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November 29, 2005
Life In The Fast Lane (Surely Make You Lose Your Mind)
This is going to be one of those weeks where real life intrudes on my blog a little bit and impacts things here in Curmudgeonland. The next seven days are gonna be one of the biggest weeks of my entire professional career, and blogging's going to have to take second place for a little while.
A quick summary of what's going on... I'm interviewed in a story that should be out today on the national AP wire; this morning I am flying out to the west coast on the company jet to a big conference of top business muckety-mucks... and then Wednesday morning I'm giving the biggest presentation of my career so far, 45 minutes (with Q & A) in front of some of the biggest Fortune 50 type wigs in my field. Suffice it to say that after Wednesday morning, I'm either going to be on this blog with a giddy post about having swung for the fences and hit it out, or with a despondent post about having committed hari-kari upon my professional reputation and upward mobility.
Once the conference is over on Thursday, I am taking advantage of being in California and staying for the weekend; I'll see Dave (the one who got married during last year's infamous Lost Week) as well as some other friends in the Bay Area. Sunday I fly home, Monday afternoon I am co-presenting in Manhattan to 100 of our company's top communications people, and then right afterward I fly up to Toronto, where I'm speaking at a conference Tuesday morning before coming back to New York that evening. Yeah, other people have weeks like this all the time... but how many of them are keeping blogs? ;-)
I'll still try and log on to post every once in a while -- have to comment on each day's Indicted Republican of the Day -- but I probably will be less active this week. Wish me luck - I could use the good vibes and karma - and I'll be on as often as I can during the next week. Peace and humptiness forever, y'all.
Posted by Christopher at 12:01 AM | Comments (8) | TrackBackNovember 27, 2005
Leftovers
So I spent the Thanksgiving weekend down along the Delaware shore -- a mythical land of $1.97-a-gallon gasoline, very slow old drivers, newly discovered BBQ joints that have me practically still licking sauce off my fingers, and the where-is-everybody surrealness of a beach resort town during the off-season. This was our last Thanksgiving together as a family for a while, due to an upcoming overseas assignment in the family, so it was kind of nice to be able to see everyone this year.
I got back late last night, and have found that today I don't really have much to write about. Call it triptophan-induced blog laziness. But... here's a few thoughts for a Sunday afternoon:
1. First Oscar contender I've seen this year: "Walk the Line" This is a little bit of a misleading statement, because I don't see very many movies in the theater (due primarily to my inability to suffer the rude and obnoxious conduct of most of the crowds around here; I'm trying to figure out when talking back to the characters on screen and carrying on loud "what you think gonna happen next?" conversations with people two rows away from you became acceptable theater etiquette). But the other night, my parents and I went to see "Walk The Line," the Johnny Cash biopic.
The film didn't disappoint. From a writing and "cinema" standpoint, "Walk The Line" is good but not great; the movie covers Cash's rise, fall and recovery, and goes a long way toward explaining the man for who he was. But it's poorly paced at the beginning, and ending the movie in 1968 feels somewhat incomplete, given Cash's career over the last 35 years of his life. However, the performances by Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon are career-defining, and it's a lead pipe lock that both will get Oscar nominations for Best Actor and Actress this year. These are two riveting, can't-take-your-eyes-off-them star turns. Witherspoon proves that she's got dramatic chops that ought to move her to Hollywood's A-list; Phoenix simply becomes Johnny Cash -- his posture, his intonations, his voice... he's channeling the Man in Black. They're each powerful, strong people who complement one another perfectly. If you're a Cash fan, you'll like this movie. If you're an acting fan, you'll love it.
2. Ford commits sacrilege. I used to think that the worst case of advertising sacrilege I'd ever hear was Nike using the Beatles' "Revolution" to sell sneakers. But this holiday season, I've heard worse. Ford is now using "Linus and Lucy" by Vince Guaraldi to hawk its cars and trucks.
You know, there's some things in this world that are just untouchable. You wouldn't use the Grinch to sell Preparation H, you wouldn't use Winnie the Pooh to sell life insurance, and you shouldn't use Charlie Brown's songs to sell a stupid car. As long as I live, I won't be buying a Ford -- because of their sacreligious affront to beloved childhood memories in 2005.
3. US soldiers disciplined for burning Taliban bodies. Four U.S. soldiers face disciplinary action for burning the bodies of two dead Taliban fighters. I know I'm gonna get in trouble for this... but I just don't see the problem here.
I mean, beyond the fact that the cremation occurred for hygenic reasons -- you want to have two dead bodies laying in your yard when it's 90 degrees out? -- I wouldn't be bothered if it had happened deliberately. So cremation is against Islamic principles, and shows overt disrespect for Muslims? Well, guess what? I'm pretty sure that the indiscriminate murder of 3,000 innocent people is against Islamic principles too, but the Taliban and al Qaida didn't seem to have a problem with disrespect for their religion then, did they? (Not to mention that indiscriminate murder shows disrespect for Christianity and for America as well.)
The Taliban and al Qaida soldiers that US forces are fighting in Afghanistan are not innocent Iraqi civilians or even Iraqis fighting against an invading power; the Taliban and al Qaida are sworn enemies of the United States, and have proven their wilingness and ability to murder Americans both abroad and on our own shores. They'll do it again if given the chance. And part of these crusaders' motivation is a religious zeal and belief that they will earn heavenly reward for their actions. I'm thinking, if they know we're going to "defile" their bodies -- whether by cremation, or burying them in pig's blood, or burying them with women, whatever -- and do something that damns them to hell or prevents them from going to heaven, no matter what they do in life... well, if it makes them think twice about their self-professed martyrdom, then I'm all for it.
I'm sure some on the left (of which I am a proud member) might disagree with me rather vehemently, might argue about respect for other cultures, winning hearts and minds, all that. You know what? Under ordinary circumstances, when those cultures also show basic respect for us, I'm all for it. But when we're talking about the subhumans responsible for September 11, and those who would die for the cause in which those attacks were carried out, I don't think any respect is called for... and I don't care about their hearts or minds. I'm not talking about Iraq here, which was started on false pretenses and approved of after deliberate deception by the Bush Administration. I'm talking about Afghanistan, the Taliban, and al Qaida. We're at war -- a war we didn't declare -- and anything it takes to completely and utterly annihialate this enemy and avenge the dead of the World Trade Center and the Pentagon and Flight 93, I'm all for. Be respectful of those who show us respect, be understanding of those who do not understand us... but the Taliban and al Qaida are excluded from that respect, in my opinion.
In the immortal words of Beavis, "Fire! Fire! Fire!".
Posted by Christopher at 01:23 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBackNovember 23, 2005
Happy Thanksgiving
Not that I'm the sentimental type who cares whether people have a good holiday or not... that would go against my whole Curmudgeon theme. But, as I set off this morning to brave the roads and head down to Delaware for the holiday, I just wanted to wish you all a happy and safe Thanksgiving. I won't be posting again until Sunday; I'll be online here and there to check e-mail and look for any comments, but I don't think I'll be logging in to do any new posts until I get home.
Travel safely, for anyone who's traveling. Eat well, for anyone who's eating. And in the words of Dennis Miller on Saturday Night Live, "That's the news, and I ... am ... outta here." (Not that I want to be quoting Dennis Miller, who at one time was my favorite comedian but in the intervening years has become a conservative nut job Bush backer, and has thus lost me. But the line fit.)
Posted by Christopher at 08:03 AM | Comments (2)The Chronic Curmudgeon Pop Culture Influences: Number Two
There's never really been any doubt as to what the top two pop culture influences of the past 25 years would be, has there? It's only been a question of what order I'd put them in. Well, wait no longer. (Not that anyone's really been waiting, but I hate leaving things unfinished.)
2. Seinfeld. For a show famously about "nothing," Seinfeld delivered not only great laughs, but some of the most widely used/borrowed lines and references of the last 16 years, since the show debuted in 1989. Think about it: how often has someone you know dropped a Seinfeld line into conversation? How many SportsCenter anchors? How many bloggers (myself included) trying to be witty or hip tossed a Seinfeld reference into their posts? "Not that there's anything wrong with that." "Master of my domain." "Yada, yada, yada." "NO SOUP FOR YOU!" "I was in the pool! There was shrinkage!" "Hello.....NEWMAN." "These pretzels are making me thirsty." "Can you spare a square?" "My boys can swim!" "Maybe the dingo's got your baby." "Hel-LOOOOO!" "I think it moved." "They're real... and they're spectacular."
And the references... without Seinfeld, we wouldn't ever have referenced man-hands, puffy shirts, low talkers, close talkers, The Bubble Boy, double-dipping, sponge baths, male bimbos/mimbos, sponge-worthiness, the Bro/manssiere, Vandelay Industries, Festivus (along with the Airing of the Grievances), Mulva, re-gifting, or a dozen others. When one show and one set of writers can make that many contributions that reach the public consciousness, it's a pop culture achievement at a rarely-reached level. (Not to mention that "The Contest" is the single funniest and most brilliantly written single episode in sitcom history.)
Perhaps the most amazing thing about "Seinfeld," however, is that it took four inherently unlikeable characters, and made us like them and keep tuning in for more. The first rule of writing is to develop characters the audience will like and root for and be interested in. Seinfeld gave us four self-centered, careless people -- and we loved them anyway. A great TV comedy, and the number two pop culture reference/influence of the past 25 years.
As for number one... could there have been any other?
Posted by Christopher at 04:59 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBackThe Chronic Curmudgeon Pop Culture Influence #1: THE SIMPSONS
If back in 1987 you had told someone that by 2005, the longest-running comedy in TV history -- and one of the most beloved television shows of all time -- would be an animated show, you'd have been laughed at. If you'd have told them it would be a crudely drawn animated show geared toward adults, they probably would have thought you were crazy. But here we are, 18 years after a series of cartoon shorts began appearing during the Tracey Ullman Show, and the Simpsons have become as big an American icon as apple pie, the pickup truck, and the St. Louis Arch all in one. In the roll call of great television comedians, Homer Simpson is right up there with Milton Berle, Lucille Ball, Dick Van Dyke, Bill Cosby and Jerry Seinfeld. In the roll call of great comic ensemble casts, the citizens of Springfield are on an equal plain with -- if not a higher one than -- the Mary Tyler Moore Show, the cast of Cheers, the cast of Frasier, or the original cast of Saturday Night Live. In fact, I'll say it: The Simpsons is the greatest television comedy of all time.
If I were going to make a list of classic Simpsons quotes and characters, I'd easily be writing for two hours. Beyond the ubiquitous "Doh!" there are hundreds, if not thousands of Simpsons lines that have seeped into our culture. But the brilliance of the Simpsons -- and the reason that I've ranked them above Seinfeld -- is not just that there are so many, but that they're so varied... and while anyone you meet is likely able to rattle off about a dozen of their favorite Simpsons lines, the odds of any two people listing the same top ten are pretty slim. Seinfeld's lines, while ubiquitous, are also universal; most top ten lists from that show would contain at least eight or nine of the same lines. With the Simpsons, any two of us won't have more than about five of the same favorites. We'll all swear by our lists, until we hear someone else's and go, "Oh yeah -- forgot about that one!" and revise ours. (Even knowing that I'm going to miss some -- and when you point out yours, I'll go "oh yeah!" and change my list -- a few of my nominees for the funniest Simpsons lines ever are in the "continue reading" section. For others, check this site.)
Would-be hipsters everywhere pull random Simpsons lines out of their, uh, ears when trying to be funny. Bloggers around the world lift Simpsons quotes as their post or category titles. (Take a look at a few of mine; or, if you really want to see genius with Simpsons references, read Pete's blog -- he makes me look like an amateur Simpsons quoter.) And quite simply, the Fox network may well owe its existence to those yellow folks in Springfield.
17 seasons. Thousands of classic lines. Millions of laughs. Some of the best satire in entertainment history. Stars lining up to do guest spots on the show. Danny Elfman's classic theme music. There's no doubt what the #1 biggest pop culture influence of the last 25 years was. Citizens of Springfield, I salute you!
Vote Quimby.
Marge: Homer, is this how you pictured married life?
Homer: Yeah, pretty much, except we drove around in a van solving mysteries.
Marge: Homer! There's someone here who can help you...
Homer: Is it Batman?
Marge: No, he's a scientist.
Homer: Batman's a scientist?!
Marge: It's not Batman!
Burns: I suggest you leave immediately.
Homer: Or what? You'll release the dogs or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you?
Lisa: Do we have any food that wasn't brutally slaughtered?
Homer: Well, I think the veal died of loneliness.
Homer: I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.
Homer: [Looking at a globe map...country being Uruguay] Hee hee! Look at this country! 'You are gay.'
Homer's Brain: Use reverse psychology.
Homer: Oh, that sounds too complicated.
Homer's Brain: Okay, don't use reverse psychology.
Homer: Okay, I will!
Homer: If The Flintstones has taught us anything, it's that pelicans can be used to mix cement.
Billy Corgan: "Billy Corgan, 'Smashing Pumpkins'."
Homer Simpson: "Homer Simpson, smiling politely."
Marge: Homer, you don't have to pray out loud.
Homer: But he's way the hell up there!
Mr. Burns: I don't like being outdoors Smithers. For one thing, there's too many fat children.
Mr. Burns: Do my worst, eh? Smithers, release the robotic Richard Simmons.
Ralph: That's my swingset, and that's my sandbox. I'm not allowed to go in the deep end. And this is where I met the leprechaun.
Bart: Right, the leprechaun.
Ralph: He told me to burn things.
Ralph: I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
Ralph: Oh boy! Sleep! That's when I'm a Viking!
Bart: What's Santa's Little Helper doing to that dog? Looks like he's trying to jump over, but he can't quite make it.
Grandpa: Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three. P.S. I am not a crackpot.
Grandpa: Well, whenever I'm confused, I just check my underwear. It holds the answer to all the important questions.
Mr. Burns: So do you have a way to get rid of the protesters?
Grandpa: One way to get rid of them is to tell 'em stories that dont go anywhere. Like the time we went over to Shelbyville during the war, I wore an onion on my belt -- which was the style at the time. You couldn't get those white ones, you could only get those big yellow ones... now where was I... Oh yeah, the important thing was I was wearing an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time, you couldnt get those... (trails off)
The Chronic Curmudgeon Pop Culture Influences: Recap
Per a request from my cousin Joe... here's a recap of the top 25 in my list of pop culture moments and influences of the past 25 years.
25. "NYPD Blue"
24. Cartoons for grown-ups
23. "Appetite for Destruction," Guns N'Roses
22. "Who Shot J.R.?" - Dallas
21. Pac-Man fever
20. "Titanic"
19. Oprah Winfrey/"The Oprah Winfrey Show"
18. The Andrew Lloyd Weber/Cameron Mackintosh Broadway musicals
17. John Lennon assassinated
16. The O.J. Bronco chase/trial
15. Britney and the pop-tarts
14. "Straight Outta Compton" - N.W.A.
13. "The Real World"
12. Madonna; moment: Madonna writhes through "Like A Virgin" in a wedding dress on the MTV Video Awards
11. Michael Jackson; moment: Jackson does the Moonwalk for the first time at the Motown 25th Anniversary show
10. "SportsCenter"
9. Live Aid
8. Harry Potter
7. "Miami Vice"
6. "Smells Like Teen Spirit" video - Nirvana
5. "Walk This Way" video - Run DMC/Aerosmith
4. The John Hughes 80s movies
3. MTV
2. Seinfeld
1. The Simpsons
November 22, 2005
Blog Stew: Insomnia Version
I've had odd sleeping patterns for most of my life. I'm generally a night owl -- I don't get sleepy until well after midnight, usually until 1:30 or 2:00 am or beyond. This body clock also impacts me in the morning; without some outside impetus (an early meeting or flight I have to make, or someone sleeping next to me who actually wakes up when the alarm goes off instead of managing to hit snooze a dozen times or even turn off the alarm without ever becoming conscious, like I do), I'll often straggle into the office between 9:30 and 10:00 am, and even then my brain won't really get going until like 11.
Some nights I just don't sleep at all -- falling asleep never happens, so I just give up around 5:00 or 5:30 and get up to go to work early or something. Other days, I all of a sudden am tired early, and will sleep from say, whenever I get home until 2 am, at which point I'll wake up wide-awake and ready for the day. These odd sleep patterns of mine have driven Ex and others I've dated crazy, but what're you gonna do? Sleeping pills work temporarily, but as soon as I stop taking 'em, I go right back to the old patterns.
Take now, for instance. Monday, I had some stuff done during the day, and got home around 5:15 or 5:30. I meant to make dinner, to log back on to my work e-mail and catch up since I missed the afternoon. But as soon as I got home, I couldn't keep my eyes open; I fell asleep around 6. Then I got a phone call from a friend around 10:20 or so, which woke me up... and I haven't been sleepy since then. It's about 3 right now, and I doubt I'll fall back asleep before it's time to get up for work. But... my system's loss is your gain -- because here's the insomnia version of blog stew.
1. Kara Beth Borden wasn't kidnapped. After her home-schooled boyfriend killed her parents, home-schooled 14 year old Kara Beth Borden naturally... went with him as he ran from the law, apparently intending to marry him. Guess those kidnapping charges'll have to be dropped, huh? The murders seem to have sprung from Borden's parents --extremely religious folk who were home-schooling her because they were concerned with the influences she would be exposed to in public school, being unhappy with her dating her 18 year old boyfriend.
Not for nothing, and not blaming the victims here... but I can't say that I think things like this are totally unexpected - there's kind of bound to be tensions and consequences when the devout piously try to play ostrich, sticking their heads in the sand and trying to force fit their children into some unnaturally limited lifestyle. These parents' denial of reality ended up forcing Kara Beth to look for an outlet, some way to be a normal teen living a normal life (along with the exploration that comes with it). Not that every case is going to end in a double murder, but there's bound to be rebellion and unhappiness when you home school some kid because you don't want them exposed to big bad reality. Sadly, the rebellion is likely to be worse than if the kid had been in a normal situation.
2. Just Desserts. As an animal lover, I love this story. An Ohio woman convicted of leaving dozens of kittens in two parks has been ordered by a judge to herself spend a night alone outdoors so that she can experience what if feels like to be abandoned, albeit only for about a dozen hours.... I love it. Absolutely love it. The only shame of it is that they gave the woman water or a means of emergency communication; she should have had to deal with the night just like the kittens she abandoned. I have very little tolerance for those who commit cruelty to animals.
3. November 22. 42 years ago today, John F. Kennedy was assassinated in Dallas, Texas. Thanks to a unique experience I had a decade ago, working for the US government on the Assassination Records Review Board, I have what I guess you might say is a perspective that only a few people have on the assassination. I wrote about the assassination and my experiences two years ago today; if you're interested in reading it, here's that post.
4 Songs I'm listening to right now include:
** "Juicebox" - The Strokes: Am I the only one who hears Geddy Lee in the bassline?
** "Kevin Is Gay" - Giant Drag: A great use of discordance in the melody.
** "Gold Digger" - Kanye West featuring Jamie Foxx: Not only does Kanye construct a song really well, but Jamie Foxx's background Ray Charles-esque sample/backgroundvocal is one of the single most "get in your head" hooks of the year, or of the decade. And any song that features the lines "she went to the doctor'n got lipo with your money," "when she leave your ass, she gon' leave with half," and a shouted "WE WANT PRE-NUP" is automatically a great song.
** "All Along The Watchtower" -- Jimi Hendrix: The band played this at Terra Blues the other night to close their set, and extended it into about a ten minute jam. I was in heaven. When I got home I downloaded Jimi's version... and as I've been listening to it, it's struck me that I'd forgotten how incredible he was. I'm not usually one to be listening to classic rock (I find that clinging to the music of one's youth -- or in some cases, someone else's youth -- is kind of sad... as a nostalgia turn every now and then it's fun, but making it the centerpiece of your collection seems just sad; yes, some things are timeless, but too many of the classic rockers are there because "today's music just ain't the same, man," which has always struck me as something Dana Carvey's old "Grumpy Old Man" character from Saturday Night Live would have done... "In my day, we played our kind of music, and that's the way it was and we LIKED it!!!!"). But all that said, geez... Hendrix's "Watchtower" is incredible.
Might as well try to get 90 minutes of sleep before it's time to get up for work. Insomnia sucks. Good night, kids.
Posted by Christopher at 02:33 AM | Comments (11) | TrackBackTrue Colors
Dick Cheney and the Republicans (sounds like a really back 60s pop group, doesn't it? Jay & the Americans, Dick & The Republicans...) are showing yet again what they're really made of, showing us the kind of people they really are. The only consolation is that by now, the emperor might just be standing there as naked as the lies they told to con the nation into war; Cheney's approval ratings are as low as 19% in some polls and no higher than 29% in any poll. The verdict is in: the American people hate Dick Cheney for the karmic diarrhea he is.
Meanwhile, the disgusting attacks on 37 year Marine veteran John Murtha continue. A gutless disgrace of a Republican Congresswoman from Ohio, Jean Schmidt (who never served in the military and never went to war on behalf of her country) called Murtha a "coward" on the House floor Friday... and then in the very definition of the word that she chose to use, she asked immediately that her remarks be stricken from the Congressional record. (Apparently Ms. Schmidt has the compunction to call decorated Vietnam veterans cowards, but lacks the courage to actually stand by the words she chose or have people be able to refer back to them. If you want a more textbook definition of gutlessness cowardice, you won't find it.)
Almost as pathetic -- actually moreso, if that's possible -- are the defenses of Schmidt by her fellow Republicans.
"The poor lady didn't know Jack Murtha was a Marine - she really just ran into a hornet's nest," said Representative Jack Kingston of Georgia. Representative David Dreier of California said, "Very clearly, she did not know that Jack Murtha was a Marine."
So what they're saying is that, in so many words, the only reason Schmidt was wrong is that Murtha is a Marine. Otherwise, it would have been perfectly okay to accuse anyone who disagrees with the Republican Official Party Line of the Fatherland and the Great Patriotic Leader Bush of cowardice. The message remains consistent and sickening... disagree with us, and we're going to slander you, accuse you of unpatriotism, and otherwise try to intiimidate or demagogue you into silence. That's the Republican way. That's what conservatives do; their arguments are so weak and devoid of any logic or rational defense, they have no choice but to engage in McCarthy-esque intimidation in order to defend themselves. The Republican Party is a party of thugs, and if you want to see the cowards they're always talking about, all you have to do is look to the right.
The Republicans bring to mind a quote from history that I think bears repeating -- not only for what it reveals about the man who said it, but about conservatives in this country. The stench eminating from the Republican attitude that the only way to support our troops is to blindly accept the administration that sends them to war... that they ony way to be patriotic is to think and act exactly how conservatives (who never served in war themselves) want you to think and act, to accept what they tell you to accept... well, it's reminiscent of something the world has heard before.
Naturally the common people don't want war; that is understood. But after all, it is the leaders of the country who determine policy, and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy, or a fascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship. Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is to tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country.
-- Hermann Goering, leader of the Nazis and founder of the Gestapo, at the Nuremberg trials.
Posted by Christopher at 01:49 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBackNovember 20, 2005
O Brother, Where Art Thou?
My kid brother's up in New York for the weekend, which has been a blast. Amazing how the little brother who annoys the snot out of you, who spends his days dreaming up ways to annoy you, who you spend lots of time chasing around trying to punch when you were kids... can grow up to be your best friend. His wife had to stay home for work this time, so it's just been the brothers hanging around in New York City.
We started with the mandatory visit to Terra Blues on Friday night (it's a requisite... if you ever visit me in New York City, we will go to Terra Blues for at least an hour or two)... saw Michael Hill and a band of players (featuring Junior Mack) put together at the last second to cover a last minute illness from the featured act. Good times, good times. Broke my diet rules and had a couple of papaya dogs at some place that was an obvious knock-off from the definitive NY hot dog place, Gray's Papaya. And after the show as we were wandering back to the car, we stumbled onto one of the things that even I have to admit is very freaking cool about New York City: it really doesn't sleep, and there really is something for everyone; where else in the Western world can stumble upon a middle eastern deli and get shawerma and tabouleh at 2:00 in the morning?
We had a full day yesterday -- starting with a visit to the Guggenheim, then cut through Central Park and saw Strawberry Fields and the Dakota (hard to believe John Lennon's been gone for 25 years next month!). From there, we headed down Broadway from the Upper West Side down to the Times Square area... I generally try to avoid Times Square unless it's karaoke night and we're staying in the Crowne Plaza there -- too damn many tourists clogging the streets like they were Marlon Brando's arteries. But John wanted to hit the Virgin megastore to do some CD shopping (they're overpriced, but they do have a ridiculously wide selection there, including world music he can't get many other places). (I always get momentarily excited when I hear the name of that store... a virgin megastore? Heh huh huh heh. I'll take two blondes and a brunette please. What? Not that kind of virgin? Daaaaamn.)
We tried a walk through Times Square afterward, but it was too claustrophobic and I was quickly becoming touriscidal, so we cut over to Fifth Avenue and walked down it instead. After dinner at Bamiyan, we headed over to the Gotham Comedy Club. Before I get into the show, let me just address the clientele and their dress. I don't know the person who invented low-cut, hip-hugger jeans, and I don't know how it is that so many women in Manhattan were choosing to wear them on a 37 degree evening. All I know is that whoever invented exposed hip bones should be awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom, the Congressional Medal of Honor, the Nobel Peace Prize, and Most Likely To Succeed all at once. More than once yesterday, I honestly found myself thinking, "How on earth can you possibly hate this town? Look around you!" I'll just say this: the best scenery of the day had nothing to do with Central Park, and the most breathtaking works of art weren't at the Guggenheim. Sigh.
All right, my testosterone-laced digression aside, the show at Gotham was absolutely worth the 65 block walk from the Guggenheim. They had four acts up, and all four were funny -- three of them I found really, really good. Tom Van Horn was the opening act, and had a great routine on living in New York that had me howling in recognition. Lisa Landry, if you get the chance to see her, was very funny as well - no hold your gut and fall off your chair moments, but she got a consistent grin and chuckles throughout her 15 minute set. Very funny lady. But the "headline" act, the 30 minute set at the end of the show that absolutely brought the house down, was Louis Ramey. I swear, nobody stopped laughing -- not chuckling, not even giggling, but flat out belly-laughing -- through his entire set. If you're a stand-up fan and see that this guy is playing a club in your area.... run, don't walk to get tickets. Howlingly, side-splittingly funny guy.
We've got about four hours to kill before I have to take my brother to the airport to head home to DC. Amazingly enough, he would prefer not to spend them sitting in my apartment while I blog about how much fun this weekend has been. So we're heading out again for one last dart out on the town before he leaves. I'll probably be back on later tonight. You can sleep better now for knowing that, can't you? Later, cats.
Posted by Christopher at 11:53 AM | Comments (6)November 18, 2005
Words For The Bush-Cheney Cowards
"I like guys who've never even been there, that criticize us who've been there. I like that. I like guys who got five deferments, have never been there, and send people to war and then don't like to hear suggestions about what needs to be done."
That's Congressman John Murtha, D-PA, 37 year Marine Corps veteran who was decorated in Vietnam, sarcastically responding to the chickenshit Dick Cheney -- who NEVER served a day in unifom, claiming he had "other priorities," and got deferment after deferment to keep himself out of military service, and then has the chutzpah and audacity to accuse his opponents of cowardice and failing to support the troops.
Dick Cheney never served. George W. Bush was AWOL from the National Guard, and then lied about it. And in a side by side comparison of Democratic leaders and Republican leaders, there's no contest -- far more Democratic leaders than Republican answered the call and actually served their nation's military. Keep that in mind when the cowardly president, his treasonous vice president, or any of their hypocritical and phony supporters want to say anything at all about who supports the military and who's patriotic.
I served in the Naval Reserve from 1991-1995. I am a veteran. If a veteran like John Murtha wants to criticize my stand on the war, I'll listen. If Max Cleland or Bob Kerrey or John Kerry want to talk to me about supporting the troops, I'll hear them out. But that gutless piece of cowardly bald garbage who never served a day in the militaryand kept getting deferments, Dick Cheney, has nothing to say to me or any other American about patriotism or supporting the military. Dick: Sit down, shut the hell up, and go wait for your indictment.
Posted by Christopher at 12:32 PM | Comments (7) | TrackBackNovember 17, 2005
The Chronic Curmudgeon Pop Culture Influence #3: MTV
Music videos weren't invented by MTV; for that you probably need to credit the Beatles and "A Hard Day's Night." But as the medium emerged in the late 70s, a confluence of entertainment events -- the beginning of the rise of cable television in the United States and the proliferation of networks that came with it, and the slow downturn in radio's popularity as disco and slickly overproduced arena rock began to lose their audience's captivation -- made the ground fertile for the development of a music television network. It's just that nobody knew just how fertile.
On August 1, 1981, MTV premiered on cable systems across the country (although not nearly as many as we'd now suppose; the network spent much of its first years on the air running ad campaigns -- the ubiquitous "I Want My MTV" ads -- trying to get cable systems to pick them up). It's not a stretch to say that nothing was ever the same. Beginning with the breakthrough cultural moment of the Buggles' "Video Killed The Radio Star" (still one of my favorite songs of all-time, scroll down in the link to get to the video), MTV announced the presence of something different, something game-changing.
The impact on music was virtually immediate. Image became as important, if not more so, than sound; untelegenic acts like Christopher Cross (who'd won five Grammies in February 1981) quickly disappeared from the scene, while style-conscious popsters, especially from Britain, began getting the radio exposure that had eluded them in the States, thanks to their popularity on MTV. Acts like Duran Duran and the Eurythmics became megastars using the video medium; Michael Jackson used video to take his incredible talent and audience reach to unprecedented levels; one hit wonders like Thomas Dolby, Dexy's Midnight Runners, Men Without Hats, and A Flock Of Seagulls became as memorable for their videos as for their songs; and MTV quickly became the center of all things pop culture. And it made superstars out of their VJs -- Alan Hunter, JJ Jackson, Nina Blackwood, Mark Goodman, and Martha Quinn (who was my very first celebrity crush, as MTV came along just as I was discovering girls). But MTV didn't just impact music. TV advertising began to borrow heavily from video's fast-cut editing and angled shots; movies like Flashdance and Footloose rang up millions at the box office by bringing MTV style to the big screen; seminal TV shows like Miami Vice owed their very existence to MTV. It's hard to overstate the pervasiveness or the influence of MTV during its glory years.
Sadly, somewhere in the early 1990s the network decided to stop being relevant, relegating itself to reality shows and a daily half hour of Carson Daly and his screaming teens. By today, it's hard to imagine anyone over the age of 14 even watching MTV, much less caring about it or being influenced by it. But despite its precipitous fall from grace, MTV's dominant run during its first dozen or so years impacted every single entertainment medium, permanently affected pop culture, and was the vehicle for any number of other pop culture influences -- 7 of the top 15 in this countdown, in fact -- earning it a bittersweet place at #3 in this countdown.
Posted by Christopher at 10:46 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBackAnother Meme From Corey
You'd think that I'd have learned to suppress my patholigical, neurotic inability to avoid answering any damn meme I see out there on a friend's blog. You'd think that, but you'd be wrong. I still can't resist the freaking things. Corey put up another one -- a freaking long, 96 question one at that -- so if you're tired of me meme-ing you to sleep, go to his blog to kvetch.
1. Name: [Insert First Name] Christopher
2. Age: 37
3. Religion: raised Catholic, now a practicing member of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. May you be touched by His Noodly Appendage.
4. Single or Taken? Single. There's no such thing as "taken," only "not right now."
5. What does your name mean? Bearer of Christ. Yeah, I know - ironic, huh?
6. Height: 6'1
7. Nickname: Curmudgeon/Mudge
8. Name of a childhood stuffed animal: Teddy. I was a creative child, don't you think?
WHAT IS YOUR...
9. Computer: Compaq Presario
10. Describe your car - Hyundai Sonata LX
11. Living Situation: live by myself
12. Pets: One cat, J.D. Salinger. Had dogs when I was a kid and when I was in my 20s.
DO YOU?
13. Speak another language? French, and what I call "taxicab Spanish" - meaning I know just enough to get myself from the airport to my hotel, or to get a cab back to wherever I need to go without frustrating or angering the driver, when I'm in either Spain or Mexico.
14. Play a musical instrument? Sang in a band for a while, but I can only do basic guitar chords
15. Watch more than 2 hours of TV a day? Only on Free Late Night Cinemax weekends. I rarely watch TV anymore.
16. Wear grandma underwear (gals) or tighty whities (guy): Nope. Boxer briefs
17. Own an I-pod? Not yet, but that's going to be my gift to myself for Christmas.
18. Have a will? Am drawing one up now with a lawyer. Talk about a weird feeling.
HAVE YOU EVER?
19. Worn underwear of the opposite sex? Not.
20. Used a condom as a water balloon? Can't say that I have, but now I know my next trick in Corporate America's hallowed halls.
21. Slid down your stairs in a box, sleeping bag, or some sort of vehicle? WTF? Hell no.
22. Peed your pants in public? Not even in private
23. Pulled an all nighter? Partying? Yeah. Studying? Yeah. Working? Yeah.
24. Been stalked or stalked someone? Nope. Unless you count a one-time hiding out to catch someone in a lie "stalking"
25. Had more than 30 people at your house? Yes. Hell, in Boston, on 8 of the first 11 weekends of grad school, we had 30+ person bashes at the apartment. (Dave, I know you read this blog... vouch for me here, man.)
26. Tried to flush other things down the toilet besides the usual? Depends on what you consider the 'usual'. (I'll stick with Corey's good answer here)
27. Where do you want to go in Europe? I love Spain, it's my favorite country. Otherwise, I'd like to see Greece, and would love to get back to the UK when I'm not on business.
28. Talked to a stranger thinking they were someone you knew? I talk to strangers whether I know them or not. They give me candy. I like them.
29. Slept so long you forgot what day it was? Had mono for three months once; at its peak I would sleep 22 hours a day and have no sense which day it was when I was awake.
30. Been to a wedding in which you didn't think the two should get married? Hell, I've been in weddings where I didn't think the two should get married!
31. Tripped or fell in public? I meant to do that. Of course I have.
32. Misspelled your own name? Who can't spell their own name?
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT (answer in detail)
33. United States military in the Middle East: They're there based on lies and for Cheney/Bush's oil profits. However, I'm proud of every one of them, especially my Navy shipmmates.
34. Gay Marriage: Absolutely for it. Anyone whining about the "sanctity" of marriage hasn't checked the hetero record on it.
35. The Face book: I have no idea what the hell it even is.
36. Prayer in School: Don't even try it. That's what CHURCH is for. Schools are for learning.
37. Michael Jackson: Wow, I wish I could use Corey's line on this one - it's fantastic! Instead I'll just say: Disgusting sicko sonofabitch child molesting pedophile.
38. Our educational system: Too influenced & controlled by the Christian right, and too lenient in general
39. Desperate Housewives: I don't watch it. I don't even really think any of 'em are all that hot.
40. Myspace.com: Yawn. What's the freaking point?
FAVORITES...
41. Movie: Bull Durham, Shawshank Redemption, Tommy Boy, Silence of the Lambs, Caddyshack
42. Cartoon Character: Frylock from AquaTeen Hunger Force, Eric Cartman, Eeyore
43. Television Show: Used to be "The West Wing" before Sorkin left. Guess now I'd say CSI or Law & Order SVU. Or Aqua Teen Hunger Force.
44. Quote -- "In Washington, officials from the National Rifle Association met with a group of high school students. There were no survivors." -- Tina Fey
FAVORITES... (cont.)
45. Food: It used to be pizza, conch fritters, scallops, crab, hot dogs, ice cream, pad thai, BBQ pulled pork, and any combination of lamb, rosemary and gorgonzola. Can't eat most of that anymore. Maybe I still can have pad thai. And I'm a sucker for Middle Eastern food.
46. Drink: Vodka martinis, or scotch on the rocks
47. Book: The Great Gatsby
48. Sports Team: BOSTON RED SOX.
49. Band: Man... I dunno... Green Day? It changes with the songs I'm digging at the time.
50. Animal: pretty much all animals, but maybe dolphins
51. Actor/actress: Morgan Freeman, Liam Neeson, Ewan McGregor/Scarlett Johanson, Natalie Portman, Naomi Watts
DO YOU BELIEVE IN?
52. Love at first sight: Dunno that I'd call it "love."
53. Angels: Yes. They play in the American League West
54. The Devil: Yes. He's the Vice President of the United States
55. Ghosts: Yes
56. Reincarnation: Maybe
57. Heaven: I dunno, maybe, sure.
58. Hell: I'd like to believe in it, if only so that people like Pat Robertson, Timothy McVeigh, Fred Phelps and Dick Cheney have someplace to spend eternity.
THIS OR THAT (c'mon, tell us why too)?
59. So Cal or Bay Area: Bay Area - by far. San Francisco is one of my favorite cities on earth, and I have a lot of good friends in the South Bay/Silicon Valley area.
60. Coke or Pepsi: Coke.
61. The Simpsons or Family Guy: "The Simpsons"
62. Puffy or 2Pac: 2Pac. Puffy/Diddy is a great businessman and a horsemanure "artist." What he does can't even be called "sampling" -- it's pretty much outright ripoffing.
63. Canada or Mexico: Toughie... I love Canada, especially Vancouver -- and they have a far less uptight society than the US... but Mexico has Playa del Carmen and all those beaches... I'll call it a tie.
64. Reality TV or Reality: Reality. Reality TV is the stupidest invention in the history of television.
65. Al Pacino or Robert DeNiro: Do either one of them have more than one character?
66. IBM or Apple: Not a fair question.
67. Pro-life or Choice: Adamantly Pro-Choice
68. Pro-death penalty or not: It ought to be used more sparingly, but for people like McVeigh, or the guys who dragged James Byrd to death, or the Mohammed Atta's of the world, there absodamnlutely ought to be a death penalty.
69. 80s or 90s: 80s -- duh!
70. Greek or Roman: Greek
71. Reading or Writing: Writing
72. Grunge or Emo: Grunge. Phillips wasn't funny.
73. Photos or Paintings: Depends on the subject, I s'pose. I do like paintings though
74. Irish or Italian: Hard question to ask a guy who lives in NY. I guess Irish
75. Yankees or Red Sox: Are you freaking kidding me? One is satanic spawn, the other's from Boston. Easy choice for the RED SOX, baby.
77. Nike or Reebok: Reebok
78. Dreadlocks or Afros: Yeah, cuz I can grow both... I'll say dreads because Jamaica has beaches
79. Britney Spears or Jessica Simpson: Britney in a landslide. That pictorial's only a year off!
80. Action or Horror: Horror. I don't see creativity in blowing things up.
81. Blondes or Brunettes: Yes, please. I dunno - blondes usually turn my head quicker, but almost all of my relationships have been with brunettes. Go figure.
SOME RANDOM QUESTIONS...
82. Would you swish diarrhea in your mouth for a minute for a million dollars? This is a revolting question... besides, I'll be making my million on my own, either with a novel or a screenplay.
83. Give up a body part for money? Depends on which part and for how much. I'm not really using my appendix right now, so I can be bought.
84. Most attractive accent? Almost all of 'em. Aussie or Irish or even Southern Belle. (Least attractive accents belong to Brooklyn/Queens/Bronx, Chicago, and NASCAR)
85. What is your biggest pet peeve? 1) People who eat loud foods (potato chips, crunchy pretzels, wasabi peas, etc.) near me; 2) cigarette smoking
86. Toilet paper over or under? Under
87. Pimp your ride, what would you do to it? I kind of like my ride, I just bought it in late June. But if I was tweaking it up a little, I'd add some high-end speakers and a subwoofer.
88. Who would you meet from history? Bobby Kennedy, Malcolm X and John Lennon for their passion, commitment and ideals; Abraham Lincoln, Winston Churchill and Joan of Arc to learn their leadership skillls; Eleanor Roosevelt, Thomas Jefferson, Leonardo daVinci and Albert Einstein for their intellect; Stevie Ray Vaughan for his talent.
89. Travel anywhere in the world, where would you go? Spain, the Virgin Islands, Australia
90. Meet a leader of some sort, political, religious, etc, who would it be and why: Assuming this means currently living... John Edwards maybe, because I liked his message about the realities of life in the 'two Americas' (hated his debate performance though, and I think if he hired me I could make him President); John McCain, because I respect the guy both before and during his political career; and Bush, so I could slap him across the face for what he and his criminal administration have done to our country.
91. Have any dream job, what would it be: Either hosting "Weekend Update" on Saturday Night Live, being the owner/GM of a baseball team, or being a superstar musician (I'll front a rock band or put on a cowboy hat, move to Nashville and do country, either way is fine with me).
92. Have three wishes, what would they be? Jennifer Love Hewitt, Britney Spears and a can of Reddi-Whip? Um... I'd wish myself a lottery-level fortune,
93. Where do you think you'll be in five years, location wise: DC, the Bay Area, Raleigh, or back to south Florida... hopefully, just not in NY.
94. Do you want to get married (why/why not): Next. F-ing. Question.
95. If your spouse died, do you think you could remarry? I'm probably the wrong guy to ask about this one. Of course I could.
96. If you have kids, what would you name the boy and girl? Whoops and I'm Sorry? I mean, uh... Jack, Chase, Noah (m), or Sydney, Chloe, Cassidy. (f)
Posted by Christopher at 10:13 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBackCheney's a Dick
There's only one response, really, to the soon-to-be-felon's Dick Cheney's whining and carping yesterday about those who are calling out his deceptions and lies about the Iraq war. He called us, "dishonest and reprehensible."
Oh really, Dick? Well, I have to concede: if there's anyone who'd know dishonest and reprehensible when he saw it, it's Dick Cheney.
For example, Dick Cheney continued to draw a false and specious connection between Saddam Hussein, al Qaida, and September 11 -- long after intelligence analysts and the government's own Bush-appointed committee had concluded decisively that there was "no credible evidence" of such a connection.
Details that Cheney cited to make the case that the Iraqi dictator had ties to Al Qaeda have been dismissed by the CIA as having no basis, according to analysts and officials. Even before the war in Iraq, most Bush officials did not explicitly state that Iraq had a part in the attack on the United States two years ago. But Cheney left that possibility wide open in a nationally televised interview two days ago, claiming that the administration is learning "more and more" about connections between Al Qaeda and Iraq before the Sept. 11 attacks. The statement surprised some analysts and officials who have reviewed intelligence reports from Iraq.
Along with the contention that Saddam Hussein was stockpiling weapons of mass destruction, President Bush, Vice President Cheney and other top administration officials have often asserted that there were extensive ties between Hussein's government and Osama bin Laden's terrorist network; earlier this year, Cheney said evidence of a link was "overwhelming." But the report of the commission's staff, based on its access to all relevant classified information, said that there had been contacts between Iraq and al Qaeda but no cooperation. In yesterday's hearing of the panel, formally known as the National Commission on Terrorist Attacks Upon the United States, a senior FBI official and a senior CIA analyst concurred with the finding.
As recently as Monday [June 14, 2004], Cheney said in a speech that Hussein "had long-established ties with al Qaeda."
That's not me being opportunistic, you Dick. That's just repeating your own deliberately deceptive, knowingly false statements. And that's just for starters, you traitorous, evil son of a bitch. Dishonest and reprehensible? Yes sir, Mr. Cheney: you're quite intimately familiar with what dishonest and reprehensible looks like. And I can only hope that for the sake of our country, you're soon intimately familiar with what the inside of a federal prison looks like. (Maybe we can send the evil, lying son of a bitch to Guantanamo, where he can argue in favor of his own torture.)
Posted by Christopher at 09:27 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBackNovember 16, 2005
How Come There's No Songs About Wednesday?
There's Manic Monday, Come Monday, Blue Monday, and Monday, Monday; Ruby Tuesday, Tuesday Afternoon; Friday I'm In Love, Thank God It's Friday, and S-A, TUR, D-A-Y ... NIGHT (try getting that song out of your head now!)... but no songs about Wednesday nights?
Anyway, the thought for the day is: 8:00 am presentations (started that early to accommodate colleagues in Europe) suck, and that the only thing that sucks worse than an 8:00 am presentation is needing to go to work early (i.e., should be in the office by 7 to review my presentaton, which means leaving here by 6:20 or so) and thus getting to sleep the night before really early. Sleeping pills rock.
Talk to you guys tomorrow.
Posted by Christopher at 08:55 PM | Comments (7)A Very Quick Collection Of Thoughts
Life's hoppin' these days, so not a lot of time for doing posts. A few quick thoughts before I head off to work:
1. Lottery. I decided not to win that money after all. Sure, all the houses and the boats and the Scotch tape and all the women that would have come with $315 million would have been fun and made my life a lot easier and happier... but come on, wouldn't it be more fun to let some three-toothed yokel from West Virginia or Georgia somewhere win it and then watch him destroy his own life with it? You can't beat "I left $545,000 in my pickup truck when I went to the strip club, and I can't buh-lieve somebdy done stoled it!" for self-satisfied, look-down-your-nose humor.
2. Baseball MVP Awards. Wow. One of my favorite players got royally hosed, another one won the NL MVP, and my least favorite player (except for maybe Steroid Boy Barry Bonds) got yet another award he didn't deserve. When I have a little more time, I'll rant more about the ridiculousness of Mr. Pad-My-Stats-When-It-Doesn't-Count-But-Choke-When-My-Team-Needs-Me winning the league MVP Award when he wasn't even the most valuable Yankee. But congratulations go out to Albert Pujols -- who beyond being the best player in baseball is also a fine human being -- for winning his first (should have been his second) MVP award.
3. Britney. My girl Britney's a few steps closer to coming back to me today. A new poll of 5,400 of its readers by the highly reputable supermarket tabloid, "The Star" finds that "a whopping 96 percent of them said they believe that Kevin Federline used his famous wife for her money and to boost his career... sixty-five percent said the singer should divorce her wannabe rapper hubby now... 91 percent felt that Federline has been bad for Spears’ career."
She still can't sing, her music still sucks, and she still behaves like the chick who all the other trailer park residents look at and go, "Man, she's low class." But you know what? Say it with me: I. Don't. Care. That comeback pictorial in Playboy is only about a year away now.
4. Jennifer Aniston wins GQ's Man of the Year. Jennifer Aniston has won GQ's "Man Of The Year" award for 2005 for the "grace and poise" she showed in the months following her split from Brad Pitt. In a far more prestigious development, Aniston's cover shot for the magazine has vaulted her way back into Mudge's top 21 list. Aniston was said to be blase about the GQ thing, but moved to tears and excited into passion over her re-appearance on my list. Hubba freaking hubba.
5. Separated at birth. eHarmony founder (and fundamentalist Christianite) Neil Clark Warren... and Skeltor from He-Man. I rest my case. That is all.
November 13, 2005
$310 Million Reasons To Love Me
Here in New York, the local national lottery is MegaMillions. In other states, you might play the Powerball, but here we play MegaMillions. Tuesday night's lottery drawing in MegaMillions is now up to $310 million dollars. For those of you living in MegaMillions states who were considering purchasing tickets, I really have to advise that you not. Because I'm going to win. By myself.
I've gotten kind of tired of working for a living*, so I've decided to win the lottery and spend the rest of my years living out a spoiled, pampered bonbon existence on that $310 million. But out of fairness to you, so that you'll feel better about losing the lottery to me, I've decided to share with you some of the things I'm going to do with that $310 million. Sort of as a public service. Isn't that swell?
I'm going to buy some Scotch tape. Lots of it -- like 427 rolls of it. You can never have enough Scotch tape. Like if you were going to mail a letter but the stamp didn't stick on the right way. It's also good as an emergency lint brush, or for putting on your cat's tongue. I'm going to buy everyone who reads this blog a box of macaroni and cheese. Generic brand though, not the Kraft stuff; there's no reason to be extravagant just because I have $310 million dollars.
I think it would be neat to have this villa in Spain, just because I've always wanted to be one of those pricks who says things like, "this past summer, when I was at my villa in Spain..."
I'm going to go on eBay and buy every piece of toast, potato, or grilled cheese sandwich that has an image of Jesus somehow miraculously emblazoned upon it. Then I would use some of my $310 million to open the Museum of Everyday Jesuses somewhere in Oklahoma or Alabama, and would advertise on the Christian Broadcast Network, PAX TV, and on reruns of 7th Heaven. I would do this because the only thing better than having $310 million would be having $350 million; people gave Oral Roberts $8 million to not die, so getting them to shell out $12 ($8 for seniors, $6 for children) to see a scorched piece of bread or a misshapen potato is not a stretch.
I'm going to get a lifetime subscription to Highlights magazine, because I can't get enough of that zany Goofus and Gallant. I'm going to buy a ten gallon drum of Drakkar Noir so I can fit in whenever I go to the Jersey Shore.
I'lll give my alma mater, Boston University's College of Communication, enough money to name the student lounge after me, or at least a memorial stairwell. Then I'd go to the Gap store in Kenmore Square and try and get my money back from that time in 1998 and when Damian, Dave and I bought $400 of clothes in 10 minutes, because they should know better than to sell to guys who obviously have the munchies. If they won't give me my money back, I'll buy the store and fire the manager.
I like thumbtacks, so I'll buy lots of those. I also think there's going to be a run on sporks, so I'm going to horde them and make thousands of spork-crazed consumers pay me double, triple, or even quadruple their original price. With what the oil companies got away with post-Katrina/RIta, my spork-gouging should be a non-issue for the Federal Trade Commission.
I'm going to buy a dream house in the Caribbean -- maybe "the Stargazer" on this page, because I've always wanted my own desalinization plant -- and a yacht, and spend my days being Jimmy Buffett, only fatter and with less talent. Or maybe I'll just walk the earth, like Caine.
Anyway, the point is that I'm going to win that $310 million, and you're not, and I wanted to make sure you knew it would be well spent in my hands. I promise not to let it go to my head when I get rich. But you're still going to have to pay me handsomely for sporks.
* admittedly, there are cool parts about working... like seeing yourself quoted on CNN's website... anyone who knows my real identity and does a Google News or a Technorati search on me today could see moments 14:59, 14:58, anf 14:57 of my fifteen minutes...
Would You Believe...??
Now that the chickens are coming home to roost, and the criminals in the Administration can no longer escape their own lies,they're trying an interesting response: they're accusing their critics of "rewriting history."
First of all, it's worth noting that Bush chose Veterans' Day -- a day when we as a country ought to be united in respect and gratitude for those who've worn our nation's military unifrorm -- to revisit an unrelated, divisive issue, and to make a divisive, partisan charge on that occasion. If this was Bush's approach, November 10 or November 12 would have been perfectly appropriate for it. But on November 11, it was just one more proof of this man's willingness to use division as a distraction tactic when he's in trouble. It's kind of sad, really.
But I think that the charge of rewritiing history is one worthy of consideration, don't you?
Here's the text of George W. Bush's 2003 State of the Union address -- taken from the official White House site itself -- discussing the Bush Administration's justification for war:
The British government has learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa. Our intelligence sources tell us that he has attempted to purchase high-strength aluminum tubes suitable for nuclear weapons production. Saddam Hussein has not credibly explained these activities. He clearly has much to hide. The dictator of Iraq is not disarming... Before September the 11th, many in the world believed that Saddam Hussein could be contained. But chemical agents, lethal viruses and shadowy terrorist networks are not easily contained. Imagine those 19 hijackers with other weapons and other plans -- this time armed by Saddam Hussein. It would take one vial, one canister, one crate slipped into this country to bring a day of horror like none we have ever known. We will do everything in our power to make sure that that day never comes. -- George W. Bush, Janurary 28, 2003
Now let's see what he had to say this summer about why we're in Iraq:
"Our mission in Iraq is clear. We're hunting down the terrorists. We're helping Iraqis build a free nation that is an ally in the war on terror. We're advancing freedom in the broader Middle East." -- George W. Bush, June 28, 2005
Anyone hearing any reference to those big bad weapons of mass destruction?
Meanwhile, as the Washington Post pointed out, it's Bush who's been doing some rewriting of the facts.
Bush, in his speech Friday, said that "it is deeply irresponsible to rewrite the history of how that war began." But in trying to set the record straight, he asserted: "When I made the decision to remove Saddam Hussein from power, Congress approved it with strong bipartisan support."
The October 2002 joint resolution authorized the use of force in Iraq, but it did not directly mention the removal of Hussein from power. The resolution voiced support for diplomatic efforts to enforce "all relevant Security Council resolutions," and for using the armed forces to enforce the resolutions and defend "against the continuing threat posed by Iraq."
Hmm... that resilution said nothing about regime change, now did it George? Congress authorized military force to enforce UN Security Council resolutions. That whole eliminating Saddam Hussein thing? All you and your neocon flunkies. Just like the selective use, release, and interpretation of intelligence was all you and your neocon flunkies.
Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, George. I see 30% in your miserable future (not to mention a possible indictment for your puppet master, Dick Cheney).
Posted by Christopher at 10:11 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBackNovember 11, 2005
The Dark Truth About Right Wingers
Two of the right wing's most prominent "thinkers" (always a term you have to use facetiously when referring to conservatives) gave us a glimpse at what the right wing is all about -- the real intent and values that lie at the core of the conservative soul. We'd be wise not to forget what they showed us today.
First of all, Pat Robertson -- Christianity's very own version of Osama bin Laden -- had an interesting take on the defeat of intelligent design proponents in Dover, PA: "I'd like to say to the good citizens of Dover: if there is a disaster in your area, don’t turn to God, you just rejected him from your city... And don't wonder why he hasn't helped you when problems begin, if they begin. I'm not saying they will, but if they do, just remember, you just voted God out of your city. And if that's the case, don’t ask for his help because he might not be there."
But Pat, I thought that intelligent design wasn't about God or Creationism? I mean, that's what you've all been saying all along, right? That intelligent design didn't espouse any particular religious theory, but simply stated that the universe is too complex to be random? That intelligent design wasn't simply Creationism all purtied up for use as stealth indoctrination? But I guess if defeating intelligent design is "voting God out," then you've pulled the covers off that lie once and for all, haven't you? I mean, how can you "vote God out" unless intelligent design is really all about God after all? Thus endeth the debate, once and for all, about whether intelligent design is simply "an alternative theory." Robertson has proven beyond question that its proponents really believe it to be a substitute for Creationism. Every single one of the defendants in Kitzmiller et al vs. Dover ought to be put on trial for perjury for having claimed otherwise under oath.
Second, we had the single biggest cockroach in the television industry, Bill O'Reilly, calling for terrorist attacks on an American city. "And if al-Qaida comes in here and blows you up, we're not going to do anything about it. We're going to say, look, every other place in America is off limits to you, except San Francisco. You want to blow up the Coit Tower? Go ahead," O'Reilly continued.
And conservatives call liberals America-haters? Can you imagine the hue and cry that would spew from the belching mouths of conservatives had a lefty Hollywood actor suggested that an American city deserved to be attacked because of its politics (which is why O'Reilly has targeted San Francisco)? They'd be out screaming at their Coulter-wraith loudest about how liberals don't understand freedom and how dare those damn liberals and if you don't love America why don't you just leave, etc.. But I guess that, just like every other conservative piece of trough slop, it's okay when one of theirs says it, even though they wail and gnash their teeth in condemnation when someone who doesn't agree with them says it. O'Reilly's a cockroach, a snake of the highest order, and anyone listening to him should be ashamed.
But don't miss the greater lesson we learned today from these two of what conservatism is all about. Pat Robertson is calling down the wrath of God on those who didn't vote the way he wanted them to. Bill O'Reilly is calling for terrorist strikes on an American city whose politics he doesn't approve of. The message is simple, it is clear, and it is revealing: Conservatives want anyone who doesn't think as they do... to die. After hearing from O'Reilly and Robertson this week, we can be left with no other conclusion. Teach what I want you to teach, or may God smite you down. Enact policies that I approve of, or may terrorists attack and kill you. Think as I want you to think... or may you die.
That's what's in their hearts. If you don't share their values, accept their prescribed thoughts, conform to their vision... they wish death upon you. That's the conservative soul, kids. Two of their leaders opened kimono today and showed off the depths of their hearts, and that's what we saw deep in both of them: Join us, or die.
Don't ever forget it.
Posted by Christopher at 08:31 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBackThe Chronic Curmudgeon Pop Culture Influence #4: John Hughes movies
Remeber, this list isn't about the most socially significant moments, or the ones with the most lasting long-term impact. This list is about the top pop culture moments or influences. And if you were a teenager during the 1980s, odds are that your favorite movie was written and directed by John Hughes (who is not, just for the record, from Shermer, Illinios).
John Hughes had a stretch during the mid-80s where he wrote, directed or produced some of the most beloved teen classics of our generation. 1984 brought us "Sixteen Candles," 1985 saw "The Breakfast Club" and "Weird Science." in 1986 he gave us "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" and "Pretty In Pink," and in 1987 we got "Some Kind Of Wonderful." He switched over to grown-up comedy for 1987's "Planes, Traines, and Automobiles" before mixing the teen comedy with the adult comedy for his last great picture, 1989's "Uncle Buck.". All of these movies were accomplishments in and of themselves, pop culture touchstones in their own right. But when you realize that every single of one of them was written by the same man, most of them directed by him too, and all in an incredible five-year run... John Hughes from 1984-1989 has to go down as one of the most incredible pop culture runs of all time.
If you were a teenager in those years, you not only knew all the Hughes teen character archetypes, but you identified with at least one of them. There were rich kid snobs, lovable outcasts, stoners, underdog hero types, the untouchable, unreachable girl or guy that everyone wanted but no one thought they could have, the flat out basket cases weirdos, the jocks and bullies... Hughes was in his mid-30s, but somehow he knew what it was like to be in high school. His scripts and storylines didn't patronize teenagers; he just showed us our lives, as they were or as we wished them to be, feautiring characters we all knew and could relate to. In fact, if you were a teenager in the 80s, that was one of the great debates: which character in The Breakfast Club were you most like?
Paul Kantner of Jefferson Airplane once famously said that "If you can remember the 60s, you weren't there." In the same sense, if you didn't watch, love, and run around quoting John Hughes movies, you weren't a child of the 80s. The characters are part of our pop culture fabric: Long Duk Dong, John Bender, Gary and Wyatt, Andie, Ducky, Ferris Bueller, Cameron Frye, Watts, Duncan, Del Griffith, Buck Russell... all classics. The Brat Pack actors Hughes favored -- Molly RIngwald,, Anthony MIchael Hall, Judd Nelson, Andrew McCarthy, Jon Cryer, Emilio Estevez -- all remain standing 20 years later as icons of their time: try thinking of the 1980s without them, And the lines! The classic lines from Hughes movies...
"I can't believe my grandmother actually felt me up." "What's happenin' hot stuff?" "I gotta sleep under some Chinaman named after a duck's dork." " It's sorta social... demented and sad, but social." "Screws just fall out all the time, the world is an imperfect place." "Does Barry Manilow know you raid his wardrobe?" "Cheeeks... cannot hol' dey smoke. 'Das whatitis." "Andrew here is very interested in pursuing a career in the custodial arts." "An accident? Do you realize it's snowing in my room goddammit?" "Gary, by the way, why are we wearing bras on our heads?... Ceremonial." "What's this? We don't have a candy machine in the boy's room!" "Bueller?... Bueller?... Bueller?" "I could be the Walrus, and I'd still have to bum rides off of people." " "Niiyiine Times." "Abe Froman, Sausage King of Chicago." and of course, my alll time favorite: "THOSE AREN'T PILLOWS!!!"
When you think back to the movies that made 80s pop culture for anyone born between 1965 and 1975, virtually all of them were written by the same guy. When you think of the iconic movie figures and characters of the decade, most of them were characters written by the same guy. When you think of the lines that got repeated then and are repeated now from 80s movies, most of them were written by the same guy. And when you think of teen movies that actually talked to teens instead of pandering or talking down at them, most of them were written by the same guy. If you grew up in the 80s, John Hughes movies represent the 80s to you. Taken separately, most of them might have made this list anyway. Taken together, and they're an incredible run of creativity that deserves the #4 ranking in this list of pop culture moments, influences and references of the last 25 years.
Posted by Christopher at 05:12 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBackNovember 10, 2005
Quick follow ups
Following up earlier posts I've done:
1. Chalk one up for the Flying Spaghetti Monster. On election day, eight of nine incumbent members of the Dover (Pennsylvania) school board -- which had forced the teaching of Creationism (oops, I meant "intelligent design") into the Dover public schools -- were soundly defeated by a slate of challengers who were running on an evolution platform. Seems the voters of Pennsylvania rejected having fundamentalist Christian theory, even masked as science, shoved down their kids' throats. In the same week, no less an authority than the Vatican came out with the declaration that evolution is in fact not incompatible with the Bible (reinforcing John Paul II's 1996 statement that evolution was more than a theory). So you've basically got everyone from small-town American voters to the largest religious organization in the world rejecting the intelligent design nincompoop nitwits this week. What a red letter week it was for the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
2. Home Depot Toilet Seat Case Gets Stickier. That guy in Colorado who's suing Home Depot because he claims he got glued to a toilet seat in their store while employees did nothing to help him? Turns out, he's made similar allegations in the past. The guy was willing to take a polygraph test (and apparently he passed), but still... after the Wendy's finger thing, I think the public's a little wary of unwitnessed claims against big companies that might have big pockets.
3. Ego boost. I set up this silly Frappr thing to map out where we all are (and to feed my ego over actually having readers). Thanks to everyone who signed on in the first go-round a couple of weeks ago. I'm making one more reminder attempt at feeding my own ego. If you haven't logged in yet, I invite you to do so. And after this, I promise I won't do this anymore.
Tomorrow I'll do the #4 pop culture influence of the last 25 years.
Posted by Christopher at 07:09 AM | Comments (2)The Deeper Meaning Of Tuesday
We voted on Tuesday, or at least about 35% of us did. (My thoughts on people who don't vote are in the "continue reading" section.) The national press -- and certainly the Democrats -- have been making a lot of noise about how Tuesday's sweeping Democratic wins in the Virginia and New Jersey governor's races represent a repudiation of George W. Bush and his presidency, and are harbingers of what's to come in 2006. I'd love to believe it, but the part of me who used to be a political hack and advisor way back in my first career would caution against reading too much into this week.
First, New Jersey, because it's the easier one to dismiss. New Jersey's a reliably Democratic state, has been for years. Bush has never won it. Suggesting that 2005 bodes ill for the Republicans because a Republican didn't win the governor's chair is like saying 2001 boded ill for them in 2002 because Jim McGreevey won, or 2004 boded ill for Bush because he didn't carry New Jersey. We know how that went, don't we? Let's be honest: it's a much bigger harbinger if a Democrat doesn't win New Jersey than if a Republican doesn't.
Beyond simple demographics is another fact: Doug Forrester, the Repblican, waged an entirely negative campaign, with every ad attacking Jon Corzine (often times with dubious "facts"), and even signing up Corzine's ex-wife to say bad things about Corzine in an ad late in the campaign. It says something about a candidate when he's so desperate that he'll start using his opponent's ex-wife. It says something, and New Jersey voters heard it loud and clear. They rejected it. But anyone trying to use their rejection of Forrester as a harbinger of Republican fates in 2006 is making a mistake.
Turning to Virginia, which is being used as a bigger "indicator" because it's a southern state that Bush carried (as has every Republican presidential candidate since Nixon; the last Democrat to win Virgina was LBJ in 1964), and where both Senators are Republican. It's certainly tempting to chalk this one up to an anti-Bush groundswell. But I don't think you can. Tim Kaine was lieutenant governor for a wildly popular Democratic governor, Mark Warner. (Watch him in 2008, by the way. I met him once at a fund raiser in Fairfax back in 1996, before he'd ever even run for office; he's got a charisma to him, as well as a successful track record in business -- and now in office. He wants to be President; and while I'm not endorsing him, I am saying that if he runs, he'll be a formidable candidate.) The Warner effect certainly helped Kaine, and denying that bump would be foolish.
And just as in New Jersey, the Republicans made the mistake of selecting a personally odious human being as their candidate. Jerry Kilgore ran ads that turned off all but the most strident and extreme Republican voters, equating Tim Kaine's personal opposition to the death penalty to support for Hitler. The ads backfired, bringing universal and unusually forceful condemnation down upon Kilgore -- not just for the ads or on the campaign, but on Kilgore as a human being (even from more conservative regions that wouldn't be expected to hammer a Republican.) Virginia voters were given a choice between a Democrat and a personally disgusting human being. That they chose the Democrat should be chalked up as much to common decency as to a rejection of George W. Bush.
True, Bush did swoop into Virginia on Monday night to lend his "personal prestige" to Kilgore, and the gamble failed. And it's true that Bush's poll numbers are at an all time low -- with Americans now understanding by nearly a 2 to 1 margin that Bush and his administration deliberately misled our nation into war. (He won't be impeached though; even though Bush has a 35% approval rating, Dick Cheney has only a 19% favorable rating. It's hard to imagine someone being more loathed than Bush, but Cheney's managed it.) But there were too many other factors at play, in both New Jersey and Virginia, to chalk these results up to a rejection of Bush in favor of Democrats.
If anything, there are two other lessons from this year's election cycle. One, that Republicans failed to heed their own mantra from the Clinton years: character counts. Republican losses can be chalked up as much to the slimy personal nature of the two men nominated in Virginia and New Jersey, men who voters simply didn't like regardless of their political positions. Insert a more ethical, less snake-like, more likeable person into these races, even one who espouses far right Republican political positions, and the results might have been different.
The second -- and more important -- lesson, to me, is this: a message was sent by voters, rejecting overwhelmingly negative campaigns and negative ads that go too far. I'm not naive; I've run campaigns and I know that despite the public's proclaimed disdain for them, negative ads work -- and well. But I think what this election cycle taught us is that negative ads have to be used sparingly and strategically -- brought in only at certain times and comprising only a small fraction of the total message -- and that when they're used, they should stay focused on politics, not turning personal on the opponent, and not making the incredulous, over-the-top, Rovian/Atwaterian styled stretches (i.e., opposition to the death penalty = support for Hitler, or endorsement of furlough programs = support for rape and murder). Voters will respond to negative ads, but if they're too negative, cross the line between political and personal, or they seem to be all a candidate has to offer... voters will reject both the ads and the candidate who airs them. Democrats who spend too much of the 2006 season tying their opponents to Bush/Cheney, and trying to paint the opponent as either a neocon adventurist whose ilk got us into Iraq or an extremist Christian nutjob who thinks we should teach cloaked religion as science... without offering positive messages of our own about what we Democrats will do for voters if we're elected... well, those Democrats could find themselves surprised on the first Wednesday of November 2006. The anti-Bush feelings out there are real, and they will help us in 2006... but they are not a guarantee, and they do not run so deep that all a Democrat has to do is be a Democrat.
Any Democrats willing to ignore the deeper messages behind Tuesday's results, and willing to simply accept those results at face value as a message of rejection for Bush, are setting themselves up for disappointment in 2006. There's work to be done, and Democratic gains next year are not a fait accompli. Hopefully, someone's listening.
As for people who don't vote:
Yes, the process is flawed, and yes, it's possible for unethical cheaters to manipulate vote counts in order to rig results, as George W. Bush and Diebold proved not once, but twice... but nonetheless, it's the only system we've got. And if you don't participate, you've got no right to bitch about the way your nation/state/county/town is run, because when you were given an opportunity to help change things, you couldn't be bothered. If your candidate loses -- whether legitimately or by fraud -- at least you made the effort to carry out your responsibilities as a citizen of a democracy.
And I don't want to hear this bunk about how "they" select the candidates for you, or "they" are two sides of the same coin and we don't really have a choice, or "they" let money control the process. Any or all of those may be true, but unless you've signed up and done your part to try and change it, you're doing nothing more than complaining about something without trying to do anything about it -- bitching simply for the sake of bitching. And none of us has time for that. Move along.
Posted by Christopher at 05:53 AM | Comments (2)November 08, 2005
The Chronic Curmudgeon Pop Culture Influence #5: "Walk This Way"
Rock had been around for three decades, in one form or another. Rap had been around for at least a decade, in some form or another. But they'd never mixed -- not in terms of the music, and certainly not in terms of their fans. Rap was still inner city music that suburban kids rarely, if ever, heard. When we did hear it, it was watered down, Pat Boone-ified fluff like Blondie's "Rapture." And Debbie Harry would never have been mistaken for Fab Five Freddie.
But in 1986, all that changed.
Aerosmith were has-been 70s rockers whose careers had virtually been ended by drugs. Run DMC were among the hottest pioneers of rap. When Run approached Steven Tyler and Joe Perry about not only sampling their 70s anthem "Walk This Way," but appearing in the video... the boys agreed -- and the course of music history changed.
The video summed up the whole dynamic; at the beginning each side is annoyed with the "noise" the other is making, trying to almost drown the other out... then the wall is -- literally -- broken down, and the rockers join the rappers for a mix of the two styles that works wonders. The imagery from the video is downright iconic in music history: Steven Tyler busting through the wall and shouting "Walk This Way," the silhouette of Run DMC standing behind the white shade on Aerosmith's stage; the adidas with no laces; Run DMC walking down the stage and shaking hands with Tyler, who promptly does a flip and strange little white guy dance; the choreographed steps the three do at the end of the video... all of them iconic.
But what makes this the #5 influence in pop culture of the last 25 years wasn't so much the video itself as its long-term impact. White kids got their first real exposure to rap, and they dug it. Rap had its breakthrough in this single video, in this single moment. Without Run DMC/Aerosmith, you don't see rap taking off among suburban yuppie kids, and you certainly don't see it become the dominant musical and cultural force that it's become. Anyone who watches the music charts, fashion, or even television and the movies would have to acknowledge: if there is a defining element or theme to "style" in the past 20 years, it's been rap/hip-hop. None of that happens without this video. (Die-hard rap haters would argue that this may not have been such a bad thing, I suppose.)
We still have a long way to go in this country when it comes to breaking down barriers between races and cultures. But music led the way, in this case, in showing us that when the cultures meet up, it can actually be kind of a cool thing. This video and this performance changed the course of music (and by extension, style and pop culture) in a stark, obvious "before and after" kind of way. For achieving that, it is the #5 pop culture influence/moment of the last 25 years.
Posted by Christopher at 06:03 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBackGive Me an O! Give Me A ...
Today, I saw the greatest story ever. Period. End of sentence. Greatest. Story. Ever.
TAMPA, Fla. - Two Carolina Panthers cheerleaders were arrested at a bar where witnesses told police the women were having sex in a restroom stall, angering patrons waiting in line. Renee Thomas, 20, of Pittsboro, N.C., and Angela Keathley, 26, of Belmont, N.C., were taken to Hillsborough County Jail early Sunday. Witnesses said the women were having sex with each other in a stall at the club in the Channelside district.
Talk about your fantasy football! This is like, the plot line to half the movies I've ever ordered on pay per view.
The peculiar (or perhaps unpeculiar) thing about this story was the universal reaction. As URLs flew around instant message and e-mail yesterday, the standard line that accompanied them, from every guy I knew (and even a couple of the women) was to the effect that "this is the best story ever," with follow-on remarks of varying degrees of salaciousness. Between the whole cheerleader thing, the two women thing, and the wanton bathroom thing, this one was a guaranteed Technorati top ten (it's at #8 right now). Men are pretty much predictable, aren't we?
Asking a straight man to explain our fascination with the two-girl thing is like asking a woman to explain why she needs 30 pairs of shoes. If you have to even ask, you'd never get it -- and besides, it's not really possible to articulate it. We can't explain it. But it's as universal a thing with guys as not asking for directions. Get two attractive women together , and we stop everything, locked in like deer in headlights, with eyes glazed over, mouth agape and drool trickling from the corners of our mouths. Make it two cheerleaders, and this story goes from a 'news of the weird' zero to adult movie plot sixty in 2.75 seconds. The fact that they probably weren't wearing their uniforms at the time doesn't ever enter into the mind, either; the cheerleader outfit is part of the mental image most of us got when we saw the story (he said, trailing off into a far-away look)..
It's probably offensive to gay women, this fascination straight men have with lipstick lesbians. (Actually, the term would much more appropriately be "lipstick bisexuals," since for the fantasy to work, we actually need to stand a chance of being there or getting invited to play along.) It certainly doesn't go the other way; I don't hear straight women obsessing over the idea of watching two men together. There's probably a double-standard at work in here too, in that I seriously doubt that had either of the women been caught having sex with one of the male players, there would have been near the sensational national coverage that there's been. (I do think that if they'd still started punching people outside the bathroom and got themselves arrested, they still would have been fired; the Panthers team was pretty much forced to fire them over the arrests and assaults, regardless of the gender of those in the hook-up.) I also feel bad for the women involved, on some level at least; I'm not sure that any of us -- gay or straight or bisexual -- would care to have the salacious details of our sexual escapades become national news and blog fodder.
But all these logical, pensive reactions to the story... well, throw 'em out the window. I'm a straight guy, which means that when I see a story about two cheerleaders walking into a bar and hitting the bathroom for a little nookie, I start giggling like Beavis and Butthead, with visions of cheerleaders acting out one of my favorite adult plots.
Best. Story. Ever.
Posted by Christopher at 05:11 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBackNovember 07, 2005
American Girl Power
Don't anyone make the mistake of thinking that the evangelical Christian right-wing boycott of American Girl is simply a philosophical disagreement. This stunt is just more of the same from the extremist Christian right wing -- more attempts to intimidate and/or silence anyone who doesn't hold their point of view.
For those who've missed it or don't have daughters, American Girl dolls -- in contrast to Barbies or other empty-headed examples for young girls -- come with a whole book about who she is and the period of American history she hails from, and encourages positive self-images and education. American Girl partners with Girls, Inc., sponsoring math, science and athletic programs with the organization, whose mission is to promote self-esteem and self-reliance among girls.
What could be wrong with that, you ask? Ah, there's that whole pesky problem the Christian Taliban has with women actually having control of their own bodies and morality, and with people's sexuality being their own business. Girls, Inc. supports Roe vs. Wade, and supports homosexuals' rights to live as freely as anyone else. Heaven forbid! And of course, the right wing extremist nutjobs are screaming and out in force about it.
"Girls Inc.," one mother warned, "is pro-abortion and pro-contraception and pro all the other lies the secular world wants our girls to believe."
Yeah, what a dangerous agenda, huh? Pro-math, pro-science, pro-technology, pro-self reliance, pro-positive body image, pro-athletics, pro-healthy sexuality, pro-confidence, pro-education... what dangerous ideas to get behind, indeed, you Nazi cow. (Though I can see how the whole education thing frightens the Christian right; the more a girl learns, the less likely she is to be intimidated or misled by the ridiculous campfire stories that evangelicals like to brainwash people with.) Meanwhile, these allegedly "pro-family" goon squads are planning to descend on American Girl stores on the day after Thanksgiving, when hundreds or thousands of pre-teen girls will be shopping with their parents, with the extremist right-wing's traditional faked, sensationalistic depictions of supposedly aborted fetuses. Because it's pro-family to expose 8 year olds to phony, sensationalized violence, and to try and intimidate and scare little kids who are just trying to do holiday shopping. Yeah huh.
This is, like everything else the extremist evangelical sect does, about power, control and intimidation. And it's our collective responsibility to help stand up against it. Tonight, I made a contribution to Girls, Inc. If you've got even a little bit to spare, I urge you to do so as well. This is a good and honorable organization, doing good, much-needed positive things for the girls of America, and they need our help to stand up to a gang of narrow-minded bullies intent on silencing anyone who doesn't think or act the way the Christian Taliban approves. They need your help.
Posted by Christopher at 10:26 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBackNovember 06, 2005
Weekend Edition
It's been a good weekend here in the Curmudgeon's corner of the world. Actually, all things considered it's been a pretty good autumn in general; if this keeps up, I may have to re-engineer my entire blog persona. (Then again, forget it. Even if I am generally calmer these days, "The Chronically Contented" doesn't have the same ring to it. So screw it - I'm staying grouchy out here.)
Last night, I went up to have dinner with the Marquette Hoops family. They're about 30 minutes north of me, and at this time of year it's an absolutely stunning drive. Westchester is a lot of things, and admittedly I don't like many of them, but there's absolutely no denying that this is a beautiful part of the country. When the leaves get going in the fall, this turns into one of my favorite scenic areas I've ever seen. We had a beautiful autumn day yesterday -- got up to about 70 degrees, bright sun, lots of orange and crimson and gold in the trees, that great autumn crispness in the air... and when you drive on the bridge over the Croton Reservoir and see the surrounding trees and hills reflected in the water, it can make you take your eyes off the road. You'v