The Chronic Curmudgeon

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September 15, 2005

Because I'm Busy and You're Here

Sorry folks - last few days have been really busy. I have a collection of thoughts to share when time permits, but since for now I have little time, here's a meme that I am blatantly and ovetly lifting from Eden at "so anyway..." to keep you occupied.

1. Have you ever finished off the popcorn and ate the junk from the bottom of the bag?
Um, yeah.

2. Have you ever had sex in a tent?
I have had it in a tent; I have had it during Lent.
I have had it in a car; I have had it in a bar.
I have not had it with a goat. I could not, would not with a goat.
But I would do it on a boat.
I have had it with a girl named Pam. I have had it! I have, Sam I am!

3. Have you ever had a secret crush on a teacher?
No. But I have been the teacher who’s been crushed on. (God, Boston U was awesome!)

4. Do you own more than 100 cd’s?
I have about 400 of them, but haven’t bought one in about 18 months now - I get mp3s.

5. Have you ever been so drunk that you have passed out?
From 1994-1996. But seriously folks, not since grad school.

6. Have you ever dated a goth?
I don’t think so.

7. Have you ever regretted a date?
Oh yeah. All the ones with Ex. Of course, I didn’t know at the time that I should regret them, but I sure do now..

8. Have you ever seen a ghost/ufo?
Never seen a ghost, but I have heard one and felt something in the room.

9. Have you ever done anything you could be arrested for?
Er… yes.

10. Have you ever done anything you could go to jail for?
I have no recollection of that, Senator.

11. Have you ever broken a bone?
The more appropriate question might be, “Which bones haven’t you broken yet, you clumsy buffoon?” I think my total count is about six so far. Add in torn muscles and ligaments, and the count passes the dozen mark.

12. Have you ever crashed a car?
Yes.

13. Have you ever fallen off a bike?
Yes.

14. Have you ever refused a date because of what your friends might think?
No. My friends are all married, which means that if I am dating they’re just happy that someone’s getting some.

15. Have you ever listened to a song and cried?
Yes. Wedding songs are tough at first, until you have enough alcohol in your system to remember that the tramp wasn't worth it anyway.

16. Have you ever seen your favorite band/singer perform live?
Well, I have seen many that were my favorite at the time… but no one band/singer stays my “favorite” for very long.

17. Have you ever been found sleep walking?
Yes. Used to freak the hell out of my parents.

18. Have you ever been close to drowning?
In paperwork, but not in water

19. Have you ever watched a Tomb Raider movie without being aroused at some point?
Have never watched one ever. Not a fan of the video game, and Angelina Jolie couldn’t arouse me even if she did a lap dance for -- and starting making out with -- my girlfriend. She is by far my “Most Overrated Famous Chick."

20. Have you ever dated someone a decade older than you?
You said "older," right? No. Younger, yeah.

21. Would you date someone a decade older than you?
Chris Jansing or Katie Couric

22. Have you ever sent a crank call or email?
Not e-mails -- but calls were a mainstay of my pre-driving teenage years. It was either make crank calls or drink… wait, we drank too. Never mind.

23. Have you ever been pregnant or got someone pregnant?
I have never been pregnant.

24. If not, would you like children?
Doc & Tim would tell you that I not only like them, I date them. I say they’re just jealous.

25. Have you ever tried to write a book?
I am in that process now.

26. Would you like to write a book?
Yeah, finishing mine would be kinda cool. But if an agent didn’t agree to represent it and no publisher published it, it would crush my ego.

27. Have you ever had major surgery?
Yes, twice.

28. Are you afraid of the dentist?
No. The only things that scare me are heights, bridges, and the evangelical conservatives’ agenda for my country.

29. Do you have a tattoo?
No. I wanted to get one when I was in the Navy, almost did -- but my #@!*!#! then-girlfriend “forbid” it, so I got out of the line. Ever since, I’ve wanted to get one sort of as a delayed “f you,” but since we’re talking more than a decade ago now it would seem kind of foolish. But never discount what I might do while on vacation at the beach after a couple of drinks.

30. Have you had any piercings done (not including the ears)?
Just my ears. Something about piercing on a guy seems, I dunno, like the 00s version of wide ties or polyester shirts, man. In ten years, those guys are going to look at photos of themselves now and be as embarrassed as baby boomers are of sideburns and powder blue tuxes.

Belly button rings on women, however, are among the coolest things known to man.

31. Have you ever been shit on from the sky?
Well, I have been shit on by people above me in the report-to chain. Does that count?

32. Do you like scary movies?
When they’re genuinely scary movies (say “The Exorcist” or “The Shining,” I love them. Stupid teenage fornication & gore flicks, like Friday the 13th or the Elm Street series, just make me laugh at their inanity. If you need blood in your story to scare people, it just means your story is freaking weak, that you need that kind of crutch.

33. Do you like your job?
Actually, yes. I can’t stand the physical location of my job, but I do genuinely like what I do.

34. Do you get along with your parents?
This is a trick question, isn’t it? Like in The Breakfast Club when Emilio Estevez asks Judd Nelson, “I suppose if I say I get along with my parents, I’m an asshole, right?” Thing is, I do get along well with them; we talk several times a week and my mom even occasionally appears on this blog.

35. Do you still have all your grand parents?
Nope. There was only one of ‘em even alive by the time I got old enough to have conscious memory… and she died eight years ago.

36. Have you ever had a date with someone you met online?
Yes, a few. One of them in particular was a horror story. Not surprisingly, it was my last Internet date as well.

37. Do you wish you could relive your childhood?
It depends. Do I get to still know what I know now? In other words, could I relive it with the knowledge and perspective of my 37 year old self, but have my teenage body and circumstances back? If so, then hell yeah. If I’d have to go back and do it all again and learn the same lessons all over again… what would be the point?

38. Have you ever beat up your computer?
My computer calls me “daddy.”

39. Have you ever watched The Goonies more than twice in a day?
God, did you just give me flashbacks to a basement couch in the Minneapolis suburbs. My old girlfriend was waaaaaaaaay too into that movie for human safety. I’m pretty sure that twice a day happened at least a couple of times.

Then again, curling up on basement couches often led to ignoring the movie. Maybe it wasn’t so bad after all.

40. Have you ever wondered why you fill this shit in time after time?
Because I am really lame, have nothing better to do, and am yet just arrogant enough to think that you actually give a damn about my answers.

Posted by Christopher on September 15, 2005 11:24 PM

Comments

Posted by: eden at September 16, 2005 01:37 PM

Posted by: jillian at September 16, 2005 10:24 PM

Posted by: Curmudgeon at September 18, 2005 01:26 AM