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February 07, 2006
By Request Blogging Part VI: For Eden
Eden's challenge to me was to blog about "someone (past or present) who "gets" you. Someone you have a kind of verbal or mental shorthand with or to whom you don't have to explain your jokes or allusions." Okaaaaaay. This one won't be an easy post. Because I really don't think that there's anyone who "gets" me. Hell, most of the time I don't even "get" myself, so expecting others to get me is a bit unrealistic. I have bonds with a few close friends that could, in different arenas, be described as "getting" that particular part of me -- but I don't think anyone has that whole picture. That's not meant a whiny boho artist's lament that "no one understands my art," but simply an assessment of my interactions with people.
I suspect, Eden, that you were looking for some relationship-related answer. There isn't one. As close as I have been with some of the women in my life, I can't say that any of them ever really "got" me. I'm a hard person to know -- both in the sense that I open up on this blog more easily than I do in a conversation, and because who I am has changed so often and so dramatically during the different phases of my life. And on the occasions where I had once thought that I had that kind of bond with someone, time and hindsight have since taught me that none of those bonds were what I believed them to be. So none of them count. Doesn't mean it won't happen someday, I just don't know that it has yet.
My brother and I can communicate volumes using the single word "Dude." Intonation, length of vowel sound, punctuation... all of them matter; we can even turn "dude" into a two syllable word for use under great duress or frustration ("duuu-uuude!"). In the same manner that tribesmen speaking Khosian languages convey varying pieces of information through simple clicks, my brother and I can get a dozen different meanings from that one nonsensical word. If that's not mental shorthand, I don't know what is. However, for as close as we are, we haven't lived in the same metro area in going on 12 years now -- save for three weeks in August 1997 when he had moved to the DC area just as I was getting ready to move away from it -- but despite our ability to discern the many complex meanings of "dude," there's too much distance involved to really "get" someone...
My friend Nancy and I have an unspoken sort of thing going on in the realm of relationships; we can each sense disaster in the other's romantic lives a mile off. I've gotten warning bells going off in my head about some of the guys she's dated who turned out to be the biggest jerks, and she's had similar alarms going off over many of the biggest mistake women I've ever gotten involved with. It's uncanny and unerring, at least in my memory -- I don't ever remember one of us having a bad feeling about someone that turned out to be wrong. Unfortunately, we rarely if ever listen to the other's warnings. We should -- by now we should really have learned -- but neither of us do. But even though we each give the other failsafe romantic advice, I don't think either of us would say that we totally "get" the other.
Professionally, there's no question that Doc and I hit a rhythym when I worked for him a few years ago. We were good friends before that, but when we started working together we quickly settled into a groove where we knew what the other was going to say, how the other would react to business issues that popped up... and when we started working on speeches, we literally would just shut ourselves in an office and start brainstorming aloud, because we knew that if one of us even came up with a half-finished thought, the other could complete it and we'd make it as eloquent as necessary. We did great work together and made the other one look good. And certainly on a personal level, he and I share a sick and twisted sense of humor -- it's usually a race between us to see who will, in Tourette's-like fashion, blurt out the crassest, lewdest possible comment or reaction to something, and we bond over the well-placed vicious insult... but I don't think I'd say he "gets" me. (Especially with Brokeback Mountain jokes being all the rage lately.)
Despite a series of partial bonds like these with other close friends, I just really can't say that I have that kind of overall thing with any single individual, Eden. Does that answer your question?
Up next... Jill's challenge to me.
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Comments
Maybe I don't completely "get" you, but I've always got your back, X.
Posted by: Nancy at February 8, 2006 09:25 AM
you are being too kind to Doc.......you carried his ass!
Posted by: Marquette Hoops at February 8, 2006 10:34 AM
Actually I had wondered if your brother might be someone who gets you and I was interested in hearing about how you use that mental shorthand I mentioned. Whether there was any kind of romantic relationship that had this kind of connection was secondary. Oh, and I stuck that "past or present" in there in case you'd wanted to mention someone who wasn't around anymore (like a grandparent or, yes, a girlfriend).
I was curious b/c I've been thinking about a blog entry on how well others know me and how few actually do. It was sparked by a comment from a neighbor and perpetuated by the fact that I'll be meeting someone who knows me from my blog. Are we the people that we put forth in our blogs?
Posted by: eden at February 8, 2006 01:30 PM
Oh and did it answer the question? Sure. My purpose in asking was the self-exploration that lead to the answer, not the answer itself per se. Well done Grasshopper ;)
Posted by: eden at February 8, 2006 01:31 PM
C'mon...I was Lieutenant Dan to 'mudge's Gump. And, 'mudge, thanks for not opening us up to a hole round of Brokeback abuse.
Posted by: The SpinMD at February 8, 2006 01:31 PM
Wait - did Eden say you have a romantic relationship with your brother?
GROSS!
Posted by: thebeav at February 8, 2006 03:50 PM
No -- *I* have a romantic relationship w/ Mudge's brother. This is my way of telling him.
Posted by: eden at February 8, 2006 07:46 PM
(Doc tenderly places arms around 'Mudge's waist... and almost gets them half way around)
"I just can't quit you"
Posted by: Erika at February 9, 2006 01:32 AM
