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July 20, 2006
Open Letter To Airport Idiots
Dear Angry, Stupid Person:
There's travel delays. It happens from time to time. You screaming at Joey Bagodonuts behind the counter will not make the torrential downpours stop nor end the lightning storms; your tantrum will not make the lights go back on in places where they're out..
Speaking of Joey, he's been trying to help you for 30 minutes now. You're still standing at the check-in counter, occasionally flailing your arns and animatedly trying to get him to do something. Well guess what? If you haven't gotten anywhere with him in 30 minutes, you're not going to get anywhere; if he could help you he would. He hasn't, so quit monopoilzing his time at my expense; it isn't going to change your situation. Meanwhile, I have a calm conversation to have with him. Get the hell out of my way.
And would you look at that? They cancelled our flight. Yes, I know it's 10:00 pm and none of us knew it was coming. I know it was a frustrating six hours here at the airport trying to go home. And I know none of us can fly out tonight now. But they've just asked us all to form a line and arrange reschedules. I don't know if you're aware, but the baby-faced kid behind the desk has no policy influence within his airline to change their policy about not paying for a hotel for you if the delays are caused by the weather. So you screaming at him mercilessly for 20 minutes isn't going to change the fact that no planes are coming tonight, that you'll be missing your connection, or that the airline's policy is not to pay for your hotel if the delays are weather related. He doesn't make those calls, and he's not empowered to tonight -- no matter how loudly you shout. You're making an idiot of yourself... and worse yet, you're giving me a headache. And that's the last thing I want right now. So sit the fork down, shut the fork up, and chill the fork out before I come over there and slap some manners back into your damn head.
Oh - and one last thing... quit eating those gawddamn pretzels in the gate area. My nerves are as frayed as yours; the last thing I need is to listen to you chomping blissfully away on that bag of rocks and chewing with your mouth open. Keep it up, and you're like to get a donkey punch.
Comments
This is almost exactly like what I was going to write about the woman who sat down next to me on the bus the other night and proceeded to yammer into her cell phone alternating between Russian and English apparently randomly for the entire 45 minutes we were stuck in traffic that didn't go much of anywhere due to the torrential downpour. Good times.
Posted by: Jill at July 20, 2006 07:46 PM
I know you say you don't like Connecticut, but if it weren't for my lovely state, you wouldn't have been able to write this post.
Your Welcome.
Posted by: Sarah at July 20, 2006 10:53 PM
Why not? Because all the obnoxious airport people were from Connecticut?
Posted by: Curmudgeon at July 20, 2006 11:10 PM
oooopsies.
Posted by: Sarah at July 21, 2006 12:03 AM
I like Connecticut. It has...well, it has...ah, hell, I've got nothing.
Posted by: The SpinMD at July 21, 2006 08:13 AM
Let us not forget to yell at the flight crew because they are out of overhead space on the plane for your jumbo sized "roll aboard". Always good to have a 2-3 screaming fit when the departure is already delayed.
Isn't it?
Posted by: usefulguy at July 21, 2006 08:11 PM
