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August 13, 2005
What About Nunchucks? When Do We Get The Nunchucks?
On the day after we were reminded of the horror of 9/11 by the release of hours of audio tape from the New York Fire Department, comes perhaps the most asinine proposal ever to come out of the government. Not just the Bush government, but any government.
On the levels of sheer and utter stupidity, this ranks right up there with trying to destabilize Castro by making his beard fall out, or making ketchup a vegetable.
The Transportation Security Agency -- the body charged with making sure we're safe when we travel on airplanes -- has submitted a proposal that would allow ice picks, 5 inch knives, Chinese throwing stars, and bows & arrows to be brought on board planes. I'm not making this up. I couldn't make anything this utterly freaking stupid up.
The TSA memo proposes to minimize the number of passengers who must be patted down at checkpoints. It also recommends that certain categories of passengers be exempt from airport security screening, such as members of Congress, airline pilots, Cabinet members, state governors, federal judges, high-ranking military officers and people with top-secret security clearances.
The proposal also would allow ice picks, throwing stars and bows and arrows on flights. Allowing those items was suggested after a risk evaluation was conducted about which items posed the most danger. [Emphasis mine.]
Why stop there? Why just throwing stars and ice picks (both of which are travel necessities, of course)? If we're gonna turn US domestic flights into the NRA's wet dream (everybody's armed! all weapons, all the time!), let's do it up right -- let's authorize bowie knives, 9 mm Berettas, and nunchucks on air flights too! In fact, let's mandate hand to hand combat as in-flight entertainment on every flight of less than three hours. It's Pilots vs. Passengers in The Octagon!
Edmund S. "Kip" Hawley, an assistant secretary of homeland security, directed his staff to propose changes in how the agency screens 2 million passengers a day... "The process is designed to stimulate creative thinking and challenge conventional beliefs," said TSA spokesman Mark O. Hatfield Jr.
Creative thinking? Challenge conventional beliefs?? Listen, you sloth-brained, short-bus riding buffoon: your process is designed to keep me from being turned into an unwilling guided missile when I'm flying, okay? You want to do creative thinking or challenge conventional beliefs, go join a performance art colony just north of Los Angeles, okay? I don't want creative thinking in my security; I want competence. The TSA is displaying neither.
Between work and pleasure, I travel a lot. I've flown close to 250,000 miles in the last three years. I get mildly annoyed by the extra time you have to spend going through security at the airport. I have grudgingly removed my shoes before walking through the metal detector so often that I've begun wearing loafers when I fly just so it's easier to slip them off. But my attitude toward the whole process isn't "This is ridiculous! They should really find ways to not have to do this." My attitude -- and that of every other frequent traveler I know -- is, "Yeah, it's a pain in the ass, but better safe than sorry."
Kip Hawley (wasn't that the name of the character Tom Hanks played on Bosom Buddies?) has obviously been ingesting or inhaling something that would make it illegal for a pilot to fly a plane in his little system. This person, along with everyone in the TSA who contributed to this little "creative thinking" exercise, should be fired for gross dereliction of duty and sheer incompetence.
Anyone wondering why need only listen here.
Comments
Dude...I'm so waiting for you to tell me that you read this in the Onion or something. No way could it be true.
Posted by: Corey at August 13, 2005 05:07 PM
It's in the Washington Post, MSNBC, and a bunch of other outlets, man. If it's a fast one, then they suckered a lot of people.
Posted by: Curmudgeon at August 13, 2005 05:11 PM
Do you mean they would be allowed for people to carry on with them, or that they would be allowed in stored baggage?
Its astounding, and absurd. Leaving out our differences on the NRA and what they stand for, it would seem the TSA has taken up THC or PCP.
It just seems too crazy to be real.
Posted by: Cuzin Jose at August 14, 2005 01:02 PM
What's so absurd about that? It's perfectly logical for a martial-artist to be able to carry throwing stars. Hell, I've even carried a razor sharp katana (Japanese sword) on buses and subways when I was going to a demonstration. Unless I'm on a commercial airplane, I carry a tanto knife (Japanese dagger)on me just about everywhere I go. When I visit foreign countries that prohibit guns owned by tourists, I carry nunchaku (nunchucks)They make a hell of a self-defense weapon. Not only can you strike with it, but you can block, do traps, takedowns, and break wrists like tooth picks.
As for the bow and arrow, I do the occasional bow hunting myself. You should keep in mind that there are MANY hunters in the U.S. (Especially down south and in the rural north.) Not all hunters use guns. Some preffer bows. Now, what if I wanted to go on a hunting safari in Africa with a bow? It would be much easier for me to carry it on the plane than to ship it to my destination.
There's too many damn regulations these days. Thats why I travel on small commercial planes owned by small companies. I get to carry whatever the bloody Hell I wish to carry.
Posted by: Dr. Jordan Taylor, Ph.D. at July 31, 2006 03:17 PM
