The Chronic Curmudgeon

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January 03, 2006

Dead Pool 2006

I've been a morbid fan of dead pools ever since 1994. I was working at the Minnesota State Capitol back then as a committee clerk in the Senate, and some guys in the office had one going. I got in... and in April when Kurt Cobain and Richard Nixon, both on my list, died in the same month, I was hooked. It's a sick, slightly off-kilter thing to do, starting a pool on people kicking the bucket, but the best way to defeat fear of anything is to laugh at it, so I'm always trying to start one up in my neck of the woods.

Unfortunately, my friends can be quite, uh... fraidy-cats, to use a more polite name. "It's chasing bad karma," one very good friend (and semi-frequent commenter on this blog) can be counted on to whine each year. So I never get one going in the office. But then I realized that my blog might actually be good for something -- I can have a big ol' dead pool through the blog. (And I've made chasing bad karma an art form over the years... to bad karma, I say "bring it.")

So - the rules are simple. One, no selecting a member of the current administration. As much as I might despise them and wish bad karma on them, I don't need the Secret Service pounding down my door. Two, there's no money involved... though I will gladly buy the winner lunch if you happen to live in the NY area. It's just for sick fun and for bragging rights. Points are scored like this: everybody gets to name 10 people for their roster. You don't wish them dead, you just are betting that they will die. In a real dead pool there'd be a draft and I couldn't take someone if you already did, but since we're just playing, how 'bout we just say that more than one player can select a person -- just no two players' lists of 10 can be entirely the same. If the person on your list is over the age of 65, you get 1 point if they pass on during 2006. If they're between 41 and 64, you get two points if they meet their maker in the next 12 months. And if they're 40 and under, you get three points if they pass through the pearly gates by December 31. This calls for some strategy... do you load up on elderly celebrities and hope sheer numbers carry you to victory? Or do you draft a couple of hard-living younger celebrities and bank on a premature end or two to make you a winner?

Finally... if you're not interested in playing, don't play. If you find it morbid or sad or chasing bad karma, that's your right and I respect it, but there'll be no berating of those who do decide to play... if we wanna be sick, it's our right. Besides, anyone really wishing bad karma on me for playing this game could simply make The Mudge one of their dead pool picks. ;-) (Of course, then I couldn't buy you that victory lunch, so it's a double-edged sword, isn't it?) With that, here's my ten, in chronological order of their age (you don't have to ID yours by age):

1. Gerald Ford, born 1913 Nice guy, but he's 92, and everybody has to go some time.
2. JD Salinger, born 1919 Since no one's seen him in 40 years, this one may be a little tough to verify.
3. Stan Musial, born 1920 The most underrated baseball player in history finally gets his posthumous due.
4. B.B. King, born 1925 The Thrill will be gone this year; 80 years + diabetes is not a good sign.
5. Dick Clark, born 1929 It was good to see him back on TV this year, going out on his own terms.
6. Muhammad Ali, born 1942 I really don't want this one, but it sounds like it may be close to time.
7. Courtney Love, born 1964 Hopefully she gets cleaned up; right now she's an OD waiting to happen.
8. Tara Reid, born 1975 You'd think that someone who wasn't stoked to the gills would have noticed her boob falling out of her dress. And anyone who watched her show on E! knows that somethin' ain't right there.

9. Lindsay Lohan, born 1986 She spends an awful lot of time in the hospital for a 19 year old girl, don't you think?

10. Mary Kate Olsen, born 1986 The much hotter of the Olsen twins (did I really just say that? Good God!) has had anorexia and is rumored to have a) struggled with cocaine; and b) attempted suicide. That doesn't bode well for someone not even old enough to get into bars yet.

There it is. I hope I'm wrong on all counts. May everyone live to 150. Peace and humptiness forever. So... who are your picks?

Posted by Christopher on January 3, 2006 10:07 PM

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Comments

Posted by: eden at January 3, 2006 11:34 PM

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