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December 20, 2004
TIME TO KICK SOME SERIOUS GOONIE ASS
Josh Brolin is a mostly forgettable actor, more famous for his father's choice of wife (Barbara Streisand) than for anything he's ever acted in. His most famous role was as "Brand" in the 1985 pre-teen classic "The Goonies".
(I have mixed feelings about that movie. A woman I dated for several years a long time ago was waaaay too into the Goonies for someone in her late teens and early twenties... which meant that we plopped that stupid movie into the VCR way too many times. On the other hand, being the Boyfriend Who Is Good Hearted Enough Willing To Watch Kid Movies With You And Who Just Happens To Be Sitting On The Couch Next To You has its privileges; I have far more fond memories of that movie than is healthy for an adult. For a while there, Cyndi Lauper's "Goonies R Good Enough" was right up there with "Let's Get It On" in my book of mood music. Wait... that's bad, isn't it? I should get back to the point at hand.)
Anyway, Brolin's been on my bad list for a few years now. Because he's married to the Uber-Babe, Permanent Top Ten List Resident (and go ahead and laminate the list) Diane Lane. The idea that one of my dream women has sex with a Goonie and not me is one more contributor to the pervasive sense of failure that hangs over me. I mean, really: the woman who did The Stairway Scene in Unfaithful ended up with a guy who chased after the secret of One Eyed Willie. How'm I supposed to feel good about that?
But Josh Brolin has now gone into Texas Death Match territory. Because not only is he married to Diane Lane, but apparently he smacks her around too.
Actor Josh Brolin was cited for misdemeanor domestic battery over the weekend after his wife, actress Diane Lane, called police during an argument at the couple’s home... Kelly Bush, the couple's spokeswoman, said the incident was a "misunderstanding" and the couple had reconciled.
A misunderstanding, huh? Like the one, I suppose, where my fist misunderstood that it wasn't supposed to clock this jackass across the face? Unbelieveable.
Diane, baby, if you do decide to leave him, you can always come home here to Mudgeonland.
