February 15, 2007
Thursday Thirteen: Ice Storm Edition
1. Ice storms suck. We got only a couple of inches of snow where I am. We got a rinkload of ice. The temperature is dropping tonight and things are apparently supposed to be even worse tomorrow. You know back in January when it was 68 degrees and I was bitching about global warming? I call do-over.
2. Speaking of ice... There are a few certainties in life. The swallows come back to San Juan Capistrano every March 19. Any movie with Morgan Freeman in it will be worth watching. And Boston University will win the Beanpot and claim college hockey superiority in Boston for another year. Yep, the Beanpot final was Monday night, and like they have for three straight years, five of the last six, 11 of the last 13, and 28 of the 55 years of the tournament, my alma mater, the BU Terriers, won the tournament -- this year in thrilling fashion, disposing of hated arch-rivals Boston College 2-1 in overtime. The Terriers are ranked #6 in the country right now (which will likely go up after the Beanpot win... again), and on their way to Coach Parker's record 22nd appearance in the NCAA tournament. Way to go, Icedogs.
3. I took a huge, no-turning-back step yesterday and today. Professionally, personally... everything changes in my world as of this week. Yes, I know it's cryptic to say something like that and not explain it; I will soon enough, I promise. But those who know me in real life know what I did today (no, I did NOT propose!... doing that on VD would be cheesy and lame), and can attest to the fact that I am not exaggerating. My whole life will change because of what I did this week (or the process for which today represented the climax). And while in theory it's probably supposed to feel good, instead I just feel kind of emotionally exhausted.
4. Six months ago... this rumor would have been really, really hot. As things are now, it's just kind of pathetic.
5. Speaking of pathetic celebrity things... I've been amused at the outpouring of "oh, that's so sad, she will be missed" kind of commentary about the death of Anna Nicole Smith. Not because her death wasn't tragic or whatever, but because of people's phoniness. The woman was treated by society at large as a walking punchline -- often times, deservedly so due to her own behavior -- and was fodder for late night comedians' jokes and tabloid nastiness... but all of a sudden she's dead and now we loved her? Come on, America: get a grip and quit with the falseness. We belittled this woman as a train wreck while she was alive, so the faux empathy now is a bit over the top. Actually, it's a lot over the top.
6. Next Up: Flush Toilets and Electricity. Hey, Kansas... welcome to the 20th century once again. Of course, it's the 21st century now... but you've had backwards, world-is-flat zealot O'Brien types to ward off, so we'll grant you the chance to catch up to us -- we've only had a decade head start. But you have to promise to not try to go back to the 19th century again.
7. Schadenfreude The Germans have long, cool-sounding words for almost everything. I learned this week, for example, that "Zeitverschwendung" means "waste of time" -- a revelation I will make copious use of in the future. Another one is "scahdenfreude," which is taking pleasure in the misfortune of others. If you've been reading me for more than four days, you know: I do that. Which is why I love this story so much. I guess "family values" include getting schnockered and taking your kids to Mickey D's.
8. BALCOmania. In the topsy-turvy, pathetic world of sports worship we live in, it's been realistic until today that Barry Bonds would not be punished for cheating or go to jail for perjuring himself, but the two reporters who exposed his cheating and perjury would go to jail for reporting the truth. Thankfully, that possibility is gone now; the leak in the Fainaru-Wade/Williams case has been revealed as one of the defense attorneys, and his plea deal calls for an end to efforts to prosecute the reporters for doing their job well. Hey Barry? It's becoming more (The) Clear that you're gonna get (the) Creamed. Hope you like prison weight rooms, pal.
9. Bigots R Us. Hey Tim Hardaway? Shut. The. Hell. Up. Take your moronic attitude and hit the freaking bricks, will you?
10. We All Scream For Ice Cream I love this. Ben & Jerry's has named a new flavor after Steven Colbert. And Colbert's hilarious response is as ridiculous -- and as utterly silly -- as the well-known whine he's parodying:
“I’m not afraid to say it. Dessert has a well-known liberal agenda,” Colbert said in a statement. “What I hope to do with this ice cream is bring some balance back to the freezer case.”
11. The Redemption Of Justin Timberlake Man, I don't want to like this guy. I want to hate him. But his now-famous SNL spoof video with Andy Samberg was pretty damn funny. And now, I have to give him props; at his recent New York City concert at Madison Square Garden, he brought Samberg on stage and performed the parody live in front of 16,000 people. And I don't know what's cooler: the fact that he had the guts to do it, the fact that he doesn't take himself so seriously that he can't have a little fun with the genre that's made him rich, or the fact that the entire crowd was singing along to it and screamed for Samberg like he was a teen idol when he walked on stage. Just a funny, funny moment and one that goes a long way toward making me think that Justin Timberlake may not be the spawn of Beelzebub that I once thought him. Check the concert video here (mildly not safe for work, only if you work with prudes with no sense of humor).
12. The Fourth Best Sports Day Of The Year The best sports day of the year is the day of my fantasy baseball league's auction/draft. The second best is Opening Day of baseball season. The third best is the first day of March Madness. And Wednesday was the fourth best sports day of the year. Say it with me, kids... pitchers and catchers report.
13. VD I have the fortune of dating a woman who, in addition to all the other reasons she's wonderful, is even more cynical about the Hallmark nature of February 14 than I am. I was specifically instructed not to do or buy anything for the day, which she and I both see, as Ebenezer Scrooge might put it, as "a poor excuse for picking a person's pocket every February 14." In fact, we had been talking on the phone for about half an hour after work when we first even realized the date. We inserted a quick "happy valentine's day" into the conversation and then went back to discussing matters at hand. And I wish you all happy VD as well... I mean, *a* happy VD.
Posted by Christopher at 12:59 AM | Comments (2)February 05, 2007
Miscellaneous
1. Is it just me, or did the cops in Boston massively overreact? And is the $2 million the city is extorting from Turner enough to save the city's face, or would it take more?
Look, I am not now nor have I ever been a fan of marketing departments. And when I hear "guerrilla marketing," I get post-traumatic flashbacks to the dotcom era and the insufferable Bay Area types who were convinced that they knew better than the east coast rubes... but still, anyone under the age of 30 could have told the cops that the big scary lite-brites were just Ignignokt. (Hell, I could have told them. I love the Aqua Teens.) The Boston PD shouldn't be embarrassed over its initial caution... but it and the city should be humiliated over their ongoing reaction.
2. Was it just me, or did this year's Super Bowl ads suck with the fury of one thousand white hot suns?
3. Geez, it wasn't bad enough that celebrities have decided that being a bigot or a homophobe can be excused if you go to counseling, but now San Francisco mayor Gavin Newsom has decided that counseling can erase an affair. Come on, dude. Cut the BS. You shagged a friend's wife. I've been drunk. I've never shagged a friend's wife.
Ordinarily I'm not one to moralistically cast judgment on anyone for an affair. It's the business of those involved and the cheated-upon partners, and no one else. But this feels different to me... it was his friend's wife, man. And while it *is* San Francisco, the friend's reaction would indicate that there was no "go on, buddy, I've shared everything else with you, might as well share my wife too!" kind of arrangement happening. People have affairs, it's a law of the jungle... and most often I don't hold people's personal situations as relevant to their job performance. But nailing your friend's wife is a violation of the Guy Code... and anyone who'd stick the knife in a buddy's back is not the kind of person I'd want as my mayor. Mr. Newsom, the dust bin of history is calling. And no trendy, follow-the-rehab jaunt to counseling is going to solve your problem -- not even bad judgment, but Judas-like betrayal.
4. This story's only gonna get more bizarre. An astronaut has been arrested for attempting to kidnap a woman she considered a romantic rival... after driving halfway across the country from Houston to Orlando to confront the woman, dressed in a trenchcoat and a wig and wearing diapers in the car so that she wouldn't have to stop for a pee break. And as it turns out, the alleged kidnapper astronaut wasn't even really in a relationship with the guy in the middle... "more than a working relationship but less than a romantic relationship," according to her affidavit. In fact, she's married to someone else! Can you say unbalanced stalker? This one ought to get good.
Posted by Christopher at 08:44 PM | Comments (0)Monday List
After having returned from Chicago and having not blogged for a week, here's a few things to try and ramp the blog back up a bit.
1. Goodbye, Molly Ivins. Granted, conservatives do their absolute best to give the world ample reason to skewer them; there's material enough over the last two years alone -- much less the past forty -- to make a career from. But despite the ample opportunities they provide writers to mug them, the late Molly Ivins still stood out. Her wit was just a little bit sharper, her rhetoric just a little more pointed, than other columnists who took aim at the rabid right and its poster children. The right wing hated her like few others... I suspect that's because it must really suck to have someone pointing out just how inherently insipid your political philosophy is, and then have events and the world prove the criticism accurate. The truth hurts, and that's why the right hated Molly Ivins. As for me, I loved her writing and will miss her. Fare thee well, Molly.
2. Figure It Out Yet, Dumbya? The United Nations climate change report shows unequivocally that global warming is real, is the result of human activity, and is reaching a crisis point literally in the next few years. Predictably, the Ostrich Bush administration reacted first by trying to defend itself (pointing out how much money it claims to have spent on studying climate change), and then denying the cause of the problem some more.
"We are a small contributor when you look at the rest of the world," U.S. Energy Secretary Sam Bodman said of greenhouse gas emissions. "It's really got to be a global discussion."
Hey chucklehead? The US and our 5% of the world's populations are responsible for one quarter of the world's carbon dioxide emissions and we use one quarter of the world's crude oil. That does not make us a small contributor, Jonesy. Also predictable was the Bushies trotting out thei usual conservative refrain on the environment: that actual action -- as opposed to merely suggesting voluntary guideposts that industry is free to ignore -- would potentially cause us to lose jobs. I wonder how many jobs would be lost if the planet warms to the point of instability? The extent to which this administration has continually betrayed the generations coming after it is truly galling.
3. Da Bearse. I'll admit it: I was cheering for the Colts yesterday. I like Manning, I like Dungy despite his fawning and obsequious God talk (guess what, Tony? God didn't care who won yesterday's game... he had other things to think about), and my dad has been a Colt fan for 55 or 60 years or so, so it was nice to have his team win the big one. But I also just don't like the Bears. I thought that despite having dominated the NFC this year (a feat roughly akin to being the best ballerina in South Dakota), they were a one dimensional team (all defense, all the time) entering the Super Bowl with literally the worst quarterback ever to start for a team in the Super Bowl. True to my belief, it was Rex Grossman who handed the game away with two of the weakest passes ever seen on a football field that were easily picked off. He is a hideous quarterback who is barely good enough to be QBing the practice squad for the Oakland Raiders, much less playing a Super Bowl.
I read some rather obnoxious posts by Bear fans within the circle of this blog, and came very close to responding to them last night before deciding that doing so would be dancing on the grave and pouring salt in the wound. Suffice it to say that I was pleased with yesterday's outcome.
4. Cunning as a savage pitted against the wilderness. But my disdain for the 2006 Bears is in no way reflective of my feelings about the city of Chicago. Great town. Even though every time I am there I am virtually sequestered in a conference room or hotel ballroom and have yet to really go explore the place, the impressions I've always had are top notch; it's a great town. We didn't see much of it this time around -- stayed inside our conference room holding cell for no less than 12 hours each day and most often until well past 10 -- but every time I go to that city, I'm impressed and left wishing I could see more of it.
5. Stylish digs probably help that impression. I'll be the first to admit that where you stay or sleep has a lot to do with your impressions of a town. We did pretty well in that regard, I must say. I'll give credit where it's due; the W hotels I have been in have all been first rate at customer service and paying attention to details that enhance the guest's experience, and the Chicago one was no exception. Great hotel; I recommend it if you're in Chicago.
6. Of course, being able to breathe would have helped. The one negative about the city: they still haven't joined the 21st century, and still insist on allowing smoking in restaurants and bars. You know, because the right of smokers to expose me to carcinogens is so much more important than my right to simply breathe comfortably if I wish to dine out or enjoy a bar. The one night we were able to go out (Friday night), I was reminded within three minutes of how nice it's been that the major cities of the northeast have banned indoor smoking in public places. To truly be world class, Chicago's gotta get with the times and enact a smoking ban; without one, it's just not as appealing to think of going there for lesiure.
7. Traveling in style. Being in Chicago and being put up in a sweet hotel while working on a high profile project is nice. Having the boss save you a day of hanging around O'Hare by offering your team seats on the company jet in the morning instead of your commercial flight at night is even nicer.
8. Domestic Tranquility. I was gone for a week. TG was the keeper of The Cat while I was away, coming to the townhouse a couple of times during the week to check on him, play with him, replenish his food and check the waterer, all that stuff. When I called late Friday night with the news that I was coming home about 9 hours ahead of schedule, she decided to surprise me. When I came home from the airport Saturday, TG and her 4 year old were home waiting for me -- the kid hiding gleefully behind my sofa and leaping out yelling "surprise!," and TG actually cleaning my kitchen.
They'd come over an hour early and gotten to work straightening up the place (it wasn't a disaster, but I had come home from Vermont last Sunday afternoon, done a few loads of laundry, packed, and left Monday for Atlanta and Chicago, so it looked like the place of someone who'd been in a rush when he left it)... when I asked why, she just said, "I just thought it might be nice for you to come home to a clean place and not have to worry about doing it yourself after a long week when you're tired."
Yeah, she's a keeper. Out of my league, but as long as she hasn't figured it out yet, I'll gladly take it. I have to say... this whole domestic thing, with the kid waiting to run up and hug me hello and having someone home who's waiting for me when I walk in the door... I struggled with domesticity in the past, but I think I kind of don't mind it at all this time.I could get used to this.
9. Baby, It's Cold Outside. One not so nice thing about being home: it's freaking freezing out. The temp this morning is 6 degrees, without the windchill. We have an Arctic air mass blowing in, and I'll just say that it sucks. There's a reason I left Minnesota, y'know. (Well okay, there were a few reasons and most had little to do with the weather, but in retrospect the cold would have been one of them.)
10. As always, I do not have a full list of things to say. But thanks for holding out and waiting for me while I was away.
Posted by Christopher at 06:20 AM | Comments (0)January 25, 2007
Thursday Thoughts
I can't really call it "Thursday Thirteen," because I honestly don't think I have thirteen things to say. But here's a collection of random and unrelated thoughts that have occurred to me over the past week.
1. That whole thing with the homophobic actor from Gray's Anatomy seeking counseling? I don't like it. I don't ever want to defend homophobia; I am offended by it. But man... the message this sends is that "unacceptable" thought can be "corrected" through psychiatric treatment. That's all fine and good for bigotry and all, I suppose... but given the mindset and actions of the administration in power and the kind of people who put them there, do we really want to establish that thinking that doesn't jibe with what the majority/powers that be say it should be... should be treated pyschiatrically? Doesn't that feel just slightly Soviet to anyone else? And do any of you really trust Bush/Cheney/Rove neocons or social conservatives with that kind of power? I just am very uncomfortable with this. Idiotic morons should be shunned by society for displaying bigotry (are ya listening, Mel Gibson?), but treating them with counseling? Gives me the heebie-jeebies.
2. AirTran Airways kicked a family off a flight because their screaming three year old was throwing a tantrum and wouldn't take her seat. To that I say: Bra... freaking... vo! Look, in the last six months or so as things took off with TG and as I've taken on a role in the world of her 4 year old, I have become more sympathetic to parents than I have ever been before... but you know what? I'm also a frequent flier whose trips are often disrupted by the screaming child somewhere on the plane -- the one whose mommy and daddy refuse to calm or are incapable of calming. I've muttered aloud "shut that kid up" on more than one occasion. I have had my travel experiences mucked by an unruly kid before. And because of that, I have no sympathy for them.
The parents are whining that they weren't given enough time to subdue their kid. You know what? According to the article, the flight was 15 minutes delayed by the time that family got booted. If a kid's been screaming and won't sit down for fifteen minutes and the parents haven't gotten the little monster under control, then that's plenty of time to prove that they're incapable of controlling their kid. 15 minutes is plenty. The parents should count themselves lucky that the airline spared them from their fellow passengers. The father is whining that he'll never fly AIrTran again. I sincerely hope he never flies any of my airlines again either.
3. Speaking of TG, she was on TV the other day. National TV even. She'll be mortified enough that I mentioned it at all, so I won't say which network or why, but if you knew her and knew where to look, there she was. Occasional commenter Tweetypie also appeared. As much press as I've gotten in the past 18 months, I haven't been on national TV yet. So honey, you're one up on me. Can I have your autograph? ;-)
4. The whole controversy over the Dakota Fanning thing seems to me to be waaaay overblown. For hell's sake, the people whining loudest haven't even seen the damn movie.
5. It's cold out. Very cold. I don't like cold. It makes me cold. I never went back to Minnesota because it was too cold. I don't like cold. So naturally, Saturday morning I am heading up to Vermont to hang out on Mt. Killington with the Doc, MU Hoop, and respective missuses.
6. Work project kicking into high gear lately. I will be on the road all of next week -- leaving Monday, not returning till Saturday night. So I likely won't blog at all next week. You're welcome.
7. I miss my brother. I've missed his last two phone calls by satellite phone, and I've been too busy with work to write anything like a real e-mail to him lately. So dude, if you're reading... miss you, bro.
8. Baby Einsteins is a sham? Say it ain't so! I mean, if Bush likes the lady behind it, that makes it more likely... but I have to admit, not only do I have a lot of friends who've infused the Baby Einsteins material into their kids' early years, but I've become a huge fan of their big cousins, the Little Einsteins. It's become the Saturday morning routine for TG's 4 year old and I... he doesn't watch Little Einsteins with Mommy, he watches them with Christopher.
And on weekends where I'm not over there on Saturday mornings, I find myself missing the ritual. Handy Manny, Higglytown Heroes and all the rest, I kind of fall back asleep to. But Little Einsteins, I dig. He digs. We dig together. Digging is good. (Good god, I'm going domestic... somebody please pass me a kamikaze shot, set up the keg stand, fire up some System Of A Down, and return me to my overgrown teenager self. This is no less startling a metamorphosis than the one Kafka described.) Anyway, it's kind of sad to read that this woman has sold yuppie parents a bill of goods and that exposing babies to "smart" things when they're young does nothing to aid their development, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics and many others. Sigh.
9. Saw a headline and story in the Washington Post today that left me shaking my head in disbelief. "Can Barack Obama appeal to blacks?" Good god, if the black community is going to look at the man, the passion he inspires, the things he stands for and wants to do, and the historic chance he has to be a pioneer... and reject him for "not being black enough," that's about the most selfish, short-sighted, reverse-bigot thing I have ever heard.
"He is going to have to figure out whether there is a way not to alienate and anger a black base that almost by definition is going to be disappointed," she said.
Good god, America might finally elect a black president, and the black base might "almost by definition" be disappointed? What, disappointed that white people also believed in and voted for the man? So if white people vote for him, he can't be good? Y'know, if the story had been about a redneck town in the South somewhere that wasn't sure it liked a candidate because he wasn't white enough, there'd have justifiably been screams at that kind of ignorance almost before the ink dried. I can only hope that this article was skewed, ill-conceived, and not representative of the community it purports to survey.
10. Why has Paris Hilton not just gone away yet? Ugh. Train wreck.
11. It's not Van Halen unless all four original members are back. Until then it's just Eddie's vanity project.
12. I told you I didn't have 13 things to say.
Posted by Christopher at 09:31 PM | Comments (0)January 09, 2007
Random Tuesday Thoughts
1. Am in Philadelphia this evening to give a keynote speech tomorrow morning. The conference organizer was kind enough to take me to dinner this evening (nice perks, this whole speaking thing has) for cuisine of my choosing. Being a Mediterranean/Middle Eastern food nut, I opted for Turkish. I wasn't disappointed. For anyone living in or visiting the City of Brotherly Love, I give two thumbs up (or is it one big fat belly up?) to Divan Turkish Kitchen in the "up-and-coming" Gradual Hospital neighborhood. Okay, "up-and-coming" is the restaurant's nice way -- on their Web site -- of describing a neighborhood that I might describe as "clearly entering the first stages of gentrification, but still don't walk to dinner." The locals apparently call it "G-Ho," and local media does in fact refer to it as a rapidly trendifying area. Fine. I still was glad to be in a cab. But the food is outstanding, the service friendly and efficient, and the ambiance is fantastic. Big Fat Mudge recommendation.
2. Because I hate the smug superiority of southern football fans and SEC fans in particular, and because I am a Big Ten guy, I hated Monday night's results. Not that I give a rat's butt about college football.
3. Goose Gossage at 71%? Jim Rice at 63%? 11 writers who didn't vote for Tony Gwynn, possessor of the second highest career BA of any player in the last 75 years? Albert Belle -- whom I admittedly would not vote for but who has Hall-caliber numbers -- getting bounced from the ballot with fewer than 5% of the vote? Jose Canseco receiving six votes instead of zero? Jay Buhner receiving a vote from someone? That's it... it's time to relieve the BBWAA of its Hall of Fame voting duties and replace them with 1000 monkeys trained by Montgomery Burns.
4. 2006 was officially the warmest year on record. But global warming isn't real, right Mr. Bush? We're at the tipping point, kids. If we don't do something drastic within the next 5-10 years, I honestly believe it will be too late.
5. Donald Trump, you really, really need to shut up now. It takes a stupid and shallow asshat to make Rosie O'Donnell look sympathetic -- but you've pulled it off nicely. Shut the hell up, put another layer of Krazy Glue on your damn rug, and go the hell home.
6. I have been absolutely infested with comment spam lately... a problem I have long growled about, sure -- but not like this. In the past week, I have suddenly been targeted with more than 1000 spam comments every day. My filter takes out about 90 percent of them and puts them in the junk file, but lately that means that still up to 100 spam comments make it on to my blog every day. I don't know what caused the uptick. I do know that I want to find all the Oedipal aspirants who are responsible for this spam, and remove their genitalia and intestines with fishing twine and a fork. I may move my blog to WordPress so as to take advantage of Akismet. And I really hate having to sort through 300 spam comments in my junk file to find the three or four legit comments submitted by you, dear readers. Anyone with ideas on what to do to comments spammers, or more realistically how to prevent them from happening (a better filter still means I need to sort through junk comments to find real ones, unless I go with an authentication function) is welcome to make suggestions.
7. It's a good thing I have a speaking gig and lots of other work this week. I really don't have a whole lot of compelling things to say.
Posted by Christopher at 10:50 PM | Comments (0)December 31, 2006
Happy New Year
It’s New Year's Day... just like the day before. Same old skies of grey, same empty bottles on the floor.
Another year's gone by, and I was thinking once again... How can I take this losing hand and somehow win?
Just give me one good year... To get my feet back on the ground.
I’ve been chasing grace, but grace ain’t so easily found
One bad hand can devil a man, chase him and carry him down. I’ve got to get out of here, just give me one good year. -- Slaid Cleaves, "One Good Year"
I've always loved that song. And while I've gotten the good year requested, my wish for all of you is that you get One Good Year in 2007. I'll be back on line tomorrow... be safe tonight, please stay off the roads if you've been drinking, and have a wonderful New Year's Eve celebration, whatever you do. May you have a happy and prosperous new year.
December 26, 2006
2006: The Year In Review - Society Edition
I guess it's that time of year in which we all look back on the year that was and proclaim the best and worst of. (Well, maybe you don't, but I do... and since this is my blog, you're gonna have to humor my opinions on it.) There's lots of things to proclaim good and bad over the past twelve months; here's one man's take.
THINGS THAT KICKED ASS IN 2006:
Stephen Colbert. Steve Carell. Jon Stewart. Miss July, Sara Jean Underwood. The Arctic Monkeys. The Raconteurs. The Detroit Tigers’ run to the World Series. The Saints return to New Orleans – and their surprising playoff run. Bush’s approval rating standing at only 31% -- only his father scored lower since Nixon. The Yankees ignominious exit from the playoffs despite having the biggest payroll in baseball by nearly $75 million. Bode “Spicoli” Miller getting his just rewards for being a stoner X-game asshat. Lindsey Jacobellis getting what she deserved after embodying X-game mentality by trying to show off instead of trying to win. Ted Haggard being outed as both a gay man and a total hypocrite. Reality catching up to the neoconservative vision in Iraq. Rummy resigning in disgrace. Tom DeLay being indicted and removed in disgrace. Dick Cheney being rejected by an American public sick of a mean, ugly-spirited man.
THINGS THAT SUCKED IN 2006:
Global warming continues at an alarming and frightening pace, but George W. Bush and his oil industry marionette masters still say that it’s not real. James Brown died. So did Coretta Scott King. So did Floyd Patterson, one of the nicest men ever to lace up boxing gloves. The Red Sox spent more money than anyone except the Yankees and finished third in the AL East. Spain got knocked out of the World Cup early yet again this year. Roy Williams of the Detroit Lions. The entire Cincinnati Bengals organization for hiring and rewarding thugz and punkz. Isaiah Thomas. Terrell Owens. And his asshat publicist who equated money and mental health. Britney Spears became so trashy that even I don’t think she’s hot anymore. The trade and budget deficits got worse and the dollar is weaker than ever before. Tower Records went under. Michael Richards and Mel Gibson proved that they are complete jackasses. Rupert Murdoch and O.J. Simpson proved they have absolutely no shame. Pluto got demoted. Comment spammers continue to pollute blogs (and if I ever find one of them in person, I will kill them). That psycho asshat who falsely confessed to the JonBenet murder. Hugo Chavez. Kim Jong-Il. And did I mention global warming?
Posted by Christopher at 11:32 PM | Comments (0)December 19, 2006
Blog Stew: Back On The Blog Edition
So the parental visit is now complete and a piece of history. All involved weathered the visit in fine fashion, save for my father's sore throat and laryngitis that hit in midstream. No animals were harmed in the making of this visit. Meanwhile, a few random thoughts on some stuff that happened while I was busy hosting family:
1. Buck O'Neill is pothsumously awarded the Medal of Freedom. I knew of Buck O'Neill, but like most of the country I didn't know Buck O'Neill until the 1994 Ken Burns miniseries on baseball. And like most of the country, I grew to love the old man; what a charming, gracious, funny, spirited, dignified ambassador he was for the game I love above all others. It's a tragedy to me that he missed election to the Hall of Fame by one vote last year, because he died at the age of 94 about 12 weeks back and never received the honors due him. But in the first move Bush has made all year that I've agreed with, he awarded Buck O'Neill the nation's highest civilian honor last week, presenting O'Neill's Medal of Freedom to his 91 year old brother at a White House ceremony. Few members of the baseball Hall of Fame have ever been awarded this honor, so O'Neill once again outclassed much of the rest of his sport. The honor and ceremony were a fitting tribute and final salute to one of the finer human beings the sport -- or the nation -- have ever known.
2. Miss USA Fired, Then Un-Fired So Tara Conner, the 20 year old total hottie who won the Miss USA pageant only to be fired by Donald Trump for alleged underage drinking and drug use, has been mysteriously and suddenly re-hired by the Donald under the guise of him believing in second chances. Okay, maybe I'm a cynic and am unfairly taking Trump's reputation and history with younger blondes into consideration... but does anyone else think that perhaps the Donald might have, shall we say, made some requests of Ms. Conner before he allowed her back to her crown? Oh... you're right -- of course that kind of thing doesn't happen anymore -- least of all between a billionaire known for power trips and a weakness for 20something beauties, and a wide-eyed southern girl caught up in the bright lights of New York. Nah... that would never happen. But I am guessing that Ms. Conner might be able to tell us whether Trump's hair is real or toupee.
3. Isaiah Thomas is a punk and an asshat. Lemme get this straight... a team GM and coach -- one who has utterly bungled everything he has touched since taking control of his team, who fired a Hall of Famer only to lead his team to a pathetic 9-17 record -- gets caught on camera overtly threatening another player and warning him that it would be a bad idea to go into the paint... and nothing happens to him. He's not fined, not suspended, not taken out back and kneecapped, not fired. Okay, it's official: Isaiah Thomas has photos of somebody with a goat. And this is one more reason why I hate the NBA. (Yes, fights happen in baseball too. But at least when managers order their pitchers to throw at someone, they face actual consequences.) Memo to Steve Francis: I don't think George Karl is afraid of you or of the Knicks. I don't think anyone is afraid of the Knicks. You're playing .333 ball and have won two games at home all year. No one fears you, son. And memo to the Knicks: if you don't like losing by 19 points, here's a suggestion... start playing better. The only way you can have the score run up on you is if you suck. The Knicks do -- as has every single thing Isaiah Thomas has touched since leaving the playing court.
4. Paris Hilton says "sex is sacred." In other news, OJ Simpson says murder is wrong, and Lindsay Lohan says you shouldn't drink. Hearing a crudded-up skank claim to have only been in two sexual relationships is almost as funny as hearing Fox News claim to be fair and balanced. Oh well... Paris Hilton, Fox News... same class of people, same intelligence involved.
Posted by Christopher at 09:39 PM | Comments (0)November 22, 2006
A Series Of Random, Unrelated, and Unfortunate Musings
A series of thoughts or reactions to public events that have popped into my head over the past few days...
1. Kramer vs. Kramer Michael Richards, your career (such as it was, what was left of it anyway) is over. Becasue we've all been ticked off at people before. And you know what? I've even been heckled on stage before, both when singing with a band and when speaking for my profession. Never once did it occur to me to toss back an insult based on the heckler's ethnicity. (Their parentage, the morals of their mother, their intellect, the cleanliness of their girlfriends... all open season. But their ethnicity? Never once.) And he didn't just use "the word" -- he added vile statements about hanging people upside down with forks protruding from orifices. You know, Michael... making remarks to a black person -- even one who's heckling you -- that even call to mind or mention hanging ... well, that's not a outburst of anger in the heat of the moment. That's something much deeper. And I don't like it -- nor will, I suspect, 90% of the American public (but only 55% of Idaho and 27% of Texas). You got lucky with Seinfeld -- otherwise you're nothing more than the closet bigot who happened to be on stage the night Andy Kaufman went off script and staged the fight on "Fridays." Don't let the door hit you on the ass on the way out.
2. Rupert guessed wrong I don't believe for one moment that Rupert Murdoch "and senior management" agree that the OJ Simpson confession was a bad idea from the beginning. If he thought it was "an ill-considered project" from the get-go, he could have and would have stopped it before it ever got to the point of turning people's stomachs. Murdoch has made an empire based on the basic concept that Americans are shameless (Who Wants To Marry a Millionaire), immoral (Temptation Island), and so stupid that they want to have their opinions fed to them as "news" (Fox News). For him to pretend that he has any kind of moral compass or would have nixed a project because it was morally offensive and repulsive... well, that's croccodile tears. He simply mis-estimated the level of Americans' lowest denominator this time. Want proof? NewsCorp tried to buy off the Brown family. They knew all about this... they didn't try to stop it, in fact they tried to head off the repulsion with money. This is Fox, America. They think you're shameless, immoral, and just plain stupid. Don't forget that.
3. Marquette Hoops I give my friend Tim lots of grief in the real world about his blog, Cracked Sidewalks. Mostly I bust on him about having a narrow field of interest and readers who care more about a basketball team's performance than the school's academic quality. (He counters by correctly pointing out that he usually has more hits by 11 am each day than I will get in 24 hours.) But all my busting on him over his niche and readership aside, I know he's passionate about Marquette University basketball to a degree that takes "fanatic" to a whole 'nother level... and last night was a huge night for MU. The Golden Eagles defeated Duke 73-62 to win the CBE Classic -- a night after defeating Bobby Knight's Texas Tech team to get to the finals. It would appear that MU is on the way to having a top ten ranked team in next week's polls. And so I just wanted to toss aside the usual banter and congratulate Tim and his alma mater for a huge win and what looks to be a big season. Great game, Marquette.
4. Heavy sigh. Sometimes, the things you read in the news just make you want to cry.
5. The Decade The Music Died While driving south yesterday, going through the New York, New Jersey, Philadelphia, Baltimore and DC radio markets, I was struck by how few current songs came on the radio stations that I actually wanted to listen to. I hate to sound like an old fogey, but I really am beginning to think that with three of four exceptions each year, the 2000s are the decade in which popular music died. (Even those exceptions are performed by bands that have been around for years... the number of new bands from the 00s that are any good can be counted on the fingers of one hand.) The boomers had the Beatles, Stones, Who and Zeppelin... the generation before mine had punk and new wave (and even some disco)... my generation had 80s U2, GnR, Prince, Springsteen, Madonna... to look back on as the music of their youth. Somehow, I doubt that there will someday be radio stations dedicated to "all 00s all the time" and nostalgiac off-Broadway productions featuring the music of My Chemical Romance, Panic At The Disco, and Good Charlotte. Music today, quite frankly, sucks. (The only two "new" songs that didn't get instantly channel-flipped were "Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol and "How To Save A Life" by The Fray.)
6. TomKat Apparently, gay marriage is allowed in Italy. Or at least, gay people are allowed to get married. Anyway, if you believe that he touched her on the wedding night, you'll believe that I dated her for months before she got involved with him. (I dumped her... that zombie look was just a little too creepy when she had it even in the bedroom.) That baby just might be the prettiest child ever to emerge from a plastic cup and a baster.
7. Farewell Goodbye, Ruth Brown. You'll be missed.
8. MVP Congratulations to Justin Morneau, the American League MVP -- and to the voters, who saw through the New York media machine and realized that while Derek Jeter is a great player who had a great year, no Yankee is irreplaceable to his team because they'll just go buy what they need to fill the gaps, and so no Yankee can ever be truly "most valuable" to his team when compared to other teams. Now all the New York front running sports fans can go back to wearing apparel promoting their newly found "long standing" love of Rutgers football.
9. 23 I'm soooo going to see this movie when it comes out.
10. Someone Up There Likes Me Please, Sam. Please run. I'm begging you. With moderates like McCain and Giuliani in the race, the American people need a reminder of what Republicans really are. I'm begging you... please run. Please get your extremist ideas further out there as the face of the Republican Party. Hell, I might even contribute to your campaign so that we can see more of you. Make sure that people see what Republicans are truly all about. Get into a position where we can reject your extremist ass and the p[arty whose ideals you represent to an even greater degree. I'm begging you... run. For the love of America, please run.
Posted by Christopher at 10:43 AM | Comments (3)November 16, 2006
Thursday Thirteen: Murderers, Hypocrites and Stupid Politicians
1. First things first; Friday is my dad's 69th birthday. Happy birthday, Dad!!!
2. Fox "News" lost all credibility it ever might have had a long time ago; everyone knows it's simply the propaganda arm of the Republican Party. (More on that in another post.) But now Fox's "entertainment" network should lose its right to braodcast. Their shameless, pathetic, irresponsible and reprehensible decision to air the murderer OJ Simpson's confession ranks right up there with posting Daniel Pearl's beheading on the Internet. The people behind this book -- that means you, Judith Regan, you vile harpie -- and the ensuing television coverage have violated the public trust and the responsiblities they promised to uphold when they were given the privilege of making money off of OUR airwaves. I hereby announce my personal (if wholly ineffective) boycott of all things Fox. No more 24. No more Prison Break. No more Simpsons (that one's gonna hurt). I will never again favor this horrid group of individuals with my viewership. And I'm never buying anything published by that vile harpie, either.
As for OJ, can't we just drop him in the middle of Fallujah with a photo of W stapled to his chest? There is nothing that could happen to that jackass that would be a tragedy. And... I know defense lawyers are paid to raise reasonable doubt and get their clients to walk... but there is a very toasty special corner of hell where Johnny Cochran's spending eternity for letting that monster walk. OJ should have fried.
3. According to the US Government, approximately 1% of all Web sites on the Internet are p0rnograph1c. This is opposed to whitehouse.gov and the Republican Party's sites, which are merely obscene. Anyway, first of all, why did my tax money get wasted to find out the percentage of Web sites that are, er, adult? Who the hell cares how many there are? If you don't like them, don't go to 'em. But the government doesn't have the right to tell any of its citizens who are over 18 what they can or can't look at on the Web. My second reaction is: only 1%?
4. We're not just picking on Republicans today, though. The cloud around the silver lining of the Democrats taking back the House is that we've empowered a nincompoop. I've never been a Nancy Pelosi fan. But after watching her ham-handed attempt to strong-arm John Murtha into the Majority Leader position -- not for political expediency but merely because she doesn't like Steny Hoyer -- I've been convinced that our new Speaker has no more sense and deserves no more respect than our old one. And Nancy? You can't really claim ethical high ground anymore after telling incoming newly elected members that they better support your candidate or else. You've proven yourself no less slimy a politician -- treating the business of the people as if it were merely chips in your stack to consolidate your own power -- than those you claim to reject. I'm a Democrat and a liberal... but Pelosi's lost me forever, and this blog will be dedicated to hammering her at every opportunity (and given her behavior this week, I am sure she'll give me plenty).
5. You know how I confessed once that I take way too much enjoyment out of others' misfortune? This is definitely one of those times. I'm sorry - I read about a kidnapper whose attempt fails when he shoots himself in the marbles, and I laugh. And MSNBC was no help, with their snarky headline. "Nobody move, or the right one gets it too?" Forkin' hysterical.
The man had just stuck the gun back into his waistband when it fired, shooting him in the left testicle. He cringed, causing the gun to fire again and strike him in the left calf. Hehehehehehe.
6. All you New Yorkers and small-market fans, listen up: you're going to hear consistency out of me. What the Red Sox spent on the right to merely negotiate with Daisuke Matsuzaka -- $51.1 million dollars -- is obscene, is vile, and is exemplary of what is wrong with the game of baseball today. Sure, the Yankee$, Met$, Angel$ and others were bidding more than $30M -- so the Sox in one sense did right by keeping the Yankee$ from buying some more. But of the 30 teams in baseball, perhaps 5 or 6 had a legitimate shot at landing Matsuzaka. That's not right. When only 1/5 of the league has the resources to compete with one another for the best players, and the other 4/5 are left behind, that's indicative of a very serious problem. The haves have too much in the game right now. And while money isn't a guarantee of a championship, it's pretty darn near a guarantee of a playoff spot. Major League Baseball desperately needs a salary cap, and a salary floor -- so that New York, Boston, Anaheim, LA and Chicago can't just outspend the world to buy their playoff spots, while jerk owners like Kansas City's David Glass, Minnesota's Carl Pohlad, and that jackass who until last year owned Tampa Bay cannot simply pocket the money that comes to them via revenue sharing. Make every team keep a payroll between $45 million and $90 million -- and then let the best scouting system, management, and on-field performances determine who makes the playoffs. I love the Red Sox, but they're no better than the MFY. I don't care if Matsuzaka is the second coming of Koufax; this is just wrong.
7. Sticking with sports, as much as I don't like football, and as much as I think college sports are a joke, even I have to admit that the next few weeks in college football are going to be a lot of fun. The top 10 teams in the country right now will end up playing each other in most cases over the next couple of weeks -- making for one of the most exciting Novembers in college football history. Ohio State-Michigan, Rutgers-West Virginia, USC-Cal, USC-Notre Dame, LSU-Arkansas, and probably Arkansas-Florida in the SEC title game... between now and mid-December, every game is a one-game playoff; between now and December will probably be the most exciting college football season you'll ever see. Even I'm psyched for football a little bit.
8. Wait... on second thought, that punk-ass bitch Randy Moss has decided that he's unhappy and thus is dropping passes. This is the same guy who insisted that he wouldn't play hard or try on every down if he didn't want to, and that no one could make him. Punk-ass little bitches like this little punk (and Terrell Owens) are the reason I have grown to hate football now. Screw being excited about this month in college football; they're all just gonna end up being the next Randy "Punk-Ass Bitch" Moss'es. Screw football anyway.
9. Speaking of totally stupid people who need to be run over by runaway M-1 tanks... two stupid drunken frat boys drunkenly agree to appear on camera, sign a release, and then proceed to make sexist and racist comments on camera... but somehow, it's the film-maker's fault that they're humiliated, and they're gonna sue?
Hey boys? Borat isn't what humiliated you. You two being drunken, sexist, racist Greek System jackass idiots is what humiliated you. Here's a clue for you (since the clue bus clearly ran you over in the street): if you don't want to be humiliated publicly, don't agree to go on camera when you're drunk -- and don't make disparaging comments about women and minorities. Stupid Greek rich kid punks.
10. Speaking of stupid drunken rich kid frat boys, W got called out by Kofi Annan the other day over global warming (again). Seems Annan was hammering away at what he called "a frightening lack of leadership" on the matter (and if there's anyone who'd know a frightening lack of leadership when he saw it, it'd be Kofi Annan). Yet the US -- or specifically, George W. Bush, his administration, and his Republican sheep (like James Inhofe) -- continues to deny that global warming exists or is caused by human factors, despite the overwhelming conviction of the US scientific community. We're turning our oceans to acid and destabilizing the entire planet's ecosystem.... but never fear, the Halliburton administration says you're safe and that it's all a big liberal tree-hugging conspiracy.
11. Moving on to natural wonders of a more pleasant sort.... we had a big wind storm here tonight -- 40 mph gusts, 3 hour delays at the airports, all the fun stuff. I haven't been outside, but I am sure there's leaves and branches down. But you know what? I love the wind. Always have. It's one of the more sensory natural phenomena -- you see the trees bending and leaves being scattered; you hear the wind rustling and whipping through the trees and down the streets; you feel the rush of air against your face and feel your hair being swept and tousled by it; you smell the freshness in the air and the leaves, rain, the sea and its salty air, and whatever else the wind has picked up with it in its race across the face of the earth. There is almost nothing in nature I love more than experiencing the wind -- especially a powerful windstorm like we had tonight. Nothing like laying in bed and hearing it rage around you. I love the wind.
12. One thing I do not love are comment spammers. I think public beheadings of comment spammers is a good idea. I think comment spammers should be stripped, pierced with sharp knives, bled out, covered with honey, and left to die in the desert after being eaten alive by scorpions. I think comment spammers should have to marry OJ Simpson. There is no torture ever devised by the human mind that is too harsh for comment spammers. Here is a list of a few suggested things that should happen to comment spammers. I think they should all undergo every single one of these things. Comment spammers are slightly below the ameoba in terms of both intelligence and evolution. I don't like them.
13. Another thing I have traditionally not liked is Christmas. (I am a Curmudgeon, after all.) There've only been like three years where I have ever had a Christmas tree in the home where I was living - and in none of those years was it my choice to have one. I hate the commercialism of Christmas, I hate the greed of it, I hate the phoniness of the alleged spirit of the season (like any of those store clerks or the chuckleheads who cross my path on the street really care if I have a Merry Christmas?). So I've never felt the desire to decorate or get a Christmas tree, and even in those three years where I had to have them because "she" said she wanted them, I sort of bit my tongue and grumbled silently about it.
But last year, for the first time, I sort of mellowed about it; I was in California visiting friends after a work meeting, and they hosted a holiday party that was devoid of the phoniness and materialism... they really seemed to love the holiday and embodied its intended spirit, and I was very refreshed by their celebration of it. And this year, for the first time in my life, I actually chose to buy a Christmas tree (I will not cut down a living tree; we need all the trees we can get), lights, ornaments, and all that. Maybe it's because I'm happy in my life right now (how very anti-Curmudgeon of me!). Maybe it's because TG's 4 year old might be at my townhouse at some point over the season and I feel like I should do something. Maybe it's TG. Or maybe it's that my parents will be visiting me in New York this year instead of vice versa, and the family holiday will be in my home. For whatever reason, I'm sort of in the Christmas mood this year. I have my Trans-Siberian Orchestra music at the ready, my lights and ornaments ready to go, and who knows? I might just not say Bah Humbug this year!
Posted by Christopher at 08:43 PM | Comments (3)November 12, 2006
Blog Stew: Bob Vila Edition
A few catch-all thoughts/reports:
1) I spent the day trying to play handyman. TG needed new siding on her house, so she and I -- along with her sons and a cadre of other friends -- spent the day teaching ourselves on the fly how to put up siding on a home. None of us had done it (or anything remotely resembling it) before, so there was a lot of sort of learning as we went. Amazingly enough, we got a lot done and everything looks level -- and looks a lot better than I thought it would!
I usually hate situations like that; I am about as useful in traditionally "manly" pursuits -- like carpentry, auto mechanics, or anything DIY - as feathers on a fish. (I'm a writer. We're good at thinking, drinking, and making women swoon. We don't know from hammers and nails unless they're metaphors for something else in life.) But yesterday we all just kind of figured it out, like suburban Amish raising a barn. Or maybe the siding of the barn, anyway.
2) I'm going from amused to offended watching Dubya suck up and play nice with Democrats after we kicked the snot out of hard core right wing extremism in Tuesday's elections. After spending his entire presidency following Rovian strategies to demonize and marginalize anyone who strayed even 1% from the official Cheney/Bush line, now Zippy the Wonder Chimp wants to play nice? As Pete responded over at A Perfectly Cromulent Blog,
That's quite a refreshing change of attitude, considering the Republicans' recent history of excluding Democrats from virtually all aspects of the lawmaking process. Maybe someone should've informed Hastert and Sensenbrenner of their President's desire for bipartisan cooperation before they made midnight votes and closed sessions par for the course... Bush's statements remind me of Arjen Rudd shooting Riggs then hoisting his credentials aloft while claiming "diplomatic immunity."
What he said. Asshats.
3) So Wal-Mart has decided to say Merry Christmas this year in their holiday overload promotions this year. I'm of two minds on all this crap. I mean, on one hand, let's face it: while we strive to be a pluralistic and inclusive society, the truth is that most of the people in this country celebrate or at least observe Christmas. Stores will make most of their money in the next two months from people buying presents for Christmas (not non-denominational observances, and not from celebrating the holidays of other religions). And since today's retail/marketing/commercialist Christmas has about as much to do with reigion as did the moneychangers in the temple, I am not bothered by a store calling the season what it is; if not for "Christmas," the day after Thanksgiving would be a day to sleep off turkey dinners, and December would be a month in which retailers hoped for a late onset to winter so that the weather would keep people in stores and not off snowy roads.
But the whole Christian fundamentalist "backlash" against the so-called "War on Christmas" is one of the most offensive, bigoted, un-American phenomena in the country today... it completely ignores the alleged values of the season (ya know, brotherhood, good will, peace, all that) and attempts to impose one faith upon others by sheer brute rhetorical force. Far from being a season for inclusiveness and togetherness, the extremist Christian movement has conjured up a phony hostility to the season merely to help them enforce conformity, and out of not-at-all-subtle hostility toward those of other faiths or who choose not to keep any faith. This is the kind of hypocritical and theocratic garbage that I disdain the most out of America's evangelical movement, and I don't want retailers rewarding this crap by caving in to it.
It's a good thing I don't shop at Wal-Mart and wouldn't if I were on fire and they were the only water store in the world.
4) Finally, I direct your attention to the stupid drunken Brit found here.
A 22-year-old man suffered internal injuries after lighting a small firecracker he had inserted into his buttocks, paramedics said Thursday. The incident took place Sunday, when Britain celebrated Bonfire Night, traditionally marked with fireworks to celebrate the Guy Fawkes’ gunpowder plot to blow up Parliament in the 17th century. The man suffered burns and other unspecified internal injuries in the incident.
You know, because nothing says "patriotic celebration of one's country and tradtions" like a lit firecracker up your own ass.
Posted by Christopher at 08:41 AM | Comments (1)October 15, 2006
The Monday Ten
Here's the ten things on my mind heading into this Monday.
1. Sometime on Tuesday morning, there will officially be 300,000,000 people in the United States. I believe this is too many. I believe that humankind is overpopulating itself, and I believe that excessive breeding/multiplying/child-bearing by any individual or couple is irresponsible. I don't believe that God issued orders in the Bible for us to be fruitful and multiply until we exhaust the earth's resources like a virus. I believe that the planet isn't meant to sustain 6 billion people and that we are in line for a combination of famine and disease that will, while considered a massive tragedy, merely re-set the natural sustainable levels of human population.
2. I am extremely disturbed that CBGB’s was forced to close forever this past weekend by a bunch of smug, self-righteous, holier-than-thou homeless advocates… and I will never again give to a homeless charity due to their behavior.
3. Adrian Peterson showed this weekend why I now hate football. Alone after breaking a spectacular touchdown run, he decided he felt the need to show off and make sure he got his moment on SportsCenter; he took a completely unnecessary dive across the goal line designed simply to show off -- and promptly broke his collarbone. He's out for the year, hurting his team's chances for a successful year, all because he selfishly placed his own personal spotlight over the best interests of the team. As far as I am concerned, Peterson had a Lindsey Jacobellis moment -- where showing off came back to bite him in the ass -- and he got exactly what he deserved. It's telling that his all-about-me-and-my-bling attiutude is so prevalent in football these days that no one -- not coaches, not columnists, not anyone -- is even bothering to rip him for this wholly unneccesary injury. Guess they've given up expecting football players to respect the game.
4. My brother managed to get access to a satellite telephone today, and called me all the way from Africa. Of course, I did not recognize the number on the caller ID, assumed it was a telemarketer, and didn't bother to pick it up. When I listened to his voice mail, I felt sick. How ticked am I at missing his call?
5. I think the Detroit Tigers are a great story, and I was smiling and laughing along with them as they clinched a World Series berth on Saturday night.
6. The Girl and I watched "Office Space" Saturday night. The previous week, we watched a heavily edited version of "Pulp Fiction." She's now seen two of the 50 on the previous list I did.
7. I have never watched her show, but after Fox's heavy-duty promotional push for "Bones" during the baseball playoffs, I might start checking out just because Emily Deschanel is pretty hot.
8. After this past weekend's furniture delivery, I am wondering what the protocol is when the delivery guys are majorly late. Their window was somewhere between 3:30 to 6:30; they called me at 5:00 to tell me that the guys might be 15 minutes late, then called at 7:10 to ask me if the delivery had occurred yet, then I called at 7:30 to see where they were... at 8:00 I called the store back and told them I was going to go on with my evening and that they might as well call the delivery guys off, and got ready to hit the shower before going out. At 8:20, while I was dripping wet and wrapped in a towel, they called to say that the guys were 5 minutes away. It crossed my mind to tell them where to stuff their delivery, but figured that if I made them come back another day I might never get my bookcase. So I let them deliver it. Then, despite my better judgement, I still tipped them $30. It wasn't much, admittedly... but the weasels were late, by more than two hours, and I figure they're lucky I gave them anything. What do you think -- what is the tipping protocol for delivery guys who are late? (Theoretically it might not have been their fault, and they did still haul a heavy bookcase up a flight of stairs and into my apartment.
9. Saw this on YouTube - quite sad actually; an 86 year old veteran of World War II who'd been doing video diaries or vlogs about his life and experiences on YouTube died over the weekend. Amazingly, users have been making some heartless and cruel comments on the last video from his wife announcing his death. An old man - a veteran of World War II at that -- dies, and there's punks making heartless comments. Asshats like that just remind me that I really, honestly don't like people very much.
10. I leave for the San Francisco Bay area on Wednesday. I'm speaking at a conference in San Francisco on Thursday morning, attending that conference through Friday, then heading to San Jose for a good friend's wedding on Saturday. To avoid having to wake up too early on Sunday morning after being at the reception on Saturday night, I am taking the red-eye back to New York on Sunday night/Monday morning. The over-under on my being sentient or coherent enough to achieve anything at work on Monday is ... well, there is none, because I won't be.
Posted by Christopher at 10:09 PM | Comments (9)October 14, 2006
By Request Blogging: Mudge's Top 10 Songs A Woman Should Karaoke
In response to my call for suggestions, here's what our good friend Jill came up with: "I've been kicking around a list of songs that get me all excited. I think you should make "Mudge's Top 10 Songs That a Woman Should Karaoke"."
I'll assume, Jill, that you don't mean "love songs;" beyond the fact that men just don't get all weak in the knees over "The Lady In Red" (unless we're thinking of what we know will come after it if we sing it to her), you also said "songs that get me all excited." So I'm guessing the idea here is seduction and pure "you're gonna get some tonight" vibe, and not "romantic," or not the kind of song that a woman with a great voice would do to show off her chops. I guessed that you were aiming for songs that would make the targeted man's hands begin to shake and make beads of sweat break out on his upper lip. Did I capture your aim correctly? :-)
I also had to pick songs likely to be on a karaoke song list (for example, "The Sensual World" by Kate Bush would almost certainly do it, but given that it was a minor hit only in the States I doubt many karaoke places would have it). With that in mind, here's 10 songs that would likely have the desired effect if a woman performed them at karaoke:
10. I Want To Come Over, Melissa Etheridge I don't care if you have someone else. I don't care what kind of trouble we get into. I just want to come over and blow your mind. Ummm... okay. Twist my arm.
9. Underneath Your Clothes, Shakira Despite its title, this song's really not salacious, it's actually kind of romantic. (Don't believe me? Check out the lyrics.) In that sense, this one's unlike the rest of them on my list. But if someone I'd been seeing for a while sang this, I'd probably feel like the first couple of months all over again.
8. You Can Sleep While I Drive, Melissa Etheridge There's nothing seductive about this song at all; it's more about the desperation of wanting to get away from everything in her life... but the sexy part of it is that the only thing she wants to take with her is you. She wants you with her so badly that she's going to just let you relax and take comfort in being with her, just let you sleep while she takes care of things and of you. Somebody who's that into you is probably going to be quite passionate with you, don't you think?
7. I'm A Slave 4 U, Britney Spears Hey, look at it this way: there's no way that you won't sing it better than the original artist! But... all trailer trash jokes aside, between the sweaty beat and the lyrics in the chorus, it'd work for me.
6. I Drove All Night, Cyndi Lauper She drove all night, just so she could hop in bed with you? "I was dreaming while I drove the long straight road ahead... could taste your sweet kisses, your arms open wide, this fever for you is just burning me up inside." Okay, so she's been thinking about this for a few hours, and she's still talking fever and burning... I think it's gonna be a good night.
5. Damn! I Wish I Was Your Lover, Sophie B. Hawkins Well geez... if you feel so strongly about it, who'm I to stop you? "If I was your girl believe me...I'd turn on the Rolling Stones, we could groove along and feel much better. Let me in... I could do it forever and ever, ever n' ever." Sold. Check, please!
4. Flower or H.W.C., Liz Phair Let's face it: men are simple. We don't really need the long buildup or anything like that... just come right out and say it, and don't use polite words. We don't necessarily want women who have trucker mouths all the time, but if a woman who doesn't usually get blunt like this all of a sudden does? Scorching. (Must be part of that whole virgin/whore dynamic that most civilized men disdain on an academic level and yet still subconsciously dig whether we want to or not... not that we judge the non-virgins, but rather that we dig the idea that we're the one guy who can turn a proper and polite librarian into a raging adult film star when we work our charms on her.)
3. Good Times, Edie Brickell This one was never a big hit, so the odds of it being on a karaoke list are kinda slim. Otherwise, it might have made #1. This might be the most sultry, sensual performance of a song ever recorded. And the lyrics aren't even blatantly sexual; but listen to her sing it and tell me you don't hear exactly what she has on her mind in this soul-inspired seduction.
2. I Touch Myself, The Divinyls Do you even need an explanation? We boys are visual creatures, and this song indulges that thought. Add in a couple of lyric-appropriate gestures, and forgeddabouddit -- you're getting breakfast the next morning.
1. Justify My Love, Madonna Um.... great song, baby. You were great. I'd like for you to come home with me. But... er, not right this second. Just give me a second before we walk out of here, okay?
There you go, Jill... Mudge's 10 songs a woman should karaoke. If you weren't aiming for the "get me excited" vibe, lemme know and I'll do another list of songs that I think are the best vocal songs for women.
Posted by Christopher at 09:59 AM | Comments (4)By Request Blogging: NaNoWriMo
Thanks to everyone who submitted an idea or two as to what I should blog about today. Linkmeister, I'll get to the books-on-the-shelf discussion as soon as I get them unpacked and on the shelf... that's a good (if potentially embarrassing) topic and I will be hitting it shortly. Tim & Attila, I'll be hitting the Worst Bands/Artists lists (separately, at Tim's request) in the coming month as well.
Eden, regarding NaNoWriMo, I'd actually never heard of it until you mentioned it. But now that I know what it is ("a creative writing project in which each participant attempts to write a fifty-thousand-word novel in a single month"), I am skeptical.
Oh, I'll admit that a deadline and intense pressure does fuel the creative process; back in my days as a speechwriter, the best work I ever did came in the last 24 hours before a deadline... I was infamous among my bosses for my habit of having nothing to show on say, a Thursday afternoon, for an exec who was expecting to see a finished speech by, say, 2:00 pm on Friday... and then at 9:30 pm on Thursday night the words would just come and I'd be up until 3:00 crafting this speech... my managers would be all concerned about the meeting with the exec and would fear being empty handed, and then I'd just show up with a first draft that needed but five words of revision. Doc used to be my boss at one time; he'll vouch. I just could never be sure whether he hated, respected, feared, or was amused by that little proclivity of mine. Heh, heh.
But a novel? I think that's different than a speech or work of non-fiction. A 50,000 word story requires the fleshing out of characters and back stories, the development/scrapping/redevelopment of plot lines and plot points. It requires visions and revisions before the taking of a toast and tea. And frankly, a 50,000 word "novel" is pretty short... you've got more like a novella at that point. And I am not sure I see the utility in rushing a novella together just for the sake of completing it in 30 days.... when it comes to fiction, I'm of the "you can do it fast or you can do it right" school. I mean, people could have sex in 60 seconds if they really want to -- but I think we'd all agree that it's a bit more pleasureable when we focus on the journey and not the destination. (The comparison is intended to be more than salacious... creativity and sexuality are quite similar -- at least to me -- and I think the process and rewards tap the same parts of the brain and same chemicals in the bloodstream.)
I salute the idea, for the purpose of driving people to get off their asses (or their fingers' asses) and start writing the stories that haunt their minds and want so desperately to get out. And since every writer has their own style and knows what works for them, I certainly will neither begrudge nor judge a writer who can use NaNoWriMo to fuel themselves into a complete novella or the base of a novel. Good for them. It's just that for me, if I ever did finish any of the stories that are echoing inside my head, I'd want to take the right amount of time to do them justice, rather than just rushing them through for the sake of an exercise. It might work for others; it just won't work for me, I don't think.
Jill, I'll get to your request separately and in one moment.
Posted by Christopher at 09:28 AM | Comments (3)October 09, 2006
Monday Ten
Okay, so I know that according to blog-meme-iquette, it's supposed to be "Thursday Thirteen." But I don't know if I'll have thirteen things to write about or mention on Thursday. So screw the meme -- we break the mold here in Curmudgeon-Land. I'm doing Monday Ten.
1. It could not have been a more perfect sporting weekend, could it? The Yankee$ were bounced from the playoffs yet again and their whining, mewling, arrogant fans are choking on their own bile. Alex "MVP? Yeah Right" Rodriguez continued to set new standards of suckitude. Terrell Owens not only lost in his return to Philadelphia but was a non-factor in the game. The only thing that could have made this weekend more perfect would have been Barry Bonds going to jail.
2. My brother got me a book last Christmas that reflected my new obsession with playing cards. I didn't read it, due to all my travel and then it being packed up for the move, until one month ago. I have not lost money in the weekly game since then. I should have read that book in January -- would have saved myself some money.
3. Vanity run a-Mudge... The Girl and I took her four year old pumpkin picking this weekend. Photos were taken at the pumpkin patch, including a couple of me bending over to pick up a gourd or talk to the little guy. These photos revealed the top of my head to me (something I don't see very often). Despite my growing my hair out a bit everywhere else, it is decidely not growing at the top of my head. To say that I have "thinning" hair would be like saying that Bush might have manipulated intelligence about WMD in Iraq in order to get his war. I made her delete the photos immediately. I'm also going to be giving the pharma industry lots of money in the next few months in a vain effort (get the double meaning? gosh, I'm witty) to stave off nature and time. I am mortified beyond belief.
4. As a writer, you always hope that you can come up with something that reaches readers, in either a good way or a bad, enough to inspire them to comment or write back. Even the flame notes are fun, because that still means that you wrote well enough to stir some emotion in the reader, even if it's negative. So imagine my glee a few weeks ago when some random Yankee fan actually sent a note to my Curmudgeon e-mail address (thechroniccurmudgeon@hotmail.com) to tell me that "your blog was okay until it became apparent that you are just a biased Red Sox fan with bad taste in bars around the country."
Of course, I couldn't resist writing this gentleman back over the weekend. I can't imagine why, can you? His response was typical Yankee fan -- bluster and insult without ever coming close to a fact or anything resembling one -- but I'm still delighted that someone stumbled across my writing and was moved enough to tell me I suck.
5. We had phenominal autumn weather in the NYC/Hudson Valley area this weekend, the kind that makes you glad to be alive. I picked up some sweet corn from a local farm on Saturday, and it was melt-in-your-mouth good. I do wonder if there is anything more perfect in the world than a New England Saturday in October, with the leaves turning brilliant shades of orange and red and gold, the bold blue sky, the high temps sitting right around 64 and the nights hitting a cool 40 degrees or so. Other than the Caribbean islands, I don't know if there's any place I've felt more of an appreciation for the environment.
6. I don't know why I think it's really funny to have a paparazzi incident on a rickshaw, but I really, really do.
7. We had band rehearsal yesterday for the upcoming show on Wednesday. We tried to add three new songs. One of them sounded okay. Two of them did not. And after Sunday and Monday 4 hour rehearsals, I am a little afraid of how beaten up my voice is going to be by Wednesday.
8. It's Columbus Day. I don't have the day off. I don't know anyone who does. Man, I miss DC.
9. Speaking of the Yankee$, it would appear that Joe Torre is going to get the boot from George Whinebrenner, who is expected to fire the once-popular manager. You'll hear no howls of injustice from my end; Torre has always been vastly overrated. Before landing with the world's biggest payroll, Torre was a career mediocre manager, having a sub-.500 record (894-1003) in 15 seasons, and having won all of one division title in 15 years with three teams. The fact is, Torre's success was a product of the Yankee wallet. Put Joe Torre in a place where his GM can't buy every other team's best players, and he's not even a .500 manager. The man does have class, and did try to show this organization and its fans a thing or two about winning with grace, but he's vastly overrated as a baseball manager.
10. Someday, I am going to win the lottery or write that string of brilliant best sellers. (Given my writing self-discipline, the odds of each are about equal.) When I do, if I for some unforeseen reason I opted to stay in the New York area, I would buy this house.
Posted by Christopher at 07:05 AM | Comments (7)September 20, 2006
Randomly Random Randomness
Sorry about the slight lack of posts lately; between the baseball game Monday night (The GIrl's dad's company has a Shea skybox... and no, that fact has nothing to do with my spending time with her... occasional access to baseball tickets is purely coincidental!), needing to catch up on sleep last night, and just a busier life than usual lately, it's been hard to have time to write and even harder to think of things to write about. So here's a collection of random and unrelated thoughts to tide things over.
1. Peter Gammons is back. Welcome back, Peter. Glad to have you back and writing... you were missed, and your return is well met.
2. Baseball Rocks. There's classic pennant races in the AL Central and for the NL wild card... and then there's the NL West, which treated us to one of the most classic moments of this decade or perhaps even this generation on Monday night. The Dodgers' feat of back-to-back-to-back-to-back home runs, followed by a walkoff home run by Nomar Garciaparra in the 10th inning, was a perfect capper to a great game and a classic series. If you saw that and weren't caught up in the adrenaline and amazement of the moment, then I don't think you have a pulse.
3. Keith Olbermann for President. Or at least Congress. I swear, the more this guys writes or appears on TV, the more I like him. His blog/televised commentary from Monday, demanding that George W. Bush apologize to the American people for saying that "it's unacceptable to think," is yet another brilliant slapdown of the Wonder Chimp and his wannabe totalitarian regime. The guy's one of the few left in journalism who hasn't become a cowed-by-the-conservative-machine eunuch. And he's pointing out like few others just what George W. Bush and this regime are really all about.
4. Penis mightier than the sword The world's first successful, er, member transplant has been reversed due to what doctors called "severe psychological disturbances" suffered by the patient and his wife. The mind boggles at all the possiblities for jokes about what might have caused the psychological disturbances... Perhaps they should have contacted this lady in Germany. I'm not sure if this is the funniest story of the year, but it definitely has the funniest quote of the year:
She reportedly told police: "It was his best asset and gave me so much pleasure. I wanted to pickle it for eternity - he would have wanted it. We called it his joystick. I wanted it to remember him by."
"I wanted to pickle it for eternity." No higher praise ever given for a man, methinks.
Back soon with some real entries. I promise.
Posted by Christopher at 06:56 AM | Comments (1)August 28, 2006
A Collection of Random Thoughts
A few things that I'd write longer entries about if I weren't trying to stuff as much into tonight's window of battery life as possible:
-- Can we just give this guy the death penalty anyway for being a sick freak?
-- Memo to the Dallas Cowboys: you knew he was a selfish, attention-whore jerk when you signed him. This is what you agreed to. You're going to fine him now just for being the asshat that he's always been? This is what you agreed to, and it's why your season is already doomed to become a circus. Not that I'd ever say we told you so, except that the entire damn world told you so. Terrell Owens is a class one asshat jerk, is a poor excuse for a human being, and you guys deserve what you're getting: a broken season. I know character has never counted for the Dallas Cowboys (remember South America's Team?), but guess what? Character counts everywhere else, and Terrell Owens has none.
-- The person who helped engineer the Bush-Cheney coup in 2000 has now come out and at least admitted what other Republicans have clearly believed but were too gutless to say out loud: that the Republican Party stands for a theocratic system that adheres to radical Christianity. Can't someone down there in Florida have a Botox accident and put this snake-like harpie out of our collective misery?
-- The best story in baseball this year is how Barry Bonds has been shunned while on his way to prison. But running a very close second to Bonds' shaming is the continued Knoblauchification of Pay-Rod, Alex Rodriguez. The second biggest jerk and most plastic persona in the sport continues to basically, er, suck. Hey Yankee fan$: your bonus baby is the 2000s equivalent of Ed Whitson. Enjoy your bought and paid for division title.
-- Speaking of things that are bought and paid for in New York baseball, Met fans would do well to not get too smug with this season's success; your team is little more than the Yankees. Of this season's stars, precisely two -- David Wright and Jose Reyes -- are home grown. Everyone else fueling that team -- Carlos Delgado, Carlos Beltran, Paul LoDuca, Pedro Martinez, Tom Glavine, Bill Wagner, even Shawn Green -- was purchased from somewhere else that couldn't afford to pay the same amount. The Mets are not at Yankee levels; no team could ever match the Yankees for overt purchasing of wins... but the Mets are getting close. I'll keep watching them because they're playing good baseball, but let there be no mistaking that the Met$ have bought their NL East title too.
-- Oh ... and if the world is saddled with the misfortune of having another exercise in effervescing New York self-love that would be a 'Subway Series,' this town would become so miserably insufferable that I would be begging my bosses for a two week temporary assignment ... anywhere. Topeka? I'm there. Caracas? Sign me up. India? I'll learn to eat vindaloo without dying for a week afterward. Just please... god... anywhere but this city in the middle of a Yankee$-Met$ world series.
-- Now that my Red Sox are out, I'm enjoying the possibility that the Twins might come back to win the AL Central. Not because I am reverting to the team from my former home state, but because they're a small market team playing outstanding baseball, because if LIriano comes back healthy they have as deadly a 1-2 pitching rotation in a short series as any team has had since the '01 Diamondbacks, and because I could think of nothing sweeter (save for another Sox WS win) than for a small market team that didn't buy its stars to knock the holy hell out of the Yankee$ and send them home to watch the Met$ in the world series. The gnashing of teeth, the wailing, and the whining from Yankee fans would almost be worth the Sox missing the playoffs this year.
And those are things I'd write longer about if I had more time.
Posted by Christopher at 11:11 PM | Comments (15)June 25, 2006
Random Thoughts After Two Weeks: US Version
Thoughts on happenings here in the States that occurred while I was away:
1. Schadenfreude. I've never been a fan of Shaquille O'Neal. I think he's overrated as a basketball player (put him more than five feet from the basket and he ceases to be a threat; it's true that he could be dominant in his prime, but that's due to genetics and not skillz), and his tendency toward self-aggrandizement and self-inflation can be annoying as all hell. (For example, referring to Dwyane Wade and claiming that "I knew when I came here that I had to take this young fella to the next level." Um, big guy? Wade carried your ass. All year, as a matter of fact, not just in the playoffs. You didn't take him to the next level, he pulled you back up to his.)
That said, I have put my dislike of Shaq aside and am mightily celebrating the Miami Heat's winning the NBA championship this week. I'm thrilled. I couldn't be happier. Why? Because right now, a certain rapist in Los Angeles is likley gnawing apart his own liver in a jealous rage as a result. And anything that makes Kobe Bryant miserable is something that makes me gleeful. Guess what, Kobe? Shaq has another ring! He won another world title -- without you! Your "it's all about me" team got bounced from the playoffs in one round, but Shaq went all the way back to the promised land. People think he's a champion, and that you're a selfish loser! Ha! I say. Ha!
2. Connie Chung commits murder. If there was anything left to her once-high flying career, Connie Chung killed it this week. No, she didn't just kill it; she bloodily dismembered it, Manson family-style. I don't know what the hell she was thinking... but journalists generally don't maintain credibility -- or hell, dignity -- by performing off-key musical numbers while in evening gowns, trying to play Marilyn Monroe but looking like Marla Hooch. I mean - her dismount from the piano was as clumsy as anything attempted in showbiz since David Letterman's "Oprah... Uma" joke at the Oscars a decade ago. If you haven't seen it, and if you're very brave, click here.
3. Fever. Now, the most prestigious and pre-eminent scientific body in the United States, the National Academy of Sciences, has endorsed a simple fact that any of us not involved in the Bush Administration have known through observation for a long time now: global warming is real, the earth is warmer now than it has been in 2,000 years, and humans and our activities are largely to blame. Better yet, the report was asked for by a Republican in the House, so it's difficult to charge bias (which is every conservative's automatic fallback position on every issue) when it's your own report.
What will be interesting to see is how the Bush Administration -- which has pathologically and habitualy distorted and suppressed science for its own political aims since seizing power in 2000 -- will twist, suppress or distort the findings of its own government in this report. Meanwhile, the danger to the planet keeps growing...
4. Hypocrisy. Isn't it funny how Dick Cheney -- the man who went to the Supreme Court to try and avoid having to let the people of the United States know even who was on his Energy Task Force, much less what its activities were -- is now out there trying to argue that allowing his government to search your private bank records, without your consent or even knowledge, is a perfectly legitimate use of government power?
Actually, it's not funny. It's sad. And it's just another example of how hypocritical and dangerous that man and his puppet in the White House are.
Posted by Christopher at 03:44 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBackRandom Thoughts After Two Weeks: Euro-Version
As my two week combination business/pleasure trip to Europe comes to a close, I have a few random thoughts to share - some on Europe, some on developments in the States. I'll share the European ones first.
1. Soccer's kinda cool when you watch it over there. Soccer goes against all US sports logic --you cheer when your team almost scores? they run around for 90 minutes and 0-0 is considered a great game? But after two weeks of seeing the crowds and feeling the passion they have for this game, I have to tell you -- despite every US-centric bone in my body not wanting to -- I have decided that I like football. I don't understand the rules, but anything that can inpsire that much excitement in its fans is something I want to be part of. (Also, all of my new friends in London are very into English football, obviously, and I'll need to be keeping that as a common point to discuss with them.)
2. Picasso was a freaking genius. Okay, I actually really do like much of his stuff, and I think the Guernica is an incredibly powerful work. And I do enjoy Cubism from a purely aesthetic sense. But the reason I label Picasso a genius is simply this concept: Talk dozens of babes into taking off their clothes and modeling nude for you for hours, days, weeks at a time... and the finished product need look nothing at all like an actual woman? That, my friends, is an art form. High freaking art, if you ask me. (I'm thinking of taking up Picasso-esque blogging, by the way... any women readers willing to model in such fashion to provide proper inspiration should mention their willingness in the comment field below or via e-mail, and we'll make arrangements.)
3. God bless fashion. I don't know if I know much more than I did before these past two weeks. I don't know if I am a better person or anything. And my fashion sense has likely not improved much, at least concerning men's fashion. Regarding womens' fashion, I don't know whether it started in Europe or the US, and frankly, I don't care. All I know is that this whole midriff-baring-shirt/low-waisted, hipbone-baring pants look for women must never, ever go out of style. Ever. Any designer who tries to do something different than this look, or every tut-tutting spinster or preacher who disapproves must be dealt with using extreme prejudice. If you know what I mean. Anywhoo...
4. Of the countries I visited, I have to say that I love Spain the most -- although England was also a great time and I made more friends there (the whole speaking the same language thing probably factors in there, huh?).
5. After nearly a week in London, it gives me great pleasure to say, "Drive on the right side of the road, will ya?" I can't tell you how many times I nearly got plastered to some Brit's windshield because, out of habit, I looked right instead of left to see if cars were coming before I crossed a side street.
6. Moment of Surreality: Sitting in the lobby bar/restaurant of a Paris hotel and seeing John Ritter (dubbed, of course) on TV... not Three's Company, of course, but his last sitcom. Of course, the translation of the show's title cuts right to the actual point of the sentiment. "8 Simple Rules For Dating My Teenage Daughter" translates simply into "Don't Touch My Daughter." Much more direct and to the point. Reminds me of the time when I was a junior in high school and the father of one of my dates, upon meeting me for the first time, simply said "I've been to jail already, so I don't mind going back for knocking the hell out of you for doing anything more than kissing my daughter. Are we clear?" I was speechless enough not to ask if he actually had been to jail.
7. American tourists live up to every negative stereotype ever ascribed to us. Everywhere I went, in every country, if you heard someone being obnoxiously loud, they were American. If you observed someone being embarrassingly rude, invariably they turned out to be American. I saw Americans wearing t-shirts with such ambassadorial slogans as "What the f**k are you looking at?" while walking near Big Ben, "You Ain't Had Nothin' Like This" near the Arc de Triomphe, and my personal favorite, "Dangerous Curves" on a woman in St. James Park who easily dwarfed my 250 pound frame by at least another 100. (And yes, she did have a southern US accent, so I knew she was American.)
Which brings me to another point; after observing tourists from all over the world in the last couple of weeks, my experience is that we really are as fat as everyone says we are. Invariably, if you saw anyone (myself included) with a belly or weighing obviously more than they should, it was inevitable that they were speaking English in an American accent. It was amazing to see; literally every overweight person I saw appeared and sounded to be American. Loud, rude, fat, and boorish... after wandering Europe for two weeks observing American tourists, I now understand exactly why those stereotypes are applied to us -- because in my observation and experience, we totally resemble those remarks.
8. America's Dorkiest Home Video. While leisurely making my way back to my hotel in Paris one night last week, I noticed a cool light show thing happening on the Eiffel Tower. I was motivated to take some quick video of the tower and my surroundings. The fact that I am not very articulate and sound like an exhausted American sot notwithstanding, here's a little video of the Eiffel Tower and Arc d'Triomphe from late last week.
Posted by Christopher at 03:43 AM | Comments (10) | TrackBackMay 29, 2006
Long Holiday Blog Stew
A few random notes from the long holiday weekend...
1. Mess With The Bull, Young Man... You Get The Horns. Arguably, the quintessential 80s movie -- the 80s movie to end all 80s movies -- was "The Breakfast Club." And like any good teenage movie, there had to be an adult heavy... not just one who "didn't get" the teenage protagonists, but who actively opposed them and represented everything "we" never wanted to be. Principal Vernon in The Breakfast Club was that villian. When he lamented to Carl the janitor that "what keeps me up at night is this: when I get old, these kids are gonna be the ones to take care of me," and Carl responds with a cynical and knowing "I wouldn't count on it," every teenager in America snickered in agreement.
It takes acting skill to make an unsympathetic character truly unsympathetic. Paul Gleason brought that talent to Mr. Vernon. We laughed as Judd Nelson belittled him, we couldn't wait for him to get his... all because an actor knew how to play a jerk. Paul Gleason died today of a rare form of lung cancer. But thanks to Principal Vernon, he'll live forever.
2. Signs, signs, everywhere are signs... I'm a pretty perceptive person, usually. I don't miss much. But when I miss something, I miss it big. Like, for example, the fact that I didn't notice until yesterday evening on the way home from being out that my new apartment is right around the corner -- literally three minutes away -- from the largest, uh, "adult" toystore in Westchester County. (No, I will not favor you with the link to their site.) How I missed seeing that it the neighborhood when I was scoping it out or moving in, I am not sure. All I can hope is that this is an omen or a sign about my social life. ;-)
3. God's Thighs Are Very Powerful. The world record for the leg press is approximately 1,335 pounds. This was accomplished by a football player from Florida State University -- a young man in his late teens or early twenties, a man whose existence was defined and structured by physical workouts and being in the optimum physical condition.
Yet that rascal Pat Robertson, all of 76 years old and never a career athlete, claims that he can leg press 2000 pounds -- in his seventies. How Robertson manages to pull this off, he doesn't explain. Nor is he willing to repeat the feat in front of neutral observers. But, his sheep-like followers are accepting the story.
Apparently, now we know how Robertson's managed to steer all those hurricanes from America's coast; he just presses them away with those mighty thigh muscles.
Posted by Christopher at 03:12 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBackMay 24, 2006
Random Acts of Blogging
A quick collection of thoughts and reports before heading off to work this morning:
1. Moving update: I'm into the new place. Very little is unpacked and I still am sorting through boxes to find even the basics (where did I pack that toilet paper??) but I'm in. Challenges that remain include getting the Salvation Army over to my old place to pick up the furniture I chose not to take with me, and getting the old place cleaned up now that most everything is out of it (I'd like at least some of my security deposit back, although I know the old management will nickel and dime me on giving it back because that's the kind of people they were/are). So after getting that done, I'll focus on making the new place look more like "me."
2. TomKat on the rocks... Gee, what a shocker. Just weeks after allegedly giving birth to Tom Cruise's test tube-generated spawn, Katie the Zombie has run home to mother. I've said before and I'll say again: Tom Cruise got with Katie Holmes about as much as I have. (I haven't -- yet -- in case the point is lost on you.) At least when they go their separate ways, we never have to see that ridiculous sobriquet again.
3. Bush plays the ostrich. There's more to W's brusque dismissal of Al Gore's new film about global warming than just a childish snit about a former rival (who is a reminder to Bush and the rest of us about who really won the 2000 election). The movie may or may not be factual or accurate (I haven't seen it yet and don't have an informed opinion on it yet). But Bush is showing yet again why he is not qualified to be president. This movie's premise contradicts his world view, so he has no interest in even seeing the information... he doesn't want to make an informed judgement based on all points of view; he'll just blithely dismiss anything that doesn't jibe with what he wants to believe.
Is it any wonder that all reports that Saddam didn't really have WMD were summarily thrown out, and that our intelligence agencies were directed to find only the evidence that supported Bush's claims for war?
4. Barry Bonds. Without steroids, he's batting .245 this year with 6 home runs. His defenders say that's because he's getting old. Yeah. Like he has been for the last seven years... only now he has to get old without steroids. The emperor has no clothes, kids - and it's a wonderful thing to have happening. He's a filthy liar who disgraces the game with his very existence, and baseball will be better for his departure, which can't happen soon enough.
5. 80s video hell. Courtesy of my good friend Corey, here's a little slice of 80s video hell. The video for "Rock Me Tonite" single-handedly killed Billy Squier's career. Don't feel bad about that until you've watched the video. This is a rocker, in a pink Flashdance t-shirt and frolicking in pink satin sheets. I'm in touch with my feminine side -- I even wear pink -- but I draw the line at pink satin sheets. And prancing.
Not to be outdone, here is my nominee for the worst music video of the 80s (or worst ever, actually): Journey's "Separate Ways."
Posted by Christopher at 06:56 AM | Comments (9) | TrackBackMay 14, 2006
London Calling
Just try to get The Clash out of your head today!
Headed out "across the pond" tomorrow afternoon for a conference this week in London; I'll be gone until Thursday night. So, since I'll be away for a few days, here's a few random thoughts and links to keep you occupied.
1. President Al Gore on Saturday Night Live. Hurry up and check this one before the clueless crusaders at NBC make YouTube take it down. Last night, the man the American people elected president in 2000 did a guest spot on the opening skit of Saturday Night Live, addressing the nation as if he'd been president all this time. Gore showed a sense of humor, a willingness to poke fun at himself, and best of all mercilessly skewered Zippy the Wonder Chimp. Best lines were the "negative consequences" of stopping global warming, the digs at the oil companies, the self-mocking jokes about the lockbox, taking credit for inventing the Anti-Hurricane and Tornado Machine, and most of all the dig at Bush's criminal invasion of our privacy by tapping our phone records.. (If you click on the link and YouTube's had to remove it, try SNL's site here to see if they have it up.)
2. The Evolution of Dance. Courtesy of Mrs. Doc, here's comedian Judson Laipply's performance of what he calls "The Evolution of Dance." From Elvis to Eminem, he covers it all ... and I have to tell you, between the guy's fantastic timing and great sense of physical comedy, you'll be grinning from the humor and finding yourself impressed at the skill needed to pull off a routine like this.
3. Domestic spying. Red staters, have you finally figured out what we've been trying to tell you all along: that the biggest threat to American freedoms comes not from without, but from within? What more does it take to prove to you the damage your criminal pretenders to the throne have done to America and our way of life? What's next -- the president going on national TV to defend his government's right to round up people in the middle of the night without charging them with anything? (That might sound like a stretch, but it might once have sounded like a stretch that the president of the United States would be defending his government's right to intercept the phone records of every single American citizen without a warrant or cause.) Every single person who voted for Bush twice is personally responsible for enabling this assault on our basic freedoms.
4. The real Barry Bonds Not that anyone needed any further proof of what Barry Bonds is about, but yesterday, after failing again to hit the home run that would tie him with Babe Ruth, Barry Bonds hit the lockerroom and prepared to go home. Problem was, the game was still on and his team was still playing. While the San Francisco Giants were scrapping out a come from behind win yesterday against their archrival Los Angeles Dodgers, Barry Bonds was on his way home. He'd not accomplished his own personal goal, so the team and its goals didn't matter. This is the kind of "teammate" Barry Bonds is. This is the kind of person Giant fans still have yet to reject as he rightfully should be rejected. What a selfish, egocentrical jerk.
The only good news: Juicy Juice has basically run out of time to set his record at home, where inexplicably the San Francisco fans will still cheer his exploits. (Why? Because he's on your team and helps them? Yeah, we saw yesterday just what a team player Bonds is.) He's going to have to go on the road to do it -- where fans will react to the incident with anything from indifference to derision. (Memo to Houston fans: please, for the love of all that is sacred in baseball, do not succumb to the "well, he's a jerk but this is history" dynamic, and do not begrudgingly cheer him. The man hasn't earned it. If you don't wish to heap scornful boos on him, better yet just turn your back on him when he does it; use his trip around the bases as an excuse to hit the bathroom or go buy that beer you've been thinking about since the 2nd inning. Turn your back on the SOB. Don't give him this moment he hasn't earned.)
Posted by Christopher at 09:40 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBackMarch 27, 2006
Blog Stew: Bad Mood Risin' Edition
Fair warning: I'm in one hell of a sour mood tonight. It's been a hell of a lousy day, with lots of buzzkill moments to bring me down off of my California happy place. I'm guessing that I'm not really going to see a major uptick in my mood any time in the next few days, least of all tonight. So you're stuck with one growly Curmudgeon for the moment. Sorry.
Frankly, I don't feel like writing tonight. It's one of those sit and stew evenings and I doubt it's in my power right now to come up with anything worth reading. However, I've been away for a week, and if you abuse your audience by not giving them anything, they tend to stop showing up. So because I love y'all, here's a few random things bouncing in my mind. (I decided not to do the Cali update while angry at the world. The trip was too cool to recap while ticked.)
1. When in Rome... I'm leaving for Rome on Sunday; while I'll be working my tail off during the week, I did take a three-day weekend for myself post-conference to enjoy the city and explore. Anyone who's been or who has recommendations for things/places I should see while there, I'd love some suggestions. (Hint: I am a non-touristy tourist; I don't want to see the things everybody goes to see, unless they're really that worth it. I'll go to the Trevi and the Coliseum, obviously, and we have a tour of the Vatican/Sistine slated... but what I really enjoy is going places many tourists don't go, where I can really get a feeling for what a city or place is really like. For example, you can't get a sense of the real New York from the Empire State Building -- you'll run into more tourists than Noo Yawkiz. To feel NYC, you gotta get away from where the tourists go. That's what I'm looking for in Rome. Don't get me wrong -- if there's a tourist site worth seeing, I'll play tourist -- you know, the kind of place where if you skip, people will say "you went to Rome and didn't see ----?" I should see those places, I guess. But anyone with advice on how to experience the real Rome... I'm all ears.
Anyone wanting for me to bring something back for them, let me know. Anyone wishing to come with me should submit a short essay as to why she should be selected.
2. Hasidic Reggae? Okay, I know I am the last one to the table on this one, but I am digging on that Matisyahu single "King Withou