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June 25, 2006
Random Thoughts After Two Weeks: Euro-Version
As my two week combination business/pleasure trip to Europe comes to a close, I have a few random thoughts to share - some on Europe, some on developments in the States. I'll share the European ones first.
1. Soccer's kinda cool when you watch it over there. Soccer goes against all US sports logic --you cheer when your team almost scores? they run around for 90 minutes and 0-0 is considered a great game? But after two weeks of seeing the crowds and feeling the passion they have for this game, I have to tell you -- despite every US-centric bone in my body not wanting to -- I have decided that I like football. I don't understand the rules, but anything that can inpsire that much excitement in its fans is something I want to be part of. (Also, all of my new friends in London are very into English football, obviously, and I'll need to be keeping that as a common point to discuss with them.)
2. Picasso was a freaking genius. Okay, I actually really do like much of his stuff, and I think the Guernica is an incredibly powerful work. And I do enjoy Cubism from a purely aesthetic sense. But the reason I label Picasso a genius is simply this concept: Talk dozens of babes into taking off their clothes and modeling nude for you for hours, days, weeks at a time... and the finished product need look nothing at all like an actual woman? That, my friends, is an art form. High freaking art, if you ask me. (I'm thinking of taking up Picasso-esque blogging, by the way... any women readers willing to model in such fashion to provide proper inspiration should mention their willingness in the comment field below or via e-mail, and we'll make arrangements.)
3. God bless fashion. I don't know if I know much more than I did before these past two weeks. I don't know if I am a better person or anything. And my fashion sense has likely not improved much, at least concerning men's fashion. Regarding womens' fashion, I don't know whether it started in Europe or the US, and frankly, I don't care. All I know is that this whole midriff-baring-shirt/low-waisted, hipbone-baring pants look for women must never, ever go out of style. Ever. Any designer who tries to do something different than this look, or every tut-tutting spinster or preacher who disapproves must be dealt with using extreme prejudice. If you know what I mean. Anywhoo...
4. Of the countries I visited, I have to say that I love Spain the most -- although England was also a great time and I made more friends there (the whole speaking the same language thing probably factors in there, huh?).
5. After nearly a week in London, it gives me great pleasure to say, "Drive on the right side of the road, will ya?" I can't tell you how many times I nearly got plastered to some Brit's windshield because, out of habit, I looked right instead of left to see if cars were coming before I crossed a side street.
6. Moment of Surreality: Sitting in the lobby bar/restaurant of a Paris hotel and seeing John Ritter (dubbed, of course) on TV... not Three's Company, of course, but his last sitcom. Of course, the translation of the show's title cuts right to the actual point of the sentiment. "8 Simple Rules For Dating My Teenage Daughter" translates simply into "Don't Touch My Daughter." Much more direct and to the point. Reminds me of the time when I was a junior in high school and the father of one of my dates, upon meeting me for the first time, simply said "I've been to jail already, so I don't mind going back for knocking the hell out of you for doing anything more than kissing my daughter. Are we clear?" I was speechless enough not to ask if he actually had been to jail.
7. American tourists live up to every negative stereotype ever ascribed to us. Everywhere I went, in every country, if you heard someone being obnoxiously loud, they were American. If you observed someone being embarrassingly rude, invariably they turned out to be American. I saw Americans wearing t-shirts with such ambassadorial slogans as "What the f**k are you looking at?" while walking near Big Ben, "You Ain't Had Nothin' Like This" near the Arc de Triomphe, and my personal favorite, "Dangerous Curves" on a woman in St. James Park who easily dwarfed my 250 pound frame by at least another 100. (And yes, she did have a southern US accent, so I knew she was American.)
Which brings me to another point; after observing tourists from all over the world in the last couple of weeks, my experience is that we really are as fat as everyone says we are. Invariably, if you saw anyone (myself included) with a belly or weighing obviously more than they should, it was inevitable that they were speaking English in an American accent. It was amazing to see; literally every overweight person I saw appeared and sounded to be American. Loud, rude, fat, and boorish... after wandering Europe for two weeks observing American tourists, I now understand exactly why those stereotypes are applied to us -- because in my observation and experience, we totally resemble those remarks.
8. America's Dorkiest Home Video. While leisurely making my way back to my hotel in Paris one night last week, I noticed a cool light show thing happening on the Eiffel Tower. I was motivated to take some quick video of the tower and my surroundings. The fact that I am not very articulate and sound like an exhausted American sot notwithstanding, here's a little video of the Eiffel Tower and Arc d'Triomphe from late last week.
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Comments
Welcome Home!!!!
Posted by: Shari at June 25, 2006 08:13 PM
Dude, stick to words. Welcome home mudge
Posted by: usefulguy at June 25, 2006 09:50 PM
I don't know about the Americans as the most obnoxious tourist thing. I have also seen my fair share of over-weight foreigners. I have traveled quite a lot, and while working in Turkey, the Brits and Germans visiting Turkey were not only sun-burned, overweight and obnoxious, they were exceptionally rude and treated the Turks like third-rate humans. Are europeans immune to skin cancer? Do they not know what sunscreen is? Man, it really made you not even want to drive near a beach, unless you are into red-headed beached whales in banna-hammocks or in a two-piece that looked like two rubberbands on an egg. Also, the fat middle-aged German guys with video cameras on the beach ... ech. Gives me the creeps just remembering it.
Posted by: Seadogs at June 26, 2006 08:09 AM
Glad you liked Spain Mr. Mudge. And glad I found your blog searching for the words "freakiest movie ever"... Very amusing and entertaining as well.
Thanks for the "bad 80's videos" thing (incredible Bill Shatner!). I am thinking of taking your idea to my Spanish people. Only if you allow me, of course!
Keep up the excellent work! I will be reading from time to time...
Posted by: Plissken at June 27, 2006 06:37 AM
very funny stuff
keep it up
Cityslicker
Posted by: Liz at June 27, 2006 07:25 AM
Well thank you both, Plissken and Liz. It's my pleasure to make your acquaintances, and I'm glad you dropped by; I hope you'll be back. And I'll drop by your blog soon too, Liz. (Plissken, if you have one, feel free to leave the URL.) And yes, I loved Spain. I would live there in a heartbeat; of course, I'd have to learn the language more thoroughly, but that would be a small sacrifice.
Thanks, Shari and UG! Nice to be home. The trip was fantastic - a great learning experience and a really wonderful time, and I fell in love with Europe all over again - but it is very nice to be home and not living out of a suitcase again. Thanks for waiting for me.
Seadogs - I wasn't at any beaches, so thankfully I was spared that most unappetizing of Eurotrends, the banana hammock. I also missed the bleached white overweight Germans who film everyone. All I know is that in the major cities I was in (London, Paris, Madrid), the obnoxious ones were the Americans... the fat ones were the Americans... the loud and boorish ones were the Americans... I was actually kind of ticked, because I kept thinking, "you guys are representing me too, and you're making me and my country look bad."
But - I would be scarred for life too if I'd had the beach experiences you did. So maybe we'll meet in the middle on this issue, shall we? :-)
Posted by: Curmudgeon at June 27, 2006 09:53 AM
Number 1:
Soccer is the greatest sport in the world.
Germany is my team.
Support them, or I'll never speak to you again.
Number 2:
Midriff baring shirts and low waisted pants are classless and unattractive. I'm all for well fitted clothing, but layering long tanks under tees is a far better look than SKANKWHORE.
That is all.
Posted by: A Disturbingly Cynical College Student at June 27, 2006 10:44 AM
Layering long tanks under tees?? WTF??????
Do girls at your college run around in puritan outfits, burqas and chastity belts too?
Posted by: Curmudgeon at June 27, 2006 10:56 AM
it's called urban outfitters
www.urbanoutfitters.com
welcome to the 21st century.
Posted by: A Disturbingly Cynical College Student at June 27, 2006 01:17 PM
you know. Come on.
"7. American tourists live up to every negative stereotype ever ascribed to us."
How about any obnoxious person, period. I know plenty of other country types who wander the streets of NYC on any given day -- who may even live here -- and obnoxious and rude knows no country of origin. In fact, it translates across the world. How about NOT propogating a sterotype, dude?
And actully, I'm obnoxious, period. But not rude. impatient and obnoxious. Hmm, maybe that = rude.
Anyway. blah, American tourists get a bad rap.
Posted by: thebeav at June 27, 2006 03:55 PM
