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October 23, 2005
It Wasn't Me, Parts I and II
Okay, yeah... I live in New York. Fine. But contary to what you may have thought, and no matter how much these stories might sound like they could be me, I'm denying 'em. It wasn't me. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.
1. Guy rings up a $241,000 bill at Manhattan "Gentleman's Club." This isn't an accumulated bill, by the way. It's from one night.
We've all had those evenings out on the town where the fun and the drinks are flowing, the tab is running, and at the end of the night when you see the bill, it's a lot higher than you thought. (Hell, a bunch of us just had one of those at karaoke night three weeks ago.) But to rack up a $241,000 bill in one night -- even at Manhattan's priciest and most "highbrow" adult entertainment palace -- reveals a Bacchanalian appetite beyond even my fertile imagination. Yet, that's apparently what Missouri business executive Robert McCormick managed to pull off (no pun intended).
I've never been to Scores (honest!), so I have no idea what their prices are. But I can't imagine that this dude simply paid for three $75,000 lap dances and a few drinks. He had to have at least some sense that the price of his evening might be, uh, inching up.
In the mirrored room, popular with high rollers and celebrities, the stripper enthusiast demanded 10 dancers lavish him with attention at the eye-popping cost of $4,000 an hour. When their time was up, McCormick insisted club managers bring more girls - and keep them coming. "I need 10 more," he would say after the hour's entertainment was over, waving his arms like he was motioning a jumbo jet in for a landing, according to the source.
Of course now, McCormick doesn't want to pay his bill; he's pulling the old "one of the dancers stole/misused my credit card" routine. Amex isn't buying it, and they're suing McCormick and the company he is the CEO of to recoup the quarter million dollar charge. And OJ is out there right now, searching for the real killer.
2. Fat guys fill up Madison Square Garden. First of all, I don't own one of those combination jock-strap/diaper contraptions. (I read now in the article that they are called "mawashi." For the love of god, I hope they wash their washi.) Secondly, I was nowhere near Madison Square Garden on Saturday. But 8,000 people were in Madison Square Garden to watch the first World Sumo Challenge -- complete with sumo wrestlers from Norway, Hungary and Bulgaria. (As if the image of cellulite-encased Japanese asses wasn't bad enough, now we have to think about cellulite-encased pasty white Scandanavian asses.)
"It's been my life's dream to see live sumo," said Laurie Huenteo, 43, with a straight face.
Wow. Now there's someone who dared to dream big.
