would have been better for me to wait until I could express those concerns a little more calmly.
(By the way, for a much more poignant and professional expression of the disappointment of Tuesday night, check out Sarah's post on her site. This old Curmudgeon could have learned a thing or two from our young friend about restraint and eloquence on this occasion.)
Now... I did see on Joe's site that Newbie took me to task for the Nazi allusions. You know, while I remain extremely convinced that Bush has been and will continue to be disasterous for our great nation, and am contemptuous of everything he and his administration stand for... yeah, I probably should've laid off the Hitler reference. But you know what? Conservatives never seem to have a problem with their own kind doing the name-calling and labeling. I've seen and heard liberals called "America-haters" simply for disagreeing with conservatives just one too many times to feel overly sheepish about my own oversteps. So while I'm acknowledging that I went a bit too far, until I get personal phone calls of apology from Ann Coulter, Michael Savage, Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh for calling me and my kind "America-haters," I ain't takin' nothin' back.
[Y'all better be smiling at least a little bit. This is as close to apology as I ever get, folks. ;-) ]
So... where do we go from here? Well, I'm a Sox fan - I'm used to being the underdog. And there's an ugly reality we lefties face... we're the minority party right now, partially through our own missteps. (Although I have never in my life heard 51% called a landslide or definitive ratification before. Yes, the Republicans won fair and square, but let's not pretend that it was some Reaganesque/Johnsonesque domination of the electoral and popular scoreboard. If all the outstanding states go to Bush, he still only has a 34 vote margin in the electoral college, and he won by about 3% of the popular vote. We lost, our candidate was defeated... but we're not as irrelevant and borderline extinct as some of the hysteria-laced coverage I've been reading. No party, left or right, that captures 48% of the popular vote is extinct or irrelevant.)
But I've been doing a lot of thinking over the last two days about why we lost. Most of the red states, frankly, should be our people. Give the Republicans credit; they have been ridiculously successful over the last two decades in convincing the majority of people in the Midwest and South to vote against their own best economic interests. The fact that farmers and teachers west of the Mississippi and mechanics and truck drivers down south believe that tax breaks for multi-millionaires is sound economic policy that benefits them... well, it's a testament to how well the Republicans have managed to cloak their economic policies in the smoke-and-mirrors of social issues. I hate to admit it -- because it's anaethema to everything I want to believe -- but we missed the boat on social issues.
That's not to say we're wrong. A pluralistic society in which every citizen is tolerated and protected is still an admirable desire, and one we must keep fighting for. A woman's right to choose should still be sarcosanct in a free society. Separation of church and state is still necessary; the founding fathers knew what they were doing when they established that unwritten tradition. "Family values" must include tolerance, peace, and inclusion -- when was the last time you saw a happy family in which some members are kept away from the dinner table? Freedom of speech and expression must extend even to speech and expression we find tacky, offensive or abrasive; it takes no courage to defend popular sentiment.
But the traditional left-side response to the social issue strategy has been to simply dismiss it as irrelevant -- to chalk it up to the simple-mindedness of a group of people less educated or open-minded than we, people who are simply too easily led and too willing to be told how to think. Let the social conservative sheep be rounded into their pens, we tell ourselves... we know better, and it's up to us to protect society from its own lesser inclinations.
But you know what it's gotten us? An entire segment of the electorate that should be naturally Democratic views us as overtly hostile to their beliefs, their interests, and their way of life. We make it far too easy for Republicans to paint us as elitists who are out of touch with the mainstream... they believe that we look down our noses at them -- and often, we do.
Liberalism is a proud and noble school of thought. Liberals engineered the Social Security and Medicare that help millions of older Americans live out higher quality golden years than any other society has ever provided. We designed and fought for integration even when the South didn't want it[ opened the doors of opportunity for women through social and legal activism, helped blacks and Latinos fight off discrimination and segregation, promoted tolerance and inclusion for gays and lesbians. We enigineered environmental protections and cleaned up the air and water of our country. Liberalism in the second half of the 20th century broadened American society and opened up the American Dream to those who had never been included before. I'm proud to be liberal, proud of the liberal heritage, and will go to my grave unapologetic for my beliefs.
But as Reagan speechwriter Peggy Noonan once wrote, the problem is that everything liberals fought for during the 20th cenutry, we've won. And it's like we didn't know what to do next... and our message began to cloud. Into this mix came the Republicans, using the cloak of "family values" to paint a picture of "us" America and "them" America. And liberalism was found wanting for an articulate message or a response to us vs. them... out of righteousness we chose to be "them" rather than to try and argue that we're all "us." And now we're seen as hostile to the basic things that most of America believes in. We have to change that -- because we're not.
I've never seen a good family encourage divisiveness and hatred or exclusion. American values have always included tolerance and inclusion -- the millions who came through Ellis Island and other immigration points to find a new and better life are testament to the idea that America has always been about opening our arms to everyone. Everyone gets an equal chance here. Everyone is welcome at the table. Everyone in a happy family is loved for who they are, and is accepted and supported by the rest of the clan. That's a family value. That's an American value.
There is no "us" and "them" in America. There are only Americans. No al Qaida terrorist wonders whether his victims are black or white, rich or poor, gay or straight, liberal or conservative, devout or agnostic. All a terrorist sees are Americans. That's all any of us should see as well. No hyphens, no labels, no black sheep. Just Americans.
So when Republicans bring up family values, we mustn't scoff derisively and dismissively paint those words as code for intolerance and hatred. We need to actively remind folks that we are the ones who truly stand for family values -- that far from being hostile to them, they're at the core of what we believe. We're with you on that one, America. We believe in loving, caring families. We believe that it's good and right for everyone to sit down at the table together, for communities to support one another, to look out for one's neighbors, to protect each other when threatened, and to love one another unconditionally. Those are family values, and they are our values. Famly values is our debate to win, and we have to admit it front and center.
Another thing... the liberal commitment to the separation of church and state is admirable, and it is right. But for too long, the left has engaged in a sort of latter day "separate but equal" attitude toward religion and religious expression... like the black schools and white schools of the pre-Brown vs. Board of Education South, we say equal -- but ignore and nurture one, while sneering and deliberately underemphasizing the other.
For many on the left, myself often included, "faith" is a four letter word. And given how religion and faith have been abused by folks like Falwell, Swaggart, Reed, Robertson, and yes, this president, we have reason to be wary of it. But you know what? We're wrong on that. Religion plays too important a role in the lives of too many people in this country to be eliminated from the public discussion.
I am decidedly not saying we ought to have prayer in schools, the Ten Commandments in every courthouse, or Bible study on the floors of the Congress. There are very good reasons for the tradition of separating church and state. But while keeping the two elements separate, we must make room for them both. Democrats are seen as hostile to religion. Whenever a Democrat (other than Clinton) tries to talk religion, he/she sounds like a millionaire trying to discuss needing to take a second job to pay the mortgage. We just don't seem to get it. We do not have to endorse it wholeheartedly, but we must learn to relax a little and not get our hackles up any time someone mentions faith.
This is decidedly not a "if you can beat 'em, join 'em," post. There are very real differences between liberalism and conservatism, and we should be proud we are on the side we are. I ain't backing down from anyone, believe me. But it is our perceived hostility to the basic beliefs of most of the red states that allows Republicans to win hearts and minds there -- despite Republican economic policies that not only don't benefit the average citizen, but actually work against them.
As Nicholas Kristof wrote in the New York Times on Wednesday, "One of the Republican Party's major successes over the last few decades has been to persuade many of the working poor to vote for tax breaks for billionaires. Democrats are still effective on bread-and-butter issues like health care, but they come across in much of America as arrogant and out of touch the moment the discussion shifts to values."
He's right. And that's why we're losing -- not because we are out of touch with values, but because we come across as so. We've been dismissive of and hostile to the values debate despite being the party that, in my opinion, far better represents the actual values of the American people. We've counted on people paying attention to Republican economic policies and what they really do... and we've failed as a result to even try to connect with people on any other level.
As Oregon's Democratic governor Ted Kulongoski puts it,
"What we once thought - that people would vote in their economic self-interest - is not true, and we Democrats haven't figured out how to deal with that."
He's right; we haven't. But we should start by enthusiastically joining the values debate, and engaging in discussions of faith and morality. Because any time the American people are given a choice between "us. vs. them" and "all together now," most Americans, including majorities in the red states, are going to choose inclusiveness every time. It's why we all remember those family dinners so fondly. And it's how we're going to get up after this setback and win again.
(Side note... no more political posts after tonight's for a while. Between being heartsick over the election and suffering from political news overkill after this campaign, I'm needing to not be political for a while. So I'll be sticking with sports, strange stuff that strikes me, minor journal entries about my own corner of the world, and of course the odd penis story now and again. Thanks for sticking with me, everyone.)
Posted by Christopher at 01:38 AM | Comments (0)November 04, 2004
THE FIRST JUICE BOX IS
THE FIRST JUICE BOX IS FREE... AFTER THAT, IT'LL COST YA
The next time you see your five year old hanging around at the corner of your kitchen and dining room, in their bestest outfit, making eye contact with anyone who walks by, and occasionally calling out, "Hi, baby, how're you doin' tonight?", this story could explain why.
Nearly 100 fruit juice boxes containing liquid heroin were intercepted Wednesday in a shipment from Colombia, federal officials said.
Off the record, federal officials elaborated. In the playgrounds, the stuff goes by the street names of "Capri Sun," "Juicy Juice," and "Sunny D." A single juice box can go for as much as 12 Pokemon chips. Offers of "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" become commonplace as juiceheads get increasingly desperate. DEA (Drink Enforcement Agency) agents tell stories of kindergarteners threatening to give their parents a "real time out" if the juice supply is interrupted. Agents also said that when kids mention The Wiggles, they're in fact referring to the shakes a juice addict gets when trying to quit.
I know what you're thinking, especially those of you with kids. "Mudge, this isn't funny! Little kids could die!" Well, here's why I felt it was okay to joke around with this one:
The juice boxes were part of a private shipment that wasn't destined for the United States food supply, Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents said.
Given that there seemed to be little chance that the heroin would ever find its way into innocent hands, I decided that getting a little Saturday Night Live on you with this story would be all right. I should note that NONE of the brands I mentioned in this little parody were ever involved, none are dangerous, and I'm sure they all are appalled at this story. This was just a bit of satire. Don't sue me.
Posted by Christopher at 07:45 AM | Comments (0)November 03, 2004
WHAT YE SOW, YE SHALL
WHAT YE SOW, YE SHALL REAP
What a sad, tragic, and self-inflicted day it is for America.
I need to get to bed. Colorado just went for Satan, so basically Kerry cannot lose two more states - he has only one loss left to give. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that he doesn't do it.
It would appear that the most evil men ever to hold office and leadership positions in the history of the United States of America -- George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, Paul Wolfowitz, John Ashcroft, and the rest of the neocon regime -- have somehow managed to pull the wool over the people's eyes. Then again, Hitler was elected once too. The point is that good people can make very stupid and very awful mistakes. And tonight, America has. (IF the voting is legitimate -- something you can never be sure of with this group.)
They called this the Armageddon Election, because both sides were convinced that "the world would end" if the other side won. Well, one side was right about that.
America is in very serious trouble in the next four years, my friends. Bush is a dangerous megalomanic who believes God talks to him, who is arrogant enough to believe that he has never made a mistake, and who believes that he is chosen by God for his position. He lied to you and me about WMDs in Iraq, and he'll lie to you again - over and over - in the next four years. This regime thinks nothing of lies. These are bad human beings whose continued presence in the halls of American government bode extremely ill for our great nation.
Tonight's events have only further isolated the United States from the world community - making us a hated island unto ourselves. And you know what? In a way, we earned it. When Satan runs around saying, "you're with us or against us," and then spends the next three years turning the world against us, you know what you're up against. He wants it to be the US against the world. That's dangerous, somewhat sociopathic, and pathetic.
Dick Cheney is nothing but a boardroom criminal. Halliburton is under FBI investigation -- and FBI run by the Bush government, so if they're investigating their own, you know that there's just too much to be there for them to ignore. He arranged that sweetheart deal the FBI is investigating. But instead of being indicted and sent on a perp walk, he's being inaugurated and sent on a primp walk.
In the next four years, thousands more of our young people will die because of George W. Bush. The world will hate us even worse than they already do -- expect economic ramifications some time in the next term as nations get sick of tolerating our bullying conduct and boorish attitude. And don't expect anyone to feel sorry for us the next time al Qaida hits us on our own soil. They won't. The world will feel, rightly or wrongly, that we brought it on ourselves.
If you're a member of the privileged class -- those top 4% of wage earners -- the next four years will be a golden era for you of tax cuts, special privileges, and an economic structure set up to benefit only you. For the rest of us, we're basically screwed; this administration neither cares about us nor even wants us to do well. Meanwhile, the children who will enter elementary school in the next four years will be paying well into their retirement for the largesse and greed of the Bush elite now. The biggest budget deficit in history. Massive increases in spending to pay for Bush's Oil War, while homeland security, education, and social services go ignored. Tax cuts for the wealthiest, most privileged elite at the expense of the middle class.
The Extreme Fundamentalist Christian Right has just extended its tentacles and talons further into our government and our way of life. We're another step closer to being a theocracy tonight. In the next four years, regardless of your personal beliefs or what you'd choose to believe, how you'd choose to behave, or what you want to express... you will be forced into closer lockstep to the life that some jackbooted yahoo on a pulpit in Alabama thinks you ought to be living. Watch for anything that doesn't pass southern evangelical muster to be cracked down upon in the next four years. The Christian version of the Taliban has their champion, and he's been returned to office.
Dissent will be squelched worse than it's already been. You think people getting arrested for wearing t-shirts is bad when it happens now? Wait till you see what they do to dissenters in the next four years. In the United States of America, people are actually going to have to consider whether they dare speak their mind against the government, for fear of the reprecussions.
And worst of all, Osama bin Laden still lives and plots to strike another day, while a lesser enemy with imaginary weapons sits in a prison cell in a country we have destabilized, providing those who wish us harm an invaluable breeding and training ground. Al Qaida weren't in Iraq before Bush's invasion - but they're there now. Thanks, Dubya.
And yet, despite all the transgressions he committed during the last four years, he seems to have been elected for the first time tonight.
History will judge us fools.
Posted by Christopher at 12:58 AM | Comments (0)November 02, 2004
ROLLING ELECTION NIGHT BLOG 12:17
ROLLING ELECTION NIGHT BLOG
12:17 AM
Karen Hughes reminds me of Leni Riefenstahl.
12:00 AM
Absentee ballots are still out there - but the Bush machine has delivered a 300,000 vote lead for Jeb's brother. I don't think that's something that even strongly Democratic absentee ballots can overcome. I think Satan and Gozer win that one. Tim's been annoying me all night with his voice of gloom and doom over Florida. I've been yelling at him. But I think he's right.
11:06 PM
West Coast chiming in. 207-199 so far. And so far, I ain't been wrong yet.
10:33 PM
Gee, more voting problems in Florida... touch screen machines in Collier County not working. I'm stunned that Jeb Bush's state has problems with voting.
10:02 PM
From Wonkette: "Uhm, yeah, we just saw that "unprecedented" press availability. Shorter Bush statement: You can pry this presidency out of my cold, dead hands."
What she said.
9:38 PM
Edwards just landed in Boston. Is it just me or did he not look happy?
Word is that the White House is "very confident" about Florida. You think? You know what? If my brother ran a state and had control of a state's voting apparatus, I'd feel pretty confident too.
Can you believe that the evil son of a bitch is going to go on the air from the White House and try to pull a 2000 and go on the offensive, claiming victory while the polls are still open?
9:15 PM
Wonkette's "birdies" are still chirping positively for some reason: "The birdies report, early returns: PA and Ohio margins widening for Kerry; FL 50/50; WI 49/49. You do the math."
What the hell? Not what we're seeing so far. Not sure where she's coming from here.
9:03 PM
So far, I have not missed a state. Bush up 156-112 so far. Mudge batting 1.000. Meanwhile, after all we heard from Republicans about how this election should be about the people's votes and not lawyers, who's filing the lawsuits? Republicans. In Pennsylvania, in Ohio, in Florida... all up and down the east coast.
8:45 PM
I'm not sure where the exit polls and internal information from Florida came from earlier today. One of two things is happening: one, the exit polling was seriously screwed up... or two, it was accurate, and there's some funny stuff going on out there in Jeb's state.
8:20 PM
Networks all have it 77-66 for Kerry. I am nervous about Florida, however -- for all the so-called promising exit polls I have been seeing all day, the early numbers are coming back way big for Bush. Then again, three reliably southern states -- Virginia, North Carolina and South Carolina -- cannot be called yet, long after they each should be comfortably red. I'm still optimistic.
8:06 PM
North Carolina's too close to call? New Jersey went for Kerry in five minutes -- when the Republicans thought they might possibly contest the Garden State? Don't get psyched yet -- it's too early -- but these bode well.
Wonkette has this tantalizing tidbit: "A certain high ranking former republican senator called Karl Rove around 5:15 this evening. Bush's brain sounded "dejected" and gave less than a 30% chance for a Bush win."
Hmm... this sounds interesting.
7:41 PM
Virginia is too close to call, after the polls have been closed for 40 minutes? South Carolina can't be called 10 seconds after their polls closed? This isn't usual. If -- and it's a big if -- these states remain in play too much longer, this could bode strongly for Kerry.
Wonkette and Talking Points are getting mildly enthusiastic about Kerry's chances tonight.
Posted by Christopher at 07:41 PM | Comments (0)November 01, 2004
ELECTION PREDICTIONS So I've been
ELECTION PREDICTIONS
So I've been out of the game a little bit -- a long time ago I would have felt a lot more confident in my ability to accurately predict election outcomes. Plus, having Satan and Gozer the Gozarian on the Republican ticket has impacted my ability to remain objective. So this prediction is probably half as reliable as I might have been in the past. However, since I've been running my mouth about politics for months, I guess I'd be remiss if I did not issue some predictions.
The following states are locks for Satan and Gozer: Idaho (4), Montana (3), Wyoming (3), Utah (5), Arizona (10), North Dakota (3), South Dakota (3), Nebraska (5), Kansas (6), Oklahoma (7), Texas (34), Louisiana (9), Indiana (11), Alabama (9), Georgia (15), South Carolina (8), Kentucky (8), North Carolina (15), West Virginia (5), Mississippi (6), Alaska (3), Virginia (13), Tennessee (11). That's a total of 196 that are locks for the Ticket of Evil.
For Kerry/Edwards, the following states are locks: California (55), Oregon (7), Washington (11), Illinois (21), New York (31), New Jersey (15), Maryland (10), DC (3), Delaware (3), Connecticut (7), Rhode Island (4), Massachusetts (12), Vermont (3), Maine (4). That's 186 electoral votes in the Kerry column.
That leaves a total of 14 states that are "swing" states - Hawaii, Colorado, New Mexico, Minnesota, Iowa, Wisconsin, Michigan, Ohio, Florida, Pennsylvania, New Hampshire, Nevada, Missouri, and Arkansas.
Hawaii goes Democratic. The Republicans have pulled off a minor miracle in making Hawaii competitive -- it has voted Democratic every year since 1972 -- but the state will revert to its roots. 4 votes for Kerry, making it 196-190 in favor of Satan.
Colorado goes Republican. Like the Republicans in Hawaii, the Democrats have done wonders in even putting this state in play. However, there's a heavy military element in Colorado (the Air Force Academy in in Colorado Springs, and there are a number of other bases), and the mountain west has a conservative tradition. Democratic inroads and an expanding Hispanic population have made Colorado ripe for a change from red to blue -- but this isn't the year. In 2008, Colorado may go blue... but not this year. It goes Republican by less than 1.5%, making our total 205-190 for the forces of evil.
Nevada goes Republican. Again, the west has too much of a conservative tradition for the Democrats to take this state. Besides, thousands of new Democratic voters were tricked by phony registrations and vote fraud committed by a group paid for by the Republican National Committee. They got caught, but too late to re-register the disenfranchised. It will be competitive -- within 5 points -- but the Republicans steal this state, going up 210-190 in the electoral college.
New Mexico goes Democratic. This is my first pick against the conventional wisdom, which seems to be holding that Bush wins here. But the trends over the last couple of days lead me to say the Dems hold the Land of Enchantment - albeit by a slim margin. That brings Kerry to 195-210.
Minnesota goes Democrat. While the state has never been as liberal as its image (most of the farm country in the outer part of the state is as heavily conservative as the Dakotas), the Twin Cities and the Iron Range are still DFL territory, and the GOTV efforts are going to be more concentrated in the cities. Minnesota stays with Kerry by 4%, and the electoral score goes to 205-210.
Iowa goes Democratic. This one will be close, but in the last three days Kerry has widened his lead in the tracking polls, and I think the Dems hold the state. The electoral totals here now go to 212-210 in Kerry's favor.
Missouri goes Republican. I never trusted Gephardt to deliver this state, and in recent days Satan has widened his lead to the point where it's not even considered in play any longer. Republicans win here by 3%, and the electoral totals now stand at 221-212 for the red.
Arkansas goes Republican. Clinton carried his home state twice, but it's a southern state, and it will go red by 4 or 5%. This makes Satan's lead 227-212.
Wisconsin goes Democratic. It was in play for a while, but over the weekend Kerry's lead increased in the tracking polls I have seen, up to as many as 8 points (or as few as 4). I'm predicting that Kerry wins by 5%, and he narrows the electoral score to 227-222.
Michigan goes Democratic. The labor movement ramps up a GOTV effort that delivers the state for Kerry. It was in play for a while, but Kerry's up by anywhere between 3 and 6%. Kerry wins by 4%, and takes the electoral lead, 239-227.
New Hampshire goes Democratic. The regional native son squeaks by here - but we won't see it "projected" by the networks until about 95% of the vote is counted. 4 more electoral votes for Kerry, who goes up 243-227.
That leaves us with the three states that are key to the election: Ohio, Pennsylvania, and Florida.
Pennsylvania goes Democratic. It's going to be close, but I think Kerry holds on to a 2 point win here -- Philadelphia goes heavy for Kerry, and he carries 52.5% in the yuppie suburban counties that the Doc calls home, enough to deliver the state into the blue column. Electoral count is now 264-227 Kerry.
Florida... ah, Florida. I still have a soft spot for the West Palm area (and no, Doc, I am not talking about my belly). Beautiful place. But the Bush machine here is not beautiful; it's ugly. If you thought the 2000 shenanigans were bad, you ain't seen nothin' yet. Because the tracking polls I've seen have Kerry up 1-2 points. That means, if the trends hold, the Bush machine will have to really get creative to keep Florida in its clutches. Sadly for democracy, this family doesn't care about the real results or the will of the people; it cares about obtaining and maintaining power, by whatever means necessary. And there is no way that Jeb Bush allows this state to get away from his brother -- no matter what the actual results of the election are.
What happens in 2004 here could make 2000 look like a high school student council race, an embarassment to the traditions of the United States of America. It's not an exaggeration to suggest that the United Nations should have been called in to observe the balloting here; without oversight, there is nothing to prevent the Bush machine from stealing Florida again. And as I said before, Jeb will commit hari-kari before he allows this state to leave his brother's cloven talons. Florida sees massive fraud and irregularities, but gets tallied in the red column regardless of the actual result. The electoral college narrows to 264-254.
And that brings us to Ohio, where the election will be decided. Bush has presided over the first net loss of jobs under any president since Herbert Hoover, but Ohio has been particularly hard hit. That makes Bush vulnerable. But Cincinnati and most of southern Ohio are largely conservative and Republican. Cleveland of course leans heavily blue, but with such an evenly split overall state, this one is really, really up in the air.
Most of the tracking polls I have seen have Satan up by 1 or 2 points. And the conventional wisdom seems to be that he wins Ohio. But I'm going to go out on a limb here - partially because of a stat that I saw a few days ago, partly because of a court decision today, and partly because I am just too afraid for my country if Satan and Gozer remain in office.
A federal judge in Ohio ruled today that the Republicans cannot post enforcers near the polling places to intimidate -- oops, I mean "monitor" -- new voters trying to vote for the first time. (If it's not for intimidation purposes, then why were the so-called challengers going to be stationed in largely black, largely Democratic precincts only?) The Republicans are appealing, but if the ruling stands, it has enormous impact. Why?
[Edit: A federal appeals court has overturned the ruling. So look for GOP thugs to be stationed near any precinct in Ohio that expects heavy minority turnout or high Democratic numbers, intimidating and/or threatening any voter who looks like they may not vote for Bush.
Don't think they're capable of it? Look here at the flyers Republican activists have been spreading around Milwaukee's black neighborhoods - full of lies to try and trick people into not voting. Or consider this little stunt in Michigan: phony phone calls being made falsely purporting to be from gay activists claiming that Kerry/Edwards will legalize gay marriage nationwide. The GOP will stop at nothing - even tearing up new Democratic voter registrations in Nevada and Oregon - so you're more than a little naive to think that they won't be deliberately intimidating thousands of voters Tuesday. And they say it could never happen here? Guess what kids? It can, and it does - thanks to the Republican Party. We should have asked for the UN to watch them in Ohio too.]
Because stats I have seen from Ohio (for example, reported here a month ago) suggest that new voter registration is up in Ohio's Democratic strongholds by about 250%, while they were only up 25% in historically Republican areas. And new voters help Kerry more than Bush -- even conservative Mort Kondracke acknowledges that fact.
A USA Today/Gallup poll indicated that first-time voters prefer Kerry by a 10-point margin.And a poll by the Institute of Politics at Harvard showed that college students prefer Kerry by 52 percent to 39 percent.
Now, I'd be remiss if I did not acknowledge the fact that a couple thousand new voter cards could not be delivered in Ohio because the people didn't seem to exist. It would appear that a left-leaning group, the Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now (ACORN), may have submitted some false registrations -- in a couple of cases, Mary Poppins or Dick Tracy. Make no mistake: these actions are wrong and must be condemned. Vote fraud is wrong, and if ACORN knowingly committed it, its leaders should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.
But let's not lose sight of two facts: one, if a person didn't exist, the voting card was not delivered, meaning that no one can use that card to cast a fraudulent vote... and two, there are still hundreds of thousands of new voters in Ohio who are legitimate and who do expect to vote for the first time in 2004.
And I'm banking on these newly registered voters to make the difference in Ohio. These are the people the pollsters never reach; the ones who don't get counted. These are the people who are going to overcome the Bush family shenanigans and machinations in Florida. These are the people who will deliver Ohio to Kerry, and thus win the election by a 284-254 margin.
(Note -- if I am wrong about the new voters in Ohio, and Jeb is able to get away with murder in Florida again like he was in 2000, then the final tally becomes 274-264 for Satan and Gozer.)
So there you have it. My head says Bush may win 274-264, but I am leading with my heart and my patriotic soul ... I love America too much to be willing to believe that it will remain in the clutches of the most incompetent, secretive, arr