January 24, 2007
Dumb Dora Was So Dumb...
While flipping channels last night in a desperate attempt to avoid having to listen to Zippy the Wonder Chimp explain all the ways he intends to fork up our country in the next 12 months, I stumbled upon the Game Show Network, and watched an episode of Match Game -- I think it was the '76 vintage. Man, they don't make game shows like they used to, do they?
Match Game was quality entertainment, man. Okay, sure... the clothes were hideous and the fashions embarrassing... but besides the fact that no one seems to be able to discern what, besides marrying Jack Klugman, made Brett Somers "celebrity" enough to hold down the top middle seat, this was red white and blue American burlesque, writ large for the TV screen. Charles Nelson Reilly was the resident Paul Lynde figure... and RIchard Dawson was actually funny -- I mean, not in the contrived sense either, but actually funny. The premise seems quaint today, compared to the game shows on TV now: instead of picking from among 26 suitcases, a contestant just had to match six celebrity double-entendre answers to leading questions.
"Donald said, 'I think we're going to have to get a bigger house. Last night, my in-laws walked in while my wife and I were blank-ing on the couch." Of course, the celebrities would respond "sleeping" or "talking," but the quaint 70s way of teasing the risque answer was the show's raison d'etre. And you know? I didn't even get the jokes back then -- I was 5 when the show started and only 11 when Match Game '79 went off the air -- but I used to love that show... last night I remembered its appeal.
The plaid sport coats. Gene Rayburn's dirty old man hosting persona (remember the famous Karen Lesko incident?). The funky guitar riffs while the celebs were writing down. The cheesy $500/$250/$100 "Super Match." It was all classic, all part of a fun package whose whole was a wonderful greater combination than its parts.
A remake wouldn't work; you couldn't get away with it today. After Sex & The City episodes about teabagging and rabbits... after the Sorpranos have turned the F word into noun, verb, adjective, adverb, gerund and dangling participle... nothing is shocking anymore. Having a show whose calling card is its risque nature doesn't work when even the concept of risque is as antiquated as a manual typewriter. But as a time capsule of a gentler time that was trying to become less gentle -- and just for pure humor -- I still enjoy the Match Game.
Besides, I'd rather watch Brett Somers and Charles Nelson Reilly than W and Dick Cheney any day.
Posted by Christopher at 06:56 AM | Comments (0)October 03, 2006
Audience Participation Requested: Movie Literacy/Social Plans List
A couple of weeks ago, The Girl and I were relaxing and watching TV one post-work evening, and as we flipped channels, Terminator 2 was on one of the channels. I paused for a moment, enjoying seeing it again after a long time... she watched for about 20 seconds, then asked "what movie is this?" I was flabbergasted. "You're kidding me, right?" I asked. "You've seen this." She said she hadn't; I replied, "How can you not have seen Terminator 2? Everybody's seen Terminator 2. I think my mom has even seen Terminator 2." And that's when she pointed out her very different reality.
For the bulk of the last decade and a half, TG has been raising her children pretty much single-handedly. As a kid, she wasn't much of a movie watcher; as a mom, her movie-watching dwindled to only those flicks requiring voice-over artists, released by Dinsey or Pixar, and aimed at the single-digit aged set. She just hasn't seen a whole lot of movies, she said; she was hopelessly uninitiated in the world of films that everybody's seen. I thought she was exaggerating; I didn't believe that it could be that bad. So I started rattling off a few classics that everybody's seen, and it turns out it really was that bad.
As a walking repository of useless trivial knowledge and an aficianado of pop culture minutae, I was mortified. I joked with her that our social lives for the next few months will pretty much be spent catching her up on the movies she needs to have seen to be "up" on movie culture (or, in a couple cases, if I really love a movie, it's on the list anyway). She agreed to this, and told me to build my list. And when I suggested that I might blog this and ask for input, she was cool with that too. All she asked is that I not make her sound "sad and pathetic" for having missed these movies... and so in that spirit I remind you that she's been working full time and raising kids pretty much with no help since before I even got to the east coast.
After the jump, you'll find my list. Some of them I don't necessarily like -- in fact, some of them I downright loathe (anything with John Belushi -- the most overrated and unfunny man in the history of entertainment -- for example)... but as a pop culture freak I know they belong on the list. And remember, I am not talking about the best movies of all time. I am talking about 50 movies that are either ingrained in pop culture and make it on to a list of movies that "everybody" has seen, or something too good to omit.
If you were putting together such a list to watch with someone who's just not seen a lot of movies, what would you include on it? Do I have anything dead wrong -- is there anything on my list that you'd say "absolutely not, no way does that belong" to? Or, is there an absolute classic that I've completely overlooked? Give me a few suggestions... which movies are absolutely necessary to see if American trivialists such as all of us hope to be pop culturally literate? And which are on your absolute must-see list?
Here are my 50 nominees for this list, and a small reason they're there. Please post your suggestions and reactions in the comment field... once all countries are heard from, I'll compile a revised list that incorporates your input. We're waiting to hear from you, and remember, our social agenda is relying on your judgement!
We went through a list of the ones that she actually has seen... Sound of Music, Mary Poppins, the Star Wars trilogy, The WIzard Of Oz, When Harry Met Sally, Breakfast at Tiffany's, Gone WIth The Wind, Airplane, Young Frankenstein, Back To The Future, a few others... and she's seen all the Italian mafia movies (she's Italian-American... so seeing the Godfather trilogy and Goodfellas was mandatory). After we crossed off those she's seen, I came up with a list of 50 films that I think we need to watch in the coming months... movies that are either "required" for pop culture movie literacy, or are among the best of the films of the last 25 years or so. Oh - and no horror movies allowed, despite the fact that a good horror movie that actually screws with your head instead of just using blood and gore to shock you is my favorite genre, and I love those films. She scares too easily from horror films and won't watch them, even with me.
1. 2001: A Space Odyssey For the whole HAL-Dave Bowman scene alone.
2. A Few Good Men Best courtroom confrontation ever. You can't handle the truth!
3. A Streetcar Named Desire Brando's transcendent performance changed acting forever. STELLA!
4. All The President’s Men Best journalism movie ever, and important to know what the government did so our guard is up to not let corrupt governments get away with it again. Like now, for instance.
5. American Beauty Great performance by Spacey, lampooning of suburbia, and -- let's face it -- I want to see the cheerleader scenes again.
6. An Unfinished Life The movie I am highest on right now from 2005. Great performances from Redford, Freeman, and even Lopez... and compelling story. Fantastic movie, I recommend it to everybody, whether it belongs on this list or not it's now one of my favorites.
7. Animal House I hate it and don't think it's even remotely close to sniffing the undergarments of funny, but everybody has seen it and since this list is about TG seeing the movies that "everybody" has seen, I know it has to go on here.
8. Blade Runner In my opinion, the best science fiction movie ever made; dark, foreboding, perfect.
9. Bull Durham Best sports movie ever. Most realistic depiction (IMHO) of what it's like to be a ballplayer. Mudge's favorite movie ever (so it stays on this list no matter what any of you say).
10. Caddyshack Second funniest movie of all time; most quote-worthy movie of all-time.
11. Casablanca This is one I've never even seen, so I couldn't tell you why it's on this list -- only that I think it needs to be there for both of us.
12. Chinatown Every book on screenwriting I have ever read cites this as the best screenplay ever written. Plus, the ending and its closing line ("Forget about it, Jake. It's Chinatown.") is IMHO the best ending of a movie ever. (I'm a Curmudgeon; doesn't it figure that I approve when evil triumphs over good in a film?)
13. Citizen Kane Probably ought to be on the list since all the film geeks say this is the best one ever made. Oh, wait - when I taught the section of Intro to Communications that dealt with film, I said this was the best one ever. Never mind.
14. Dead Poet’s Society Carpe Diem! She loves Robin Williams and this is, IMHO, his finest performance.
15. Do The Right Thing Personally, I think Spike Lee is a bigot. But there's no denying the power or brilliance of this film.
16. Dr. Strangelove I actually never thought this was the hysterical tour de farce that everyone always says it is. But the whole "you can't fight in here, this is the war room" bit, Dr. Strangelove fighting off his Nazi urges, the repeat line about "precious bodily fluids," and of course Slim Pickens riding the bomb... all are classic pop culture references.
17. Fast Times At Ridgemont High Everyone's seen this. Spicoli alone would be reason enough to put it on this list... add in Phoebe Cates' nekkid scene and Judge Reinhold's, er. unfortunate situation, and it's a no-brainer.
18. Fatal Attraction Why, again, do I want to show this one to someone I'm seeing? Oh yeah - because the boiling rabbit references are ubiquitous, and this is the best of the woman scorned genre.
19. Field Of Dreams One of only a handful of films that make me cry, and a classic for "if you build it, he will come" and the whole cornfield ghosts thing. Plus, anything that can perhaps increase her enjoyment of baseball even a little is a plus.
20. Forrest Gump I hate it for the baby boomer-apologist/revisionist history ouevre that it is (look, everybody! our generation didn't really hopelessly screw up everything we ever touched... it only seemed that way... we were really just aimiable, lovable idiot-child types stumbling through history!), but it is one of those that everybody's seen.
21. Friday Very, very funny -- and Chris Tucker's breakout performance. Best urban comedy ever.
22. It’s A Wonderful Life The Christmas movie that everybody's seen. 25 times. Every day during every December.
23. Jaws I never liked it, it never scared me... but everyone's seen it.
24. L.A. Confidential Should have won 1997 Best Picture instead of the woeful and pathetic Titanic.
25. Midnight Cowboy One of Hoffman's best performances, and I think the first of the 70s generation gritty realism classics (yes, I know it came out in 1969. Shush.)
26. Monty Python And The Holy Grail One of the funniest movies ever, and quoted extensively by 16 year olds in the chess club and 21 year old theater majors since 1975. And by me since the mid-80s.
27. Moulin Rouge! Unique, unlike much that came out before or since; far better than the weak film that bested it for Best Picture, "Gladiator." And just a fun story.
28. North By Northwest I've never seen it, but Hitchcock was supposed to be a genius, and this was supposed to be one of his best.
29. O Brother Where Art Thou? A brilliantly funny adaptation of Homer's Odyssey, O Brother stands on its own as a really funny modern classic.
30. Office Space The funniest satire of cube culture ever made, and a must for anyone who works in an office.
31. Old School Three words put this one on the list: Frank. The. Tank.
32. Pulp Fiction Tarantino's turned out to be a disappointing one trick pony (he is to gratuitous violence what M Night Shayamalan is to the "shocking" plot twist at the end), but this is his opus -- a fantastic exercise in storytelling that contains classic characters and dialogue.
33. Rear Window Again, haven't seen it, but Hitchcock's supposed to be a genius, and this is supposed to be one of his best.
34. Rudy One of the sports trilogy: movies that make all men cry (Field Of Dreams and Hoosiers complete the set, although I also will admit to crying at "The Rookie" and "Miracle"). I have once made it all the way until Jon Favreau shouts "Who's the wild man now?!" at the end, but usually I've got the tears going by the time Rudy gets sent into the game.
35. Saving Private Ryan Sooo not a date movie, but the most horrifically real depiction of war ever filmed; everyone has seen the opening scene at Normandy on Omaha Beach on D-Day. Remember, I am not picking the "best date movies," just ones that everyone's seen or that are really, really good.
36. Schindler’s List Again, not a date movie, but important to see for so many reasons. A testament to Spielberg's abilities when he's not trying to make a blockbuster.
37. Sideways I know a couple of people who didn't like it, but I thought it was really funny, and was a really good 'writer's movie' -- that is, the writing was so good that it made you like characters who were essentially unlikeable.
38. Singin’ In The Rain Confession: I am a straight man who enjoys musicals. And this is the best musical of all time. Gene Kelly was fantastic.
39. Terminator/Terminator 2 Technically two movies, but they get one entry on this list. Everyone has seen them. And if they haven't, they need to... not great films but absolutely cultural classics. If I had to narrow to one, I'd pick T2.
40. The Graduate Must-see in order to get every reference to Mrs. Robinson that anyone ever makes... like say, for example, when Mudge mentions Chris Jansing. This movie also captures boomer ennui with the life lived and planned out for them by the generation that came before them.
41. The Maltese Falcon Great film noir; I finally saw this one on the plane back from Europe this past June. So they couldn't act back then... big deal. It's still a great story.
42. The Manchurian Candidate Best political intrigue movie ever. On Mudge's personal top five list.
43. The Matrix Most innovative sci-fi movie and effects since at least Star Wars; cultural icon kind of film.
44. The Shawshank Redemption Mudge's #2 movie of all-time behind Bull Durham, this adaptation of Stephen King's short story is about hope, friendship, and maintaining each of those in the face of incredible odds. This is the movie I will watch every single one of the 1,921 times that TBS plays it every year.
45. The Silence Of The Lambs Features the single best villian/villianous performance in movie history, by Anthony Hopkins as Lecter. Also for the virtually unlimited pop culture reference pulls... I mean, come on. "It puts the lotion on its skin..." "Put the f'n lotion in the basket!" "Was she big through the hips -- rrrrrrrooomy?" "Tick tock, tick tock." and of course "I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti."
46. The Third Man I haven't seen this one yet, but I am a fan of film noir, and most every time I read a list of the best of film noir, this one's at or near the top.
47. This Is Spinal Tap The best mockumentary ever, and a hysterical lampooning of the heavy metal genre. Way too many cultural references ("This one goes to 11" at the top of the list) to not include it.
48. Tommy Boy On Mudge's list as the funniest comedy ever made. Farley's at the top of his game here. Too funny to even think about not including.
49. Unfaithful Three words: The. Stairwell. Scene. Are you kidding me? Like I wasn't going to have a woman I am seeing watch this movie with me?
50. Vertigo Again... I have never seen the Hitchcock classics, and this one is also commonly listed among his best.
Posted by Christopher at 06:53 AM | Comments (19)August 22, 2006
What Goes Around Cruises Around
Tom Cruise's wacked out behavior and the freakish cult he champions continue to hurt him. More than half the moviegoing public has an unfavorable opinion of him, according to a recent USA Today survey. His latest movie opened to a much lower box office than expected over Memorial Day, and never grossed what its studio or the industry had hoped. And now, his employer, Paramount Pictures, has severed all ties with Cruise after a 14 year relationship -- and its chairman specifically is attributing the move to Cruise's off screen persona.
“As much as we like him personally, we thought it was wrong to renew his deal,” Redstone was quoted as saying in the Wall Street Journal report e-mailed to reporters. “His recent conduct has not been acceptable to Paramount.”
There's a line that can be crossed by celebrities, a line past which eccentricity becomes creepiness, beyond which quirky becomes freaky. And once that line has been crossed, the public never, ever lets you come back -- no matter how talented you are, and no matter how badly you want to come back. Michael Jackson crossed that line somewhere around 1993. It would seem that Tom Cruise crossed it somewhere around 2005-2006. And hopefully, his freakish ass will never, ever be back.
Couldn't happen to a nicer cult-belonging jerk.
Posted by Christopher at 09:57 PM | Comments (5)June 26, 2006
Welcome To My Nightmare
Courtesy of Pete, who posted this over at A Perfectly Cromulent Blog while I was in Europe.... ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the single most terrifying minute of my childhood.
I was 37 years old before I finally saw the Mr. Yuk PSA the whole way from beginning to end. The reason for that was that this commercial -- ostensibly designed to make little kids aware of the poison sticker and avoid it -- used to send me into paroxysms of sheer and utter terror when it aired in the early 70s. My six or seven year old self would run screaming hysterically from the living room whenever this commercial even began; that opening with the surreal music, the psychedelic swirls and the evil laugh were enough to scare the living bejesus out of me. No one had to worry about me drinking something from under the counter with that sticker on it. Hell, I wouldn't even go in the same room as anything with Mr. Yuk on it. I'm not kidding, I had night terrors from this f'n commercial for about two years.
And so it was that it was only last week that I finally watched the PSA the whole way through. And I can only conclude after having watched it that the creative minds behind it were sick, evil people who delighted in the idea of torturing small children under the guise of protecting them. Bastards.
And Pete? Thanks for the reminder of my greatest childhood fear while I was sitting in a strange hotel room in a foreign country. I'll be sending you a bill for the extra underwear I had to buy.
Posted by Christopher at 07:16 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBackMay 09, 2006
Flirting WIth Disaster
I've always had a kind of odd fascination with disasters. (Look at my otherwise inexplicable thing for Britney Spears, for example.) Put a documentary on about some plane crash or flood or explosion, and I'm pretty much hooked. (For an idea of the look on my face when these things come on, think of the end of Ghostbusters II, when Vigo was trying to possess Dan Aykroyd... and Aykroyd got that blank, feeble-minded, drooling stare on his face while looking at Vigo's picture.)
I can't explain it, really. I don't know why I have been fascinated since I was a kid with things going very, very wrong. (Perhaps it was a precursor to my future romantic life? Would explain a lot.) Anyway, whether I can explain it or not, the interest has always been there. As a kid, I was reading about the Hindenburg and the Galveston hurricane and that DC-10 out of Chicago back in 1979 as avidly as today's kids read Harry Potter. As an adult, my television spends an uncomfortable amount of time tuned to the History Channel and Discovery Channel. And the only thing better than a documentary that analyzes what went wrong in a disaster that's already happened is one in which experts suggest what might go wrong in the future.
So I'm looking forward to the new series on the HIstory Channel, "Mega-Disasters," which will feature both expert commentary and CGI depictions of potential massive natural disasters that could hit the United States. (Had they made this series in 2004 and not 2006, for example, I suspect that one episode might have been "What might happen if a category 4 or 5 hurricane scored a direct hit on New Orleans?") Tonight's debut episode focuses on:
What would happen if a massive earthquake and tsunami were to strike the West Coast of the United States? Experts say it could easily match the catastrophic 2004 Indian Ocean tsunami in scale and might. A 700-mile stretch of coast, from northern California to southern British Columbia lies just off the extremely volatile Cascadia Subduction Zone. Many seismologists say that after more than 300 years of massive pressure build-up, it is likely to erupt in the not too distant future.
I'll be watching in sick fascination. But the best thing about series like this is that no one in any future government will be able to say, "I don't think anyone anticipated (insert disaster here)..." This series examines 10 of the potentially worst natural disasters that could ever occur in the US -- what could happen, why, and what the impacts might be. And rather than just an exercise in scaring the hell out of people, it's an educational opportunity and a chance to possibly, oh, you know... prepare.
Posted by Christopher at 06:27 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBackApril 28, 2006
United 93
I haven't seen it yet, so this isn't a review. (For one of those, I recommend my friend Pete's review over at FilmThreat.) Rather, I am talking about the discussion over whether United 93 is "too soon" after 9/11 to have been made or released, as is the argument from some corners.
Let me say up front that I understand how scarring and searing that day was and remains for so many Americans. As a New York resident who also spent several years in Washington DC, I felt the day acutely; both of my homes were under attack. I had gone to work meetings in the Pentagon many times, had my best friend in DC working in the building that day, and we couldn't find my younger brother, also in DC and who occasionally is in that building, for most of that maddening afternoon. I understand the trauma associated with it, and I don't mean to disrespect anyone who cannot watch this film or its trailer. I'm just offering a perspective: that there is a difference between "too soon" and "too traumatic," and I think most of those opposed to this film are missing the distinction.
United 93 is the first feature film about 9/11, it's true. But anyone arguing that it's too soon must not have had the television on for the last five years. Six months after the attacks, CBS aired the Gaudet brothers' superb documentary. Every year on the anniversary, the cable news networks devote time to re-airing the footage and examining the events of the day. The National Geographic Channel has an entire documentary mini-series of the events of that day. The History Channel and Discovery Channel have repeatedly aired examinations and speculations as to what caused the actual collapses of the WTC towers. The History Channel has even shot an episode of their series "Zero Hour" (which intersplices real audio and video footage with re-enactments) around the final hour of American Airlines Flight 11. And of course, George W. Bush and Dick Cheney have wrapped themselves in the trauma of the day for political advantage for 55 months now.
All of these things predate United 93. So how can Paul Greengrass's movie -- by all accounts respectfully shot, brilliantly written, and as unsensational as possible -- be "too soon?"
We've been living with 9/11 -- both its echoes in how we now behave, think and feel, and the images of the attacks, both still and moving -- since the day it happened. I understand the trauma and pain of those who feel it so deeply that this movie disturbs them. But to call it "too soon" is to suggest that the wounds haven't been pecked at, poked at, torn open since the day of the attacks. We rip the scab open every day... when we walk through an airport and take off our shoes before heading through the metal detector... when we get ready for a trip and have to think about what items we can pack... when we get nervous if we see an unattended bag in a public place... when we look at the New York skyline and see only blue sky where our memory tells us buidings ought to be... when we discuss immigration, when we talk politics, and even -- for some -- when we choose where to go on vacation and how to get there.
Many of us have tried to heal and move on, much like a person who's lost a limb might do; while part of us may now be missing, we still have life to live. For those who are so traumatized by 9/11 that United 93 is discomforting, I would argue that the wounds have never healed -- so suggesting that this film might open them is, while not disingenuous, certainly a misunderstanding.
It won't surprise me if United 93 is #1 at the box office this weekend; it also won't surprise me to see it open weakly and not make money. People's reactions to 9/11 are still too diverse to accurately predict how they'll respond to this movie. Is it too traumatic? Possibly, for some. But is it too soon?
I say not.
Posted by Christopher at 09:19 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBackMarch 05, 2006
Oscar Grouching
The Oscars are tonight... not that I much care. I just haven't been able to make myself pay much attention this year. Maybe it's because the media has already anointed the big winner. Maybe it's because I don't like having agendas shoved at me -- even when I agree with the perspectives or points of view, I can recognize agenda nominations when I see them. Or maybe it's just because, between disgust for the movie theater experience these days (overpriced snacks, rude patrons who think it's acceptable to shout at the screen and talk to the characters, etc.) and the fact that 95% of what Hollywood produces these days is unoriginal, uninspired, derivative, brainless crap, I have gone to all of about three movies in a theater in the last 18 months. But since knowing next to nothing about my subject matter has never stopped me before, I figured I'd give Oscar predictions, at least on the major categories. And away we go...
Best Supporting Actress: Rachel Weisz: Amy Adams isn't well known enough, and no one saw "Junebug." Frances McDormand has already won once before for doing a Minnesota accent. Catherine Keener is talented but isn't one of the glamour nominees in this category. That leaves us with Michelle Williams and Rachel Weisz. Despite Hollywood's desire to coronate "Brokeback Mountain" as a very real nose thumbing at the red states, Michelle Williams once was in "Dawson's Creek," which automatically disqualifies her since no former cast member of that show can ever win an acting award without ripping a hole in the space-time continuum. That leaves us with Rachel Weisz -- which is fine with me, for two reasons: one, the critics seem to agree that she gave the best performance, and two, because she's hot. (Oh, shut up. Yes, I am shallow. Lighten up.)
Best Supporting Actor: Paul Giamatti William Hurt's on screen for all of 15 minutes; he might be good, but there are too many glamour roles in this category this year, so he's out. Matt Dillon played a racist, and when was the last time the Academy recognized an ugly character instead of the ones you cheer for? That leaves Gyllenhaal, Giamatti and Clooney. Gyllenhaal, as good as he's been in things I have seen (The Good Girl, Moonlight Mile), was allegedly overshadowed by Heath Ledger if the critics are right, and it's rare to win when you're not even the best actor in your own film. So it comes down to Clooney and Giamatti.
I like Clooney as an actor, and he's my one brush with fame outside of politics (ran into him in a DC bar in 1995, and his publicist thought my buddy was hot, so he took one for the team and drank with me while his girl hit on my friend), so I'd like to see him win; Hollywood likes him for attacking paparazzi and for his political agenda, so it won't surprise me to see him win. But Giamatti should have been nominated for both Sideways and American Splendor, and the academy has a way of correcting past mistakes with awards in later years. Watch for Clooney to win the Affleck-Damon Memorial We Want To Recognize You But You Don't Get An Acting Award So Here's One For Screenplay Award, and Giamatti's incredible body of work in the last half decade is finally rewarded here.
(more)
Best Actress: Reese Witherspoon. Dame Judi Dench, thank you for playing, but you got your career achievement award for Shaekspeare In Love. Keira Knightley? Thank you soooo much for taking your clothes off for Vanity Fair, but you're a babe in these woods and you have 40 more years to win your Oscar; plus you were in a Jane Austen story, and as I have slept through everything connected to that woman for the last 30 years, you're out. Charlize Theron just won a couple of years ago for a better movie; North Country was a Lifetime Movie of the Week. Felicity Huffman played the kind of physically and emotionally stretching and challenging role that the academy loves, so she could theoretically sneak in here. But the officially coronated darling this year is Reese Witherspoon. Not only was she really, really good in Walk The Line (one of the few movies I've actually gone to see this year), but she has been doing solid work for a long time (Election), and she's gorgeous -- which the academy also likes. She's the closest thing to a lock there is this year.
Best Actor: Phillip Seymour Hoffman. Terence Howard, thank you for playing. Here are your parting gifts. David Straithairn I would actually love to see win; Edward R. Murrow's brave stand against cowardly fearmongering and abuses of power by the government is a story that needs to be told over and over again in George W. Bush's Amerika. But there's too much glamour elsewhere in this category, and Straithairn doesn't have a big enough name yet to win. Joaquin Phoenix delivered an amazing performance as Johnny Cash, and in any other year he might well have been the winner. But there are two huge performances ahead of him in the pecking order this year.
Heath Ledger starred in Hollywood's chosen film, in a role that Hollywood would desperately like to reward. And from everything I have read, he's pretty good in it. But long after Brokeback Mountain has faded into memory as little more than a 2000s version of Love Story, a sappy love story remarkable only for the fact that its lead characters are gay rather than for the story or film, Hoffman's Capote will likely stand as an inconic character study, in the same league as DeNiro's Jake LaMotta, Ben Kingsley's Gandhi, or Jamie Foxx's Ray Charles. He should win, and I think he will.
Best Director: Ang Lee. Spielberg won't win, considering that Munich didn't even rate a Best Picture nomination. Paul Haggis was rewarded with a nomination, but there are no gay people in Crash, so it's not his year. This leaves us with Clooney, Lee, and Bennett Miller. The fact that you had to ask "who?" when I said Bennett Miller tells you why he's not going to win. Clooney would have a shot because the academy likes to acknowledge TV people who break out of the small screen to the big one (Helen Hunt, Jamie Foxx)... except that the anointed picture is Brokeback Mountain, that Ang Lee did take a risk in working it, and that he got royally screwed in 2000 when a cheap Charlton Heston knock-off (Gladiator) won Best Picture over Lee's far superior Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. Lee wins.
Best Picture: Brokeback Mountain. I'll admit it: I don't want it to win. Me, the lefty-liberal supporter of all rights gay, does not want to see a movie win Best Picture simply because it deals with a gay storyline. And that's what this is, in the end... Hollywood reacting to the Bush/red states faux moralism and mantra of Hollywood being out of touch. "Oh yeah? Well if you think we're outside your values before, wait'll you get a load of this, you blue-nosed prigs!" I like the sentiment, but that's not enough to win a Best Picture Oscar. And for all those running around saying, "Oh, but it's a beautiful story, you forget that you're even watching two men," I ask you this: if you weren't watching two men, would you even give a rat's ass about that story? Or would it be just another Movie of the Week running on some second rate cable network on Sunday afternoons? Right. I thought as much.
Munich got no buzz once it was released, and I doubt it has a chance. Capote features a great performance, but biopics don't usually win Best Picture. That leaves Crash, Good Night and Good Luck, and the anointed movie. Crash has been getting the late buzz as a dark horse in this category... Good Night and Good Luck would be a more direct and relevant thumb in the red states' eye; Murrow's assertion that features strongly in the movie that "we cannot defend freedom abroad by deserting it at home" should be repeated at seven second intervals for the remainder of George W. Bush's presidency. It's a more important film with a more important message. However, Hollywood has its agenda, and so I don't think anything has a chance to get in its way. Brokeback Mountain takes its place alongside "Oliver!," "Ordinary People," "Out of Africa," "The Last Emperor," "Gladiator," "The English Patient," and "Driving MIss Daisy" as one of the least remarkable and least worthy BP winners in Oscar history.
There you have it; that's who's going to win. Yawn.
Posted by Christopher at 02:51 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBackDecember 10, 2005
Goodbye
"There's a fine line between laugh with and laugh at." -- Richard Pryor
Thanks for helping us do both, man.
1940-2005
Posted by Christopher at 06:19 PM | Comments (1)October 27, 2005
When Camcorders Attack!
You may have already seen this video; apparently, it's been making the rounds of the Internet in viral fashion since July. I saw it for the first time this morning when a friend forwarded it to me at work. Since then, I have learned that it was on the Today Show this morning during an interview with Boing Boing's Xeni Jardin, and it's also featured on Boing Boing itself. But even if I'm late to the party, I have to say that this video is one of the funniest things I've ever seen... two Chinese art students lip-synching to the Backstreet Boys' "I Want It That Way."
From the first few seconds, this thing is a classic -- check our guy in front as his eyes roll up into his head as the music begins! And check out the choreography; these guys had their moves planned out in advance. And dig our second singer in the headband; apparently, the only appropriate thing to do when it's your partner's turn to sing (or when you obviously have forgotten the words to your part) is to overexaggeratedly purse your lips as if you were about to kiss your aged great-aunt.
Tell me that the first kid's "dance" during the first chorus doesn't remind you of that crazy head-turning dance that Franklin used to do in the Charlie Brown Christmas special? And what attention to detail: while one sings the lead, the other dude is making sure to mouth the echoes Am I (am I? am I?) your fire, indeed! And when they get into that last, passionate chorus... well, I don't think I've ever seen anyone head-banging to the Backstreet Boys before.
You'd think that between the Star Wars Kid , the Titanic Pimp, Numa Numa, and the Whisper guy, people would stop filming themselves performing music on camera.
Posted by Christopher at 02:04 AM | Comments (3)October 17, 2005
Cover Art
The American Society of Magazine Editors, who would probably be in the position to know about these things, have come up with a list of the top 40 magazine cover images of the last 40 years. I guess I can't really argue with their top choice: the now-even-more-poignant Rolling Stone shot of a naked John Lennon embracing a clothed Yoko Ono, taken by Annie Liebovitz on December 8, 1980. Lennon was shot and killed later that night, and the photo served as Rolling Stone's memorial to him about a month later.
The rest of their top five, in order: Demi Moore posing naked and pregnant on the cover of Vanity Fair in August 1991; Muhammed Ali pierced by arrows on the April 1968 cover of Esquire; probably the most telling drawing in history, the self-absorbed and arrogant March 29, 1976 cover of the New Yorker, showing New York City dwarfing the rest of the country; and the May 1969 cover of Esquire, showing Andy Warhol drowning in a giant can of soup.
Here's the rest of the iconic images in the top 40. Other Curmudgeon favorites (in terms of both liking the shots or considering them iconic and unforgettable) include #10, #11, #13, #25, #33, and #36.
Posted by Christopher at 09:14 PM | Comments (4)September 06, 2005
Just Sit Right Back, And You'll Hear A Tale....
I never fell victim to the inexplicable (to me) spell of Gilligan's Island. Oh sure, Dawn Wells' "Mary Ann" played a very significant role in my puberty, but the less said about that the better. For the most part, I never was captivated by the show; I found it a bit silly and too full of slapstick humor for my taste.
That said, I am enough of a student of popular culture to recognize an icon when I see one... or in this case his passing. Bob Denver, immortalized as that bumbling Little Buddy, Gilligan, has died at the age of 70.
"Gilligan's Island" was one of the leftover shows from the 1960s that raised kids like me, who were in our pre-teen years during the 1970s when the rerun was, if not invented, then certainly perfected. Along with "Batman," "The Brady Bunch," and "The Monkees," the castaways helped my entire generation sit around after school watching television instead of getting up and doing something. And what's even more remarkable is that the show has now done the same thing for two generations that follow mine.
Bob Denver created one of television's most enduring and beloved characters. It's an achievement few in his profession have ever reached: playing a character still as known and loved 40 years after his creation as his first year on the air. Denver's Gilligan was and remains an indeliable icon of Americana, a goofy Everyman whose good heart saw him through countless screw-ups and mistakes... and in fact made him loved even more deeply.
Thank you, Bob Denver. Your three hour tour has now ended. Thank you for traveling with us.
Posted by Christopher at 10:46 PM | Comments (4)August 27, 2005
The Super Bowl Shuffle
I stumbled upon something unintended and frightening today while surfing... the original 1985 video for "The Super Bowl Shuffle" as performed by the Chicago Bears. After watching it, I have the following reactions:
* Man, that 80s synth urban/old skool rap style could be awful at times. I mean, really bad. Sadly, the opening bars of the song sound like it could have come from any Eddie Murphy movie from 1983 to 1987. And that's not good.
* Only like three members of what was arguably the best football team of all time had any rhythm to speak of. It's almost embarrassing to watch the inner white guy in many of the players assert himself. I've seen better dancing at redneck weddings.
* God, I miss Walter Payton.
* Is it just me, or does it look like neither Payton nor Jim McMahon were in the studio with the rest of the team? Both of them look like they were shot separately and spliced over video of the other guys.
* The three whitest performances in this video are:
1) Steve Fuller (#4), the backup quarterback. Listen to his verse, and tell me you don't hear Gomer Pyle or one of the Duke cousins. Plus, check his dance moves behind Jim McMahon and tell me you don't see a 8th grade boy at his very first dance.
2) Maury Buford (#8), the punter. MORE COWBELL! Bonus for looking like he was auditioning for "Weekend at Bernie's."
3) Mike Singletary (#50). One of the best linebackers in history never looked so harmless. I watch him in this video and think of that old SNL skit with Jim Belushi and Alex Karras: "We're WHITE GUYS, and we take no crap, as we deliver our - white rap!"
* The chick in the referee uniform blowing her whistle whenever one of them was going to say "ass" turned the light bulb on over my head - I finally figured out where Robert Palmer got the idea for the look for the chicks in his "Addicted to Love" video.
This was historically awful - as hideous an aritfact from the 80s as parachute pants, Bonnie Tyler videos, and musical montages in the middle of teen films.
Posted by Christopher at 01:41 PM | Comments (4)August 25, 2005
20 "Overrated" Movies - Part IV
Finishing up the whole 20 Most Overrated Movies thing... with Premiere's #5 through #1.
5. Chariots of Fire. Never saw it; I can't say that films about post-Victorian British men in running shorts really intrigue me all that much. When I checked to see which other films were nominated for Best Picture that year (1981 films, awarded 1982), I was flabbergasted. "On Golden Pond" had to be the sentimental choice, and "Raiders of the Lost Ark" had to be the popular choice (not to mention the film that's stood up best to the test of time). And yet this movie won. I think it had to be the cheesy New Age theme song.
4. American Beauty. What the hell? This was a great film, beginning to end. It was a fantastic skewering of both the tedious conformity of suburbia, and the fact that such uniformity and "perfection" is all a lie. It featured brilliant performances by Kevin Spacey and Annette Benning. It featured both Mena Suvari and Thora Birch topless. What's not to love? This list just got really stupid; no way was American Beauty overrated.
3. An American in Paris. Never saw it. But if it has Gene Kelly in it, it's got to be good; Kelly is probably my favorite "classic" actor. (And "Singin' In The Rain" is easily one of my favorite movies of all time.) I realize that this little blurb has nothing to do with An American in Paris, whose plot I'm not even familiar with. But this is my blog and my list, so I don't much have to stick to the topic now, do I?
2. A Beautiful Mind. Every so often, the Academy bestows a career achievement award on somebody, and calls it an Oscar for something far less than their best work. It happened with John Wayne for True Grit in 1969 (at the expense of both Hoffman and Voight for Midnight Cowboy), it happened with Henry Fonda for On Golden Pond, and it'll eventually happen for Martin Scorcese and Harrison Ford. In 2001, it happened for Ron Howard for this clunker. It was slow, boringly paced, and simply not that interesting. That year, both In The Bedroom and Moulin Rouge! were far better films. But Opie needed an Oscar after years of being overlooked, so here we were. Overrated? Hell yeah.
1. 2001: A Space Odyssey I have to preface this review with an admission - that 2001 is one of my favorite movies. I thought it was brilliantly shot, and was a compelling story. It should never have lost Best Picture to a freaking musical version of Oilver Twist. It features homicidal technology and one of the creepiest dialogues ever between a protagonist and villian. And it has that funky creeped out screaming-wraith-sound effect thing going on. Very cool.
That said, the movie is very methodically paced (and that's being nice). Its last 20 minutes are a pandering to acid-whacked hippies tripping out while in the theater. And it's hard for even a fan like me to say that a film whose first 20-25 minutes has not a word of spoken dialogue can keep viewers' attention. Is 2001 overrated? No, but it's close. Does it belong atop this list? Not by a long shot.
Coming next, a few of my suggestions that should have been on this list.
Posted by Christopher at 11:22 PM | Comments (5)August 24, 2005
20 "Overrated" Movies - Part III
Back to Premiere magazine's list of the 20 most overrated movies of all time (via Kulturblog, who is now the newest member of the Curmudgeon blogroll). Here's my thoughts on their numbers 10 through 6.
10. Field Of Dreams. I got into a good discussion on IM today about whether this movie is overrated with my friend, fellow Red Sox fan, and occasional commenter "JewsForDamon." JFD argued passionately that there is no way Field of Dreams is overrated. I'm not sure I could agree.
There are parts of Field of Dreams that are not only classic, but will make any American male cry unabashedly. Every time the end of the movie hits, and Kevin Costner calls out to his dad with a lump in his throat and croaks out, "You wanna have a catch?" I break out in sniffles and start blinking furiously to keep a lid on the waterworks. I defy you to find a guy anywhere who doesn't get choked up at that moment. As soon as I get my composure back, it's a dead lock cinch that the next thing I do after hearing that speech is call my dad. And for baseball fans, there is no greater speech in the history of Hollywood than James Earl Jones' impassioned embrace of interconnection between baseball and Americana.
But as soft a spot as I have in my heart for this movie, I have to admit that there are some cringe-worthy moments: Amy Irving telling off the book-banner at the PTA meeting; just happening to run into Moonlight Graham while driving from Minnesota to Iowa; Timothy Busfield all of a sudden seeing the players when Burt Lancaster steps in to save the choking daughter. And I have to think that if I didn't bleed baseball -- if I didn't believe with all my heart that every word of Jones' soliloquy is 100% true -- I might think that Field of Dreams was a sappy melodrama. I love it, so I can't call it overrated. But I can see where Premiere could.
9. Fantasia. I'm not a classical music fan, and I'm not really a Disney fan either. But this is another movie that I think has to be taken in context. This marks the first attempt to synchronize animation on the screen to a specific piece of music (long before Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon/Wizard of Oz thing made it cool. Calling Fantasia overrated just because it's somewhat tame and average by today's standards is to be ignorant of just how innovative it was at the time. Not overrated.
8. Easy Rider. Yes. I've not yet been able to sit through the entire thing. I probably should love this movie, if for no other reason its anti-establishment theme... but I just don't. Gonna have to agree that it's overrated.
7. Clerks. I love Kevin Smith. My film school friends from grad school worshipped him. I own every one of his films (except for Jersey Girl) on DVD or VHS. And Clerks was funny, it really was.
But even as witty and insightful as Smith is, he's also derivative of himself, and he's a one trick pony (I need for him to show me a movie that doesn't depend on vulgarity for its humor). In hindsight, Smith's greatest moment with Clerks was not the film itself, but that he got the film made. He was the pioneer of the indie film genre, but Clerks' legs get weaker with age.
6. Chicago. I didn't think it was overrated. I didn't think it was great either, but it did stand out the year it was nominated. The fact that the leads all did their own singing and dancing adds to its impressiveness. Was this a great film? Nah. Was it the best film of a weak lot the year it won Oscar? Yeah. Is it overrated? No, especially because it's not like I hear a ton of people elevating it to a place in the pantheon of film.
Coming tomorrow: my take on their top 5.
Posted by Christopher at 10:01 PM | Comments (1)20 "Overrated" Movies - Part II
Circling back to Premiere magazine's 20 most overrated films, here's my take on their #15-#11 selections.
15. Monster's Ball. I always found it ironic that in Halle Berry's acceptance speech, she talked about how her Oscar win would open doors to actresses of color -- and then proceeded to name about a dozen highly respected and accomplished actresses of color who were already working and doing outstanding work. Kind of hard to open the door for someone who's already in the room, ain't it Halle? Anyway, while Halle's performance is stellar, I didn't think this movie was anything special. Besides, how can a film that co-stars Diddy Combs ask to be taken seriously? But overall, I don't know that you can put this movie in a top overrated films of all time list.
14. Jules and Jim. I don't watch French movies. Period. This has nothing to do with "freedom fries" and whiny jingoism, and everything to do with the pretentious snobbery of the American "cinema" types that dig French film. You know them -- the folks voted "Most Likely To Talk Down At You While Still On The Receiving End Of A Wedgie From You At Age 45" back in high school. They're the kind that almost make me feel that stuff like "Armageddon" is okay after all. I wouldn't have the slightest clue whether Jules and Jim is overrated or not. Nor will I ever.
13. Good Will Hunting. Don't be messing with Boston movies, Premiere. Despite the fact that Ben Affleck's career since this film just screams "overrated," this was a great film. And the fact that the piece of melodramatic garbage about the sinking ship won Best Picture in 1997 over Good Will Hunting ranks as the biggest hose job in Oscar history. Damon and Affleck overrated? Oh yeah. Good Will Hunting overrated? Not by a mile.
12. Gone With The Wind. I generally don't do well with Harlequin romances put to film. That may explain why I've never been able to sit through this movie to its completion. (Either that, or because every time I hear Bob Barr or Saxby Chambliss speak, I start wishing for General Sherman to be reincarnated and to re-enact his march.) This movie, made today, would be a "Lifetime Original Picture" starring Valerie Bertenelli. Yeah, it's overrated. And if you disagree... frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.
11. Forrest Gump. Yes, yes, YES! Easily in my top five of all time. I hate what this movie represents -- a sad and pathetic attempt at self-absolution and cleansing by the baby boom generation. "Here's a list of all the f'ed up things that our generation did... oh look, here comes the slow-witted but big-hearted personification of our entire generation, dragged along by the current of history as an unwitting yet lovable spectator to the events that defined our lives -- spewing platitudes about chocolate and stupidity, and being entirely blameless for the (waste product) that goes on around him! See? We're not so bad after all -- we're all Forrest Gump! We were blameless savants who were inadvertently responsible for every good thing that came from our lifetimes, but wholly innocent of all the nasty stuff! Don't you feel better about being a baby boomer now? I know I do! Absolution and salvation are ours!"
Gah! This movie makes me want to yack. Revisionist history is only fun if it means I end up with the girl. And while there were some strong performances in it, if only one Oscar was given to an actor in Forrest Gump, it should have gone to Gary Sinise. The fact that this schlocky piece of sentiment won Best Picture over the genuinely innovative and far better written Pulp Fiction -- not to mention the sublime and far more inspiring "The Shawshank Redemption" -- also ranks among Oscar's top ten screw jobs. Way overrated.
The only redeeming quality about Forrest Gump is that the little girl who played "Jenny" as a little girl (Hanna Hall) grew up to become absolutely smokin'. Under the right circumstances, she could get me to watch that movie for 24 hours straight.
Coming tomorrow... my take on #10-#6.
Posted by Christopher at 04:25 AM | Comments (6)August 22, 2005
20 "Overrated" Movies
While they blew it on their Website (come out with a list, publicize that the list exists, and then don't even put the list on the site? what the hell?), Premiere magazine has come up with a list of "The 20 Most Overrated Movies of All Time." This might be even more fun than a Best Movies list. Thankfully, despite Premiere's Web stupidity, someone in blogtopia posted the list (so thank you, Kulturblog!).
I'll post my take on five of their list at a time... and then will perhaps add a few of my own to complete the effort. So awaaaay we go with Premiere's list of the 20 most overrated movies.
20. The Wizard of Oz. So much has been made of this movie, standing as it does as a Thanksgiving weekend tradition on TV, and with nearly every element of the film having become a cliche. The entire movie's a meme -- from "We're not in Kansas anymore" to the Yellow Brick Road to Munchkins to "pay no attention to the man behind the curtain." So I can understand why some would call it overrated.
But you have to take into account how far ahead of its time this movie was. You have to take into account how deeply the film, its story, and its imagery have become ingrained in our collective consciousness. You have to take into account the power of a film that 65 years later still captivates little kids. You have to say that The Wizard of Oz has no place on a list of overrated movies.
19. The Red Shoes. I've never even heard of The Red Shoes. I had to look it up on IMDB just to find out what it was. I could say that the very fact that I haven't even heard of it makes it overrated. Instead, I'll just opt to watch a few episodes of The Red Shoe Diaries... that's what Cinemax is for.
18. Nashville. Another one I've never seen. Either this means I haven't seen many movies, or I just have the good taste and smarts enough not to watch overrated movies. Either way, I have no opinion on the film "Nashville."
17. Mystic River. Premiere's entire list just lost pretty much all of its credibiity for including Mystic River. This was far and away the Best Picture of 2003 -- far better than that stupid movie about elves and hobbits. This is the finest collection of outstanding performances, from the most stellar cast, so far this decade. And while Sean Penn, Tim Robbins and Marcia Gay Harden got Oscar nominations, and Kevin Bacon got plenty of attention, the film's most accurate Boston accent (and in my opinion it's best performance) belonged to Laurence Fishburne. This movie is on my "ten best of the 2000s" list - hardly belongs on an overrated list. Glaring failure here.
16. Moonstruck. God, I hated this movie. Hated it, hated it, kept hating it, took a walk, went to the store, came back, and hated it some more. Cher is on my list of Ten Most Annoying Celebrities (a list I'll share some time). This may be the biggest case of "every movie and every performance sucked this year, but we had to give the Oscar to somebody, so here you go" in Oscar history. I've disagreed with Premiere so far on every movie they've listed that I've actually seen... but my only disagreement with them here is that "Moonstruck" should have been higher on the overrated list than just 16th.
Coming tomorrow... my take on Premiere's spots #15-11.
Posted by Christopher at 09:20 PM | Comments (3)August 07, 2005
This Was Peter Jennings... Good Night
ABC News has reported that Peter Jennings, the face of the network's nightly news program for more than 20 years and a reporter for nearly four decades, died Sunday of lung cancer. He was 67.
Peter Jennings was a damn good reporter, a calming and reassuring presence during times of crisis, and had a career worthy of both respect and envy (at least from those of us who are in communications).
You'll be missed, Peter. Thank you and good night.
Posted by Christopher at 11:59 PM | Comments (1)June 17, 2005
Proof That The 70s Should Be Deleted From The Karmic TiVo
Many very bad things came out of the 1970s: Watergate, Three Mile Island, Jonestown, the 8-track tape, Foghat, polyester, and the Starland Vocal Band, just to name a few. But when those last two -- bad clothes and bad music -- are combined... that's when then 70s went from being simply an awkward, ungainly and embarassing time (kind of like junior high) to being a crime against humanity.
Courtesy of "Hey Suburbia" (and via Boing Boing), check out the egregious violations of decency committed against the world in the name of musical presence. Yes kids, it's... "Bands That Dress Alike."
My personal favorite among these has to be the Gert Jonnys. That album cover looks like the official photo from the Pedophiles Anonymous 1974 annual DisneyWorld retreat.
Speaking of things that came from the 1970s... happy birthday, Jill.
Posted by Christopher at 05:30 AM | Comments (12)May 30, 2005
Drugs Are Bad, M'Kay?
There really aren't words for this next clip. I mean, there are words in it, but there aren't any to describe it.
What do you get when you cross public access television and its 4th grade AV class production values with whacked out religiousity? You get the Junior Christian Science Bible Lesson Show.
It must be seen to be believed, but in a nutshell, the show features a little green alien, "Mr. Gray Spaceman," singing about God, His love, and how God loves all the Christians on all the other planets out there in the Universe. The whole thing comes off like a bad peyote trip.
And for those who think that this can't be real, I looked up the show on the Net. It's real, and it takes itself very seriously.
With his ventriloquist puppet, Chip the Black Boy on one hand, and bible passages scribbled on a piece of paper in the other, David warns children of the dangers of drugs each week on THE JUNIOR CHRISTIAN SCIENCE BIBLE LESSON SHOW.
Hart says he has produced over 12,000 episodes. He also claims that Jim Henson encouraged him to start a public access show, and that he has been abducted by aliens.
Posted by Christopher at 12:50 PM | Comments (2)May 24, 2005
The 100 "Greatest?"
Never a publication to miss a timely feature, Time Magazine enlisted its film critics, Richard Corliss and Richard Schickel, to name their 100 greatest films of all time... only ten weeks after I listed my top 21, and seven years after the American Film Institute named its 100 greatest ever.
Time's list is disappointing in so many ways to me. First of all, it's only in alphabetical order. What the hell? What's the point of having a top 100 list if you're not going to rank them? I mean, seriously?! This is America -- everything's a competition! We don't want to see a damn list unless there's a #100 (the loser) and a #1 (the winner)! None of this 'honor just to be on the list' crap - give us a clear hierarchy of greatness! We don't get lists any other way!
Second of all, I've only seen 17 of the films they list among their top 100. This may be because I am an uncultured philistine when it comes to movies. Or, it may be because Time's critics seem to have received a mandate that American movies can only be considered after all foreign films have been eliminated; more than half the films on the list are foreign films.
I realize that my next statement makes me an ugly American with no sensitivity whatsoever and the culture of a trailer park, but 99.9999% of foreign films are freaking boring and stupid. They're like watching three hours of Calvin Klein commercials. Either that, or it's some English period piece featuring Emma Thompson and Anthony Hopkins prattling on about some afternoon tea. And the only thing worse than sitting through them are the Americans you have to sit through them with -- pretentious, dress-in-black, faux existentialist, eurotrash wannabes who seem to feel that watching boring and pretentious cinema is necessary penance for Americans for inflicting the fast food culture on the world. Sorry - no valid top 100 list can include more than 12 foreign films (and that's only as a nod to my Scottish friend McRob -- otherwise I'd limit it to three).
Thirdly, of the 17 on their list I have seen, only nine would make my list. A couple of theirs might make my Worst 100 list. Farewell My Concubine, for example, might well have been the worst film I have ever been forced to sit through. It was so bad, my friend Irina -- who is far more cultured than I and has much more artistic sense than I -- agreed to turn off the VCR and find something else to watch only 1/3 of the way through the film. That piece of junk wasn't worth the cardboard box it came in.
Time and I agree on only the nine following: Blade Runner, Chinatown, Citizen Kane, It's A Wonderful Life, The Manchurian Candidate, Pulp Fiction, Schindler's List, Singin' In The Rain, and A Streetcar Named Desire. Beyond that, Time's list sucks. (It even lists Finding Nemo among the top 100 of all time! Finding f'n Nemo????) For the record, the AFI and I agreed on 27; I've seen 46 of theirs.
If I hadn't just done my top 21, I'd be tempted to get into my top 100 as a rebuttal. (By the way, for anyone who remembers my Best Movie Quotes Ever series from last summer... the AFI is copying me next month. Think I can sue?
Posted by Christopher at 08:39 PM | Comments (3)He Was Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat!
Thurl Ravenscroft died of prostate cancer in California on Sunday. He was 91. Ravenscroft is of course best known for being the voice of Tony the Tiger, who pitched Kellogg's Frosted Flakes for half a century with the slogan, "They're grrrrrrrrreat!" He also did the voice work for many of the attractions in Disneyland.
But I will mourn Ravenscroft's paasing not as Tony the Tiger or a Disney shill, but for something much more profound and lasting. For it was Ravenscroft who performed what is, to me, the single greatest Christmas song ever -- and thus contributed to the best holiday special in existence: How The Grinch Stole Christmas.
First of all - the single greatest four seconds in animation history are when the Grinch first gets the idea to steal Christmas... and that grin begins deep in his soul and spreads like a spill across his face, distorting his cheeks, creating folds in his jowls and unfurling those things on top of his head. I'm almost 37 years old, and that moment still makes me giggle like a schoolboy.
And it was Thurl Ravenscroft who unknowingly provided me with my soundtrack of the holiday season. His is the voice behind the classic, "You're A Mean One, Mr. Grinch." While everyone else is caroling insipidly about first Noels, little towns and silver bells, I spend the Christmas season singing "you have termites in your smile... you have all the tender sweetness of a seasick croccodile..."
So goodbye, Thurl Ravenscroft -- and thanks for giving me a carole to call my own during the holidays.
Posted by Christopher at 08:14 PM | Comments (0)May 14, 2005
Star Wars III: Revenge of the Hack Writer
It's impossible to escape the hype machine, so we all know that the latest -- and he claims final -- installment of George Lucas' Star Wars saga opens this coming Wednesday. I don't want to like Revenge of the Sith. I can't. I mustn't.
But damn, does this trailer look cool.
My first thought was, 'Oh joy, all week I'll be treated to more video of people with no lives dressed up in costumes and standing outside theaters in lines that wrap around the block.'
I don't want to like Revenge of the Sith. I don't. I think George Lucas is the worst dialogue writer in the history of film. He's simplistic. He's cliched. He writes dialogue like a thirteen year old girl writes poetry in her journal. As a kid, I loved the first Star Wars, which came out when I was 9; I loved the second one, out when I was 12; I hated the third one at 15 because even then I could see the lazy, hack cliche way out of making sure everyone ended up related or mated at the end.
And I wanted to be personally responsible for the extinction of the Ewok species. I thought then, as I do now, that cutesy characters written for nine year olds have no place in an epic storytelling. Picture C3PO showing up in Doctor Zhivago or the tribe in Dances With Wolves befriending a herd of cuddly talking bison, and you see my point.
I don't want to like this movie. I can't. I mustn't. But damn, does this trailer look cool.
The newest movies in the franchise, however, have taken my disdain for George Lucas to new levels. Lucas is a propeller-head, a tech geek so enthralled at what he can do with computers that he allows CGI to become his whole movie. Screw plot. Screw continuity. As always in a Lucas film, screw dialogue. But look at these neat-o graphics! I'm also convinced that Jar Jar Binks was a character conceived, formed, and given life by a saber-toothed, winged demon from the 9th level of Hell. Lucas has some serious time in purgatory coming for inflicting that abomination on the world.
So I don't want to like these movies. And yet, I keep going to see them. I saw the "re-mastered" (Look at the neat-o things I can do to old films with computers! And Greedo shot first after all!) re-issues of the classic Star Wars films when they came out in the mid '90s. Every time I go see one, I am disappointed; the dialogue gets more and more childish with every film -- I watch the original Star Wars now and wonder how Lucas' script wasn't laughed out of 20th Century Fox by the first intern who read it. The story and attention to actual plot evaporates with every effort. The films are the most inexplicable blockbusters this side of Titanic.
So I don't want to like Revenge of the Sith. I can't. I mustn't. It goes against everything I stand for as a moviegoer, and worse yet it galls me as a professional writer that this hack can get away with writing the dialogue he does; he makes us all look bad by mere association. I am in disbelief that a writer that pays so much attention to toys and so little attention to story can be so successful.
But damn, does this trailer look cool.
This entire movie will build up to one scene: the climactic duel between Obi-Wan and Anakin on the volcano world. This scene, because of all that has come before it since 1977, is going to be one of the most classic of all time, no matter what is done with it. But if it's done right, it will be the classic movie moment of all time. It is possible, if this scene is done right, that in 100 years of cinema no other moment will have ever come close to approaching this one. The potential is there. So please, George... let's hope you got it right for once. I'll be in the theater waiting to find out.
Because damn, does this movie look cool.
Posted by Christopher at 09:20 AM | Comments (2)
