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May 17, 2005
Suits, Success, And An Office In The Big House
Anyone who knows me in person will tell you I am one of the absolute least corporate people they know. Whatever I have accomplished in my career, I've managed to do so while stridently efforting to remain perpetually 22 and as un-serious as possible. My whole career, my office demeanor and behavior have been more likely to meet reproach from bosses than any mistake I ever made on anything I've ever actually worked on. And that's the way I like it.
Most of all, I don't dress like a professional unless I absolutely have to. I was dragged kicking and screaming into the world of having to dress like a grown-up, and thankfully just about the time that I left Capitol Hill, the dotcom-fueled business casual boom hit. For most of my professional career, I have gone to work in nothing nicer than polo shirts and khakis -- and that was a concession to propriety.
The way I see it, I am a writer; I don't meet with customers, I don't meet with the public... I sit at my desk and wait for creativity to hit me, and pump words out when they come to me. Who needs a tie for that? Hell, I'd wear a backwards baseball cap, a Tommy Bahama tiki shirt, cargo shorts and sandals to work if they'd let me get away with it. I'm not a dresser-upper in my "real" life, and that follows me to the office. (Don't get me wrong; I'm not a slob. I dress well, just very casually. And I did, about a year ago, concede to the increasing importance of the jobs I kept getting, and I bought about a half dozen ties. But they were Dilbert ties, or Jerry Garcia ties. If I was gonna play the game, I was going to do it my way at least.)
But all that changed with this new job that I started Monday. It's taken me from a divisional center to the corporate headquarters. And when you go to corporate, you dress the part. No more polo shirts. No more khakis. No more Dilbert ties. I was going to have to become one of "them."
This presented me with a quandry. I don't own a suit -- haven't since I left Capitol Hill ten years ago. I have one black blazer and a pair of black slacks that I wear to weddings and funerals (not that there's much of a difference between the two events!), and that's the extent of my formal wardrobe. But seeing as how my new office is on the same floor as the big boss's, I figured I might not want to stand out so much. So I went and bought a couple thousand's worth of suits a week ago, got fit for them and had them tailored. To my chagrin, they weren't ready until today -- I started the new gig yesterday, which meant that for two days my wedding outfit did double duty.
I picked them up tonight, and tried them on. As I checked myself in the mirror, what I saw frightened me: I look the part. I'm standing there in a Ralph Lauren charcoal pinstriped suit, shoes that cost more than last weekend's bar bill, and a tie on... and I didn't look uncomfortable, out of place, or like alien body snatchers had replaced me with a crude replica. I looked like what I've become, I guess -- a corporate executive-type.
This is causing me more trauma than I can tell you. I've spent my whole east coast professional career trying to avoid this very fate. And yet somehow I'm morphing into it. And it's got to be arrested before it gets any worse.
So I'm soliciting advice on the best way left to show a little bit of individuality, if not rebellion. I could simply stop getting my hair cut until the end of 2005, or grow a soul patch... I could get my ears pierced again (it's been 10 years now since I let the holes close over). I could go get a tattoo (always wanted one, almost got one while I was in the Navy). Any suggestions are welcome... because I'm not going totally corporate, and I'm not growing up. I refuse. So please help me.
Comments
Chris -
It's about time you grew up!! You are always griping about not being in the position or getting paid what you think you deserve. You have finally made it. Shut up! Sit back! Enjoy the ride! ; )
Jenn
Posted by: Jenn at May 18, 2005 07:15 AM
I say you put a stuffed orantutan atop a coatrack in your office (like David Brent in "The Office"). Point at it when people go by and wait for the inevitable laugh. Other than that, I'd go for a subtle piece of Red Sox paraphenalia or other non-NY type of "conversation piece."
I don't know about the personal appearance change. I think maybe play the part during the day and then when you're not working, your appaearance will be so radically different that no one will recognize you. You'd be Batman.
Posted by: eden at May 18, 2005 10:14 AM
You're OK as long as you have on either wild socks or underwear -- both are better. And never wear Wingtips.
Posted by: Mike at May 18, 2005 10:48 AM
Thousands??? Did they charge you by the square footage of material?
Posted by: The SpinMD at May 18, 2005 11:41 AM
In all seriousness, switch up shirt colors. In a suit world the one thing I have is my shirt color. So I refuse to wear a white-based or baby blue dress shirt unless I absolutely have to. I have a few red shirts, a couple of green ones, an orange one that goes well with the right look, yellows, pink, seafoam green. I look just as professional, but I'm not a comformist.
Posted by: Corey at May 18, 2005 03:19 PM
Corey - I'm with you. I didn't buy one white shirt. All colors -- red, blue, orange, purple, green, yellow -- but no white. Lots of wild Jerry Garcia ties too.
And of course, today, my third day, someone here made note of my crimson shirt and crimson/blue/gold tie and said, "I see you come from the Dennis Rodman school of fashion."
I walked away chuckling and thinking to myself, "Okay - first battle won."
Posted by: Curmudgeon at May 18, 2005 05:00 PM
I think a suit it a bit too much - and unless you have meeting with big boys and girls you never wear your jacket anyway. So now you've shelled out $1,000? (Yikes! No factory outlet near you?). Shortly you'll be wearing expensive shiny-in-the-rear pants with your wallet wearing a hole in the back pocket - - with the added benefit of a crisp jacket on the hanger in the office (please don't put it on a hook, like 22 year olds).
My recommendation is nice wool pants (not khakis) and great ties. But I bet you knew that.
Posted by: SarahsDad at May 19, 2005 08:28 AM
So you've graduated from the Dennis the Menace school of couture to the Dennis "The Worm" Rodman closet. Well, at least you chose to wear the suits and not the dresses that you save for those special weekends in the Catskills. What you should do is break out some of that cool Minnesota flannel to remind folks of your roots. And, why oh why, am I getting disturbing visions of similarities to Tommy Boy with your new role and look?
Posted by: The SpinMD at May 19, 2005 09:40 AM
Mike - what's underwear?
SpinMD - 1) It's a clip-on. 2) The only flannel shirt I have right now was a hand-me-down from you - your wife bought it for you but it was too big, so you gave it to me. 3) Remember, you're the one who introduced me to the Catskills and those "special" clubs. I thought it was so cute how when you walk in, they all shout "Starina!" like you were Norm from Cheers. Clearly, that was a place where everybody knew your drag name.
Mr. Sarah - okay, ya think you might have given me this advice about, oh, say, A MONTH AGO??? ;-)
Eden - I AM Batman. You could ride with me. Would you like that? Would you like to ride with Batman? (lifted from the funniest Snickers commercial of all time)
Jenn - I am still not being paid what I'm worth. Not even Warren Buffett has that kind of green. :-)
Posted by: Curmudgeon at May 19, 2005 10:14 AM
