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May 31, 2005
Deep Throat Revealed
Every once in a while, life hands you a "Holy Shit" moment. Today was one such day.
After more than 30 years of speculation, intrigue, and frankly embellishment, the ultimate source was revealed, when W. Mark Felt admitted that he was, in fact, "Deep Throat," the source that Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein relied upon to keep themselves pointed in the right direction during the investigation of Watergate.
W. Mark Felt was the #2 man at the FBI during Watergate. He was in a position to know everything the investigators knew about the break-in and its cover-up, and he was in a position to know everything that the Nixon Administration was doing to both obstruct the investigation and take control of the FBI. He did something about each.
For anyone thinking that this is much ado about nothing, consider these two facts: this scandal brought down an American president -- the only such occurance in our history; and more than 30 years later, the identity of this source is front page news. For anyone who lived through Watergate (or for that matter, who saw "All The President's Men"), the identity of this source was one of the great pieces of political intrigue of our lifetimes.
Things I'm thinking of tonight:
1) In an era when nobody trusts the press and everyone seems to argue that reporters rank only slightly above politicians and lawyers on the chain of disgusting human beings, Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein kept their word and never revealed their source. Their devotion was so great that even today when the news first broke, both men -- concerned that Felt's mental state wasn't complete enough to make him aware of what he was saying -- continued to play coy and refused to confirm the information. I know some friends of mine found "Woodstein"'s reaction frustrating, but I found it refreshing and honorable. Till the last, the reporters protected their sources.
2) Was Mark Felt a hero? On one hand, he wasn't the only source for information; he did leak information pertaining to a pending investigation to the press; and he did serve time in jail for the illegal surveillance in the 1970s. On the other hand, his credibility and the accuracy of his information did help pull the cover off of one of the great political scandals of our time; he leaked because he knew the administration was actively trying to impede the investigation; and by today's standards the Weather Underground would be considered terrorists, and you'd find few who'd argue that illegal surveillance of terrorists is a terrible thing.
Also, for anyone who's served in the military, you know that not only does the Uniform Code of Military Justice only require you to follow lawful orders, but that they drill it into you that your obligation as an officer or enlisted person is to refuse to obey an unlawful order. Inherent in this implication is that it is the duty of an officer of the United States Armed Forces -- and by extension, an officer of the US government -- to resist an unlawful order. Laws were being broken in Watergate, and the executive branch was illegally impeding the investigation of that crime. To continue covering up the full story would have been, in effect, aiding and abetting the crime. I think Mark Felt lived up to the spirit of the law, if not its letter.
I don't think it's true that Watergate wouldn't have been discovered and Nixon wouldn't have resigned if not for Deep Throat; I think the Washington Post was onto the story and would have eventually gotten it anyway. But I do think Deep Throat hastened the process -- at great professional or even personal risk to himself. Mark Felt saw injustice, and did something about it. For that, I think that despite his flaws, we can elevate him to hero.
Posted by Christopher at 09:46 PM | Comments (2)May 30, 2005
Memorial Day 2005
So I'm back in town after a short soujourn down to Pennsylvania to visit with the Doc and his family. Tim brought his family down as well, so the bunch of us had a nice, relaxing weekend together. The weather cooperated, it was mostly sunny for the weekend so we were able to spend most of the weekend outdoors. All in all, it was a relaxing weekend with friends, spent barbecueing and having a few drinks, enjoying the sunshine, playing baseball in the backyard with little kids, and all the other things that this holiday has come to mean in America.
But from its inception in the late 1860s, Memorial Day was originally intended to honor the memories of those soliders, sailors, Marines and airmen of the United States Armed Forces who gave their lives in the service of our nation or defense of our country.
In total, more than 42,000,000 Americans have served in the military in times of war since 1776. More than 1,200,000 of those Americans gave their lives in that service, and another 1,431,000 were wounded during their service. More than 17.5 million Americans today are living veterans of one war or another. Each of them deserves the thanks and remembrance of a grateful nation.
So today, I'll pause for a moment to remember the 498,000 United States soldiers and 365,000 Confederate soldiers in wool uniforms who died on the fields of Gettysburg, Vicksburg and Antietam as our nation fought to remain united and to define freedom for all men. I'll recall the memories of the doughboys of World War I, the men who went "Over There" to make the world safe for democracy. More than 116,000 Americans died in that war with another 204,000+ injured in the war that was fought to end all wars.
I remember the gallant and heroic men and women who fought World War II only 25 years later. I remember the courage and bravery of our military on the bloody beaches of Normandy, the killing fields at Anzio, the brave men who sailed and flew the Pacific to take islands back from Japan one at a bloody time. I'll remember the 400,000+ who never came home to enjoy the freedom they so courageously defended.
I remember the men and women who served in the Korean peninsula in the early 1950s, and the 51,000 who died in that far-off corner of the world in America's "forgotten" war. I remember and honor those 58,000 who gave their lives in Vietnam, and who were caught in the crossfire when America engaged in a morally ambivalent war that deeply divided its people. Angry over the lies told by military and political leadership, the American people were unable or unready to pay proper respects to the dead of Vietnam or their living counterparts until many years later. But by today, they have taken their honored place alongside their fellow servicemen and women.
I remember the 529 members of my own generation who died in the first Gulf War, and the 184 American servicemen and women who gave their lives in Afghanistan hunting down those who attacked our nation and would attack again if given the chance.
I remember and honor the 1,302 American men and women who have given their lives in Iraq since 2003. I am full of disdain and disgust for the administration that put them there by lying to the world and misleading even our own military about the nature of the threat we faced and the purpose of the campaign; but that does not change the respect and admiration I have for the people who did what they were asked to do, did so with extraordinary bravery and courage, and whose sacrifices we must now allow to be in vain.
I'll pay silent tribute today to the soldiers who lie under white markers with their names inscribed at Arlington National Cemetary, and the nameless thousands who lie under white crosses and stars of David in Normandy, to those who lie in private cemetaries all across America, and to those whose remains were never found.
But as a column in the Detroit Free Press today points out, Memorial Day is for remembering the patriots who gave their lives, but for me it is also a day for remembering the patriots who gave part of their youth. And so today I remember all of those soldiers and sailors and Marines and airmen whose lives were forever changed by things they saw as young men on the world's battlefields while wearing our nation's uniform.
Each of them deserves the thanks and remembrance of a grateful nation. Today, they have mine. Thank you.
Posted by Christopher at 01:02 PM | Comments (1)Drugs Are Bad, M'Kay?
There really aren't words for this next clip. I mean, there are words in it, but there aren't any to describe it.
What do you get when you cross public access television and its 4th grade AV class production values with whacked out religiousity? You get the Junior Christian Science Bible Lesson Show.
It must be seen to be believed, but in a nutshell, the show features a little green alien, "Mr. Gray Spaceman," singing about God, His love, and how God loves all the Christians on all the other planets out there in the Universe. The whole thing comes off like a bad peyote trip.
And for those who think that this can't be real, I looked up the show on the Net. It's real, and it takes itself very seriously.
With his ventriloquist puppet, Chip the Black Boy on one hand, and bible passages scribbled on a piece of paper in the other, David warns children of the dangers of drugs each week on THE JUNIOR CHRISTIAN SCIENCE BIBLE LESSON SHOW.
Hart says he has produced over 12,000 episodes. He also claims that Jim Henson encouraged him to start a public access show, and that he has been abducted by aliens.
Posted by Christopher at 12:50 PM | Comments (2)Women Drivers
The two women who, before 2005, were the only women to have raced at Indianapolis Motor Speedway on Memorial Day weekend had problems being taken seriously. Many might have expected the same fate for 23 year old Danica Patrick, especially after the layout she did for FHM magazine ahead of this year's Indy 500.
But anyone who thought Danica Patrick was a made-up, image-building piece of eye candy had better think again. This chick can race.
On Sunday, Patrick became the first woman ever to lead a lap at Indy Importantly, among the laps she led were laps 168-193 out of 200. She almost won the darn thing. She finished 4th, the highest ever finish for a woman and a very impressive finish for a rookie on the circuit.
More impressive than her finish, at least to me, was the way she handled the inevitable questions about her gender at the end of the race. Quite simply, she wasn't having it. It's very clear to see that this person considers herself a race car driver before she thinks of herself as a woman race car driver. And any questioner who tried to reverse that order was quickly and smoothly corrected by Patrick's thoughtful responses.
Asked what it meant that she was the first woman to lead a lap at Indy, she replied that every lap she led meant that she and her team were one lap closer to winning the race. Asked what kind of a statement she'd made by finishing fourth, she responded that she had made the statement that she was a rookie who'd made some rookie mistakes in her first Indy -- stalling out her car in the pits, getting spun out in an accident, and so on -- and that she could only get better. No matter how many reporters tried to take her down the gender path, this poised young woman just wasn't going to go there. She was an Indy car driver, and she'd just keep repeating herself until everyone got it.
You know what kind of impact Patrick can have on open wheel racing? I am a prime example. Yesterday, while picnicing in Pennsylvania with the Doc and Tim families, we boys kept checking the Internet periodically for updates on Danica's position. Tim and Doc have basically the same attitude about car racing that I do: Left turn... left turn... left turn... left turn... left turn... left turn... hey, isn't there something more exciting to watch on the Paint Drying Channel?
But when Danica Patrick took the lead with 32 laps to go yesterday, we boys abandoned the grill, the sunshine, and our Bacardi hurricanes and retreated inside. We wanted to see if she could do it. We wanted her to win, and we were cheering excitedly for her to do it.
Three guys who couldn't care less about racing were glued to the TV to watch Danica race. I suspect we weren't the only ones in that spot yesterday. This is a driver and a person around whom Indy can build for years -- because she's not a token or an oddity. This chick can race.
One last thing... while I am sure there are some who are upset with Patrick's revealing photo spread, I don't have a problem with it. Let's face facts: sex sells. Doesn't matter whether we're talking women or men; we like looking at attractive people. Danica Patrick is a very attractive woman. This is not a crime. Derek Jeter is a good looking man, and his looks are part of the reason that the fourth best shortstop in the game is seen by many as the best. Marquee idols sell more tickets than other athletes. Male or female, no matter the sport, good looking athletes have more fans than average looking ones. Deal with it.
And besides, if the fact that Danica Patrick is hot can get more people to watch Indy car racing, I can't imagine that Danica herself considers that to be a bad thing. She's winning viewers to the sport she loves.
Congratulations, Danica. I'll be watching.
Posted by Christopher at 12:03 PM | Comments (3)Fixing A Hole
"I'm fixing a hole where the rain gets in, and stops my mind from wandering where it will go... And it really doesn't matter if I'm wrong, I'm right where I belong, I'm right where I belong
-- The Beatles, 1967
Republican poster child and favorite wolf in sheep's clothing Arnold "See? We're Not All Extremist Right Wing Wackos" Schwarzenegger apparently wanted to show the people of California just how serious he is about fixing up the state's roads and getting more money for transportation in California. How serious is he? Serious enough to have crews go into a San Jose neighborhood and create a pothole on a street that didn't have one, just so the Governator could be photographed filling it.
"For paving the streets, it's a lot of lighting,'' said resident Nick Porrovecchio, 48, motioning to a team of workmen setting up Hollywood-style floodlights on the street to bathe the gubernatorial podium in a soft glow.
But their street, he noted, didn't even have a hole to pave over until Thursday morning.
"They just dug it out,'' Porrovecchio said, shrugging. "There was a crack. But they dug out the whole road this morning.''
"It's a lot of money spent on a staged event," said Matt Vujevich, 74, a retiree whose home faced the crew-made trench that straddled nearly the whole street.
Creating a problem where there is none, then claiming public credit for solving it. Sounds like a Republican, all right.
O'Reilly Calls For Decapitation of Editors
Apparently, the "no-spin zone" is not a no-blood zone.
Anyone who has listened to the right wing for more than about 30 seconds knows and realizes that the fundamental principles of democracy have no place in today's conservative movement. Conservative leadership considers itself betrayed by the Senate because a 200+ year old parliamentary procedure that protects the rights of the minority was upheld; you can get arrested in this country for wearing anti-Bush t-shirts; teachers have been suspended and fired for allowing their students to simply voice objections to Bush's war. It doesn't take anything more than the power of observation to understand that today's right wing endorses a McCarthyesque approach to dissent. It's rare that anyone who watches the conservative stormtroopers can even be shocked anymore by some of the things they say and endorse.
Leave it to Faux News talking head and shameless Bush apologist Bill O'Reilly to achieve that shock.
On his May 17 radio program, Bill O'Reilly called for the decapitation of the Los Angeles Times' editorial page editor Michael Knisley. Knisley's "crime," as far as anyone can tell, was criticizing the treatment of the Guantanemo prisoners.
"They'll never get it until they grab Michael Kinsley out of his little house and they cut his head off." And maybe when the blade sinks in, he'll go, "Perhaps O'Reilly was right."
O'Reilly also suggested that it was naive to believe that fulfilling the obligations of democracy -- practicing the ideals we preach -- might win America good will in the corners of the world where we have little to none.
"I mean that's like saying, well, if we're nicer to the people who want to KILL US, then the other people who want to KILL US will like us more."
Here is an excerpt from George W. Bush's 2005 State of the Union address:
Wonder if O'Reilly will soon be calling for Bush's decapitation? I'm assuming not. Consistency in position and rhetoric are so much more complicated than simple demogoguery and calls for violence against any American not following the prescribed conservative line. Conservatives are not famous for consistency; they are well-known for demogoguery -- so I wouldn't expect either consistency or an apology from O'Reilly any time soon.
Posted by Christopher at 11:09 AM | Comments (1)May 26, 2005
Brain Wide Shut
I'm certainly not the first blogger to say this -- in fact, in my little circle alone, both Pete and Eden have already weighed in on this subject with similar senses of outrage. But this is one that I can't let go uncommented upon.
As you've probably heard by now, Tom Cruise -- he of the no medical training whatsoever other than belonging to a freakish cult -- has publicly called out Brooke Shields for criticism because of her use of the drug Paxil to help her recover from post-partum depression.
"Here is a woman, and I care about Brooke Shields because I think she is an incredibly talented woman. You look at, where has her career gone?"
Well, first of all, her career's currently starring on the London stage as Roxie Hart in a critically acclaimed production of Chicago. My career should disappear so well someday. But Cruise then continues with what might be the most infuriatingly asinine statement by an actor since Mel Gibson last opened his mouth.
"These drugs are dangerous. I have actually helped people come off... When you talk about postpartum, you can take people today, women, and what you do is you use vitamins. There is a hormonal thing that is going on, scientifically, you can prove that. But when you talk about emotional, chemical imbalances in people, there is no science behind that. You can use vitamins to help a woman through those things."
So nice of Dr. Cruise to enlighten all of us, isn't it? Oops, wait... he's not a doctor, is he? He's just a Scientologist. But that must make you feel smarter than you are. Just what the world needs -- a cult that has the same impact as staying in a Holiday Inn Express.
Having never had the requisite parts to carry off a partum, much less a post-partum, I cannot speak to what it's like to have post-partum depression. But I can speak with some authority about what it's like to have depression as part of bipolar II disorder. I consider it something of a minor miracle that I'm around to do so. And I can assure Mr. Cruise that there in fact is an emotional, chemical imbalance in the systems of depressed people. I can assure him that the drugs used to treat those imbalances are not "dangerous," but are life-savers.
Cruise's lack of sympathy for what can be a debilitating, crippling, and most importantly, medically triggered condition is ignorant at best. But his presenting himself as an expert -- "I've helped people come off (drugs)" -- and trying to inflict his cult's bizarre, wholly medically unfounded theories on his fans and the rest of the public goes beyond ignorant. It's dangerous, and it contributes further to the stigma and misunderstanding surrounding depression. He couldn't have done much more harm if he'd suggested that one could get AIDS from a drinking fountain or a toilet seat.
The last thing people who suffer from a misunderstood illness need is a prominent celebrity further muddying the waters with ignorant statements and misinformation. Especially when that celebrity is a brainwashed cult recruiter seeking to indoctrinate further followers.
Speaking of that, I just had to mention this... Cruise claims there's "no science" behind the idea of chemical imbalances causing mood disorders. Here's what Scientology teachers about the cause of mental illnes:
Scientology religious doctrine holds that all illnesses, both physical and mental, are caused by "engrams" of negative energy in a person's "thetan."
Hmm... engrams of negative energy in my thetan. Wonder how much science is behind that idea, you brainwashed, Major Do-channeling, zombie-like, junk-science buying drone?
By the way, what does Scientology suggest is the cause of the condition when celebrities with something to hide engage a series of ever-less impressive beards to be seen with them in public?
Cruise really just needs to shut the hell up. I hope his movie coming up becomes this summer's Waterworld. And I hope his thetan falls off.
Posted by Christopher at 11:32 PM | Comments (9)The Lovely, The Talented...
Maya Angelou once said, "Talent is like electricity. We don't understand electricity. We use it. You can plug into it and light up a lamp, keep a heart pump going, light a cathedral, or you can electrocute a person with it."
If Angelou's analogy is accurate, then I work in a damn power plant.
I've written in the past about my friend Ethan, the should be-rock star who works at my company. If you want to know the difference between respect and admiration, I can sum it up easily for you: I respect Ethan's ability as a business professional; I admire his ability as an artist. Both are good statements and meant well, it's just that one is ratcheted up a couple of notches.
Over on Ethan's site, he's been posting up a storm lately... and he's got two new songs up, one of which is included in a compliation album put together to raise money for a local musician in Ohio who is battling cancer. And check the review he got from the Athens Musician Network:
"Tied for most creative on the compilation are Hazy Jane's techno-to-acoustic 'Box Elder Opera' and Indelible Beancurd's 'I Left My Blargh in San Francisco' - a layered, mock-lounge litany by Dreifort and NYC cohort, Ethan Rand."
I won't steal his thunder by lifting the link onto my blog -- you've got to go over there and click the link on his site to hear it. But despite another of Ethan's unique titles (Dude, if you're reading, what the hell is a Blargh?), the song is exactly what the reviewer says it is. Color me duly impressed. (Besides, as a commenter on his site points out, any song that can mention AstroGlide -- and in French no less! -- has got to be pretty damn cool.)
Another extremely talented and thoughtful creative type whom I work with is my friend Derek Baker. I should have linked to him before, but I honestly only learned of his blog just before I went on my little vacation. Now that I'm back and reading co-workers' blogs more often, I wanted to correct that oversight.
Derek is a calmer, more rational thinker than I am - you'll find more thoguhtful, reasoned analyses of what's going on in the world than you find on my rant-laden blog. He's also got a perspective that's somewhat different than mine on politics; I have been a lifelong Democrat, while Derek had always been a Republican until George W. Bush and Dick Cheney came along and swung the party so far to the extreme right that Derek felt he had no choice but to switch parties -- which he did, finally, earlier this month. So I guess I'd say that when you're looking for spitting, hair flaming, burst blood vessels anger, come to me... but when you're looking for a calmer, more dispassionate but no less urgent analysis or commentary on the world we live in... well, Derek's your guy.
Man, I work with some sickly talented people. Daaaaaamn.
Posted by Christopher at 10:17 PM | Comments (1)Desperate Times, Desperate Fake Measures
If you listen to broadcast radio anywhere in the United States today, odds are very high that you listen to a Clear Channel station. The odds are also very high that you believe that radio in your town sucks.
Clear Channel's bland, homogonized approach and monopolistic business practices have eliminated all but the most overtested and focus-grouped formats and playlists in many markets -- a process exaverbated by the relaxation of regulation that now allows one company to buy up all of the public's airwaves in a market.
Within the last year or two, listeners have begun to revolt, abandoning commercial radio for satellite radio and loudly expressing a wave of frustration with the lack of options on the airwaves that didn't follow the tested-to-death formula. The criticisms are louder and more incessant that ever before. A potential sea change in the industry is brewing, and Clear Channel knows it. What to do? Simple: pretend to join the revolution against your own rule.
Recently, a "pirate radio station" popped up in Akron, Ohio -- complete with a Web site that rips on the state of radio in general and especially hammering Clear Channel stations in the area. The station started "bleeding" broadcasts into the frequencies of Clear Channel stations in town. The Web site rattled off a litany of complaints that, while never mentioning Clear Channel by name, were virtually a laundry list of everything negative that people say about the company.
Radio has changed. Gone are the days of big name personalities who weren’t afraid to play what they wanted. Gone are the days when we could hear a newsman deliver the news about what was happening in my town without follow-ups on runaway brides or stories about a Game Show host bedding a contestant.
Most importantly, gone are the days of multiple viewpoints and opinions. Instead we get corporate mandated opinions from talking heads. Corporate controlled music playlists, and so on.
Sounds great, right? It was... except that it was all fake.
The "rebels" behind the pirate station were none other than Clear Channel themselves. Not surprisingly, when someone checked the DNS registry of the Website for "Radio Free Ohio" and found it was owned by Clear Channel, the rebel site disappeared, replaced by a generic and static page promising an upcoming revolution.
While the stunt appears to have blown up in their face, and while I am one of Clear Channel's biggest detractors, the corporate communications guy in me has to admit that this was a pretty creative approach to a marketing campaign. Trying to appeal to your critics by endorsing their criticisms... that's just gutsy. I'll give them credit.
Of course, gutsy marketing won't change all the problems with Clear Channel, its stations and its business philosophy. But I'll still grudgingly respect their old college try.
Posted by Christopher at 09:26 PM | Comments (0)I'll Tell Ya What I Want, What I Really, Really Want
Two of my guiltier pleasure-type admissions are the two I am going to confess to now. One, I actually really enjoyed LiveAid, as Eighties as it was. And two, I used to not mind the Spice Girls so much, for pretty much the same reasons I willingly tolerate Britney Spears... only the Spice Girls had ten such reasons, and not just two. (And I feel slightly less guilty about that now, having seen Pete's similar confession over at A Perfectly Cromulent Blog -- although he is a Ginger Spice fan, while I am strongly partial to "Baby Spice" Emma Bunton.)
These two apparently unrelated sins against musical taste are in fact both connected and relevant today. That's because it's been revealed that the original Spice Girls are reuiniting just in time to play the upcoming Live Aid II concert in London.
Charity Band Aid said it hoped the chart-topping quintet would appear at a new Live Aid concert, aiming to repeat the success of the 1985 event which raised over $100 million for African famine relief.
My summer's getting better already.
Posted by Christopher at 08:58 PM | Comments (2)May 24, 2005
The 100 "Greatest?"
Never a publication to miss a timely feature, Time Magazine enlisted its film critics, Richard Corliss and Richard Schickel, to name their 100 greatest films of all time... only ten weeks after I listed my top 21, and seven years after the American Film Institute named its 100 greatest ever.
Time's list is disappointing in so many ways to me. First of all, it's only in alphabetical order. What the hell? What's the point of having a top 100 list if you're not going to rank them? I mean, seriously?! This is America -- everything's a competition! We don't want to see a damn list unless there's a #100 (the loser) and a #1 (the winner)! None of this 'honor just to be on the list' crap - give us a clear hierarchy of greatness! We don't get lists any other way!
Second of all, I've only seen 17 of the films they list among their top 100. This may be because I am an uncultured philistine when it comes to movies. Or, it may be because Time's critics seem to have received a mandate that American movies can only be considered after all foreign films have been eliminated; more than half the films on the list are foreign films.
I realize that my next statement makes me an ugly American with no sensitivity whatsoever and the culture of a trailer park, but 99.9999% of foreign films are freaking boring and stupid. They're like watching three hours of Calvin Klein commercials. Either that, or it's some English period piece featuring Emma Thompson and Anthony Hopkins prattling on about some afternoon tea. And the only thing worse than sitting through them are the Americans you have to sit through them with -- pretentious, dress-in-black, faux existentialist, eurotrash wannabes who seem to feel that watching boring and pretentious cinema is necessary penance for Americans for inflicting the fast food culture on the world. Sorry - no valid top 100 list can include more than 12 foreign films (and that's only as a nod to my Scottish friend McRob -- otherwise I'd limit it to three).
Thirdly, of the 17 on their list I have seen, only nine would make my list. A couple of theirs might make my Worst 100 list. Farewell My Concubine, for example, might well have been the worst film I have ever been forced to sit through. It was so bad, my friend Irina -- who is far more cultured than I and has much more artistic sense than I -- agreed to turn off the VCR and find something else to watch only 1/3 of the way through the film. That piece of junk wasn't worth the cardboard box it came in.
Time and I agree on only the nine following: Blade Runner, Chinatown, Citizen Kane, It's A Wonderful Life, The Manchurian Candidate, Pulp Fiction, Schindler's List, Singin' In The Rain, and A Streetcar Named Desire. Beyond that, Time's list sucks. (It even lists Finding Nemo among the top 100 of all time! Finding f'n Nemo????) For the record, the AFI and I agreed on 27; I've seen 46 of theirs.
If I hadn't just done my top 21, I'd be tempted to get into my top 100 as a rebuttal. (By the way, for anyone who remembers my Best Movie Quotes Ever series from last summer... the AFI is copying me next month. Think I can sue?
Posted by Christopher at 08:39 PM | Comments (3)A Jedi Must Have The Deepest Commitment, The Most Serious Mind
The debates in Kansas and Georgia need no longer be raised; two British Star Wars fans have proven Darwin's theories of survival of the fittest to be utterly and completely correct. No one need look any further for proof of Darwinism than this story:
Two Star Wars fans are in a critical condition in hospital after apparently trying to make light sabres by filling fluorescent light tubes with petrol.A man, aged 20, and a girl of 17 are believed to have been filming a mock duel when they poured fuel into two glass tubes and lit it.
The pair were rushed to hospital after one of the devices exploded in woodland at Hemel Hempstead, Hertfordshire.
Hopefully their reproductive cells were damaged in the accident... because these two are clearly swimming in the shallow end of the gene pool.
Posted by Christopher at 08:23 PM | Comments (0)He Was Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat!
Thurl Ravenscroft died of prostate cancer in California on Sunday. He was 91. Ravenscroft is of course best known for being the voice of Tony the Tiger, who pitched Kellogg's Frosted Flakes for half a century with the slogan, "They're grrrrrrrrreat!" He also did the voice work for many of the attractions in Disneyland.
But I will mourn Ravenscroft's paasing not as Tony the Tiger or a Disney shill, but for something much more profound and lasting. For it was Ravenscroft who performed what is, to me, the single greatest Christmas song ever -- and thus contributed to the best holiday special in existence: How The Grinch Stole Christmas.
First of all - the single greatest four seconds in animation history are when the Grinch first gets the idea to steal Christmas... and that grin begins deep in his soul and spreads like a spill across his face, distorting his cheeks, creating folds in his jowls and unfurling those things on top of his head. I'm almost 37 years old, and that moment still makes me giggle like a schoolboy.
And it was Thurl Ravenscroft who unknowingly provided me with my soundtrack of the holiday season. His is the voice behind the classic, "You're A Mean One, Mr. Grinch." While everyone else is caroling insipidly about first Noels, little towns and silver bells, I spend the Christmas season singing "you have termites in your smile... you have all the tender sweetness of a seasick croccodile..."
So goodbye, Thurl Ravenscroft -- and thanks for giving me a carole to call my own during the holidays.
Posted by Christopher at 08:14 PM | Comments (0)May 21, 2005
Blog Stew: Bouillabaisse
bouil·la·baisse (bool-yuh-bez) n.
1. A highly seasoned stew made of several kinds of fish and shellfish.
2. A combination of various different, often incongruous elements: a bouillabaisse of special interests.
Here are your various different, often incongruous elements for the weekend:
1) President "very concerned" about cloning. "I'm very concerned about cloning," the president said. Yeah, me too. Glad to see that W doesn't want any more Bushes running around either.
2. Vice City Vulgarity. The 2004 fantasy baseball champions, your Vice City Vultures... well, they are well on the way to achieving an historic, if dubious, feat: they may be the first fantasy baseball team in history to pull off the dreaded "first-to-worst" reversal of fortune.
Last year, everything went right for the Flying Harbingers of Death. This year, karma is paying me back in spades. On a roster of 25 players, on Thursday I had 8 -- a full third of my roster -- missing time due to injury. Jim Thome sucked even before he went on the DL, Mike Lowell is suffering the worst season of his career, Coco Crisp is out until September, and not one of my players is batting over .300 for the year. And frankly, the Vultures suck.
We added a 15th franchise this season, so now my fall can be even more ignominious, as I will be the first owner in league history to finish in 15th place. Out of a maximum 180 points possible, the Vultures begin May 21 with 58.5 points -- and have pretty much maxed out their potential right now. The crowds have gone silent at Impending Doom Stadium; they may even stop coming altogether. And if you look up in the sky, you can see some big birds circling over the carcass of this once proud franchise.
3) On Star Wars: Do the Sith have a lisp?
4) Toto, I Think We're Not In Japan Anymore. Man, the things we miss by not living in Japan! Not sure exactly which toilet product this commercial is advertising, but I wish we had more bizarre commercials like this one here in the States. (Couresy of Boing Boing)
5) Today's a big day for someone in my little corner of the world. I'm proud of you, shorty. Congratulations.
6) Search topics: I noticed that during my hiatus, I still got an average of about 50 hits per day. While a few of those were friends of this blog who were checking to see if I was back yet, most were accidental hits from people who were Googling something. Honestly, at least 4 out of 10 were looking for "Ineta Radevica nude."
Ms. Radevica is a Latvian long jumper who was among the eight Olympic athletes who posed for Playboy last summer before Athens. I merely wrote about her back then, but after seeing so many searchers trying to learn what only her hairdresser had known before, I decided -- in the interest of serving my blog community, of course! -- to perform a similar search, just to see what the fuss was about. And while I will not post any of those photographs, here is the young lady who has caused such a stir and who single-handedly kept my traffic patterns up through my hiatus.
7) I'm a Post-Modernist. Woo-hoo! (Thanks to McRob over at The Bothy for the quiz.)
What is Your World View? (corrected...again)
created with QuizFarm.com Posted by Christopher at 09:34 AM | Comments (2)
Saddam's Skivvies
Every once in a while, just to shake you up, I'm going to reveal a side of me that doesn't follow the expected lefty line. And this post is one of those moments.
The big hullaballoo right now is that a British tabloid is running photos apparently taken by the US military, showing Saddam Hussein in his underwear. The Pentagon is launching an investigation into who took the photos, and saying they may be in violation of the Geneva Convention.
You know, I oppose W's war in Iraq. There were no weapons of mass destruction, Bush lied about it deliberately to go to war, and I don't believe that the United States is any safer today because Saddam Hussein is out of power. But I have no problem whatsoever with these photographs being released.
Because of my outspoken and deeply held disgust for W and his henchmen, I suppose it may be easy to forget or overlook the fact that I am a veteran. I proudly served my country in the US Naval Reserve from 1991-1995. I never got closer to Kuwait than DisneyWorld, but nonetheless I was on active duty while we had troops in Kuwait and Iraq. The sailors were my shipmates; the Marines and troops were my fellow members of the military brotherhood. And I watched what Saddam Hussein did to my brothers and sisters.
You think photos of Saddam in his skivvies is a violation of privacy? How about getting the hell beaten out of you by an enemy, then put on television with all your wounds for the world to see, and being forced to read propaganda against the nation you serve?
I remember these photos. I remember what Saddam Hussein did. And to claim that a man who so callously disdained the Geneva Convention fourteen years ago is now entitled to the protections afforded by it... well, my response is simply this:
Tough luck, Saddam. Nice tighty whities, ya little bitch. Hope we get pictures of your cavity search next, you bastard. And I hope the instruments they use on you are nice and sharp. By the way, Jeffrey Zaun and Melissa Rathbun say hi.
Posted by Christopher at 09:05 AM | Comments (0)Fili-Busted
One of my biggest problems with the Republican Party's attempts to ban filibusters -- beyond the fact that it subverts democracy itself, removes a 200+ year old part of the checks and balances system, and is a sinister attempt to bring us closer to one party rule -- is the complete and utter hypocrisy of their position, given how they used the same procedure to block President Clinton's judicial nominees. (Then again, does anyone really expect consistency or integrity from a conservative anymore anyway?)
The funniest and best example of these scoundrels being tripped up by their own histories came this week, when New York Senator Charles Schumer asked Senator Frist a simple, yet devastating question:
"Isn't it correct," Schumer asked Frist, "that on March 8, 2000, my friend from Tennessee voted to uphold the filibuster of a judge, Richard Paez?"
Frist's answer was classic comedy. The correct answer is yes -- Frist was one of a handful of Republican senators to vote against cloture on Paez' nomination -- but that's not what Frist said Wednesday morning. Instead, he launched into a rambling response that began with a stammering stutter-step -- "Mr. President, the, in response, the Paez nomination, we'll come back and discuss it further..."
I half expected him to finish the conversation with a "eh-Th-Th-Th-The-Th-That's All, Folks!"
It got even funnier when his press secretary tried to make actual logic out of Frist's hypocrisy. (Thanks to Mileah for the link here.) You really have to read the whole transcript to get a sense of just how Orwellian the doublespeak really is, but this little exchange sums it up nicely:
Reporter: So what was Sen. Frist hoping to accomplish when he voted against cloture on the Paez nomination?
Hapless Flack: He was making his voice heard on that cloture.
Reporter: And how is that different from what Sen. Harry Reid and the Democrats are doing now? Aren't they just making their voices heard?
Hapless Flack: Because it -- they are denying up-or-down votes to the rest of the Senate on these nominees who have majority support. So they are killing these nominees through the filibuster.
Rep: Which is exactly what Sen. Frist was trying to do in 2000.
HF: But A) not as part of leadership. And B), had it gotten to the point that the cloture vote didn't go through, we could have a conversation about hypotheticals. It was clear that Paez was going through. It was clear that Paez had the 60 votes for cloture. So it doesn't necessarily matter that Bill Frist -- I mean, if it came to a point where he didn't have 60 votes for cloture, and then Bill Frist was part of that, then you would have had successful cloture, and you could have said that Bill Frist [would have] realized that [his vote] was going to stop this cloture vote, and [he would have] stopped it.
Rep: So attempts at filibusters are OK so long as they're futile?
HF: Sort of, yeah.
Sounds like somebody needs to go back to civics class.
Meanwhile, polls show overwhelming support for democracy among the American people -- and against the Republican leadership's position on the issue of filibusters.
But by a 2 to 1 ratio, the public rejected easing Senate rules in a way that would make it harder for Democratic senators to prevent final action on Bush's nominees. Even many Republicans were reluctant to abandon current Senate confirmation procedures: Nearly half opposed any rule changes, joining eight in 10 Democrats and seven in 10 political independents, the poll found.
And if you had any doubt of what the Republican leadership is really all about, Senator Rick Santorum proved it once and for all this week. Disagree with Santorum and the Republicans? You must be a Nazi.
[Democrats' position on the filibuster is] "the equivalent of Adolf Hitler in 1942 saying, 'I'm in Paris. How dare you invade me. How dare you bomb my city? It's mine.' This is no more the rule of the senate than it was the rule of the senate before not to filibuster."
After looking at that poll, it looks to me that Santorum just compared 2/3 of the American public to Adolf Hitler.
(Now, in fair disclosure... yes, in angry frustration after the election last November, I did put up an angry post, and in the comment section I came very close to calling Bush and his supporters Nazis. It was a mistake committed out of anger. Of course, I'm not a United States Senator; I'm just a blogger. I said it in a little corner of blogtopia, not on the floor of the US Senate. And when challenged on it by conservative readers, I retracted the comparison -- something Santorum has not done and will not do.)
Ironic that the greatest assault on democracy this century has not come from without, but rather from the floor of the Senate; not from an external enemy, but from the leadership of the majority party.
Posted by Christopher at 08:15 AM | Comments (0)May 19, 2005
The New Number Is....
Eighteen.
Tonight was the night of the weekly "step on the scale" routine at the gym. And the results are in... I am now down 18 pounds total since March 7. Sure, it's going slowly, but it's still going -- especially cool, considering I slipped this past week and ate a Burger King Whopper With Cheese the other night, on top of the Chinese food I had on Saturday. I didn't expect to lose anything at all this week.
But there it was: 18 pounds.
I still have a long way to go before I reach my goal. And it's going slower than I'd like it, of course. But now, I have two fewer pounds to get there. And 18 pounds is still 18 pounds less, which is already an improvement. 18 down, 42 to go. At this rate, I'll be where I want to be by New Year's.
Do you care? Of course not. But I'm psyched, and you're already here. So there. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.
Posted by Christopher at 10:49 PM | Comments (5)With Six You Get Magazine
There's a new trend I've noticed within the last few months. I'm not sure exactly when it started; all I know is that it really has to end. I'm talking about this annoying new development that every time you buy a DVD, CD, or something in the home electronics vein, they start signing you up for magazine subscriptions.
I've had it happen at Best Buy, at FYE, at Suncoast, and a couple of other stores. "With your purchase today, sir, you get 8 free issues of Sports Illustrated and Entertainment Weekly. Thank you for shopping at Cross-Marketing Hell."
It was bad enough when it was just automatically SI and EW. Now, they're forcing others on you - and none that fit you! Recently I was offered the choice of any three of the following: Jane, Working Woman, Elle, Vogue, Entertainment Weekly, Newsweek. (No sign of SI anywhere.) Assuming that I wanted EW and Newsweek is presumptuous enough. But then what do I choose? I'm not a working woman, and I don't expect to be any time in the forseeable future. Somehow, I doubt I'll fit into the new summer fashion lines showcased in Vogue. And yet I would have had to choose one of them.
The worst, though, is that the cashiers glare at you if you opt out. In this instance, I smiled and said that there were only two on the list that even fit me, and I already received both of them (a lie, but you must always fight marketing efforts with whatever tools you have at your disposal), but thank you anway. The glare I got suggested that perhaps I might like to go frolic in traffic. It was like she got commission on these automatic magazine subscriptions, and I was taking food out of her baby's mouth or something.
Some marketing or "branding" expert somewhere came up with the idea of force-subscribing home entertainment customers a series of a magazines they neither want nor care about... I say we find that person and bleed him or her to death by inflicting thousands of paper cuts via all those magazine pages.
Posted by Christopher at 10:24 PM | Comments (1)The St. Jude Institute P.T.A
This might have been the coolest symbolic bird-flipping moment I have seen in a long, long time. Alysha Crosby, senior at the St. Jude Educational Institute, was told in March by a hypocritical and judgemental school administration that she could no longer attend school or participate in graduation ceremonies because she was pregnant, and that represented (their words, not mine) "safety concerns." Of course, the father of her child received no such banishment.
(And I fail to understand this concept of "safety concerns." Whose safety? Women I work with routinely stay at work until the very last moment. Unless St. Jude's is a skydiving school or the curriculum involves handling jackhammers, I'm not seeing how they got away with this one.)
Rather than tuck her tail between her legs and meekly go along with this backwoods, backward moralism, Alysha Crosby showed more dignity, class, and courage at her commencement than any of the adult leadership of that school have possessed their whole lives.
A pregnant student who was banned from graduation at her Roman Catholic high school announced her own name and walked across the stage anyway at the close of the program... "I worked hard throughout high school and I wanted to walk with my class," she said.
I'm not sure of the kids' slang these days, but I believe the correct response in the vernacular is, "You go, girl!" That was the most wonderful, in your hypocritical face display of staring down a bunch of phonies I've heard about since Jeannie C. Riley's momma socked it to the Harper Valley P.T.A. This kid's gonna be just fine. And Alysha, if you ever happen to stop by this little corner of blogtopia, I'm damn proud of you.
Posted by Christopher at 10:04 PM | Comments (2)Domestic Terrorism: Right On
Back when Tom Ridge was in charge of Homeland Security, the Bush Administration used to have this cute little trick of suddenly inventing elevated threats or terrorism any time George W. Bush appeared to be in political trouble. Sure enough, enough of the brain-dead and the spoon-fed would get scared, just as Bush & Rove wanted, and suddenly people would rally around this pathetic, disgraceful excuse of a "president." Problem solved.
Once Bush was reinstalled in office, however, there was no more need to scare the hell out of the American people in order to manipulate the election results -- so Tom Ridge resigned, and there hasn't been a single elevated threat warning since November 10, 2004. (Think I'm exaggerating? Look it up on the Dept. of Homeland Security's site. Apparently, al Qaida must have just miraculously given up trying to harm the US right after election day.)
So now, Bush and company don't have that little manipulative tool anymore. But after the Schiavo debacle, the Republicans' attempt to subvert 200+ years of democratic tradition by ending the filibuster (which they used against Clinton judicial nominees less than a decade ago), and with polls showing rampant dissatisfaction with both Bush and Congress... well, the Republicans needed to do something new to frighten the American people and manipulate them into thinking Republicans aren't so bad. What to do? Easy - continue to demonize the left by suddenly inventing a threat and saying left wing eco-terrorism is now a serious threat in America.
While the right wing has long been so devoid of ideas, value, or anything remotely beneficial to offer the American public that they've been forced to demonize the left as a distraction tactic, this represents a new low. Memo to the public: the only incidents of domestic terrorism in the last decade to claim American lives have been RIGHT WING TERRORISM.
Timothy McVeigh killed 168 people, including 19 children, because he'd been whipped up into a right-wing, anti-government frenzy. Eric Rudolph killed two people at the Atlanta Olympics, killed two people by blowing up abortion clinics, and tried to kill more by bombing gay clubs... because of his right-wing, white supremacist, hate-filled beliefs. James Kopp shot Dr. Barnett Slepian out of a twisted, right-wing belief set that says mudering doctors is acceptable to prevent abortion, because abortion is murder and murder is wrong.
The simple fact is, the only domestic terrorists in this country are the right wing variety. And nothing that George Bush or members of his government can say will ever change that. You want to find domsestic terrorists in this country? Turn right.
Posted by Christopher at 09:35 PM | Comments (0)May 17, 2005
Suits, Success, And An Office In The Big House
Anyone who knows me in person will tell you I am one of the absolute least corporate people they know. Whatever I have accomplished in my career, I've managed to do so while stridently efforting to remain perpetually 22 and as un-serious as possible. My whole career, my office demeanor and behavior have been more likely to meet reproach from bosses than any mistake I ever made on anything I've ever actually worked on. And that's the way I like it.
Most of all, I don't dress like a professional unless I absolutely have to. I was dragged kicking and screaming into the world of having to dress like a grown-up, and thankfully just about the time that I left Capitol Hill, the dotcom-fueled business casual boom hit. For most of my professional career, I have gone to work in nothing nicer than polo shirts and khakis -- and that was a concession to propriety.
The way I see it, I am a writer; I don't meet with customers, I don't meet with the public... I sit at my desk and wait for creativity to hit me, and pump words out when they come to me. Who needs a tie for that? Hell, I'd wear a backwards baseball cap, a Tommy Bahama tiki shirt, cargo shorts and sandals to work if they'd let me get away with it. I'm not a dresser-upper in my "real" life, and that follows me to the office. (Don't get me wrong; I'm not a slob. I dress well, just very casually. And I did, about a year ago, concede to the increasing importance of the jobs I kept getting, and I bought about a half dozen ties. But they were Dilbert ties, or Jerry Garcia ties. If I was gonna play the game, I was going to do it my way at least.)
But all that changed with this new job that I started Monday. It's taken me from a divisional center to the corporate headquarters. And when you go to corporate, you dress the part. No more polo shirts. No more khakis. No more Dilbert ties. I was going to have to become one of "them."
This presented me with a quandry. I don't own a suit -- haven't since I left Capitol Hill ten years ago. I have one black blazer and a pair of black slacks that I wear to weddings and funerals (not that there's much of a difference between the two events!), and that's the extent of my formal wardrobe. But seeing as how my new office is on the same floor as the big boss's, I figured I might not want to stand out so much. So I went and bought a couple thousand's worth of suits a week ago, got fit for them and had them tailored. To my chagrin, they weren't ready until today -- I started the new gig yesterday, which meant that for two days my wedding outfit did double duty.
I picked them up tonight, and tried them on. As I checked myself in the mirror, what I saw frightened me: I look the part. I'm standing there in a Ralph Lauren charcoal pinstriped suit, shoes that cost more than last weekend's bar bill, and a tie on... and I didn't look uncomfortable, out of place, or like alien body snatchers had replaced me with a crude replica. I looked like what I've become, I guess -- a corporate executive-type.
This is causing me more trauma than I can tell you. I've spent my whole east coast professional career trying to avoid this very fate. And yet somehow I'm morphing into it. And it's got to be arrested before it gets any worse.
So I'm soliciting advice on the best way left to show a little bit of individuality, if not rebellion. I could simply stop getting my hair cut until the end of 2005, or grow a soul patch... I could get my ears pierced again (it's been 10 years now since I let the holes close over). I could go get a tattoo (always wanted one, almost got one while I was in the Navy). Any suggestions are welcome... because I'm not going totally corporate, and I'm not growing up. I refuse. So please help me.
Posted by Christopher at 09:52 PM | Comments (9)Yet Another Reason To Hate New York
I have said many times before that New York is the most hubristic, arrogant place I've ever experienced; Parisians seem humble by comparison. The sense of sports entitlement here -- that New York is, by its very existence, entitled to have winning teams -- is but one manifestation of this hubris. Yes, I rail often at George Steinbrenner's willingness to spend more than the entire AL Central's combined payroll in order to purchase a World Series. But not even George has had the out and out gall and shamelessness to do what William C. Rhoden, a sports columnist for the New York Times, suggested in a column yesterday.
Rhoden wants the NBA to rig the league so that New York and Los Angeles always have good teams.
And no, he wasn't joking, wasn't being sarcastic, and wasn't writing a parody. This arrogant jerk was dead serious.
I was spoiled with Los Angeles perennially in the N.B.A. playoffs. The glamour of the Kobe-Shaq Lakers was a continuation of the Showtime Lakers, and it was glamour that competed with that of the Bird Celtics before giving way to the dominance of the Jordan Bulls. This was the "image always" N.B.A. at its best: big market teams, great players. The league had better find a way to rediscover that formula...Next month marks the 20th anniversary of the "Frozen Envelope" conspiracy. Patrick Ewing was the best college player coming into the N.B.A., and the league supposedly wanted Ewing in New York, a marquee city with an underachieving franchise. The story - subsequently laughed off by the N.B.A. - goes that someone froze the envelope with the Knicks' logo in it so the cold envelope could be easily plucked out when the drawing was made for the first pick.
The system is out of whack. I don't have a solution, but the league has to do something about its system of talent distribution... In the N.B.A.'s ideal world, the best players will find their way to the best markets.
[Detroit GM Joe] Dumars isn't buying. "When you create a system where LeBron, Kobe and Shaq always end up in New York or L.A., then you're asking everyone else to be the Washington Generals," he said.
That may be. But the N.B.A. has to find a way to get its big market teams back on track. Pass the (frozen) envelope, please.
A so-called "respected" journalist actually wrote a column calling on the league to fix the draft so that New York and L.A. get the best players. This makes him an arrogant, narcissistic moron.
Memo to William C. Rhoden: there are 280 million people in the United States. New York's metro population is about 20 million, L.A.'s about 17 million. That means that approximately 87.5% of the country does not live in one of these areas, and would have no interest in the NBA or any other sport that chooses to pre-arrange drafts to stack the deck in favor of two teams. This mypoic, self-centered, asinine thinking is emblematic of why the rest of the country hates New York. And you're not a journalist; you're nothing more than a freaking homer shill.
Posted by Christopher at 09:24 PM | Comments (5)Kansas Lernin'
Among red staters' favorite whines is how blue state folk are elitist and look down upon them. Well kids, if you want to know a big reason why we do this, you might consider that you choose to bend proven science to fit your primitive, cro-magnon beliefs -- and then force feed this so-called edjumucation to your children. Like in Kansas, for example.
The Kansas school board's hearings on evolution were not limited to how the theory should be taught in public schools. The board is considering redefining science itself.Advocates of "intelligent design" are pushing the board to reject a definition limiting science to natural explanations for what's observed in the world
.
Redefining science in order to contort it to their religious beliefs. Yeah, Columbus could have really freaked Kansans out if he showed up with knowledge of a solar eclipse... Kansans would believe that it was a vengeful and angry God was swallowing the moon to punish them for their sins.
Now that I am getting into a position in my career where I have influence over who gets hired and who does not, I can honestly say that wherever I have any say in th
Now that I am getting into a position in my career where I have influence over who gets hired and who does not, I can honestly say that wherever I have any say in the decision, no potential employee who grew up in Kansas will ever get my thumbs up. This isn't out of some blue-state vendetta, but simply because scientific understanding, critical thinking ability, and knowledge are key factors to success in today's business world. You need these things to compete.
And the Kansas school system is frankly inferior, thanks to these cretinous ostriches who would rather brainwash than teach. Their students will no longer receive a sufficient education to be successful in the modern world. No American business can expect to remain competitive if forced to hire unprepared workers. And Kansas, at this point, is a liability.
Below is a list of further suggested topics for the Kansas school board to force into the curriculum:
-- The world is flat. Asia is simply a mass conspiracy by liberal cartographers.
-- The sun revolves around the earth; Copernicus was a sinner and a blasphemer. Any suggestion otherwise is a blatant attempt by homosexuals to intoxicate our kids with their perverse agenda.
-- Medical attention is to be limited to diagnosing patients by measuring the bumps on their head (phrenology), the use of leeches for treatment of illness, and prayer for the treatment of injury. Physicians and RNs are servants of the devil, and it is an abomination that they practice their satanic magic while clothed in white.
-- DNA does not exist. It is simply one more example of how the liberal establishment chooses to subvert God's majesty and power with the hubris of man. Accordingly, Kansans will continue to suffer from any disease or condition that these so-called healers might otherwise treat, alleviate or cure.
-- Fluoride in water is a conspiracy by the Communists to rob us of our precious bodily fluids.e decision, no potential employee who grew up in Kansas will ever get my thumbs up. This isn't out of some blue-state vendetta, but simply because scientific understanding, critical thinking ability, and knowledge are key factors to success in today's business world. You need these things to compete.
And the Kansas school system is frankly inferior, thanks to these cretinous ostriches who would rather brainwash than teach. Their students will no longer receive a sufficient education to be successful in the modern world. No American business can expect to remain competitive if forced to hire unprepared workers. And Kansas, at this point, is a liability.
Below is a list of further suggested topics for the Kansas school board to force into the curriculum:
-- The world is flat. Asia is simply a mass conspiracy by liberal cartographers.
-- The sun revolves around the earth; Copernicus was a sinner and a blasphemer. Any suggestion otherwise is a blatant attempt by homosexuals to intoxicate our kids with their perverse agenda.
-- Medical attention is to be limited to diagnosing patients by measuring the bumps on their head (phrenology), the use of leeches for treatment of illness, and prayer for the treatment of injury. Physicians and RNs are servants of the devil, and it is an abomination that they practice their satanic magic while clothed in white.
-- DNA does not exist. It is simply one more example of how the liberal establishment chooses to subvert God's majesty and power with the hubris of man. Accordingly, Kansans will continue to suffer from any disease or condition that these so-called healers might otherwise treat, alleviate or cure.
-- Fluoride in water is a conspiracy by the Communists to rob us of our precious bodily fluids.
Posted by Christopher at 08:56 PM | Comments (0)May 14, 2005
Blog Stew: Spring Bisque
Admittedly I am stealing this idea from Corey over at The Cynic. What do you do when you have a whole fridge full of items that caught your eye, but none of them are enough to inspire a full post? Throw 'em all into one big pot, make a post out of it, and invite everyone to dig in. Thus, a new category -- Blog Stew -- is born.
Ladies and Gentlemen, the US Senate Presents Our Next UN Ambassador:
And The Walls... Came Tumbling Down: In New York on Thursday, a 75 foot retaining wall collapsed, sending a pile of debris onto the Henry Hudson Parkway and shutting down the northbound lanes for at least several days. This is only about 5 miles from where I live; the Hudson is generally how I drive to the city when I need to. For a moment, I thought New York was California.
World Cup Of Baseball Announced For 2006: This week, after years of dreaming by fans, Major League Baseball and the MLBPA announced plans for a World Cup of Baseball, a 16 team tournament to be played in March 2006. Much like hockey or soccer, no matter where a player plays his professional game, in this tournament he will play for his home country.
ESPN.com took a quick look at what some potential lineups might look like... and I have to tell you, it would be just pure fun to watch the Dominican Republic team play. If that's the lineup they field, that might just be the best baseball team ever assembled.
Cold Medicines Now Harder To Get: So now, just because some addicts out there choose to pollute themselves with crystal meth and use cold medicines to make it, I'm going to have to flash ID and sign a log just to relieve a sinus headache??
You can't protect people from themselves. If some whacked out addict wants to fry his system on meth, that's just one more open seat in Darwin's waiting room. Pulling Tylenol Cold, Sudafed, and Claritin-D off shelves -- and making it that much harder for me as a non-meth addict to relieve discomfort if I am ill -- is asinine.
Hyundai Customers Apparently Unable To Master The Science Of Turning A Dial: Hyundai Motors has announced that it will not offer Sirius Satellite Radio in its new models because of "unprompted write-ins" on a survey that said customers were "not comfortable with programming from [Howard] Stern."
Wow. Not even I expected this level of stupidity from the social morality police Christian Warrior types. Apparently the concept of pressing a button and skipping over a station is too complex for these "Intelligent Design" adherents.
Look, I'm no fan of Howard Stern. I think his schtick is puerile, juvenile, and devoid of most creativity (though I love when he lights up our dictator-wannabe president). Same with most shock jocks; Opie and Anthony are about as amusing as two 12 year olds who just discovered their penises. But it's a simple matter to merely turn the station if I don't want to hear it. And the fact that Hyundai is catering to these cretins makes me all the less likely to buy a Hyundai as my next car. (Damn, they have XM though... well, all right, I'll consider a Hyundai.)
Tiger Misses The Cut: Yawn.
Posted by Christopher at 11:38 AM | Comments (12)Star Wars III: Revenge of the Hack Writer
It's impossible to escape the hype machine, so we all know that the latest -- and he claims final -- installment of George Lucas' Star Wars saga opens this coming Wednesday. I don't want to like Revenge of the Sith. I can't. I mustn't.
But damn, does this trailer look cool.
My first thought was, 'Oh joy, all week I'll be treated to more video of people with no lives dressed up in costumes and standing outside theaters in lines that wrap around the block.'
I don't want to like Revenge of the Sith. I don't. I think George Lucas is the worst dialogue writer in the history of film. He's simplistic. He's cliched. He writes dialogue like a thirteen year old girl writes poetry in her journal. As a kid, I loved the first Star Wars, which came out when I was 9; I loved the second one, out when I was 12; I hated the third one at 15 because even then I could see the lazy, hack cliche way out of making sure everyone ended up related or mated at the end.
And I wanted to be personally responsible for the extinction of the Ewok species. I thought then, as I do now, that cutesy characters written for nine year olds have no place in an epic storytelling. Picture C3PO showing up in Doctor Zhivago or the tribe in Dances With Wolves befriending a herd of cuddly talking bison, and you see my point.
I don't want to like this movie. I can't. I mustn't. But damn, does this trailer look cool.
The newest movies in the franchise, however, have taken my disdain for George Lucas to new levels. Lucas is a propeller-head, a tech geek so enthralled at what he can do with computers that he allows CGI to become his whole movie. Screw plot. Screw continuity. As always in a Lucas film, screw dialogue. But look at these neat-o graphics! I'm also convinced that Jar Jar Binks was a character conceived, formed, and given life by a saber-toothed, winged demon from the 9th level of Hell. Lucas has some serious time in purgatory coming for inflicting that abomination on the world.
So I don't want to like these movies. And yet, I keep going to see them. I saw the "re-mastered" (Look at the neat-o things I can do to old films with computers! And Greedo shot first after all!) re-issues of the classic Star Wars films when they came out in the mid '90s. Every time I go see one, I am disappointed; the dialogue gets more and more childish with every film -- I watch the original Star Wars now and wonder how Lucas' script wasn't laughed out of 20th Century Fox by the first intern who read it. The story and attention to actual plot evaporates with every effort. The films are the most inexplicable blockbusters this side of Titanic.
So I don't want to like Revenge of the Sith. I can't. I mustn't. It goes against everything I stand for as a moviegoer, and worse yet it galls me as a professional writer that this hack can get away with writing the dialogue he does; he makes us all look bad by mere association. I am in disbelief that a writer that pays so much attention to toys and so little attention to story can be so successful.
But damn, does this trailer look cool.
This entire movie will build up to one scene: the climactic duel between Obi-Wan and Anakin on the volcano world. This scene, because of all that has come before it since 1977, is going to be one of the most classic of all time, no matter what is done with it. But if it's done right, it will be the classic movie moment of all time. It is possible, if this scene is done right, that in 100 years of cinema no other moment will have ever come close to approaching this one. The potential is there. So please, George... let's hope you got it right for once. I'll be in the theater waiting to find out.
Because damn, does this movie look cool.
Posted by Christopher at 09:20 AM | Comments (2)May 11, 2005
Their Geriatric Majesties Request
This is just embarassing.
This looks like a photo from Bingo Night at Del Boca Vista Retirement Community. Neither Richards nor Wood appear to have any teeth left; who knew that Stones roadies would one day have to supply Poli-Grip instead of Acapulco Gold? Don't you look at Richards with that hat and expect him to at any moment begin complaining about his lumbago? And don't you just think that the reason Agence France-Presse only took this photo from the waist up is because they all are wearing their pants halfway up their torso, with a belt cinched around the navel? How much do you want to bet that they've all got Bermuda shorts on with dark colored knee socks? Get Yer Ya-Ya's Out? Their ya-yas don't even work anymore without Mother's Little Helper. Can't wait to see Jagger standing on stage with his female fans throwing their Depends at him.
Posted by Christopher at 10:00 PM | Comments (6)You Know What They Say About Fish With Big Fins...
I don't know how to even begin to report this story without getting myself into trouble or opening myself to a comment field day from the peanut gallery. So I'll just tell you that scientists have apparently determined that male mosquitofish with larger sex organs have much greater success rates in attracting female mosquitofish than males with average sized fish sexual appendages.
The study was done on mosquitofish, which are like guppies. They're only about an inch long. That's body length. For the appendage, we're talking millimeters. Nonetheless, biologist Brian Langerhans of Washington University in St. Louis managed to put a tape on 350 male mosquitofish. Langerhans took pictures of the gonopodia to measure their outlines."The organ is quite obvious, even on such small fish," he told LiveScience.
Wow. That must have been a hell of a morning in the Wash U biology lab, the day Brian Langerhans decided he wanted to measure fish dicks. And is it just me, or does Mr. Langerhans seem just a little too enthusiastic about his "quite obvious" observations?
Data in hand, Langerhans exposed about 50 females, one at a time, to video images of a male of average proportions at one end of an aquarium and an outsized male at the other end."They chose the larger one over and over," Langerhans said. "All females had the same preference."
I can see it now... on this week's Sex In The Aquarium, Sa-Manta tells Marlin-da, Char-lotte, and Carrie all about the mosquitofish she's dating with the huge gonopodia, followed by a discussion of red snapper.
Posted by Christopher at 09:46 PM | Comments (0)Love Thy Neighbor... Unless He's A Democrat
By now, you've heard of the Republican activist masquerading as a jackass preacher -- I mean Baptist preacher -- down in North Carolina, who kicked congregants out of his church for not supporting Bush (all while hiding behind the facade of a religious organization to avoid paying taxes on his political activities).
The Rev. Chan Chandler (R-North Carolina) resigned from his church Tuesday, saying that remaining would cause more hurt for him and his family. (Mudge says: Aww, it'd be a real shame if this guy and his family had to hurt.)
But it wasn't this incident that surprised me or even made me angry; we see this kind of single-party, single-mind, one-acceptable-way-to-think stuff out of Republicans each day of every week. No, the thing that got me to post on this story was the reaction of one of Rev. Chandler's sheep -- I mean flock -- I mean, congregants.
I don’t believe he preached politics,” said Rhonda Trantham, one of Chandler’s supports. “I don’t believe anyone should tell a preacher not to preach what’s in the Bible.
You know, admittedly I didn't pay very close attention during Sunday school. But wrack my heretical brain as I might, I can't for the life of me recall where in the Bible it states that Democrats ought to be run out of the church. Perhaps Ms. Trantham might be willing to enlighten us as to which chapter and verse she saw that particular passage appear. Because I'd really like to know where, specifically, in the Bible that it states that "anyone who plans to vote for John Kerry needs to repent or resign."
The abuse by Republicans of American traditions and the tax-exempt status of churches continues. If I'm ever elected to office, one of the first things I'm doing is introducing legislation that specifically revokes the tax-exempt status of any church that engages in political activity or so much as whispers a hint of politics in a sermon. And no, that's not a violation of either free speech or freedom of religious practice. No one is saying churches can't endorse whoever they want, nor enforce a specific belief code on their followers. All I'm saying is that if they want to do so, they need to pay taxes like every other political organization in this country.
Posted by Christopher at 08:51 PM | Comments (1)May 10, 2005
I'm Ba-a-a-a-ack!
In the words of the poet Marshall Mathers, "It's so good to be back!"
Okay, maybe that's just a banana in your pocket, and you're not happy to see me. But here I am anyway, live and in technicolor. Did you miss me? (Don't answer that.)
First of all, a big thanks to the good people at LivingDot for helping me set up my new digs. If you're looking to set up a Movable Type blog, do check them out? What do you guys think of my new home? It's still a work in progress, but I think it's quite an upgrade over the old place, don't you?
It's night time here in the New York area, and as I sit down to write this evening, the usual din outside my window of buses, jets coming in to land at LaGuardia, and police sirens is being pierced with a different sound this evening. This is a family blog, so I'll just say that somebody in this building somewhere is having an awfully good time tonight. Ah yes, the joys of living in New York: being able to hear your neighbors rut like alley cats.
So anyway, I'm back. Not entirely, perhaps; I'm not going to blog every day like I used to. But a few times a week, I'll share thoughts, rants, opinions and observations. I've found that I miss the immediate feedback and community of the blog, and I decided I wanted to come back at least part-time.
First of all, my apologies for the countdown tease that couldn't launch on time. Blame the oh-so-highly competent people at Blogger for that one. I couldn't connect to my old home page, much less edit. Leave it to technology to thwart my grand return!
One of the first things I noticed when I started surfing around in preparation for the comeback was how many of my old reads seemed to follow suit. The Spin Doc killed his site; The Accounting Dugout hasn't updated since the Red Sox' victory parade; Brent has kept his Polemics to himself, and Ptiza has served up her last Chicken Soup For The Vegan Soul. Wow... I knew I was a trendsetter, but hadn't any intention of starting this trend. That's a shame. (Tim and Joe The Bartender, you're on notice too -- you haven't posted much of anything in the last couple of months!)
If you're here, that means you followed me and actually stuck with me through a 10 week layoff. That's really cool; thank you. For what it's worth, the time off was well spent: I've lost 16 pounds so far (16 down, 44 to go); I got a lot of pre-work done on my novel -- more than 100 pages of prep on paper now, in fact -- before getting sidetracked in a good way. (See my new FAQ for a little more detail.) And believe it or not, just as I started making real progress toward that whole getting out of New York thing, the company threw a wrench into my plan: they promoted me. And not just a slight step up... this one is "the break" that we all wait for, the promotion that moves you from "up and comer" to "there." It was cool enough, in fact, that I decided that staying in New York was worth it for this gig.
So that's what I've been up to. It'll take me a little while to get a rhythm back down, but I'll work up to it. Thanks for sticking with me.
And quit picking at that, or it'll never heal.
Posted by Christopher at 08:45 PM | Comments (5)May 08, 2005
FAQ
It would be an impossibility for me to have a true FAQ; I’ve been gone for the last two and a half months, and haven’t been around to answer any question, whether frequently asked or one of a kind. However, it seems to be de rigueur to do so if one has a blog worth its salt. So in lieu of frequently asked questions, here are answers to questions that are not frequently asked but perhaps should be.
What’s a blog?
Technically, it’s short for “web logs” (get it?) and refers to any online journal or collection of thoughts, news, opinions or other useless rambling. A true blog exists only when there is interaction -- interaction between the audience and the material (in the form of links to other opinions, news, or collections of thoughts), or especially interaction between not only the author and his/her readers, but between the readers and one another.
That’s what the blog gurus want us to say. Personally, I think we take ourselves a bit too seriously. Let’s face it: a blog is where people with pretensions of semi-importance go to inflict this pretension on the world. We carve out our little corner of cyberspace, we sprinkle it with our believed brilliance, and we expect and hope that people will come.
Why “The Chronic Curmudgeon?”
Read me for a week, and you’ll know. I’ve been on this planet for almost 37 years now, and you can count on your fingers and toes how many days that something hasn’t pissed me off.
Why’d you disappear for more than two months?
Contrary to popular belief, it wasn’t because Interpol finally caught up to me; I still have those weenies fooled. I just had some spring cleaning to do with my life. And I wanted to try and write a novel.
Why are you back?
Remember those pretensions of semi-importance I mentioned a couple of questions back? (Good - you are paying attention!) I am a true child of my generation, in that I’m all about instant gratification; I crave the immediate feedback and self-importance that a moderately well-read blog delivers.
Where’s home?
I was born in New Jersey, moved to Hawaii when I was 1, moved to Minnesota when I was 5 and stayed there for the next 21 years. Since then, I have lived or spent great amounts of time in Orlando, the Washington DC area, Boston, the New York City area, and the Palm Beach County area. So I don’t really have “home,” per se. Of all of these, I guess I feel most comfortable in either DC or south Florida, although Boston has a special place in my heart.
You’ve been in New York all this time, and you’re still not comfortable there?
No. I hate New York.
Why? It’s the city that never sleeps! If you can make it there, you can make it anywhere! What’s not to like?
Because it’s all that and it knows it. New York is that homecoming queen from high school who thought she was too good to even say hi to you in the halls, much less ever date you. This area is the most self-centered, pretentious, trend-whorish, appearance-focused, status-conscious place I have ever lived in -- and I spent time in DC!
It's ridiculously overpriced, too -- you pay for the "privilege" of living here, but unlike similarly expensive California, you don't get Mediterranean weather that justifies your investment. You're just paying extra because New York thinks itself worthy of that cost of living. I hate that. And I hate it because it has to be the only place in the world where you can be surrounded by a metro area of 20 million other people… and yet be totally and completely alone.
Ginger or Mary Ann?
That’s easy. Mary Ann. I’ll take a girl who knows how to milk a cow any day; they’re much more… interesting later on.
Vanilla or chocolate?
Vanilla.
What are you reading right now?
I just finished A Salty Piece of Land by Jimmy Buffett. It was great for the first 300 pages and then slid quickly into George Lucas, everyone and everything is related territory in the last 60.
You said you are also writing a book. What’s it about?
It’s about a guy who grew up in the Midwest, moved to the Northeast as a young man and never went back… and then suddenly has to go back after 15 years and finds himself having to deal with the gap between red country and blue country -- between who he was, and who he is.
Sounds autobiographical.
Nope. I’m not ever going back, so it’s not about me. But they say you’re supposed to write what you know, right?
So why can’t I read any of it?
Because I’ve allowed myself to be distracted this spring, and after getting a lot of work done on it right after I quit my blog, I haven’t touched it in more than a month.
What?! Why not?
Because she’s fun, makes me laugh, and is darn cute. And we're very good at neglecting my novel together. Next.
So you slacked on the main reason you took off in the first place?
You would, too.
All right, fine. So did you slack off on your other goals too?
No. As a matter of fact, I'm proud to report that I've lost 16 pounds so far. I still look pregnant when viewed from the side, but now I only look six months pregnant instead of nine! 16 down, 44 to go.
What's been the hardest food to give up?
Hmm... that'd be a toss-up between street vendor hot dogs with all the fixings, ice cream, or anything that has any taste whatsoever. Let's face it: 98% of healthy food tastes lousy if it tastes anything at all.
So does this mean you've kicked your Mountain Dew habit as well?
I don't like to talk about it, but I was a Mountain Dew crack whore. It got to a point where I was cringing on street corners, offering to blog for any stranger who came by, so long as I got my hit. It's a vicious cycle, because the more Dew you do, the higher your caffiene tolerance goes... which means you need more Dew to get the effect... which means your tolerance goes even higher... which means you need more Dew. Eventually, I realized that Mountain Dew was controlling my life. I went cold turkey -- and you've never seen pain until you've watched someone quitting Mountain Dew go through caffiene withdrawl migraines.
Who would win a slap fight between Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie?
Don't you have a life?
Have you seen Spamalot?
Not yet. Tickets are so hard to get right now, you have to sleep with everyone Tara Reid's ever scrogged just to get on the wait list. And I don't have 14,597 condoms handy.
But you want to see it. Does that mean you're one of those Python geeks who can recite every skit by heart?
I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
No, I'm not one of those. Why do you ask?
Who plays you in the Chronic Curmudgeon movie?
By looks, probably Robert Wuhl. By attitude, probably Val Kilmer.
Who does the soundtrack?
Solomon Burke. With occasional songs by Stevie Ray Vaughn, George Strait, System Of A Down, and the Ramones.
Why are you such a left winger?
Because I love freedom, and I don’t like the idea of a fundamentalist religious sect controlling the government and imposing its will on all citizens. They tried that in Afghanistan once. Because I believe in the American Dream as it exists in legend -- that everyone here should have a chance to achieve as much as their abilities allow. Because I believe that it is a mark of a moral society that the most fortunate of its members should take responsibility for the well-being of the least fortunate. Because I grew up among hard-working, good people who don’t deserve to be marginalized by Republican economic policies that benefit the rich (and most often the white).
Because despite conservatives’ ad nauseum protestations that they are the party of small town, Middle-America values, they fail at the most fundamental small town value of them all: community. Conservatives don’t value their neighbors; they spend all their time telling you which Americans (liberals, gays, environmentalists, feminists, the poor, minorities, unions, etc. etc. and take your pick) you’re supposed to fear or blame for your problems. Republicanism is all about “I got mine,” and enacting policies to make sure no one else gets theirs. Because at the end of the day, Republicanism is about the haves protecting the haves against the have-less and have-nots. And at the end of the day, I just don’t trust rich people.
But you’re a suit in corporate America. You’re not just surrounded by the haves, you are one of the haves!
That’s not a question.
Fine. Doesn’t your innate mistrust of rich people cause you trouble, since you live and work among them?
Not outwardly. I’ve got plenty of self-crisis over my place in the machine, and I sometimes just shake my head at the cognitive dissonance I see around me… but on a personal level I’m able to just put it aside. Besides, deep down in places I don't like to talk about at parties, I'm still trying to be one of them.
Isn’t that contradictory at best and hypocritical at worst?
Shut up.
So how come you’re so much into animals and their rights, while you’re so generally opposed to humans?
Because animals don’t know any better. Human beings have chosen to keep Jerry Springer on the air for 15 years, to vote for George W. Bush, and to invent religions with which to justify oppression and murder.
What was the best night of your life?
May 15, 2001. But if I told you why, she’d track me down and kill me. So I’ll go with my second choice: October 27, 2004 -- the night the Boston Red Sox won the World Series. I was there in Boston. It was amazing.
But you grew up in Minnesota. How’d you end up a Sox fan?
Not only did I go to grad school in Boston, but my school was literally across the Masspike from Fenway Park. During night classes we could hear the PA announcer and the crowd roaring outside the windows; a two minute walk over the footbridge and you were at Fenway. By the time I’d been at school for a week, I was on my third game and was hooked.
So you’re not one of these poseur-come-latelies who started wearing their Sox caps in October of last year?
I am a proud citizen of Red Sox Nation since September 1997.
Who’s your favorite celebrity?
Tim Robbins, just because he pisses conservatives off so much. Other than that, I like Morgan Freeman, Jon Stewart, Ted from Queer Eye For The Straight Guy, and Tina Fey.
Which celebrity would you like to see rolled in barbed wire and then dipped in habanera pepper sauce?
Ann Coulter. Humankind has yet to devise a sufficient torture for this shrill, evil harpie.
Who’s your favorite porn star?
I wouldn’t know any porn actresses to see them.
Liar. Who’s your favorite porn star?
Um, it’d be a tie between Chloe, Juli Ashton and Tiffany Rose.
So if someone pulled a Paris Hilton on you and leaked your cell phone directory to the Internet, what's the most embarassing thing on there?
Bob Saget's home porn movie.
Name five subjects you will never blog about.
The specifics of my job
That dreamy Aaron Carter
The World Curling Championships
The inner workings of how software code or wireless routers work
Jock itch
For The Record, I'm a Moderate
For anyone who thinks I am a wild-eyed hippie liberal, here are my results for the latest political quiz floating around out there. Here's what to expect from Congressman Curmudgeon:
Your Political Profile |
| Overall: 35% Conservative, 65% Liberal |
| Social Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal |
| Personal Responsibility: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal |
| Fiscal Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal |
| Ethics: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal |
| Defense and Crime: 75% Conservative, 25% Liberal |
| Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | |||
| 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 |
| 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 |
| 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 |
| 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 |
- A Blue State Of Mind
- Around The World
- Batman's A Scientist
- Blog Stew
- Christopher, This Is Your Life
- Fat Guy In A Little Coat
- Funny Ha-Ha
- George W. Bush Is A Freakin' Idiot
- Hair Of The Blogs
- I just can't live without Rageahol!
- It's Meme-o-rific!!
- List-erine
- Moving Pictures
- Mudge's Top 134 Favorite Songs Of The 80s
- Music To My Ears
- People...Village And Otherwise
- Questions That Are Not Frequently Asked But Perhaps Should Be
- Sixteen Tons
- Take Me Out To The Ballgame
- That... Was... AWESOME!
- The Tri-Hate Area
- This Messed Up World
- February 2007
- January 2007
- December 2006
- November 2006
- October 2006
- September 2006
- August 2006
- July 2006
- June 2006
- May 2006
- April 2006
- March 2006
- February 2006
- January 2006
- December 2005
- November 2005
- October 2005
- September 2005
- August 2005
- July 2005
- June 2005
- May 2005
- March 2005
- February 2005
- January 2005
- December 2004
- November 2004
- October 2004
- September 2004
- August 2004
- July 2004
- June 2004
- May 2004
- April 2004
- March 2004
- February 2004
- January 2004
- December 2003
- November 2003
- October 2003
- September 2003
- August 2003
- July 2003
