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August 18, 2005
9 - 11 Below Zero
I bet if someone asked you to make a list of the top al Qaida targets in the United States, you'd miss the place that's number one on their list. The Statue of Liberty, you say? Sorry, Captain Obvious. The US Capitol? Buzz! Thank you for playing. DisneyWorld? LAX? The Sears Tower? Golden Gate bridge? Nope, unh-unh, not, no way Jose.
The number one American target of terrorists, according to Congressman Don Young (R-Alaska)? The sparsely inhabited coasts of Alaska.
Accordingly, says Young, New York Representative Peter King should not be the next chairman of the House Homeland Security Committee. No, says Young, no New Yorker could possibly understand the needs of Homeland Security, nor the terrorist threat that we still face, like an Alaskan. So Young is challenging King for the chairmanship of the committee.
"It [the committee] affects my state probably more than any other state, because of the Coast Guard here" and the state's extensive shoreline, he said.
A ha. Gotcha. Alaska's extensive shoreline makes it more affected by homeland security than any other state. In the immortal words of Dr. Evil, "riiiiiiiiiiight." Never mind that New York and the DC area not only were the areas targeted on 9/11, but are loaded with additional targets both symbolic (Statue of Liberty, Empire State Building, Times Square, Washington Monument, Lincoln Memorial), economic (New York Stock Exchange, Wall Street, Federal Reserve) and political (White House, Senate and House office buildings, K Street). Never mind that no Alaskans died on 9/11, or that the last time hostile forces affected Alaska, Alaska wasn't even a state yet (Attu, anyone?). Ignore all that, says Young. He's the man for the job. (Even though he bitterly opposed the creation of the Homeland Security Committee in the first place.)
"I've been chairman of two committees, and he's never been chairman," Young told the Daily News, adding that aside from experience, it makes more sense for him, a resident of Fort Yukon, Alaska, population 700, to head the Homeland Security Committee than a congressman from the state hurt most by 9/11.
Young's not just arrogant, insulting and crazy, he's also the undisputed champion of wasting your money. In the most recent transportation spending bill, Young -- who just happens to run the Transportation committee -- managed to get about $1 billion in funding for his state (the least densely populated state in the country, as opposed to states like New York, California, Michigan, New Jersey, Georgia... with transport systems that are actually used by millions of people every day). And wow, lookee here -- $231 million of that will go toward building a bridge (named after Young, natch) that even the Anchorage Daily News says the state doesn't want.
But even in Alaska, the pork is not entirely welcome. According to an Anchorage Daily News editorial, the earmarked money won't cover the cost of either bridge, and half of it represents a carve-out from regular funding, to the possible detriment of other roadwork in Alaska.
Put this pork guzzling jackass in charge of homeland security, and you know what happens? New York, Washington DC, Los Angeles, the ports of New Orleans, Newark, Houston and Seattle, and nuclear plants in the lower 48 will go unprotected and tens of millions of Americans will be in greater jeopardy... while the Iditarod will become the most secure snowball fight in history.
Comments
Not that I am coming to his defense very much, but suspectred terrorists have been found with photos of the Alaskan oil pipeline.
I think Homeland Security really does apply to all 50 states, however I would agree that there are things much more important to secure first.
Its hard to find money to put into homeland security when your pouring it into the money pit Middle East.
Posted by: Cuzin Jose at August 18, 2005 08:25 PM
Well, except that not even Young mentioned the pipeline as a factor. He said because of the Coast Guard and the extensive shoreline. That's from the horse's ass's own mouth.
Posted by: Curmudgeon at August 19, 2005 07:34 AM
If the pipeline's that much of a factor, why are we spending so much money, lives and time focusing on protecting oil in a desert?
Posted by: The SpinMD at August 19, 2005 10:07 AM
