February 28, 2007
Goodbye, Farewell, and Amen
“I realized a long time ago that I am getting old. I realized for the first time last night that this is not such a bad thing.”
I started my first “real” post on this blog with those words. They seem appropriate to end the blog with as well.
How things have changed in the three and a half years since “Christopher’s Take” -- which would eventually become “The Chronic Curmudgeon” -- was born. I did that entry from south Florida, in the middle of a situation borne of rash judgment that would eventually prove a mistake, and working as a speechwriter who was doing good work and attracting some notice inside his company but was still an amoeba on the corporate food chain. I’m doing this entry on my last day in New York before leaving to be a bigger fish in a smaller pond, though on a bigger planet (wow, let that be a lesson to anyone trying to make a point with metaphors... they're hard to mix effectively!).
This blog, which as I’ve said ad nauseum I started as writing practice and creative outlet and nothing more, turned into the vehicle that drove my career, drove my personal life, and helped me to greatly enhance my financial status (I‘ll be making more than two and a half times this year what I was making when I started it, God bless America). Not bad for something the Doc had to talk me into doing, huh?
But just as in that first post, I am still getting older. Old enough -- or is it mature enough? -- to recognize that in some cases, it’s not always prudent to have your inner monologue or thoughts about the world out there for anyone to see. I’m old enough -- or is it wise enough? -- to know when it’s time to step aside.
There was a long time where I would have considered any nod to propriety a defeat; I was going to be me and say what I had to say no matter what the stuffier elements of the world thought of it. When I started this blog, I would have argued that the idea of shutting it down -- I mean, going on indefinite hiatus, of course -- because of the professional role I play would represent a sell-out of the most treasonous and self-betraying order.
But today I don’t; today I just feel like I have grown up to the point where I don’t feel the need to stand out in order to stand apart. I’m wise enough to have recognized that sometimes there’s valor in knowing when not to speak my mind. Is that selling out? Am I really the Man in the Grey Flannel Suit now? Perhaps. But I’m thinking of it now more in terms of acting my age.
The way you act when you’re on your way up is different than the way you act when you get there. And I’m honestly looking forward to the less rebellious phase of my life. This move I am making was done in part because I’m looking to take care of my new family -- both its existing members and any who happen to come along in the next few years. And I kind of like that feeling, to be honest with you. I wasn’t ready for it a few years ago, but I am ready for it now. I think I’m ready to leave the Curmudgeon behind, not just in the blogosphere but in life. And I think that’s a good thing, don’t you?
I am incredibly fortunate to have had this blog; few people get to have such a detailed time capsule of the part of their life where everything fell into place for them. Fewer still get to have a personal hobby turn into the rocket that propels them to places and levels they never expected to go. I got lucky. And you, every single one of you who’s been reading along with me, have been part of that for me - in a very real sense, I owe what’s happening to me now to all of you. So thank you.
To all of you who have read or commented since the summer of 2003, I am in your debt. To those who read and as a result decided to elevate and promote my career, I’m even more deeply indebted. To Doc, who today takes great delight in correctly pointing out that he not only got me into blogging but had to talk me into starting this one, I offer this public acknowledgment and a thanks for strapping the Acme Rocket Jet-Pack to my career.
As I said earlier in the week, I’ll have a more personal blog hidden behind a password to keep friends and family up on things in my new home. It’s actually set up already and is just waiting for me to get settled in and start updating. If you want to get the password and be able to keep in touch through that blog, send me a note at thechroniccurmudgeon@hotmail.com and I’ll send you the instructions to access it. Or, if you’d rather do things the old-fashioned way, send me a note to the same e-mail address and I’ll send you a “real” e-mail address and AIM ID to reach me at. If you’d prefer to do neither, I’m tempted to ask if I smell bad or have boogers hanging from my nose or something. (If you’ve already e-mailed and I haven’t yet gotten to you with the password or responded to you, I beg your indulgence while I get moved.)
Maybe Mudge will come back someday… it’s always possible that I’ll get settled into my new gig and figure out that it’s still sometimes okay to air the occasional opinion. Or maybe my fifteen minutes are closer to up than I realized and, kind of like the janitor in Flowers for Algernon, I’ll slide back into my previous levels of simplicity and anonymity and be able to say whatever I want without anyone knowing or caring. But for now, this blog -- and the wonderful run in my life that it represents and helped to generate -- is officially on hiatus. I’ll still be reading all of your blogs and will still be commenting, though -- you’re not rid of me that easily! Please stay in touch; I do consider you my friends and don’t want to lose contact with you all. And once again, thank you for reading for the past three and a half years.
Ladies and gentlemen… the Curmudgeon has left the building.
Posted by Christopher at 04:48 AM | Comments (7)February 27, 2007
The 59 Best One Hit Wonders Ever: #2-1
2. The Boomtown Rats - "I Don't Like Mondays" (1979) Yes, I know they had a string of top ten hits in the UK. But in the US, this was it -- this sad commentary inspired by US school shootings (god bless the NRA -- after all, it's important to protect our right to slaughter each other in cold blood). 16 year old Brenda Ann Spencer's father had given her a rifle for Christmas (now there's fatherly love for ya!), and merely a month later Spencer took it to school and slaughtered kids for no reason. Literally no reason; when asked why she did it, she issued the famous statement that became this song's title. The song captures the aimlessness, senselessness, absurdity and horror of the moment (not to mention the dozens others since) and the lost innocence they represent.
The Rats' never hit bigger here in the States, despite their success in the UK; even this song was only a minor chart success. But more than 25 years on, it stands out as a classic of post-punk (can't bring myself to call it new wave, though I don't know what I would call it, then). The staccato call-and-respond of the chorus... the epic or grand nature of the opening swell... the unusual-for-its-era violin and piano driven melody... the haunting line about the lesson today being how to die... it all adds up to a classic song from a band for whom it was the sole US hit, and thus the #2 OHW ever.
1. The Buggles - "Video Killed The Radio Star" (1979) We all know how this was the first video ever played on MTV, and the lore that rose up around that moment and the symbolism of the song's title in that use. But leave the (admittedly cool) video out of it for a second... this is a really, really cool song. True, if there'd never been a video clip, it would never have captured the imagination so deeply... but "Radio Star" is a very well constructed song - from opening to bridge to build to closing fade-out. And choosing to use the kind of distortion on the vocals that made them sound like they were coming out of an old grammaphone was a nice touch that added to the distinctiveness and air of the tune. One of my favorite songs ever, and far and away my number one One Hit Wonder of all time.
Posted by Christopher at 08:02 AM | Comments (2)February 26, 2007
The 59 Best One Hit Wonders Ever: #5-3
5. Seven Mary Three - Cumbersome (1995) My absolute favorite of the post-grunge mid-90s rock. I know that at least a few of you are going to say, "Yeah, it's a good song... but all the way up at #5?" My answer is, "Yes. Number five. I love this song that much." Any questions? I was surprised that, of all the disposable post-grunge heroes, Seven Mary Three was one of the ones who never managed another hit; this was as promising as any debut single of the past 20 years. Bummer.
4. The Verve - "Bitter Sweet Symphony" (1998) The song that led to the situation that led to me losing a whole lot of respect for Keith Richards and Mick Jagger. The Verve's 1998 opus was a breakout hit in the US and seemed to open the door for the band; the album the song was on, "Urban Hymns" was one of the best albums of 1998. And yet the band was broken up just a year and a half later, and the promise was never fulfilled. What happened?
Well, while there were many factors in the band's split, a major stress was the fact that Mick Jagger and Keith Richards -- you know, those notably poor and destitute down-on-their-luck guys wh desperately needed the money -- decided to sue the band for copyright infringement. The song was based on a loop of an instrumental version of the Stones' 1965 song "The Last Time." While the band had in fact negotiated for the use of the sample and had actually received permission to use it, when the song became a huge international hit, Richards and Jagger decided that the song used "too much" of the sample, and sued to be listed as the song's composers and for all the royalties from the song. Stupider still was that a UK court agreed with them and awarded composer credits to them and all the proceeds to the Rolling Stones' publisher, ABKCO. You know, because they needed the money.
The irony is that, as Verve singer RIchard Ashcroft wryly noted, Symphony was "the best song Jagger and Richards have written in the last 20 years." As it stands, the song now exists as a monument to the unfettered greed and hubris of two giants who should have known better.
3. David and David - "Welcome To The Boomtown" (1986) The video's disappeared from YouTube, which is a shame because this was an overlooked gem and classic from the 80s that deserves to be spread around and remembered despite record company greed. One of the best songs of the 80s, "Boomtown"s depiction of the ugly underside of the glam and glitz of the 80s in Los Angeles is not just a great tune musically, it's one of the best stories told through lyrics in the past 25 years. You get a definite feel and image when you hear the lyrics; it's almost a movie-like feel to listen to it. Another group with a hugely promising first single that never took off the way they should have.
Posted by Christopher at 03:37 AM | Comments (4)February 24, 2007
Going, Going...
I'm getting close to the end of the Best One Hit Wonders countdown. I'm also getting close to the end of this blog.
I alluded a couple of weeks ago to having taken a huge, life-changing, no turning back kind of step. The day of reckoning for that step, as it were, is almost at hand. Its arrival has ramifications for this blog as well as my real life. I've said before here that while, for the first seven of my eight years based in New York I hated it and didn't like my life here and wanted to go somewhere else (even going so far as to chase what Obi-Wan Kenobi might have called a "damnfool idealistic crusade" in warmer climates that, in hindsight, was less of what I thought it was but instead represented the strength of my wish to leave and the extent to which I let that wish cloud my judgment), in the past year I have grown into my skin for a number of reasons and have actually become happy with my life here.
I am acutely aware of the irony of choosing change now that I'm finally content; as my mother is fond of saying, "if there's a path of most resistance, you will find it... you never do anything the easy way." But that's just what I've done: after struggling for years to be happy in this area and finally becoming so, I've chosen to throw a massive monkey wrench into the works just to see what would happen.
I have accepted a new job -- a pretty prominent and visible one -- with a new employer (one of the world's biggest, actually). I start next week... more than 600 miles away from New York. After swearing that I would never again return to the midwest, that's exactly where I'm going -- and to a city that I never would have even ever considered that I might one day live in until very recently. The next week will be a jumble of corporate movers, signing papers, and changing physical locations, before starting the new job and new life in early March.
There are many good things about the move: financially the move vaults me to levels I never thought I'd ever make; professionally it represents not a huge step but a leapfrogging; the visibility and opportunity for me are incredible. This is, in a very real sense, the break I worked my whole career to get -- and at 38, I've now become an executive at one of the biggest companies anywhere in the world. I may have worked hard for this, but I'm also damed lucky -- blessed, some might say -- and I'm hoping to live up to the faith that's been shown in me (by both current and future employers).
It was probably not always appropriate for me to maintain the Mudge blog in the position I've been in for the last couple of years, even as a semi-anonymous personality. (My bosses were great about it, I have to say.) But as my position and reputation have evolved, it's become increasingly easy to connect this blog with the real-life me (witness how easily people at my new job were able to find me here). And if "the Mudge" wasn't really appropriate before, he certainly isn't as I take on this new, even higher-profile gig. And if I tempered the kinds of things I say out here, knowing that people can rather easily find me and in the interest of discretion... well, then I wouldn't really be the Mudge anymore, and that would negate the purpose for being out here. So, it's time.
I know better than to ever say "never." So I'll just say that Mudge is going on indefinite hiatus as soon as the OHW countdown is over. It won't be easy. I have come to really enjoy the "regulars" here and have been writing as much for you as for myself for a while now (or trying to). And shutting the door on the thing that has literally made it possible for my dreams to come true? It's like moving out of a house you lived in for 40 years and raised your kids in. You might be excited to head to Scottsdale or Boca Raton, but you're still terribly saddened when you lock the door for the last time, hand the key to your realtor and drive away.
It's always possible, I guess, that Mudge could be back. I've grown addicted to being him, and the name has crossed into my real life, with my friends calling me "Mudge" as often as using my real name. And there will always be things that make me want to vent or write. But discretion really must now be the better part of my valor. I think that means that I have to retire the persona that brought me to the dance.
I will be starting a new blog, but it won't be like this one. With family on two continents, friends on three, and friends and loved ones in the US scattered from coast to coast, staying in touch with everybody will be challenging -- and a blog seems easier and more personal than those mass e-mails. I'll password-protect it, so that only people I've chosen to let see it can see it... and it'll be more just a series of intermittent updates on how life is going in my new home, adventures I'm having along the way, and so on. It'll be a lot more personal and a lot less political, less oriented toward writing for a (hopefully) broad audience and more toward a "letter to a friend" style.
Regular readers here are now considered friends, so any of you who think of me as such and actually want to keep up with me are welcome to; send me an e-mail at thechroniccurmudgeon@hotmail.com and I'll send you the URL and instructions on how to access it. (Be warned that I won't be writing for at least a week due to the move.)
I'll finish the OHW countdown, and then will be back with one last post to say goodbye. Just wanted to give you a heads up that, as the guy in the sandwich board always said, "The End Is Near." Have a great weekend, all.
Posted by Christopher at 01:33 PM | Comments (5)The 59 Best One Hit Wonders Ever: #8-#6
8. Big Country - "In A Big Country" (1983) An 80s classic power pop tune with the additonal sonic trick of making their guitars sound like bagpipes. Funny, since their music incorporated a lot of Scottish folk elements, none of the band were Scottish by birth. The video is perhaps the only top ten video ever to feature an ATV chase. There's probably a reason for that. Nonetheless, a great song from the early 80s.
7. Dishwalla - "Counting Blue Cars" (1996) Another great song that you can't access on line due to recording company stupidity and greed. But mid-90s post-grunge has few better poster children than this meaning of life song that presupposes God as a woman and features one of the catchiest hooks of the decade. I remain surprised that Dishwalla never managed a second hit; this was as strong a first big single as anyone had in the 90s, and this band should have been bigger. Maybe it was the name? Anyway, click here if you want to hear the song, for some kid's mashup to the song since the real video's not available.
6. M - "Pop Muzik" (1979) Pre-rap? New Wave? Performance art? Whatever you call it, Englishman Robin Scott landed one of the post-disco era's most infectious singles as his alter ego/collaboration, "M." The catchy chorus and memorable bridge ("New York, London, Paris, Munich, everybody talk about: Pop Muzik") make it almost easy to overlook the idea that this is a really good song musically, and by sounding electronic and mechanized is in fact a wry comment on the disposable nature of so much pop music. Great tune - and one of the first mainstream non-performance videos.
Posted by Christopher at 11:46 AM | Comments (0)February 23, 2007
The 59 Best One Hit Wonders Ever: #11-#9
11. The Standells - "Dirty Water" (1966) Perhaps the first "punk" band, in attitude if not sound, the California-based Standells recorded the song that is perhaps more closely associated with Boston than any other. I liked the song before arriving in Boston for school, but after the song became the Red Sox' victory tune, played at Fenway after every Sox win, I absolutely fell in love with it. Those opening six notes are enough to give me an adrenaline jolt no matter where I am or what I'm doing when I hear it. One of two national anthems for Red Sox Nation (along with the Dropkick Murphys' "Tessie"), which is yet another reason why the Sox are better than the Yankees -- the Yankees' rev up their fans with disco (YMCA and "Cotton Eye Joe"), while the Sox use Irish pub punk and proto-punk.
10. Band-Aid - "Do They Know It's Christmas" (1984) Tim, I was messing with you when I said I didn't include this one; I just didn't want you pressuring me to move it higher than #10. :-) But - it absolutely earned its top ten status... this is the single best Christmas song ever. No, not just the best rock and roll Christmas song, but the best Christmas song, period. What more should a Christmas song be than a reminder that the spirit of the season is supposed to be giving and remembering those less fortunate? And when you compare this charity song to the US version -- the insipid, self-congratulating, and excruciatingly droning "We Are The World" -- Band Aid's effort climbs even higher in esteem. The all-star lineup has a few head-scratchers -- opening with Paul Young? Giving no-show David Bowie's line to Paul freaking Young??? -- but in general is a great time capsule of the who's who of BritPop of the mid-80s... and besides that, it's just a really good song. From the opening "African" sounding drums to the way the song rolls into an ending chorus that sounds joyous and optimistic despite its heavy subject, this is an all-time classic and will remain the standard by which both charity singles and Christmas songs by pop stars should be judged.
9. Tommy Tutone - "867-5309 (Jenny)" (1982) As long as you didn't have this phone number, "Jenny" was a great song, and one of the seminal tunes of the 1980s. The band got branded by their label as a "new wave" band to capitalize on the hot trend of the day, but this was primarily accomplished by putting skinny ties on a bar band. The basic guitar riff is pure garage rock, the theme of the song (unrequited passion) is one of rock's classic themes, and there's no denying the catchiness of the hook. Yes, the band had a minor hit in 1980 that went to #37 on the charts, but I still count Tommy Tutone as a OHW and list "867-5309 (Jenny)" as the 9th best OHW of all time.
Posted by Christopher at 07:31 AM | Comments (4)February 21, 2007
The 59 Best One Hit Wonders Ever: #14-12
14. Digital Underground - "The Humpty Dance" (1989) Besides the fun rap and the character adopted by the lead rapper, this song just has a great bass line. I mean, an awesome bass line. One of my favorite rap songs ever.
13. Martin Briley - "The Salt In My Tears" (1983) Pure power chord AOR. But with the video being so relatable to so many of us (wow, is it familiar), and with a good set of lyrics to back up the power pop, this song still stands up; you could release it today and I still think it'd be a hit. Throw in a good bridge and a pretty good guitar solo, and you have a classic OHW by a guy who's written hits for about a dozen other artists but never managed to score another one for himself.
12. Shakespear's Sister - "Stay" (1992) This was the song that inspired me to do this countdown when I thought of it again for the first time in a while. I'd always liked the song even when it came out 15 years ago; I thought the first of the two women in the group (Marcella Detroit) had a really pretty voice, and the juxtaposition of her beautiful voice in the first verses with the sinister, almost evil growl of the second woman in the band (Siobhan Fahey), made for a really interesting song. The backstory on the song -- Fahey's struggles to reconcile the two sides of her personality while suffering from severe depression -- made it one I identified with during the years before I knew what I had. And then when I saw the video - with its themes of resurrection, of good and evil fighting over a soul, of that good and evil possibly being two sides of the same person - I just really got into this song. It's a freaking weird video, with Fahey becoming the glam demon woman from hell in it to represent the more sinister elements within, but one I find compelling from an artistic standpoint anyway. And the pipes it took for Detroit to hit that high note after the bridge has ended and just before the final choruses... wow. Great song, if an odd one. While this was Shakespear's Sister's only US hit, it was a raging success in the UK; to this day, no other song by a female group has ever stayed at UK #1 longer. Not the Supremes, not the Carpenters, not anyone. Nice distinction.
Posted by Christopher at 09:19 PM | Comments (3)February 20, 2007
The 59 Best One Hit Wonders Ever: #17-#15
17. Harvey Danger - "Flagpole Sitta" (1998) I know they're still around, but to date they've only had one song break the US charts -- 1998's exercise in brilliantly witty social observation and self-deprecation, "Flagpole Sitta." The song contains perhaps my favorite lyric ever -- and I do mean ever:
Been around the world and found that only stupid people are breeding; The cretins cloning and feeding -- and I don't even own a TV!
If there's ever been a song lyric I agree or relate with more, I haven't heard it yet. Of course I do now own a TV, but other than that... perfect line. Perfect.
(video removed because it was freaking annoying me coming on all the damn time)
16. Gary Numan - "Cars" (1980) Is there a more quintessential new wave video? This song was one of the first big new wave chart hits, reaching all the way into the top ten in 1980 and playing a significant part in the early rotation of MTV. The distinctive synth & bass line, along with the polymoog melody, are one of the most instantly recognizable riffs in pop music history. How many of you heard this while you were at the roller rink, by the way? (On an unrelated note, anyone else think the odds are very good that the drummer's name is Carmine or Vinnie?)
15. Ace Frehley - "New York Groove" (1979) How dare I list Ace Frehley of KISS as a one hit wonder? Because he only released one single as a solo artist, that's why. Since these are some of my favorite songs ever, being on the list is not an insult. And this is one of my favorite songs... Ace went for pure power pop here and nailed it well. This song is one of the ones you need to have playing when driving into Manhattan on the West Side Highway or the FDR, when the lights of the city are spread out in front of you and you're getting ready for a big night out. Great city song, great rock song, and well deserving of a spot in the top 15.
Posted by Christopher at 08:16 PM | Comments (1)February 19, 2007
The 59 Best One Hit Wonders Ever: #20-18
20. Michael Penn - "No Myth" (1990) Sean Penn's brother has at least one thing in life to call his own, rather than being known as his brother's brother or Aimee Mann's husband. This clever acoustic-driven pop song from 1990 -- which stood out from the hair bands and new jack swing that dominated the charts at the time -- reached #15 on the charts, won Penn Best New Artist at the MTV Video Awards that year, and is perhaps the only video ever to feature a Parmesan cheese shower on the artist. See the video on this page.
19. Autograph - "Turn Up The Radio" (1984) Ah, the good old days when videos were conceptualized and only occasionally related to the song, and full of bizarre things like futuristic robots. This synth and guitar driven classic was a precursor to the hair band stuff that was beginning to take over the radio at that point. And you know what? Day time, night time, any time... things go better with rock. And chicks dig it when band guys give them pens. I said "PENS," there are no missing letters - you dirty minds!
18. Dexy's Midnight Runners - "Come On Eileen" (1983) This song probably brings back the happiest personal memories of any song on this list; as I have mentioned before, this was a perennial favorite of my crew's at T's Pub in Boston, and I have great memories of drunkenly pogo-ing to the chorus with about a dozen friends. Great memories of T's, and of friends I should have stayed in better touch with. I can name this tune from the first three of those six opening bass notes. One of the most distinctive songs of the 80s -- or any decade.
Posted by Christopher at 11:30 PM | Comments (0)Bon Voyage
Just wanted to say bon voyage and send wishes for the trip of a lifetime to Curmymom and my dad, who are leaving Tuesday afternoon for a month long adventure in Africa and Europe to visit my brother. They'll be in Africa for three weeks, then will spend a week exploring Italy with my brother and his wife.
My mom's never been overseas before; my dad's only been overseas with the Navy, never on his own. I hope they're going to have the trip of a lifetime; I'm excited for them. So if they're reading before they leave... guys, bon voyage. Have the best time anyone could, and spend every last dime on it, because trips like this are once in a lifetime. Be good, and have fun!
Posted by Christopher at 10:20 PM | Comments (1)The 59 Best One Hit Wonders Ever: #23-21
23. Soft Cell - "Tainted Love" (1981) The classic song of synth pop and the prototypical one hit wonder. Soft Cell's S&M-tinged cover of a minor English soul tune from the early 60s burst onto the charts in 17 countries when released in 1981, and remains a staple of 80s night playlists, retro parodies, and dance lists. Hell, it was just a really, really good cover of the song. I can't decide yet whether the video is more cheesy or creepy.
22. Frankie Goes To Hollywood - "Relax" (1984) Yes, I know they had three straight number one songs in the UK. Does this look like the UK to you? Here in the States, Frankie Say One Hit. But what a hit it was: the glories of gay sex set to music and placed firmly into the top 10. The funny thing was how many he-man homophobe teenagers back in my old high school heard the "when you wanna come" part, automatically assumed it referred to sex with a girl, and embraced the song with passion. Funny stuff. Anyway, setting the lyrics aside for a moment (not because of their subject matter, but just because of the musical point I am making), this was a classic post-disco dance-pop song -- and dare I say it, it holds up very well as a dance song now.
21. Patrick Hernandez - "Born To Be Alive" (1979) Oh man, this song probably ranks among my top five guilty pleasures ever. Put this song on at any reception, party, whatever... and my sorry, hefty, very white ass will almost certainly hit the dance floor - or at the very least, will be swaying and bopping in my seat. It's like the involuntary twitch and cringe I get whenever I hear W's voice; it's physiological and can't be helped. Anyway, looking at the video, I am reminded of just what a heavy role cocaine played in the late 70s. And I love the irony of how a dance classic was sung by a man who apparently dances even worse than I do. This might be the whitest dance song performance in music history, excepting of course for Mike Singletary and Steve Fuller in "The Super Bowl Shuffle."
Posted by Christopher at 10:38 AM | Comments (2)February 18, 2007
The 59 Best One Hit Wonders Ever: #26-24
26. Bourgeois Tagg - "I Don't Mind At All" (1987) I love the guitar sound in this acoustic song; I can't tell if it's a 12 string or just a six, but I do love the sound. Melancholy, reflective lyrics add to the appeal of the song for me. The band hit the top 40 with this song, then went Christian and never got close again. Pity - this was a stellar first salvo.
25. Fountains of Wayne - "Stacy's Mom" (2003) Pure power pop with a comedic edge and a willingness to laugh at teenage crushes. This was a fun song musically, a more fun song lyrically, and while I'm not a huge fan of Rachel Hunter, her appearance in the video is quite impressive, I must concede.
24. Martin Page - "In The House Of Stone And Light" (1995) Page wrote a number of hit songs for other artists, but didn't make the promised land himself until 1995, with this well crafted pop tune. I never did figure out why, exactly, I liked this song so much; maybe it's because Page sounds vaguely like Peter Gabriel (not a soundalike, just shares a broad sound). Anyway, the video is (of course) off YouTube, but here's a mashup some kid made (yet again) to some movie scenes, featuring the song.
Posted by Christopher at 02:53 PM | Comments (0)February 17, 2007
The Shark? Oh Yeah, It's So Jumped
Back in the day, I developed a healthy -- well, you could probably call it unhealthy -- fixation on Britney Spears. Her lack of musical talent didn't bother me... because well, y'know, the woman was just freaking hot for a while there.
Through the ever-growing train wreck that has been the woman's life for the past three years, I've kept the faith. Through a 55 hour marriage and annulment in Vegas, to the marriage to a no-talent leech like K-Fed, even through the recent no-underwear phase, I held on, believing that maybe someday we'd get the nymphet of 2000-2002 back.
No more.
This latest news story not only takes her life from train wreck to a 9.7-on-the-Richter-scale disaster, but it has officially killed off any last remaining interest, physical or otherwise, I had in Britney Spears. She's permanently jumped the shark... not only is she officially off my 5-Celebrities-I-Get-A-Free-Pass-With list, she's off my I'd Do That list. Hell, she's off of my If I Was Massively Schnockered And It Was Last Call And All The Other Women Went Home With Somebody Already list. She's even off my There Are Only One Woman And One Man Left On Earth, And Reproductive Sex Is The Only Way To Perpetuate The Species And Ensure Human Survival, And We're It, So... What's Your Sign? list. I mean, if a mass plague hits and there's only Britney and I left, and the only way humanity could survive is for her and I to make like bunny rabbits... then well, humanity... it was a hell of a run, too bad it had to end.
She's become utterly vile. It's honestly sad. I took her in my dead pool for 2007, and I'm more confident in my choice today than ever. Either she gets help, or she's gone by New Year's Eve. Sad, really. Britney, honey.... don't call me, I have an early squash game tomorrow... or something.
Posted by Christopher at 11:42 AM | Comments (5)The 59 Best One Hit Wonders Ever: #29-#27
We hit the halfway point on the countdown with a series of songs that Viacom has yet again pulled. Don't ever buy another piece of music or a DVD associated with Viacom; they're greedy dinosaurs who deserve every ugly thing you can think of.
29. The Verve Pipe - "The Freshmen" (1997) Okay, it was melodramatic and borderline cheesy. Okay, not borderline. But it was still a good tune. And there was some truth to the sentiment that you just don't know as a 19 year old kid how fragile you really are, or what the long-term consequences of your actions -- even those that seem insignificant at the time. Anyway, you could watch the video if Viacom weren't such fascists. Since they are, you can go here to see some kid's anime mashup set to the song, if you really want to hear it, since the real video's been pulled.
28. The Mighty Mighty Bosstones - "The Impression That I Get" (1997) Remember the ska "revolution?" How ska was going to be the next grunge - only to have the fad go out in about six months? (Swing was also supposed to be in there too, but that fad also faded in six months.) But while ska was the big thing, Boston's own MMB gave us a classic. This song was all over the radio the first year I was in grad school, and whenever I hear it I immediately think of Boston. Great song, made even greater for me by the memories associated with it. Watch the video now while you can; three other instances of it on YouTube have been pulled by Viacom, so this one's on borrowed time I am sure.
27. Icicle Works - "Whisper To A Scream (Birds Fly)" (1984) British neo-psychedelia was cool. Even though no one here in the US thought that was an entire genre to itself, I can't think of a better classification. But, whatever you call it, this song had one of the best drum lines of the 80s. In true one hit wonder spirit, Icicle Works made the most of the only huge song they ever wrote; it was originally released in the UK in 1983 as "Brids Fly (Whisper To A Scream)", went to #2 on the independent charts and #90 on the pop charts, was remixed and put on the B-side of another single later that year on the band's major-label debut and rose back into the pop charts at #53, then was remixed again and retitled with the parentheticals switched to "Whisper To A Scream (Birds Fly)" and released in America in 1984, where it was a staple of MTV and hit #37 on the pop charts here. They never even sniffed the top 100 again here in America, and never again broke the top 50 in the UK. But they got lots of mileage from this one song -- and with good reason, because it's a really great early-MTV era tune.
Posted by Christopher at 09:50 AM | Comments (1)February 15, 2007
The One Hit Wonder List: Viacom Are Slow-Witted, Shortsighted Morons
Y'know, because heaven forbid that people share or spread interest in songs that are older and probably not driving sales as much anymore. Heaven forbid interest be raised back up for songs or music.
Viacom's stupid, shortsighted, greedy, moronic, fascist, clueless, doomed-to-the-dustbin-of-history stance toward new media -- and their even more moronic decision to sue YouTube over every appearance of a Viacom-related video on the site -- just goes to show how out of touch, clueless, behind the times and dinosaurish the record and entertainment industry really is. Don't forget, these are the same greedy bastards who are suing 12 year olds for every last scrap or penny, so it's not surprising that they're just plain stupid about YouTube as well. Clinging to early 20th century copyright law in the early 20th century is akin to a clan of Australopithecus suing a bunch of Homo Habilis for walking upright. There's never been an industry -- or a specific organization within an industry -- more deserving of extinction.
Many of the songs in my countdown -- including one tonight -- are Viacom songs, so they've been pulled from YouTube. Heaven forbid that I or any other blogger generate attention to a song that was released in 1989... or that someone see a video on my or any other blog that they hadn't seen in a while and be moved to go buy some music off iTunes or Rhapsody. Nope, if there's a chance that there's a penny to be forcibly squeezed out of a customer today instead of a dollar to be willingly given tomorrow, the record industry will take forcing today's penny every time. I thought about just putting up big "X"s where the Viacom songs would have appeared in my countdown, but then figured that it wasn't fair to the songs to skip them just because the parent company of their performers should be
But hey Viacom? That sound you hear is the steady march of progress happening all around you and leaving your sorry, greedy asses behind.
Posted by Christopher at 09:03 PM | Comments (0)The 59 Best One Hit Wonders Ever: #32-#30
32. The Lightning Seeds - "Pure" (1989) Sorry, there's no video to the studio recording, thanks to Viacom being a bunch of greedy morons. But here's a live performance, just to prove that they don't own all music. In the meantime, the Lightning Seeds -- an offshoot led by one time Echo and the Bunnymen member Ian Broudie -- had only one hit song in the US, but it's a nearly perfect electro synth pop song, uplifting and catchy. You don't get as great a sense of that from the live version, but here it is anyway.
31. The Vapors - "Turning Japanese" (1980) No, it wasn't about that! (Or was it?) My old band used to cover this song, way back in the day. A fun new wave classic, it's still as much fun to listen to or sing along to today as it was 27 years ago. Even if it was about excessive... er... self-amusement.
30. Sister Hazel - "All For You" (1997) A Florida band known for live shows and a devoted following, Sister Hazel made only one trip into the US top 40, in 1997 with the harmonic "All For You." This song goes on the soundtrack of my grad school years... great memories for me. There's no video for the studio version of this song, but some fan of an Australian soap opera put together a fan video of some couple from the show, and set it to the song. If you're a fan of the song and want to hear it, you can do so here.
Posted by Christopher at 08:29 PM | Comments (0)The 59 Best One Hit Wonders Ever: #35-33
35. Tracy Bonham - "Mother Mother" (1996) Every mother worries too much about their kids. Not every kid has written such a sarcastic and cantankerous response to well-meant but somewhat oppressive inquiries to her well-being. "I'm freezing, I'm starving, I'm bleeding to death... EVERYTHING'S FIIIIIIIIIIINE!" Heh heh.
34. The Waitresses - "I Know What Boys Like" (1982) The new wave classic that served up post-feminist irony in a catty boast -- I know you want this, and I'm gonna tease you with it but you can't have it -- has been written about on this blog during the 80s hits countdown. Plus, some stupid know-nothing record company moron has arranged for the video to be pulled from YouTube. So no links for you!
33. Thin Lizzy - "The Boys Are Back In Town" (1976) I don't like much "classic rock" -- too many AOR stations cluttering the airwaves -- but this staple of the format is just too good to hate on. Besides, this was one of the first examples of double lead guitar harmony (I know, not the first... I said *one* of the first!), and it's just a cool tune. RIP Phil Lynott.
Posted by Christopher at 01:04 AM | Comments (1)Thursday Thirteen: Ice Storm Edition
1. Ice storms suck. We got only a couple of inches of snow where I am. We got a rinkload of ice. The temperature is dropping tonight and things are apparently supposed to be even worse tomorrow. You know back in January when it was 68 degrees and I was bitching about global warming? I call do-over.
2. Speaking of ice... There are a few certainties in life. The swallows come back to San Juan Capistrano every March 19. Any movie with Morgan Freeman in it will be worth watching. And Boston University will win the Beanpot and claim college hockey superiority in Boston for another year. Yep, the Beanpot final was Monday night, and like they have for three straight years, five of the last six, 11 of the last 13, and 28 of the 55 years of the tournament, my alma mater, the BU Terriers, won the tournament -- this year in thrilling fashion, disposing of hated arch-rivals Boston College 2-1 in overtime. The Terriers are ranked #6 in the country right now (which will likely go up after the Beanpot win... again), and on their way to Coach Parker's record 22nd appearance in the NCAA tournament. Way to go, Icedogs.
3. I took a huge, no-turning-back step yesterday and today. Professionally, personally... everything changes in my world as of this week. Yes, I know it's cryptic to say something like that and not explain it; I will soon enough, I promise. But those who know me in real life know what I did today (no, I did NOT propose!... doing that on VD would be cheesy and lame), and can attest to the fact that I am not exaggerating. My whole life will change because of what I did this week (or the process for which today represented the climax). And while in theory it's probably supposed to feel good, instead I just feel kind of emotionally exhausted.
4. Six months ago... this rumor would have been really, really hot. As things are now, it's just kind of pathetic.
5. Speaking of pathetic celebrity things... I've been amused at the outpouring of "oh, that's so sad, she will be missed" kind of commentary about the death of Anna Nicole Smith. Not because her death wasn't tragic or whatever, but because of people's phoniness. The woman was treated by society at large as a walking punchline -- often times, deservedly so due to her own behavior -- and was fodder for late night comedians' jokes and tabloid nastiness... but all of a sudden she's dead and now we loved her? Come on, America: get a grip and quit with the falseness. We belittled this woman as a train wreck while she was alive, so the faux empathy now is a bit over the top. Actually, it's a lot over the top.
6. Next Up: Flush Toilets and Electricity. Hey, Kansas... welcome to the 20th century once again. Of course, it's the 21st century now... but you've had backwards, world-is-flat zealot O'Brien types to ward off, so we'll grant you the chance to catch up to us -- we've only had a decade head start. But you have to promise to not try to go back to the 19th century again.
7. Schadenfreude The Germans have long, cool-sounding words for almost everything. I learned this week, for example, that "Zeitverschwendung" means "waste of time" -- a revelation I will make copious use of in the future. Another one is "scahdenfreude," which is taking pleasure in the misfortune of others. If you've been reading me for more than four days, you know: I do that. Which is why I love this story so much. I guess "family values" include getting schnockered and taking your kids to Mickey D's.
8. BALCOmania. In the topsy-turvy, pathetic world of sports worship we live in, it's been realistic until today that Barry Bonds would not be punished for cheating or go to jail for perjuring himself, but the two reporters who exposed his cheating and perjury would go to jail for reporting the truth. Thankfully, that possibility is gone now; the leak in the Fainaru-Wade/Williams case has been revealed as one of the defense attorneys, and his plea deal calls for an end to efforts to prosecute the reporters for doing their job well. Hey Barry? It's becoming more (The) Clear that you're gonna get (the) Creamed. Hope you like prison weight rooms, pal.
9. Bigots R Us. Hey Tim Hardaway? Shut. The. Hell. Up. Take your moronic attitude and hit the freaking bricks, will you?
10. We All Scream For Ice Cream I love this. Ben & Jerry's has named a new flavor after Steven Colbert. And Colbert's hilarious response is as ridiculous -- and as utterly silly -- as the well-known whine he's parodying:
“I’m not afraid to say it. Dessert has a well-known liberal agenda,” Colbert said in a statement. “What I hope to do with this ice cream is bring some balance back to the freezer case.”
11. The Redemption Of Justin Timberlake Man, I don't want to like this guy. I want to hate him. But his now-famous SNL spoof video with Andy Samberg was pretty damn funny. And now, I have to give him props; at his recent New York City concert at Madison Square Garden, he brought Samberg on stage and performed the parody live in front of 16,000 people. And I don't know what's cooler: the fact that he had the guts to do it, the fact that he doesn't take himself so seriously that he can't have a little fun with the genre that's made him rich, or the fact that the entire crowd was singing along to it and screamed for Samberg like he was a teen idol when he walked on stage. Just a funny, funny moment and one that goes a long way toward making me think that Justin Timberlake may not be the spawn of Beelzebub that I once thought him. Check the concert video here (mildly not safe for work, only if you work with prudes with no sense of humor).
12. The Fourth Best Sports Day Of The Year The best sports day of the year is the day of my fantasy baseball league's auction/draft. The second best is Opening Day of baseball season. The third best is the first day of March Madness. And Wednesday was the fourth best sports day of the year. Say it with me, kids... pitchers and catchers report.
13. VD I have the fortune of dating a woman who, in addition to all the other reasons she's wonderful, is even more cynical about the Hallmark nature of February 14 than I am. I was specifically instructed not to do or buy anything for the day, which she and I both see, as Ebenezer Scrooge might put it, as "a poor excuse for picking a person's pocket every February 14." In fact, we had been talking on the phone for about half an hour after work when we first even realized the date. We inserted a quick "happy valentine's day" into the conversation and then went back to discussing matters at hand. And I wish you all happy VD as well... I mean, *a* happy VD.
Posted by Christopher at 12:59 AM | Comments (2)February 13, 2007
The 59 Best One Hit Wonders Ever: #38-#36
38. Saigon Kick - "Love Is On The Way" (1992) Just as hair metal and the power ballad were in their death throes in 1992, Saigon Kick burst into the top 15 with "Love Is On The Way." A hair band hitting with a power ballad in 1992 was roughly akin to releasing a disco song in 1981, a 16 minute prog-rock opus in 1977, or a folk rock ditty in 1968. Showing up to the club just as the bartenders are yelling "last call" and the bouncers are informing everybody that "you don't have to go home but you can't stay here" is a good way to ensure that you don't even go home with an arm-biter... which is what happened to Saigon Kick. But it's still a good contribution to the hair ballad genre.
37. The La's - "There She Goes" (1991) Is it about a girl? Is it about heroin? ("Pulsing through my vein... racing through my brain... no one else can ease my pain.") Did it have more than 20 words in the entire song? Was it anything more than the same verse sung over and over, repeated 16 times until the song ended? Who cares - it was a catchy little tune that got into your head and wouldn't go away.
36. Frida - "I Know There's Something Going On" (1983) How do you make a former member of ABBA cool -- and not in the kitschy retro so cheesy it's wonderful way, but in the real way? Sign her up to do an album with Phil Collins as producer, who added his traditional unique drum sound (listen for the similarities in the drum sound with "In The Air Tonight"), a reverb effect on her voice, and some harder guitar riffs behind her. Suddenly a veteran of kitschy 70s cheese had a song with actual rock credibility. This still gets played every now and then on AC stations and in the "Jack" format. Good tune.
Posted by Christopher at 10:03 PM | Comments (0)The 59 Best One Hit Wonders Ever: #41-#39
41. Men Without Hats - "The Safety Dance" (1982) On the list purely for kitsch value. I just wanted to be able to put a video on my blog that featured a medieval little person in a jester costume, maypole dancing, and a bizarre puppet show. S (s-s-s) A (a-a-a) F(f-f-f) E(e-e-e) T (t-t-t) Y (y-y-y).... Safety (afety-afety-afety)... DANCE! (ance! ance!) Yeah, you know you just heard the extended remix in your head too.
40. The Proclaimers - "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)" (1993) Because the world didn't have enough songs sung by dorky looking Scottish twins with an accent so thick you could taste the haggis. The song was also cool because it was from the movie Benny and Joon, which is a "whatever" movie except for having the sublime Mary Stuart Masterson in it, who was quite the babe back in the day.
39. Bow Wow Wow - "I Want Candy" (1982) Former Ants without Adam, fronted by a 15 year old Lolita type and managed by the same guy who managed the Sex Pistols. Sounds like a formula for one big hit to me!
Posted by Christopher at 07:44 AM | Comments (0)More Unintentional Censorship
I did it again. I get about 1000 spamments a day (this is not an exaggeration and is the reason why I would support the death penalty for spam perpetrators). In the process of trying to eliminate them, I not only deleted some legit comments that hadn't been posted yet, but also just accidentally deleted about 100 legit comments that had already been posted. Some of them appeared to be critical of me or my taste in music or my political positions, which is fine ... and now it looks to a casual observer that I deleted a bunch of comments that I didn't like.
Which isn't true.
Sorry for the unintentional censorship. Stupid forkin' spammers deserve to die in the most painful ways imaginable.
Posted by Christopher at 12:37 AM | Comments (0)February 12, 2007
The 59 Best One Hit Wonders Ever: #44-#42
44. Steel Breeze - "You Don't Want Me Anymore" (1982) One of the staples of early MTV was this strange and somewhat oddly-related-to-the-song video from Sacramento's own Steel Breeze. You know, because period pieces lend themselves to an early 80s AOR soundtrack. I remember this song well from when I was in junior high... it was a favorite then, and is still kind of fun now, cheesy video and all. (And I would really like for one of the boys from the band to answer me these questions: 1) at the beginning of the video, when the band is leaving the suburban office complex to get in their limo, where exactly is the crowd noise coming from? How many crowds hang around the parking lots of suburban industrial parks? and 2) how many turn of the century mansions had bowling lanes in them?)
43. Nick Gilder - "Hot Child In The City" (1978) The best song about underage teenage runaway hookers ever written (he said facetiously). You couldn't get away with this song today; our societal sensitivities have shifted, and the head-in-the-sand approach to teenagers, problems and sex favored by social conservatives has become something of the national zeitgeist... so a song like this today would find the artist attacked and boycotted before anyone could even hear it. Which'd be a shame, because it was a cool song.
42. The Divynls - "I Touch Myself" (1990) Wow, do you have to be careful doing a Google search on this song to find background information! But the way that this song rocketed up the charts in the US when all other songs by the band hadn't even cracked the top 75 is easy to understand or explain. None of the allusions or code words from "She-Bop" or "Dancing With Myself" here... just a flat out lustful admission. Gee, I can't understand the appeal of this song. In the 17 years since it hit, "I Touch Myself" has gone on to become one of the greatest karaoke/dare/bet payoff songs of all time.
Posted by Christopher at 07:36 AM | Comments (0)February 11, 2007
Get The Message?
Just in case anyone missed it, that sound you heard tonight was the record industry delivering a giant and emphatic middle finger to the red states, George W. Bush, and his "we're the only patriots"/thought police supporters. Granted, the collective bird came about four years too late, but they get points for the sentiment if not for the courage of their convictions. "They" meaning the record industry, of course; the Dixie Chicks were showing the courage of their convictions back when it wasn't popular.
The Chicks' virtual banishment from red state airwaves via the blacklisting carried out by Clear Channel and Cumulus and others in the conservative media seems especially ironic today, after time has proven all the liberal criticisms and opposition correct, and shown Bush to be almost inarguably the worst president in American history. But especially in light of what we know now, and how fully established the neocon incompetence and malfeasance has become, it's important to remember tonight what was attempted in this country.
Red states, supported by the conservative-dominated media and egged on tacitly if not directly by the administration and its cronies, attempted to forcibly end the careers of artists for the mere crime of opposing the state -- part of a much larger campaign to silence any and all opposition to conservative policies by branding it unpatriotic to disagree. Just because the Dixie Chicks came back strong and gave the record industry the chance to do the right thing only four years late... doesn't mean that we can or should forget that just four years ago, people were being arrested in this country for wearing anti-Bush t-shirts, and teachers were being fired for simply allowing students to read their own anti-war poetry. Whenever anyone naively claims that "it could never happen here," introduce them to conservatives, give 'em a copy of "Taking The Long Way," and remind them that it in fact has... and will again if conservatives were allowed their way.
So while you're celebrating the Dixie Chicks' triumph tonight or merely enjoying their music, keep one mindful eye open to what it was that they came back from -- and who was responsible for it.
Posted by Christopher at 11:44 PM | Comments (0)February 10, 2007
The 59 Best One Hit Wonders Ever: #47-#45
47. Faith No More - "Epic" (1989) What?! Is?! It?! IT'S IT! (What is it?!) These guys got less credit than I thought they deserved. I mean, everyone always credits the Red Hot Chili Peppers with successfully fusing rock, funk and rap... but one listen to 1989's "Epic" gives one a sense that Flea and Anthony Kiedis were maybe not the only ones pioneering a fused sound. Really, I was kind of surprised that these guys didn't get bigger than they did. But despite reaching #4 with "Epic," Faith No More didn't have any other top 40 hits in the US, and they flamed out by the mid-90s.
46. 3rd Bass - "Pop Goes The Weasel" (1991) I already covered this in my countdown of rap songs... so I won't say much else. Other than that any rap song that samples Peter Gabriel and rips Vanilla Ice is a winner.
45. Andru Donalds - "Mishale" (1995) This guy has an incredible voice; it's my opinion that he should have been a lot bigger than he ended up being. Yes, I know he had other hits in other countries, but he only had one hit in the US -- 1995's #4 hit "Mishale." Caribbean-born and influenced, Donalds possessed a wonderfully broad range and just a really smooth voice. And he was one of the only people in the world whose range and voice could ever make a cover of an Air Supply song sound okay.But that cover didn't hit here; only "Mishale," the reggae-tinged ode to a lost love, made the US charts. How no-talent hacks like Fergie can manage multiple hits while a voice like this is relegated to OHW status is beyond me. Meanwhile, no video is available on YouTube (one was up but was taken down for "terms of use" issues), so here's a link to the audio.
Posted by Christopher at 05:51 PM | Comments (0)February 08, 2007
The 59 Best One Hit Wonders Ever: #50-#48
50. Dee-Lite - "Groove Is In The Heart" (1990) I admit it: I hated this song when it came out, and used to belittle it and anyone who enjoyed it. But in the ensuing 17 years, it's grown on me. First of all, you have to love any song that features Bootsy Collins. You have to like it even more when it has a rap by Q-Tip in it. Their whole 1971 retro party vibe that annoyed me in 1990 now amuses me in 2007. It's just a silly, harmless little dance song, and a fun one at that. Even if the dudes in this group could not dance to save their lives.
49. When In Rome - "The Promise" (1988) This is another one that I wasn't big on in its day, but has grown on me in the years since. It's a sweet plea: "I'm sorry, but I'm just thinking of the right words to say; I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be. But if you wait around a while, I'll make you fall for me, I promise." I wasn't into UK synth-pop in the late 80s, but time's made the sentiment kind of work and softened me on the tune.
48. Nena - "99 Luftballons" (1983) Go on, make fun of me if you like for Dee-Lite and When In Rome. Fine, I can take it. But don't pretend that you didn't dig this song when it came out in 1983/1984. You even liked both versions - the original German and the English remake. You knew both versions had "Captain Kirk," and you could pronounce "luftballon" even if you didn't know exactly what a luftballon was. (Air balloon?) You could pronounce "neun und neunzig" and thought you were cool. You thought Nena was sort of hot even though those European armpits violated American beauty standards and thus sort of skeeved you out. You thought that keyboard player was quite possibly the ugliest man in the history of humankind, and you looked upon him with a combination of pity for the poor bastard, and abject horror. And you thought that the song spoke to your fears of an accidental or unintentional nuclear war. Don't even try to deny it. And don't diss Nena, man... the armpit hair will come for you.
The English version is here, if you're too wussy to do the song the right way. But if you're a true 80s aficionado, you know that the song is properly viewed and listened to in German... and you're glad I posted the right video below.
Posted by Christopher at 09:15 PM | Comments (0)The 59 Best One Hit Wonders Ever: #53-#51
53. Jimmy Harnen with Synch - "Where Are You Now?" (1989) I warned you. I told you there were some songs on this list that were embarrassing, but held good associations for me anyway. Here's one of 'em. Ah... Christa Spencer. Never underestimate the power of a junior crooning cheesy sap ballads to impressionable freshmen girls while driving somewhere. Hey, it's not like I *knew* that she'd react like that! ... Oh, sorry... where was I? Oh yeah. Synch was basically a bar band from Wilkes-Barre PA who let their drummer sing lead on one song, then broke up... and then three years later the song somehow resurfaced and leapt into the top 10 -- only now crediting the drummer as the front man. I'd say never trust a drummer, except that this drummer got me Christa Spencer's reaction, so he's okay in my book.
The song itself is cheesy 80s piano pop with overly melodramatic lyrics about missing a girl. I won't embarrass myself by putting it into my blog, but if you really want to hear the song, some kid over on YouTube put together a teen angst tribute to his ex-girlfriend and set it to this song, and if you're masochistic you can catch it here.
52. Vickie Sue Robinson - "Turn The Beat Around" (1976) Is it disco, or is it early Latin-tinged dance? Another dance tune, great song that has a unique distinction: someone covered it later on (Gloria Estefan in 1994) and the cover was even better than the original. But I still have a soft spot for the original too. And the late Vickie Sue Robinson clocks in at #52 on my Best OHW list.
51. Sly Fox - "Let's Go All The Way" (1986) Quite possibly one of the worst videos ever made for any pop song ever. But this is a very distinctive song, with that weird "zhum zhum zinna-ninny" rhythm line behind the melody. Harmless 80s synth pop: not as high on the kitschometer as hair bands, not as respectable to remember as the decade's giants (Prince, U2, Springsteen, Madonna, and even the King of Pedophiles), but sometimes fun nonetheless.
Posted by Christopher at 07:18 AM | Comments (0)February 07, 2007
Three Point Gay
In the latest example of news that's not really news, a former pro athlete -- in this case, former NBA journeyman John Amaechi -- has come out of the closet (in book form, no less) to reveal that he's gay. The idea that a professional athlete is gay and felt compelled to hide it is about as surprising as the idea that a Kennedy screws around. It's just not news anymore. We all know there are gay athletes. We all hear the stereotypes that the uber-macho world of athletics makes it even harder for a gay person to come out. This is just not noteworthy anymore.
I'm heartened somewhat by the reaction from much of the NBA -- from the crude type exemplified by Philadelphia center Steve Hunter ("As long as he don’t make any advances toward me I’m fine with it,” he said. “As long as he came to play basketball like a man and conducted himself like a good person, I’d be fine with it.”) to the classy type of reaction by Orlando's Grant Hill ("The fact that John has done this, maybe it will give others the comfort or confidence to come out as well, whether they are playing or retiring,” Hill said.) -- seems to be much along the line of "if you can play the game, then we don't care" and not "would he be looking at me in the locker room?".
But mostly I share the opinion of ESPN.com columnist LZ Granderson, who writes in frustration that coming out after one's playing career is easier on the player but merely perpetuates the problem of homophobia.
What I am suggesting is that by not living the truth you are supporting the lie. The lie that gay men are inherently weaker than straight men. We can go in circles about whether homosexuality is a sin, but that's not what this argument is about. It's about whether a gay athlete can perform on the field or on the court at the same level of excellence and intensity as a straight athlete. I've talked to a lot athletes over the years about having a gay teammate, and their top objection is they believe a gay dude won't be able to pull his own weight.
Granderson writes that real courage will be demonstrated only when a player who's still in the league comes out while his playing days are still, uh, in play. I think he's right. I wish Amaechi well, but it's hard to feel like his revelation is news or will change anything. Good luck, John, and God bless... but I wish you'd done this five years ago while you were still playing.
Posted by Christopher at 11:37 PM | Comments (0)February 06, 2007
The 59 Best One Hit Wonders Ever: #57-#54
57. Jonathan Edwards - "Sunshine" (1971) Hippie anti-establishment acoustic ballads kick ass. This was one of those "I don't even know what I'm protesting about, I just don't like the system" kind of baby boomer whines that I really should hate for what it represents (baby boomer pseudo-angst)... except that it's just a good song. Always liked it, always will. I couldn't find any original recordings or videos, but here's a clip of Edwards performing the song at some folkie hall in Texas in 2006.
56. Status Quo - "Pictures of Matchstick Men" (1968) No, not the overrated cover by Camper Von Beethoven from the late 90s; the only version of this song that counts is the acid-drenched 1968 original version by Status Quo. And yes, I know they had a couple decades worth of hits in the UK; this is a US based list, so they're one hit wonders here. Here's a 30 second audio clip of their original.
55. Giuffria - "Call To Your Heart" (1984) Ah, mid-80s hair pop... you left us way too soon. You could be forgiven, if not looking at the video, for thinking this might be Steve Perry from Journey; the voice is somewhat similar. The distinctly 80s keyboard line leading the way on the melody, with the hair and outfits that scream "we're bad boys who're showing their soft side"... ah, the 80s were delightfully awful. I have no idea what ever happened to Greg Giuffria (he of the dual keyboards and Nelson-like hair in this video) or his band, but gosh didn't they leave us with a happy calling card?
Oh... and just some food for thought: those 80s video babes are all now 50 or so, and are quite possibly grandmothers now.
54. Amii Stewart - "Knock On Wood" (1979) But if there was one decade that was even more bizarre than the 80s, it was the 70s. I confessed early on that this list would have more disco than I should be comfortable with... but Amii Stewart's danceable cover of the Eddie Floyd soul classic is both nostalgic for me (ah, the Friday nights at the roller skating rink in the late 70s!) and current (I just think it's a fun dance song). And if you can get past that stupid damn wind-up toy gizmo thigamajig on her head, the video's a great example of what it might have been like to hit a dance club while stoned to the gills on ecstasy, acid, or some other hallucinogen. Yeah, it's disco. No, I don't care.
Posted by Christopher at 08:44 PM | Comments (0)The Next Curmudgeon's List: The 59 Best One Hit Wonders Ever
Because I am highly unoriginal and keep going back to the same well over and over again... and because you know that deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on the lists -- you NEED me on the lists!.... here's one more -- only this time the tables will be turned a little.
On the "worst one hit wonders ever" list (and to a lesser extent my "worst bands ever" list), I heard from people who kept saying "I love that song, what is your problem?" or something to that effect. People weren't always happy that I snarked about a tune they dug. Well, now's your chance to turn it around on me, because I'm gonna throw out my favorite one hit wonders of all time, and you get to mock my taste in music.
I fully expect to be embarrassed by some of these revelations. Some of the songs, after all, are guilty pleasures; others are on the list only because they got me, er, "attention" in my younger years and therefore have positive associations for me even though the songs are admittedly sometimes weak. There's more disco on here than probably should be, and cheesy 80s fare that belies the decade of my wildest youth. But you know what? If I'm gonna dish it out on songs other people like, I'd better be willing to take it when it comes to songs I like.
Same definitions as for the "worst" list -- someone who had a #5 hit and a #37 hit counts as as one hit wonder; someone who had a string of chart hits in England or Australia or Canada or Germany or Ireland, but only one hit in the States makes the cut as a one hit wonder, since being American my frame of reference is American.
Have at me, kids. But you know that you like some of these tunes too... and by the time we hit the top ten, there's going to be some damn good songs up there.
Posted by Christopher at 07:50 AM | Comments (0)The 59 Best One Hit Wonders Ever: #59 and #58
59. George McCrae - "Rock Your Baby" (1974) I said there'd be some embarrassing songs on this list, so I might as well start it out with a bang and get one of the most embarrassing ones out of the way. I don't remember this song from when I was a kid (I was six when it came out), but it's seeped into my consciousness through way too many cheesy nights out at Polly Esther's in DC or making the playlist for retro new year's eve celebrations at Heaven and Hell. The song's claim to fame is that it was the very first disco song to hit #1 on the pop charts. Written by "KC" of KC and the Sunshine Band fame, the song is easy to dance to, no matter how cheesy it is. And take it from me, we big, white and clumsy folk do appreciate it when an artist makes it easy for us to dance to their song. So the OHW list kicks off with wide collars, unbuttoned shirts, and a Sears Toughskins pantsuit.
58. The Georgia Satellites - "Keep Your Hands To Yourself" (1988) Admit it. You chanted this chorus during the late 80s whenever it came on at parties. If you're a woman, you playfully shot at least one guy down by croak-drawling "No hug-EE, no kiss-EE until I get a wedding ring!" If you're a guy, you jested at least once that some girl should not put your love upon no shelf. You know you did. Trying to pretend now that it didn't happen won't change the past. But you know what? This rollicking ode to blue balls is a fun, basic bluesy rocker, featured a memorable and instantly recognizable chorus, and had a video featuring mullets that could only have been grown in the south. I'm not as mortified about still enjoying this song.
Posted by Christopher at 07:35 AM | Comments (0)February 05, 2007
Miscellaneous
1. Is it just me, or did the cops in Boston massively overreact? And is the $2 million the city is extorting from Turner enough to save the city's face, or would it take more?
Look, I am not now nor have I ever been a fan of marketing departments. And when I hear "guerrilla marketing," I get post-traumatic flashbacks to the dotcom era and the insufferable Bay Area types who were convinced that they knew better than the east coast rubes... but still, anyone under the age of 30 could have told the cops that the big scary lite-brites were just Ignignokt. (Hell, I could have told them. I love the Aqua Teens.) The Boston PD shouldn't be embarrassed over its initial caution... but it and the city should be humiliated over their ongoing reaction.
2. Was it just me, or did this year's Super Bowl ads suck with the fury of one thousand white hot suns?
3. Geez, it wasn't bad enough that celebrities have decided that being a bigot or a homophobe can be excused if you go to counseling, but now San Francisco mayor Gavin Newsom has decided that counseling can erase an affair. Come on, dude. Cut the BS. You shagged a friend's wife. I've been drunk. I've never shagged a friend's wife.
Ordinarily I'm not one to moralistically cast judgment on anyone for an affair. It's the business of those involved and the cheated-upon partners, and no one else. But this feels different to me... it was his friend's wife, man. And while it *is* San Francisco, the friend's reaction would indicate that there was no "go on, buddy, I've shared everything else with you, might as well share my wife too!" kind of arrangement happening. People have affairs, it's a law of the jungle... and most often I don't hold people's personal situations as relevant to their job performance. But nailing your friend's wife is a violation of the Guy Code... and anyone who'd stick the knife in a buddy's back is not the kind of person I'd want as my mayor. Mr. Newsom, the dust bin of history is calling. And no trendy, follow-the-rehab jaunt to counseling is going to solve your problem -- not even bad judgment, but Judas-like betrayal.
4. This story's only gonna get more bizarre. An astronaut has been arrested for attempting to kidnap a woman she considered a romantic rival... after driving halfway across the country from Houston to Orlando to confront the woman, dressed in a trenchcoat and a wig and wearing diapers in the car so that she wouldn't have to stop for a pee break. And as it turns out, the alleged kidnapper astronaut wasn't even really in a relationship with the guy in the middle... "more than a working relationship but less than a romantic relationship," according to her affidavit. In fact, she's married to someone else! Can you say unbalanced stalker? This one ought to get good.
Posted by Christopher at 08:44 PM | Comments (0)Monday List
After having returned from Chicago and having not blogged for a week, here's a few things to try and ramp the blog back up a bit.
1. Goodbye, Molly Ivins. Granted, conservatives do their absolute best to give the world ample reason to skewer them; there's material enough over the last two years alone -- much less the past forty -- to make a career from. But despite the ample opportunities they provide writers to mug them, the late Molly Ivins still stood out. Her wit was just a little bit sharper, her rhetoric just a little more pointed, than other columnists who took aim at the rabid right and its poster children. The right wing hated her like few others... I suspect that's because it must really suck to have someone pointing out just how inherently insipid your political philosophy is, and then have events and the world prove the criticism accurate. The truth hurts, and that's why the right hated Molly Ivins. As for me, I loved her writing and will miss her. Fare thee well, Molly.
2. Figure It Out Yet, Dumbya? The United Nations climate change report shows unequivocally that global warming is real, is the result of human activity, and is reaching a crisis point literally in the next few years. Predictably, the Ostrich Bush administration reacted first by trying to defend itself (pointing out how much money it claims to have spent on studying climate change), and then denying the cause of the problem some more.
"We are a small contributor when you look at the rest of the world," U.S. Energy Secretary Sam Bodman said of greenhouse gas emissions. "It's really got to be a global discussion."
Hey chucklehead? The US and our 5% of the world's populations are responsible for one quarter of the world's carbon dioxide emissions and we use one quarter of the world's crude oil. That does not make us a small contributor, Jonesy. Also predictable was the Bushies trotting out thei usual conservative refrain on the environment: that actual action -- as opposed to merely suggesting voluntary guideposts that industry is free to ignore -- would potentially cause us to lose jobs. I wonder how many jobs would be lost if the planet warms to the point of instability? The extent to which this administration has continually betrayed the generations coming after it is truly galling.
3. Da Bearse. I'll admit it: I was cheering for the Colts yesterday. I like Manning, I like Dungy despite his fawning and obsequious God talk (guess what, Tony? God didn't care who won yesterday's game... he had other things to think about), and my dad has been a Colt fan for 55 or 60 years or so, so it was nice to have his team win the big one. But I also just don't like the Bears. I thought that despite having dominated the NFC this year (a feat roughly akin to being the best ballerina in South Dakota), they were a one dimensional team (all defense, all the time) entering the Super Bowl with literally the worst quarterback ever to start for a team in the Super Bowl. True to my belief, it was Rex Grossman who handed the game away with two of the weakest passes ever seen on a football field that were easily picked off. He is a hideous quarterback who is barely good enough to be QBing the practice squad for the Oakland Raiders, much less playing a Super Bowl.
I read some rather obnoxious posts by Bear fans within the circle of this blog, and came very close to responding to them last night before deciding that doing so would be dancing on the grave and pouring salt in the wound. Suffice it to say that I was pleased with yesterday's outcome.
4. Cunning as a savage pitted against the wilderness. But my disdain for the 2006 Bears is in no way reflective of my feelings about the city of Chicago. Great town. Even though every time I am there I am virtually sequestered in a conference room or hotel ballroom and have yet to really go explore the place, the impressions I've always had are top notch; it's a great town. We didn't see much of it this time around -- stayed inside our conference room holding cell for no less than 12 hours each day and most often until well past 10 -- but every time I go to that city, I'm impressed and left wishing I could see more of it.
5. Stylish digs probably help that impression. I'll be the first to admit that where you stay or sleep has a lot to do with your impressions of a town. We did pretty well in that regard, I must say. I'll give credit where it's due; the W hotels I have been in have all been first rate at customer service and paying attention to details that enhance the guest's experience, and the Chicago one was no exception. Great hotel; I recommend it if you're in Chicago.
6. Of course, being able to breathe would have helped. The one negative about the city: they still haven't joined the 21st century, and still insist on allowing smoking in restaurants and bars. You know, because the right of smokers to expose me to carcinogens is so much more important than my right to simply breathe comfortably if I wish to dine out or enjoy a bar. The one night we were able to go out (Friday night), I was reminded within three minutes of how nice it's been that the major cities of the northeast have banned indoor smoking in public places. To truly be world class, Chicago's gotta get with the times and enact a smoking ban; without one, it's just not as appealing to think of going there for lesiure.
7. Traveling in style. Being in Chicago and being put up in a sweet hotel while working on a high profile project is nice. Having the boss save you a day of hanging around O'Hare by offering your team seats on the company jet in the morning instead of your commercial flight at night is even nicer.
8. Domestic Tranquility. I was gone for a week. TG was the keeper of The Cat while I was away, coming to the townhouse a couple of times during the week to check on him, play with him, replenish his food and check the waterer, all that stuff. When I called late Friday night with the news that I was coming home about 9 hours ahead of schedule, she decided to surprise me. When I came home from the airport Saturday, TG and her 4 year old were home waiting for me -- the kid hiding gleefully behind my sofa and leaping out yelling "surprise!," and TG actually cleaning my kitchen.
They'd come over an hour early and gotten to work straightening up the place (it wasn't a disaster, but I had come home from Vermont last Sunday afternoon, done a few loads of laundry, packed, and left Monday for Atlanta and Chicago, so it looked like the place of someone who'd been in a rush when he left it)... when I asked why, she just said, "I just thought it might be nice for you to come home to a clean place and not have to worry about doing it yourself after a long week when you're tired."
Yeah, she's a keeper. Out of my league, but as long as she hasn't figured it out yet, I'll gladly take it. I have to say... this whole domestic thing, with the kid waiting to run up and hug me hello and having someone home who's waiting for me when I walk in the door... I struggled with domesticity in the past, but I think I kind of don't mind it at all this time.I could get used to this.
9. Baby, It's Cold Outside. One not so nice thing about being home: it's freaking freezing out. The temp this morning is 6 degrees, without the windchill. We have an Arctic air mass blowing in, and I'll just say that it sucks. There's a reason I left Minnesota, y'know. (Well okay, there were a few reasons and most had little to do with the weather, but in retrospect the cold would have been one of them.)
10. As always, I do not have a full list of things to say. But thanks for holding out and waiting for me while I was away.
Posted by Christopher at 06:20 AM | Comments (0)
