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March 27, 2006
Sexy Results
No, I am not talking about the song by Death From Above 1979. At the end of every March, FHM magazine comes out with its yearly "Sexiest Women In The World" issue. Usually, I am left shaking my head at how few of the top 10 are on my top ten list. (It's my opinion that FHM's readers are generally 14 year olds who wouldn't know a sexy woman if she bit them... too many boobs on the list. And some of them even have large breasts.) Anyway, this year's list is out, and the #1 choice was something of a surprise... not Angelina Jolie (yuck!!!!) or Jennifer Lopez (give trash money, she's still trash), but instead, Scarlett Johansson. And for the first time in a while, I actually find FHM's #1 sexiest woman to actually be sexy. Nicely done, FHM.
The rest of the top ten: Angelina Jolie (no, says Mudge emphatically), followed by Jessica Alba (yes), Jessica Simpson (decidedly no, has a man's face and a protazoan brain), Keira Knightley (yes), Halle Berry (yes), Jenny McCarthy (not even with a ten foot... um, pole), Maria Sharapova (yes - gotta love athletic women), Carmen Electra (no! Rodman's been there, which automatically disqualifies her from being lusted after) and Teri Hatcher (yeah sorta, but I haven't forgiven her for her Radio Shack commercials).
Here's my take on their full list, broken into five categories: Group 1 are those I'd go all William Hurt in Body Heat over, and start tossing chairs through plate glass windows to get to. Group 2 are those I do find attractive, if not as intensely. Group 3 are the "eh" ones. Group 4 are the ones I didn't even know. And Group 5 are the ones I just do not see the attraction at all -- find them unattractive for whatever reason. (Yes, I needed more to do tonight.) Angelina Jolie, for example, is in Group 5. I must be the only man in the world for whom she does absolutely nothing. (And yes, I realize that categorizing women based on physical appearance is not really respectful. But FHM made the list, not me... and as a human male, I look. Deal with it.)
There are only 15 inductees into Group 1, out of an alleged 100 sexiest... just confirms for me that the mainstream's taste is not nearly as refined or sophisticated as my own (how's that for spin?). There were 17 I had never even heard of, thus confirming that I am really, really old. There were also 18 in Group 5 -- those who are simply not attractive to me at all -- thus confirming for a second time that my tastes are more sophisticated than the majority's. (A couple of these were DQ'd for being X-Gamers, while others are DQ'd because of the famous men whom they've been with.) There were 21 in Group 2 -- attractive, but not so incredibly so that they force their way into a top 100 list for me. That left 29 in the middle -- those generating no reaction one way or the other. When it's all said and done, I found just 36 of FHM's "100 Sexiest" to be attractive. One third. That's not an indication that my standards are impossibly high; rather it just means, I guess, that I find the standards by which society seems to judge a woman sexy to be unrealistic and somewhat silly.
My personal top ten from this list? In no particular order, they'd be: #99, #98, #77, #61, #43, #42, #34, #15, #8, and #1 -- with #43, #99, and #15 close to the top. Anyway, women... fell free to do your own lists of the 100 sexiest males to counter. Whatever works for ya!
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Comments
I'm actually with you 100 percent regarding Angelina Jolie.
Posted by: Brent at March 28, 2006 09:29 AM
Shouldn't you be working or something?
Posted by: Sarah at March 28, 2006 10:49 AM
Sure. And I am. But last night at 10 whatever it was, I was home. Any questions? ;-)
Posted by: Curmudgeon at March 28, 2006 11:18 AM
I feel fat now. All things considered, that is one of the best photos of Angelina Jolie I've ever seen. She looks like a normal person.
Posted by: Eden at March 28, 2006 11:23 AM
I haven't put them in any order other than the order in which they pop into my brain (so that might tell you something), but here is a list of (in the public eye) men: Viggo Mortensen, Ralph Fiennes, Paul Bettany, Colin Firth, Callum Blue, Joe Flanigan, Billy Crudup, that guy who plays Christopher on Gilmore Girls.. that would be 4 Brits and 4 Americans... Interesting... I'll have to keep thinking about this.
Posted by: Jill at March 28, 2006 11:23 AM
And, oh my God, how the heck did I not think of Ewan McGregor?
Posted by: Jill at March 28, 2006 04:56 PM
The list is a yawner - I don't know that any of their top 10 would make mine. But opinions aside -- we all have different tastes -- I lament that lack of mature women on the list. Many women come into their prime past 40 -- or later.
Posted by: ezrider at March 29, 2006 06:41 PM
