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July 30, 2005
Tag, I'm It
Pete over at A Perfectly Cromulent Blog has opted to make me one of his tags for a music meme that's floating around. And since I can never resist these things anyway, it's even more impossible when you're tagged by the best blogger you know. So awaaaaay we go.
List ten songs that you are currently digging ... it doesn't matter what genre they are from, whether they have words, or even if they're no good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now. Post these instructions, the artists, and the ten songs in your blog. Then tag five other people to see what they're listening to.
Thank goodness I just took "Xanadu" out of my CD player, huh? Moving forward... I've never said I was consistent in either genre or quality -- just that I am varied. Don't say you weren't warned. In no particular order, here they are:
1. Buddy Guy, "Feels Like Rain" -- As you know, I just saw Buddy while on vacation last week, and I am on a major blues kick right now, so Buddy's back in the CD player in my car. I especially love when he does older, more traditional stuff; this version of an old John Hiatt song has everything that I love about the blues -- that soulful bluesy voice, the smooth guest guitar solo from Bonnie Raitt... Plus, you've gotta love the sentiment: big storm's a coming, so we might as well get nekkid, baby.
2. Michael Powers, "Graffiti" -- Continuing on my blues kick, this is my favorite tune from the guy Tim and I saw a couple of weeks back. If Jimi Hendrix had stuck around and mellowed as he eased into his 50s, he might have written something that sounded like this.
3. Guadalcanal Diary, "Cattle Prod" -- This one just became available on iTunes, so it's fresh in my collection. The band I was in back in college used to play this song (as a break from our hair band roots), I think in part because my bandmates loved to make me stand up in front of a crowd and sing about screwing cows. Good 80s alt-rock.
4. Rise Against, "Nervous Breakdown" -- Okay, so it's from a "sk8ter" movie ("Lords of Dogtown"), which automatically means it should suck. But it's just good old fashioned Black Flag loud punk - and I'm digging this cover.
5. Placebo, "Pure Morning" I really dug this song when it first came out about 9 years ago; my brother's digging Placebo these days and had this CD in his car while I was in DC, which reminded me of how much I liked this song.
6. Tracy Lawrence, "Used To The Pain" -- I like country. Sue me. I like Tracy Lawrence. Sue me. And I like this song about that phase after a breakup where you're not crushed anymore, but not really "over it" either. Sue me.
7. Jessica Andrews, "Summer Girl" -- Fun little country pop song about a laid back party girl enjoying the summer. Plus she's just plain cute.
8. The Killers, "All These Things That I've Done" -- Brit alterna-pop. Catchy. Harmless. Fun.
9. Brad Paisley, "Alcohol" -- Country sing-along style song about everybody's favorite beverages. Good ol' fashioned drinkin' song.
10. Portishead, "Sour Times" -- Going on a decade and a half old now, and still as good as trip-hop gets. Plus they're great mood music.
All right, so I've lived up to most of my obligation. Of course, I'm supposed to pass this on to five people, right? So Corey, Eden, Ethan, Mileah, and Brent, you're up. (Plus, Pemagnet, if you do this it will give me a chance to link to your brand new blog of your own.)
Posted by Christopher at 01:53 PM | Comments (8)The Perks Of Being A Total Corporate Sellout
I go through a lot more angst than is probably necessary over my career as a sellout to Corporate America. Normal people would just be pleased at their success and feel fortunate. My reaction is to be as unhappy as possible about it, constantly reminding myself that I'm committing both class betrayal of my roots and artistic betrayal of my creative passions in order to pursue the Almighty Dollar on its terms and not my own (and not really even succeeding in that pursuit -- I've learned that you can move up in level, commitment and responsibility without at all moving up the economic scale).
Occasionally though, I will put this streak of self-loathing aside for a few hours to enjoy some of the perks that come with the territory. I enjoyed one such perk yesterday afternoon and evening.
A couple of years ago in one of the earlier jobs I did for my company, I worked with a New York creative agency on a promotional video for the division I worked in then. (We even won two of the industry's highest awards for such videos... yes, they really do have awards for everything -- but I still get to have those awards on my resume!) I ended up really clicking with the guys from the agency; they're still friends of mine, and every now and then they'll invite me to come into the city to hang out with them. And since these guys are real hitters in the New York media business, they're both connected and able to come up with a pretty good time.
Yesterday afternoon, they chartered a fishing boat, and out we went into New York harbor and the East River to do a little sport fishing. (Yeah, I know -- it's the East River. But even if the fish have three glowing heads, they're still fun to catch and release.) We did pretty well - everyone on the boat hauled in at least a few. I managed to catch three: one bluefish, and two striped bass. (Photo of me proudly displaying one of my stripers is forthcoming, as soon as my friends send it.)
After we got off the boat, it was time to head to dinner at The Palm. The matire'd knew my hosts very well, and we got the star treatment, our own private table away from the crowds, extremely attentive service from the head waiter, outstanding wines from the reserve... really went all out. And as delicious as the meal was, it was added to by the whole atmosphere; last night was as close to celebrity treatment as I've experienced. (By the way, I heartily recommend The Palm nearest you, if you're in a decadent mood and want to eat well, if not entirely healthy.)
Finally, they gave me a ride from the restaurant back to the marina in one of the guys' totally sweet Mercedes convertible. And as we were cruising down the bustling streets of Manhattan with the top down, radio up, and just soaking the city in, I decided that I might like New York a lot more if I could live like this every day.
This doesn't really have anything to do with anything, but it was a really good evening for me and it's pretty much what I have to talk about today, so you're stuck.
The Real John Roberts
Don't be fooled by the bubble wrap the Bush theocracy is desperately trying to keep around John (don't call him Oral) Roberts. The Bushies don't want to release his papers from all the White House work he's done -- they're afraid of you, and what you'll do if you find out what a right wing nut job he is. But all you need to know in order to know what John Roberts is and why he's been selected, you can learn from these two quotes:
"For those who say I can't impose my morality on others, I say just watch me." - Joseph Scheidler, Executive Director, Pro-Life Action League, PRO-LIFE ACTION NEWS, August 8, 1989
Roberts is "exactly the kind of judge I want to appear before when I bring my case to the Supreme Court." -- Joe Scheidler, Pro-Life Action League
Don't be fooled. This is the true Republican theocratic agenda. American democracy is under direct threat, kids -- not from outside religious fundamentalist terrorists, but from the religious fundamentalists within.
Posted by Christopher at 12:06 PM | Comments (4)The Caveman From Pennsylvania
Everyone's favorite opponent of man-on-dog sex, Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum (Santorum is Latin for "asshole," by the way), has a new book out in which he expounds on his 16th century views of the world. As you read them, keep in mind that the Republican party has willingly and happily made this guy their #3 man in the Senate. They endorse him; Rick Santorum stands for what Republicans believe in. Just remember: even though Santorum's ridiculously way out of the mainstream, he's right in line with the Republican Party theocracy's beliefs. He represents Republicans. Just a little something to keep in mind as you read these Santorum-eriffic highlights:
"The notion that college education is a cost-effective way to help poor, low-skill unmarried mothers with high school diplomas or GED's move up the economic ladder is just wrong."
According to Rick Santorum and the Republican Party, a college education is not the way to open up new opportunities... and unwed, low-skill mothers should just remember their place and stay poor and uneducated where they belong.
"In far too many families with young children, both parents are working, when, if they really took an honest look at the budget, they might confess that both of them really don't need to."
According to Rick Santorum and the Republican Party, two-worker families are just simply greedy. Doesn't everyone know that the woman's place is in the home -- barefoot, pregnant, and fixing us men our dinner? (Santorum's not offering a "choice" or talking about repsecting stay-at-home moms... he says "in far too many families," women don't need to work. In other words, if they don't financially HAVE to, they shouldn't. A nice Neanderthal point of view, don't you think? The women of Pennsylvania must be so proud to have him as their Senator.
There's a gazillion more... for more of the Keystone Caveman's idiotic ramblings, check here and here.
Posted by Christopher at 11:24 AM | Comments (2)Do They Have Merit Badges For Fixing Intelligence?
After reading all the stories from the past week coming out about the Boy Scouts -- four Scout leaders electrocuted when their tent pole touched power lines, 300 Boy Scouts suffering from heat exhaustion while waiting for George W. Bush to show up for a memorial service, and now a scout and a leader being hit by lightning and killed, I can't help but wonder...
Why can't George W. Bush, Dick CHeney, Karl Rove, Donald Rumsfeld, and the rest of this administration be Boy Scouts?
Posted by Christopher at 11:00 AM | Comments (0)July 24, 2005
Corey's Meme
Corey put a meme up on his blog. Here's my version.
1. LAST MOVIE YOU SAW IN A THEATER: It's been so long I honestly don't remember. I think it might have been "Meet The Fockers."
2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING? I just finished "The Secret Man," Woodward's memoir of his relationship with his Watergate source. Next is "Stormy Weather" by Carl Hiassen.
3. WHAT WERE YOU DOING JUST MINUTES AGO? Watching the Cardinals and Cubs on ESPN.
4. FAVORITE MAGAZINE? Bon Appetite, ESPN the magazine, FHM.
5. FAVORITE SMELLS? The ocean, the beach, coconut, a woman's skin (shut up, women just smell really good!), French fries at the beach (you know, the ones crisped in oil and then drenched in malt vinegar), lime, the air just before a real midwestern thunderstorm hits.
6. FAVORITE FOODS? Scallops (especially wrapped in bacon), mussels, conch fritters, sushi, pulled pork in BBQ sauce, hot dogs, just about anything with lime in it, pineapple, raw oysters with cocktail sauce and horseradish.
7. FAVORITE SOUNDS? Ocean waves. Seagulls. The sound a baseball makes when the hitter gets the meat of the bat on it and drives it 400 feet. Little kids when they get the giggles. The fizzy sound when you open a can of something carbonated. Rain.
8. WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD? Those last five seconds before you throw up, when your mouth is watering wildly and your stomach is just beginning to spasm violently, and you know it's coming.
9. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP? Hit the snooze bar. Just ten more minutes!
10. FAVORITE FAST FOOD PLACE? Five Guys burgers in Virginia; or just about any roadside hot dog stand.
11.FUTURE CHILD'S NAME? Chase, Cassidy.
12. FINISH THIS STATEMENT. "IF I HAD A LOT OF MONEY..." I would own a home in the Caribbean somewhere (St. Lucia? British Virgins? Turks & Caicos?), one in Spain, a luxury boat, I’d travel a lot, and none of my friends would ever pay for a vacation again.
13. DO YOU DRIVE FAST? Depends on how you define "fast." I usually go about 75 mph on open road.
14. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL? Only if it's over 18. Actually, I sleep with four or five pillows.
15. STORMS-COOL OR SCARY? Very. Freaking. Cool.
16. Describe YOUR FIRST CAR? A drab green 1970 Nova. That car had more balls than anything I've owned since - was incredibly powerful.
17. FAVORITE DRINK? Just one? Grey Goose martini, dirty; pina coladas; and Caribbean Breezes (coconut rum, vodka, orange juice, grenadine)
18. FINISH THIS STATEMENT, "IF I HAD THE TIME I WOULD": a) finish my novel; b) get to the gym more.
19. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS ON BROCCOLI? I don't even eat the leafy part. Broccoli's nasty.
20. IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR, WHAT WOULD BE YOUR CHOICE? Electric blue. Or maybe plum.
21. NAME ALL THE DIFFERENT CITIES/TOWNS YOU HAVE LIVED IN: Jersey City NJ, Honolulu HI, Richfield MN, Coon Rapids MN, Minneapolis MN, Orlando FL, Washington DC, Arlington VA, Boston MA, Wappingers Falls NY, Delray Beach FL, Yonkers NY
22. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? Baseball.
23. ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU... Corey's one hell of a columnist, and hopefully the Baltimore Sun is smart enough to figure out that they could have the next big thing. I also like that he calls BS on me when I have it coming.
24. WHAT IS UNDER YOUR BED? A pair of 25 lb dumbbells, a Rand McNally atlas of the world, and more dust bunnies than there are Smiths in the US white pages.
25. TOILET PAPER/PAPER TOWEL-OVER OR UNDER? Under, though I never really thought about it till just now.
26 MORNING PERSON, OR NIGHT OWL? Hoot, Hoot. Night owl. Big time. I usually hit my stride between 9-11 pm. And I hate getting up in the morning. When I am elected president, mornings will be outlawed by executive order. The work day will officially start at 11:00 am.
27. OVER EASY, OR SUNNY SIDE - Over easy.
28. FAVORITE PLACE TO RELAX! Any beach will do; put it in the Caribbean and make it a bar on the beach, and I will never leave.
29. FAVORITE PIE? At the risk of going all hair band and juvenile, cherry pie. Also key lime pie.
30. OF ALL THE PEOPLE WHO WILL SEE THIS WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO DUPLICATE: I dunno. Eden?
31. LEAST LIKELY? Doc
Posted by Christopher at 09:59 PM | Comments (8)A Highly Offensive Commercial Parody
You're going to be offended by this. I guarantee it. It's in horrifically poor taste. It's sick. It's twisted. Volkswagen is actually suing the pranksters who made this parody. It's that bad.
Of course, I thought it was absolutely freaking hilarious.
If you're easily offended, don't bother clicking the link. If you're not easily offended, you might be offended by this one anyway. If you're a sick freaking bastard with a wholly inappropriate sense of humor (like me), you're gonna laugh your ass off.
Don't say I didn't warn you.
Posted by Christopher at 09:29 PM | Comments (2)July 23, 2005
Telltale Signs
Knotting up in the back and shoulders? Check.
Stomach getting unsettled? Check.
Headache that won't go away despite an unearthly amount of Advil? Check.
Noticeable decline in mood? Check.
That generally sick, dreadful feeling taking over? Check.
Yep, the signs are clear and unmistakable; I'm going back to New York soon. God, I have to get out of that place.
Posted by Christopher at 08:09 AM | Comments (0)July 22, 2005
Vacation Stew, Part II
A roundup of a few more random thoughts, rants, and tirades:
1. Buddy Guy. Amazing. Just freaking amazing. One of the best performers I've ever seen... I hope I have that kind of energy when I am 69 -- and I wish that I had that kind of command over a crowd at any time during my life. Buddy put on an amazing show Wednesday night - owned the crowd from start to finish, made music with a guitar that few if any can match, and pretty much showed off why many (including Eric Clapton) call Buddy Guy the best guitarist who ever lived.
If you're a guitar fan, you haven't lived unless you've heard Buddy Guy playing "Voodoo Chile" and doing it, frankly, better than Hendrix did on his very best day. Other highlights of the show included Buddy stopping in the middle of a song when the crowd tried to finish a verse for him but fell apart in the middle,with a huge grin on his face and saying, "Y'all quit [mess]in' it up now. Let's try that again." Guy also did an extended walk through the crowd on a ten minute solo riff that left everyone screaming. Great show... and that's not just me saying so. My date hadn't ever even heard of Buddy before we went, but when we left she was raving about what a showman he was and how great his guitar work was. (Converted another one, I did!)
The opening act left me with one question, though: how come whenever white boys play "the blues," they really don't play the blues -- they just drop a couple of bluesy-sounding solos, add a little gravel to their voice, cover "Mustang Sally," and turn the amps up real loud... and then tell everyone they're a blues band? Don't get me wrong... the band in question were obviously three supremely talented musicians, you can't help but respect their ability and passion. It's just that I wouldn't call what they do "blues." Decent rock. Not blues.
2. Sugar Rush. Courtesy of Boing Boing, here's a fun little game to keep you occupied while I am away. You know that sugar makes little kids bounce off of walls, right? (That's why it's so much fun to give my friends' kids lots of candy and then go home.) Well, this game takes that phrase literally.
3. Don't forget about Karl "Treason" Rove. Despite Republican attempts to spin and lie (which have shamelessly been picked up virtually word for word by the conservative media -- so much for actual journalism from conservatives, huh?) and tell you that Valerie Plame wasn't covert, a State Department memo now confirms that Plame's identity was in fact classified secret. This is the smoking gun, kids -- proof that Karl Rove violated United States law, leaking the name of a classified covert agent, putting American national security at risk simply to extract revenge on a political opponent. Karl Rove is a criminal and needs to go to jail.
4. L.A. protests. Let me see if I get this straight: A guy tells his wife that he's going to kill her. The guy tells his 16 year old stepdaughter that he's going to kill the couple's little girl. The guy gets in a shootout with police in which he fires at them on three separate occasions. The guy uses his little girl as a human shield when gunfighting with police. And yet when the little girl is shot and killed, the African-American community (or at least its self-professed "leadership") in Los Angeles is protesting about the police?
[UPDATE: I had my facts wrong. See the comments for the correction and the mea culpa.]
This just confirms for me that there are a number of folks out there making a living out of selling professional victimhood. Jeez, where is the sense of responsibility for one's own actions? Sure, it's tragic that the little girl was killed. But a guy threatens his wife, tells someone he's going to kill a little girl, exchanges fire with the cops not once but three times, and uses a toddler as a human shield... and some folks want to sell that this is a case of overzealous police? Without so much as a word of criticism about the father? Disgusting.
5. Oh, Those Republicans! Just in time for the summer movie season, it's those crazy Republicans, doing what they do best: hyperbole and hypocrisy!
First up, we have Senator Orrin Hatch, who apparently believes -- or wants you to believe -- that the Messiah has been nominated to the Supreme Court, and anyone opposing the nomination of "John Roberts" is... well, you know.
"It's a little bit like biblical Pharisees, you know, who basically are always trying to undermine Jesus Christ."
But just when you think the Republicans couldn't get any sillier... wait! There's more! Rep. Don Sherwood (R-Pennsylvania) has an 84% "pro-family" rating from the Christian Coalition. Yep, they love that pro-family guy. You know, because Christian Coalition folks are all about family.
Don Sherwood, age 64, confirmed today that he's had a five year affair with 29 year old Cynthia Ore -- but denied that he's also been beating the hell out of her. Yeah, you gotta love those pro-family Christian Coalition types.
Posted by Christopher at 08:41 AM | Comments (3)July 20, 2005
Vacation Stew
Reporting in from vacation... I hadn't planned on blogging this week, but Bush has been busy this week, and since I was moved to point out his transgressions, I figured I might as well update you on life on vacation.
1. Food. I've been eating pretty well this week, kicking back along the Delaware shore before heading over to DC for a weekend of debauchery with my old friends. The funny thing is that I've been coming to this area to kick back since my DC years a decade ago, long before my parents retired here... and before the area got developed up to the extent that it has. Well more than half of what is here now wasn't here when I did my first summer here back in 1995. And where there used to be pretty much just local dives and holes in the wall, now there's a whole slew of new restaurants that feel more New York or DC than beach town.
2. Music. I'm going to see the great Buddy Guy tonight at one of my favorite music clubs (primarily because it's on the beach). Could life get much better?
3. Baseball. My dad's a Dodger fan, and they were playing the Phillies this week, so a few of his friends and I made the trip to Philadelphia last night to see the Phillies-Dodgers game. I hadn't been to Citizens' Bank Park yet, but it's a great place to watch a game - and makes it into the top tier of baseball stadiums I've ever been to. (Here's my list of stadiums I've been to, in order of preference.)
1. Fenway Park, Boston: Was there any doubt?
2. PacBell Stadium, San Francisco: I refuse to bend to corporate sponsorship whims, it's still PacBell to me. But the view from the outfield walk is spectacular.
3. Camden Yards, Baltimore: The first of the new stadiums is still one of the best.
4. Citizens Bank Park, Philadelphia: Really enjoyable place to see a game. And between the cheesesteaks and the Italian sausage, probably the best food at any ballpark I have been to.
5. Yankee Stadium, Bronx: Huge drop from four to five. Rundown neighborhood, hostile, obnoxious, arrogant and rude fans, and I hate the team that plays there more than I hate George W. Bush. But there's a lot of baseball history there.
6. Dolphins Stadium, Miami: It's a football stadium. It's hot and humid to the point of misery. And no one goes there. But I saw a slew of games there the year the Marlins won the World Series.
7. Shea Stadium, Flushing, Queens: Actually not a bad place to watch a game, once you get used to being in the takeoff and landing path of LaGuardia airport just beyond the outfield.
8. US Cellular Field, Chicago: A pit. Freaking upper deck is steeper than a Pyrenees stage of the Tour de France. I really hated this park, and it would have been dead last on my list if it weren't for...
9. The Metrodome, Minneapolis: Okay, I cut my teeth on this team and in this stadium. But my god, baseball is not meant to be played indoors, or on fake grass, or with a freaking trash bag in the outfield. This thing is an abomination, and is the reason I was so quickly able to jettison my allegiance to the Twins.
Posted by Christopher at 02:09 PM | Comments (6)Mister Roberts
Wish I was talking about the classic Henry Fonda movie.
Unfortunately, the man who promised to be a uniter, not a divider has instead nominated an out-of-themainstream, right wing hack to the Supreme Court -- just like his extremist handlers wished, and against the wishes of a strong majority of Americans who were hoping for a moderate justice. A little sampling of Roberts' Ordered Rules:
# Wrong on environmental protection: Roberts appears to want to limit the scope of the Endangered Species Act, and in papers he wrote while in law school he supported far-right legal theories about "takings" which would make it almost impossible for the government to enforce most environmental legislation.
Civil rights: Roberts worked to keep Congress from defending parts of the Voting Rights Act.
Human rights: As a appeals court judge, Roberts ruled that the Geneva Convention doesn't apply to some prisoners of war.
The right to religious freedom: Roberts argued that schools should be able to impose religious speech on attendees.
Women's rights: Roberts wrote that "Roe v. Wade was wrongly decided and should be overruled." He weighed in on behalf of Operation Rescue in a federal case. And as a lawyer, he argued (and won) the case that stopped some doctors from even discussing abortion.
Yeah, there's a "moderate" for you. I'm sure some right-wingers will accuse the left of a knee-jerk opposition reaction. But what choice did Bush give us? John Roberts is about as mainstream as Al Sharpton, and provides the court with another oxymoron ("Justice Roberts").
Posted by Christopher at 01:57 PM | Comments (0)The Bush Administration Is Soft On National Security
In June 2004, Bush was asked if he would "fire anyone found to" have leaked the agent's name. "Yes," he replied.
After originally saying anyone involved in leaking the name of the covert CIA operative would be fired, Bush told reporters: "If somebody committed a crime, they will no longer work in my administration."
Read all about it here, kids. The gutless coward who currently occupies the White House -- the one who promised to bring honor back to the White House -- is hiding behind this year's version of the definition of "is." Now, George W. Bush won't fire anyone who, in a fit of partisan pique blatantly aimed at wreaking revenge on a political opponent, leaked the identity of a covert operative (thus putting not only that agent but every contact she had ever worked with in the pursuit of national security at risk). Now, the chickenshit in chief will only fire if someone's "committed a crime."
The distinction is a cowardly but significant one - because it will allow the marionette to maintain his connections with his puppeteer in chief, Karl Rove. Rove willingly endangered the national security of the United States of America by exposing an agent, just to try and discredit/silence an opponent... and George W. Bush is going to refuse to take action. He's going to allow the deliberate violation of national security policy to go unchallenged and unpunished. This, after promising that he would. Some "honor," huh?
How ironic that it's turned out to be W and the neocons who are soft on national security. And the ironic thing is, they're still trying to spin this back on Joseph Wilson... but as we all know now, Wilson was right when he charged that the administration manipulated intelligence over yellowcake in Niger. So... Wilson was accurate, but this issue isn't about the president's right hand man violating national security in a fit of political rage, it's about a guy who's not credible despite having issued a completely accurate report about the administration fixing intelligence? Good one, boys.
If you want to read the take of some career intelligence figures (as opposed to the pathetic and rank spin oozing from the White House), read this piece by some colleagues of the operative in question. (Thanks to Jillian for pointing this out.)
Posted by Christopher at 01:37 PM | Comments (0)I Say I Want A Revolution, Well, You Know
Got this from one of my more higher-up friends down on the Hill... it's making the rounds. Dunno who wrote it, but all I can say is Amen, brothers and sisters... testify!
BLUE STATE REVOLUTION
Dear Red States:
We're ticked off at the way you've treated California, and we've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and the entire Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.
To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand. We get Intel, IBM, and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss. We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama and West Virginia. We get JP Morgan Chase, Goldman Sachs, and all of Wall Street's investment money, expertise, and financial clout. You get Texas savings and loans. We get the independent press; you get Fox Propaganda Channel.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue; you in the red states get to pay your fair share for the first time -- now you'll be able to see how it is when you actually have something to whine about with taxes. Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of teenaged single moms.
Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war -- and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They like to thump their chests about how tough they are, they have lots of kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up (although that's as likely as finding the true identity of Jack the Ripper), but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water (you can try the Kevin Costner "Waterworld" solution to your fresh water issues if you like), more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners, or maybe moonshine) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Stanford, Cal Tech, the University of Michigan, the University of Chicago, and MIT.
With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Trent Lott, David Duke, Clemson and the University of Georgia. We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you. You can keep Dollywood and Branson.
Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties, despite your higher divorce rates, higher unwed mother and teenage pregnancy rates, higher rape rates, and lower education scores.
So, we'll just be taking our immoral selves, along with our financial wealth, education, natural resources, whatever vestige of international respect the United States still has left, and all of the taxes we spend propping up your whiny asses, and heading off on our own.
One last thing: we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that [dirt] weed they grow in Mexico.
Posted by Christopher at 12:51 PM | Comments (1)July 15, 2005
Video Killed The Blog Star
I missed most of this week with work; I'm going to miss most of the next week out on a much needed vacation. But I got your back, my friends -- I'll leave you with this pair of videos for your viewing pleasure.
1. Total Eclipse of The Heart. A friend of mine at work (who asked to be anonymized as "Hubert Cumberland" when I mentioned wanting to blog of this and make them 'famous'... so wish granted, Hubie) sent this to me. You know, I always thought "Total Eclipse Of The Heart" was a vaguely disturbing and somewhat destructive song... but that was before I saw this performance of it by Hurra Torpedo. Geez, between these guys and the Gert Johnnys, what the hell is in the water in Scandanavia?
You know, you really haven't lived until you've seen a band featuring a lead singer with a deep baritone voice and Grizzly Adams beard, a percussionist who seems to want to look like Janis Joplin and playing the oven and the kitchen sink, and a weird scrawny dude who looks like Carrot Top and wearing a blue jumpsuit that hangs around his ass smashing a stove top... covering Bonnie Tyler.
I'll actually give the oven-ist credit... given that he's got kitchen appliances for instruments, he actually keeps a decent beat with a variety of sounds.
The internet is still really $&*@!ing weird, man,
2. Dubya: The Movie Dave in California, knowing I'd appreciate the sentiment behind it, sent me this movie... and I think it's a front runner for this year's Oscars.
Ever wonder what Barney Fife injected with neocon serum and run by Karl Rove might look like? Ladies and Gentlemen, it's "Dubya: The Movie"... starring Don Knotts.
And yes, I do realize that this is not a realistic depiction of George W. Bush... there's no way that Don Knotts could act clueless enough or with enough bravado to be W.
I'm out, kids. Catch up with you in a few.
Posted by Christopher at 06:42 AM | Comments (1)July 13, 2005
I'm Still Here
No, I haven't been rounded up by the conservative thought police for criticizing Karl Rove (although with this administration, that's probably right around the corner). I'm just swamped with work this week -- it's kicking my ass like I was Mike Tyson fighting a no name, punch drunk, mediocre Irish boxer.
I haven't forgotten about the rock history project; haven't run out of things to say about this criminal administration; haven't finished pummeling that candy-assed cult freak Tom Cruise; haven't stopped preparing to gloat now that the NHL is back and the Boston Bruins can now continue the run of Boston sports teams winning championships. I'll be back as soon as time allows it... in the meantime, I just have two quotes for you.
"Even though I'm a tranquil guy now at this stage of my life, I have nothing but contempt and anger for those who betray the trust by exposing the name of our sources. They are, in my view, the most insidious of traitors." -- George H.W. Bush, in a speech on April 26, 1999
"As I indicated yesterday, every person who works here at the White House, including Karl Rove, has the confidence of the president." -- White House spokesman Scott McClellan, July 13, 2005
Looks like one Bush has ethics, morals, and recognizes treason when he sees it. The other encourages it and gives it his full confidence.
Posted by Christopher at 10:54 PM | Comments (1)July 11, 2005
The Prosecution Rests
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I'd like to direct your attention to people's exhibit A: United States Code, Title 50, Chapter 15, Subchapter IV, Section 421b.
Whoever, as a result of having authorized access to classified information, learns the identify of a covert agent and intentionally discloses any information identifying such covert agent to any individual not authorized to receive classified information, knowing that the information disclosed so identifies such covert agent and that the United States is taking affirmative measures to conceal such covert agent's intelligence relationship to the United States, shall be fined under title 18 or imprisoned not more than five years, or both.
Next, People's Exhibit B: Karl Rove, for the last two years:
"I didn't know her name. I didn't leak her name," Rove told CNN last year when asked if he had anything to do with the Plame leak.
People's Exhibit C: The confession by Rove's lawyer that Rove did in fact tell Time's Matthew Cooper about Valerie Plame's role at the CIA.
People's Exhibit D: The text of the e-mail from Matthew Cooper to his editor after his conversation with Karl Rove:
"it was, KR said, wilson's wife, who apparently works at the agency on wmd [weapons of mass destruction] issues who authorized the trip."
People's Exhibit E: The White House, which has been defending Rove for two years and denying his connection to the leak of Plame's name, suddenly went quiet today, conspicuously refusing to comment now that the proof is out in public.
McLellan repeatedly said he couldn't comment because the matter is under investigation. When it was pointed out he had commented previously even though the investigation was ongoing, he responded: "I've really said all I'm going to say on it."
So, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, these are the facts: A) Karl Rove played with words to cover up his role in leaking Valerie Plame's name to a reporter -- "I didn't leak her name" ignores the fact that he told a reporter that Joseph Wilson's wife worked for the CIA in the WMD program. That's right, he revealed the identity of a covert agent to a reporter, then weaseled out of teh consequences by hiding behind the fact that he didn't use her name.
B) Karl Rove lied about his role in the leak, which was done solely to extract revenge on a political rival (whose case that the Bush administration manipulated intelligence on yellowcake uranium was eventually proven correct).
C) Rove's action is against the law and is punishable by up to five years in prison.
D) George W. Bush, Scott McClellan, and other members of the Bush administration aided and abetted this crime by covering for Rove and issuing denials on the record.
E) When the proof was out and the Bushies couldn't get away with the lie anymore, they apparently cut and run, leaving their man hanging out to twist in the wind. (The case has been under investigation for two years, Scotty... why all of a sudden are you following a lawyer's advice not to comment on pending investigations?)
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, there are only two conclusions we can come to in this case. First, Karl Rove deliberately leaked the identity, if not the name, of a covert operative in order to punish an American citizen who opposed this administration. Others have gone to prison for this crime. So should Karl Rove.
And second, multiple members of this administration, up to and likely including the president himself, aided and abetted this crime. George W. Bush's role in the coverup of Rove's leak should be fully investigated by the Congress of the United States, and if the evidence shows what it appears to show, George W. Bush should be impeached and removed from office, before he stands trial for aiding and abetting in the commission of a felony.
The prosecution rests.
Posted by Christopher at 09:36 PM | Comments (4)July 09, 2005
A God in Greenwich Village
An unforeseen confluence of events found Tim free as a bachelor last night, so we took advantage it and headed into the city for a boys night out. And as much as I don't like the city, even I will concede that Greenwich Village is very, very cool. One of the great things about walking around Greenwich Village is the sheer diversity of the neighborhood.
On the same block of Bleecker Street, you can find a vintage record store, a day spa, a tattoo parlor, jewelry stores, vintage clothing stores, body piercing studios, hipster clothes stores, music clubs, fruit stands, bodegas, and restaurants serving any kind of cuisine you can think of: Mexican, Indian, Ethiopian,Italian, Brasilian, Vietnamese, Thai, Irish pubs... and then you go on to the next block and see a whole new set of stores and restaurants. You don't need to have anything in mind when walking Bleecker Street; eventually you just see something that looks good, and you go in. We ended up doing just that -- walking in to someplace that looked good -- and had Vietnamese for dinner at The Butterfly Grill. Not the best Viet I have ever had, but it was pretty good, if you're in the Village and looking for Vietnamese food.
But the highlight of the evening was going to Manhattan's last remaining blues clubs, Terra Blues. We're both huge blues fans, so we'd been looking forward to this ever since we started planning the boys night out. Terra Blues is a small club, might hold 150 people if you packed them in butts to nuts - but that's great, it lends an intimacy to the performance that makes the show even better. We got there good and early (have to start sampling the scotch collection, right?) and got a table right up front in the first row... And the headliner didn't disappoint; I saw the fingers of God play guitar last night.
I'd never even heard of Michael Powers or his trio, The Michael Powers Frequency. But after seeing him last night, I am an unabashed fan. That was quite simply the best blues show I have ever seen. This guy is an absolute god on guitar -- and what a relaxed, genuine presence on stage! He was playing three sets between 10:30 and 3:30 am, and we caught the first one. I was in awe. The guy did a cover of "Little Wing" that damn near made me cry; his original stuff is incredible ("Night In Madrid" and "Graffiti" are favorites of mine already), he did phenomenal covers of some standards ("Psychotic Reaction" and "Can't Quit You Baby" stood out) and he closed his set with a 15 minute version of "Hey Joe" that was far and away the best I have ever heard.
Should you think I'm just rambling on, don't just take my word for it: check out what Amazon's readers, Southbound Beat, and Music Box have to say about him. Bottom line is, if you are a fan of contemporary electric blues, Michael Powers' "Onyx Root" is a must-have album. And if you ever have the chance to see him live, he is a must-see show. Behold my new blues hero: Michael Powers.
Posted by Christopher at 01:00 PM | Comments (6)Reaction To London
Okay, it's been two days and the bombings have had their chance to sink in... which I suppose means that I'm supposed to analyze the situation now. (Doc in particular pointed to my lack of analysis or perspective in Thursday's post as something not in my style... perhaps that was accurate.) A few thoughts, then, that have occurred to me since Thursday:
1) I couldn't help thinking this week about what might have been. You know, what might have been different about this week if that criminal in the White House had actually finished the job against our true enemy, instead of diverting resources, attention, and troops into Iraq for oil profit and to satisfy a perverse family blood feud.
If Bush hadn't so arrogantly lied to the world and been so hell-bent on Saddam, perhaps we'd have spent the last three years pursuing al Qaida to all ends of the earth and erasing them from existence. Instead, Bush created a new breeding ground for al Qaida in Iraq. If we had spent $200 billion since 2002 going after the enemy that attacked us (and continues to), perhaps we'd have finished them off. I have faith in our military, and had they been allowed to do the job, it would have been done.
I am not saying we (the West) asked for Thursday; we didn't, and anyone making that argument is an ass. But what I am saying is that the fact that al Qaida exists today with enough strength to carry off a London rests squarely on the shoulders of the Bush Administration and its lapdog at 10 Downing Street. This disgrace of a president has failed in his "war on terror," because he simply hasn't fought that war since the summer of 2002. What happened Thursday happened in part because George W. Bush and his minions were derelict in their responsibility to our nation, derelict in defending our nation against its true enemy. And failing to carry out his oath to defend our nation against its enemies is an impeachable offense.
2) Pound for pound, pacifists might actually be more infuriatingly annoying than neocons. The blog board at work was hopping on Thursday, and I ended up being in a very unique and extremely unusual position: I was the one sounding like a neocon and arguing that sometimes you have to fight. A cadre of pacifists (most of them from a country up north that hasn't ever felt terrorism on its shores like the US and UK have) descended upon the company blogs to argue for peace, love, and understanding... that we need to understand al Qaida's goals and agenda, and that while bombs are never right, what happened in London was little different than when the US and UK bomb Afghanistan and Iraq.
Leaving the question of Iraq out of this, I thought this was the most childish and asinine equation I've ever seen. First of all, while most terrorist organizations (be they Palestinian groups, Northern Irish, Tamil Tiger, Basque separatists or whomever) do have some sort of a political agenda (usually wrapped around the concept of a homeland), al Qaida has only one agenda: kill anyone who is not an Islamic fundamentalist. There's nothing to understand, nor is there anything to negotiate toward. These people have to be eliminated from the planet, and that's all there is to it -- it's them or us. (And by "these people," I mean al Qaida, not Muslims.)
More importantly, equating the deliberate targeting of civilians with bombing in Afghanistan is just freaking moronic. Yes, there are civilian casualties, for which we in America feel deep regret. But they're not the main targets, they are accidental bystanders -- our main target is the enemy which was allowed to take root in Afghanistan by the then-leaders of that nation. We didn't start that war; it was brought to us.
America has every right to defend itself against al Qaida, and the suggestion otherwise -- especially coming from a Canadian who doesn't know jack about having to watch buildings in his cities burn and his neighbors die -- is the most arrogantly pathetic thing I have ever heard. If someone feels like assigning blame for civilian casualties and misery in Afghanistan, there is only one place to look: Osama bin Laden and al Qaida. Period. End of sentence.
Posted by Christopher at 11:15 AM | Comments (9)July 07, 2005
Calling London
Today, we're all Britons. Our hearts and thoughts go out to our friends in London.
Posted by Christopher at 10:21 PM | Comments (2)July 06, 2005
Pay No Attention To The Criminal Behind The Curtain
Sorry about skipping the music entry tonight, work's kicking my ass right now and I'm just not up for doing a long post tonight. But I did want to point this out...
New York Times reporter Judith Miller is going to jail for not revealing her sources on a story about the leaking of the name of CIA operative Valerie Plame. She never wrote a story or published Plame's name, mind you... but she's going to jail. Time reporter Matthew Cooper was also threatened with the same fate, but his source today freed him from his promise of confidentiality.
Meanwhile, Robert Novak, the conservative columnist who actually leaked Plame's name, hasn't even been called to testify. And while journalists are being prosecuted, no one in the Bush administration -- which leaded Plame's name for partisan gain, putting an American agent's life in danger simply out of a fit of pique to extract revenge of Plame's husband, Ambassador Joseph Wilson (who opposed and exposed Bush's war) -- is facing any sort of jail time or even questioning.
Of course, Miller and Cooper wrote for perceived "liberal" publications, while Novak is a conservative columnist and the regime members are all obviously conservatives. But I'm sure there's no selective prosecution going on here... nah.
So to sum up, in George W. Bush's America, if you are conservative, you can leak a covert agent's name to the press and never, never face independent prosecution for it; if you are a conservative writer, you can publish leaked names at will. But if you work for an organization that is even perceived as left wing, and you simply just investigate a source but don't ever write anything... well, you go to jail. That's the way it is in George W. Bush's America.
And don't forget something... even if Miller won't reveal her souce... she has a source. She has someone inside the Bush administration, someone who knows who he/she is the source, who knows themself to be guilty. And yet this oh-so-courageous conservative is remaining quiet even as Judith Miller goes to jail for protecting him. Yeah, that's guts for you. That's courage. This administration is sending other people to jail for doing its own political bidding.
Yeah, that's gutsy.
Posted by Christopher at 10:54 PM | Comments (0)July 05, 2005
Rock History, Part II: The Early 60s
Okay, before we move on to the first half of the 60s, I'll add the newest twist. As I mentioned in my post about our beach weekend, the crew and I spent several tipsy hours sorting this all out. Unfortunately, I don't completely agree with our formula in hindsight; too often we chose the artists who we felt were most influential and then picked their signature song, rather than sticking to the songs that most defined their genre. Nevertheless, as consensus was by and large reached, I'll submit you our choices from here on out. And now, on with the countdown.
3. Folk. My brother's initial classification was to just have folk as one category. Either Dylan's "The Times They Are A-Changin" or something basic by Simon and Garfunkel, "Sounds of Silence" maybe...
I argued that folk has to be split into two eras: plugged and unplugged. You can't go electric to do early 60s folk. Dylan got booed off the stage at the Newport Folk Festival in 1964 for plugging in. So while I love "Sounds of Silence," it doesn't fit here. Go with Dylan - either the song you picked, or "Blowin' In The Wind," or most of all "It's A Hard Rain A-Gonna Fall." For electric folk, I would go with "Like A Rolling Stone," Simon and Garfunkel's "Sounds Of Silence," or The Byrds' "Mr. Tambourine Man."
Beach House Consensus: "Like A Rolling Stone," Bob Dylan.
4. Surf Rock: John picked the most obvious candidate: "Surfin' USA" by the Beach Boys. I concurred. Yeah. I don't think it was their best song, but it's most evocative of the era. Also think of adding some Dick Dale stuff, or maybe "Wipe Out" by the Surfaris.
The beach house didn't get into this genre, mostly because I spaced it when we were discussing the 60s.
5. Motown. John admits some weakness here... I was thinking "Respect" by Aretha, or "Reach Out (I'll Be There)" by the Four Tops. But I've never been big into Motown, so I wanted to get your opinion.
As John alluded, I am a big Motown fan... so I was floored. Never big into Motown? Oh man, I gotta school ya! There were "early" and "late" phases of Motown.. for early, you have two good songs, I might also suggest "Ain't Too Proud To Beg" by the Temptations, "Dancing In The Streets" by Martha and the Vandellas, "Uptight" by Stevie Wonder,or "The Tracks of My Tears" by Smokey Robinson and the Miracles.
For late Motown, I suggest "I Want You Back," by the Jackson Five, "I Heard It Through The Grapevine" by Marvin Gaye, or "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" by (take your pick of versions: Diana Ross, The Temptations, or Marvin Gaye & Tammy Terrell. You alos can't really talk Motown without at least mentioning Diana Ross & the Supremes.
Beach house consensus: "R-E-S-P-E-C-T," Aretha Franklin.
So here are the next three genres... folk was about the only thing keeping music alive during the early 60s (during which time the charts had degenerated into novelty songs, blue-haired instrumentals, and that bizarre teenage death genre that couldn't go away fast enough. (The British Invasion really rejuvinated rock, but we'll get to that next time.) Folk boomed as idealists inspired by JFK and the Peace Corps and the civil rights movement began finding melodies for their principles. Surf rock was perhaps the first regional sound to blow up -- pure California all the way -- and captured a feeling and lifestyle that still captivate millions. And the rise of Motown gave us some of the best music ever recorded...
Now the trick is picking just one song for each of these. Do you agree with me that folk is really two genres? Or do you just pick one Dylan tune to sum it all up? Surf rock... which Beach Boys tune do you select? Or do you take the dark horse, "Wipe Out?" (But if you do, how do you have a history of rock and roll list that misses the Beach Boys?) And how, how, how do you pick just one of the great Motown classics for this compliation?
The heat is on, kids. What say you?
Posted by Christopher at 10:23 PM | Comments (10)Shameless
It was sadly ironic that on a day where we celebrate all that is heroic and good about America, we had the traitorous disgrace that currently resides in the White House once again deliberately and cynically lying to the American people and dsiplaying not heroism or goodness, but cowardice and evil.
In a speech in West Virginia, George W. Bush lied to you and the rest of our fellow citizens again, as he has done habitually and repeatedly during his regime. The sheep-like crowd -- no doubt carefully selected by this president's dictatorial-like advance team -- bleated its approval... but then again, this is a state in which siblings reproduce, so this is prehaps to have been expected.
"The war we are fighting came to our shores on September the 11th, 2001."
You know, not since Joseph McCarthy has a traitor to the ideals of our nation been so overtly Machiavellian and deceitful, so willfully manipulative of the truth. What is so galling is that so many are so willing to remain so ignorant, and simply refuse to call Bush's bluff. Facts presented in black and white go willingly overlooked or happily ignored.
Think I'm just engaging in my typical blue state rhetoric? There's a simple response to your accusation: the facts.
"We have no credible evidence that Iraq and al-Qaida cooperated on attacks against the United States."
Remember this? It was the conclusion of the 9/11 Commission -- appointed by the Bush regime -- that spent many months investigating the attacks. The commission's final report was issued in August, 2004. That was more than ten months ago. Bush accepted the commission's findings when the report was released. And yet there he was yesterday, cynically and disgracefully perpetuating a connection he knows to be a lie -- and doing so with that smug, frat-boy grin on his face. He's a disgrace to the men and women in the uniforms of our nation's military; moreover, he is a disgrace to the title "American citizen."
At least some folks in the country want to keep their eyes open; polls show that more than four out of ten Americans now favor impeaching this disgraceful bum. Remember, kids... you can't spell "treason" without W.
Posted by Christopher at 09:11 PM | Comments (0)4th Of July
Sorry to start a fun project and then disappear on you... had one of those spontaneous adventures this past weekend. Friday morning while at work, I got an IM from the Doc... he & Mrs. Doc usually rent a beach house on Long Beach Island in New Jersey late every summer; the owner called Mrs. Doc on Friday morning and said that one of his houses hadn't been rented out for the 4th of July weekend yet, and that as a repeat customer, if she was interested she could basically name her price to have the house for four days.
And so it was that we got a 5 BR rental home, 100 feet from the ocean in one of the mid-Atlantic's primo and most expensive beach rental areas, during the peak summer holiday weekend, for about 20-25% of what it normally goes for; with less than 24 hours' notice or prep time, a few of us hastily rearranged calendars and schedules and managed to trek down to "LBI" for a few unexpected days of fun and sun on the beach. (And please don't associate LBI with "the Jersey Shore;" while the rest of the Shore can often make carnies look like high society, LBI is zoned to the gills, more quiet, more upscale, and much classier.)
Over the last three days, four cases of Corona, a dozen burgers, about two dozen sausages, a few salmon steaks marinated in bourbon, two dozen ears of sweet corn, lots of veggie-kabobs, and a handful of bags of chips & salsa met their fate at our hands. We got six great hours of beach time on Sunday (cumulatively over three separate runs), and another six or so on Monday. And we spent much of Saturday evening oh-so-coherently arguing the merits of various songs that either belonged or didn't belong on the list we're working on for my brother. And there's nothing like fireworks at the beach! So all in all, despite traffic on the Garden State Parkway that would even have made L.A. jealous, it was a delightful impromptu summaer holiday weekend.
Unfortunately for me, at least 30 minutes of Sunday's six hours were spent dozing off while laying on my stomach on a beach blanket (you try being up till 3 in the morning the night before, serially killing Coronas all the while, and then spend an hour in the surf, and we'll see how long you last when you're dumb enough to lay down)... so my back currently resembles an old Soviet flag as far as coloring is concerned. A tip to all of you: buy stock in Solarcaine; I'm gonna be keeping them in business all by myself for the next few days. And if anyone has sunburn relief advice, or could give me a hint as to how someone could be able to sleep when even the slightest move above your waist sends sheets of sandpaper running over your back... well, my sleepy ass would like to hear them.
Anyway, here's a couple of shots from the weekend:
Our view from our perch on the beach
A boat in the distance as seen from the deck of our house
Sunset over Barnegat Bay, New Jersey
July 02, 2005
Your Help Needed: Rock History Project
On Friday morning, I got an e-mail from my younger brother John; part of it included this challenge:
"I'm putting together a CD I'm going to burn for a colleague of mine at work, (for this post, we'll call her Britney S.). She's in her mid 20s and has a scandalously lacking basic music and film cultural literacy. We're always making fun of her because people will refer to basic movies that EVERYONE in American culture has seen or at least knows about, and she more often than not has never even heard of them.
She was with me in (Springfield) on this last trip, and we were out one night with a couple colleagues at a restaurant that has a couple guys who play live flamenco music every night. We were joking that we should request they do "Free Bird," and of course (Britney S.) had no idea what that was. So we roasted her some more for that, but I promised her that I would burn her a CD of all the songs in pop music history that she simply needed to know about to not be taken for a rube.
As I thought about it, I decided it would be best to choose each major phase in rock and roll history and choose one song that in some sense epitomizes that era. So I came up with the below list, but there's a couple categories for which I can't decide on the best song.
So I wanted to get your advice, and also see if there are any major categories I left out. Let me know what you think. I know all these songs are very basic, but I think it's necessary - I mean, this poor woman didn't even know what Free Bird was, so that's the place we're starting from. As we poked fun at her, she protested that her musical knowledge begins with Nirvana. So I told her the objective of the CD I would burn would be to get her the ABCs or Rock and Roll from Elvis to the dawn or Nirvana."
Now how could a music fan/historian/incredibly smug & verbose pseudo-expert like me turn this down? But as I started to take a swing at the project, I found it simply impossible to narrow down to one song per genre. How can one summarize the 50s, for example, by including Elvis but not Chuck Berry -- or vice versa? So I put a list together for my brother that was, as I put it, the 6 CD box set to go with the PBS special. I had about a half dozen songs for each of the 20 or so genres/phases John identified.
But John wrote back that if he delivered 6 CDs to poor young Ms. "Britney" (and first of all, John, I happen to know that some 22 year olds have indeed heard of Free Bird, Marvin Gaye, and even know who the Beatles were; I might suggest that you inform your colleague that youth is no excuse for musical ignorance), it would in fact be too much and she'd never listen to it all... no, my kid brother actually wants to put a compilation together with one, maybe two songs per genre and that's it.
There are two criteria: One, the song must have a sound that is representative of its era - in other words, if you only ever heard one song from the era in your whole life, you'd get a sense of what they all sounded like. Two,the song should be some sort of cultural touchstone, for well or ill; every era has a song or two that stand out and become part of the canon as it were, and those are the songs we're looking for.
So, over the next couple weeks, I'll post a genre/era or two every day; I'll list the songs my brother mentioned for each, as well as give you my 3-6 additional suggestions for them as well. Your job will be to help us select the one (or maybe two) that meet the above criteria, and thus make it onto this CD he's making for "Britney S." (Note: I have discussed with John already that due to the sheer number of genres of "rock" music, it's pretty much impossible to dro to one CD; he has acknowledged that we may need to make this a double album. But 2 CDs is as much as we can go, I guess.)
We'll present them in somewhat chronological order. There are tough choices to be made; for example, who best represents the British Invasion: the Beatles, the Stones, or the Who? But then again, that's why you guys read this piece of sludge blog: because I make you grapple with serious world issues like this.
Thanks for your help, and now it's on with the countdown! (Cue cheesy radio intro music: "Mudge's Coast to Coast!")
Posted by Christopher at 01:17 PM | Comments (8)Rock History, Part I: The Early Years
The first two categories we're going to cover in this project are Doo-Wop (sort of the pre-Elvis stuff) and "The Fifties" (the stuff everyone thinks of when they think 50s). My brother's initial comments in italics; my suggestions in bold. All comments & votes are welcome!
1. Doo-Wop. I just am not very familiar with doo-wop at all and don't have any idea what to put here.
Mudge says: "In my opinion, the quintessential doo-wop song is "In The Still Of The Night," by the Five Satins. Unfortunately, you can't get their version on iTunes. (Dion has a decent version, but it's not the same.) So I guess my #2 doo-wop song would be "Come Go With Me," by the Del Vikings. #3 would be "Little Darlin’" by The Diamonds."
So which do you vote for, Mudgeheads? Or did I miss one?
2. The Fifties. "Elvis Presley "Jailhouse Rock" seems appropriate, but "Johnny B. Goode" would also be perfect."
Mudge says: I think you got the artists right... those two made the 50s (though some might argue that you should have some Little Richard in there). I would suggest the following alternatives for each of these:
Elvis: "Heartbreak Hotel" (without this one, there’d be no Elvis and no 50s); "Don't Be Cruel," "Jailhouse Rock."
Chuck Berry: "Johnny B. Goode." "Maybellene" or "Memphis."
Little Richard: "Tutti-Frutti," or "Good Golly Miss Molly"
One other suggestion might be "At The Hop," by Danny and the Juniors.
So keeping in mind our criteria of both representative sound AND being a cultural touchstone, which do we pick here? You can't do the 50s without Elvis or Chuck -- but which Elvis song is the most Elvis? Which Chuck is the one no person should ever have not heard? (I think "Johnny B. Goode" has to be the touchstone here.) Then again, I cannot imagine anyone on the planet who has never heard "A-Wop-Bob-Lu-Bop, A-Wop-Bam-Boom."
The voting has begun, kids.
July 01, 2005
Blog Stew: Summer BBQ
As we head into the 4th of July holiday, I wish everyone a happy and safe long weekend, full of picnics and traditional 4th of July American summer fare. Being a barbecue devotee, there was no other option for this week's recipe. Yeah, I know it's not stew. Shut up. It's barbecue.
(And I also couldn't resist the opportunity to give a shout out to my favorite BBQ restaurant of all time (hell, one of my favorite anything restaurants!), Old Glory in Georgetown, Washington DC>. Whether you consider Texas, Carolina, Kansas City, or anywhere else to be "real" BBQ, you'll find your favorite style at Old Glory. So go get messy, kids. It's the 4th of July.
1. David Lynch's weather report. Twin Peaks was cool. Blue Velvet was just freaking weird. And David Lynch giving a daily weather report is cool and freaking weird.
2. Float Cuisine. I think it's safe to say that I will never eat here.
It may take a strong stomach to eat curry or chocolate ice cream out of a toilet bowl, but a commode-themed restaurant in Taiwan does booming business serving up just that. The Martun, or toilet in Chinese, restaurant in the southern port city of Kaohsiung boasts lengthy queues on weekends as diners wait for a toilet seat in its brightly colored tile interior.
Food arrives in bowls shaped like Western-style toilets or Asian-style "squat pots."
Chocolate ice cream? In a bowl shaped like a... oh, man. Someboday stop me.
3. Gawker zings Condi. I can't do any better than Gawker did. They may win the prize for funniest take on a serious photo for 2005.
4. Baseball. The Yankees are slumping, and people here are jumping off the Yankee bandwagon and onto the Met badnwagon faster than you can say, "town of frontrunners." Kenny Rogers, pitcher for the Texas Rangers, beat up a cameraman -- and people have been calling sports talk radio saying the media deserved it. (Thank you, conservative jackasses, for plying your hatred and media-as-enemy gambit so deeply into the American psyche that some folks actually justify physical attacks on cameramen.) And most important of all... the Boston Red Sox are back in first place where they belong.
Posted by Christopher at 05:25 AM | Comments (2)
